48 min listen
New Research: The Surprising Psychology Behind the Secrets Everyone Keeps & What Your Secrets Say About You
New Research: The Surprising Psychology Behind the Secrets Everyone Keeps & What Your Secrets Say About You
ratings:
Length:
64 minutes
Released:
Aug 31, 2023
Format:
Podcast episode
Description
In today’s episode, you and I are discussing the fascinating science of secrets: why you keep them and how keeping secrets directly impacts your relationships, your self-esteem, your health, and holds you back from living the life you deserve. Dr. Michael Slepian is a bestselling author, psychologist, associate professor of leadership and ethics at Columbia Business School, and former scholar at Stanford. He has been researching secrets for over a decade and will help you understand what secrets are, why we keep them, and the harm of holding them inside. Dr. Slepian's research is shocking: studies prove you are keeping 13 secrets right now. 5 of which you’ve never told a single person. Not your mom. Not your best friend. No one. Even more shocking is the impact they have on your life. My mission today is to help you free yourself of the burden of secrets. Listen and you’ll understand how the secrets we have shape our physical and psychological well-being, who we are, how we connect with others, and how we cope with our challenges. You will also learn: The most common secret that 61% of you are keeping right now.Why you always feel shame, isolation, and uncertainty when you keep a secret.The fundamental difference between secrecy and privacy, and why privacy is better for your health and relationships.Why the shame of secrecy kills your self-esteem.How to use guilt to get rid of shame (yup).How babies learn to keep secrets from their parents and caregivers.The one person you should REALLY tell your secret to. Keeping a secret is the easy part; the hard part is having to live with it. Let’s change that today. Xo, MelIn this episode:2:00: The jaw-dropping secret that inspired this conversation today.9:45: Curious about the kinds of secrets people keep? Here are the top 10.11:50: How exactly do we define a secret?14:45: Are there any good secrets?15:45: Don’t feel too bad; we’re not the only animals that keep secrets.18:00: Keeping the secret isn’t the hard part; the hardest part is this.21:00: Listen to the secrets my listeners revealed. Recognize yourself?24:45: Some secrets are no big deal but we make them big in our heads.28:00: So what’s the difference between privacy and a secret?31:00: Here’s how to frame a mistake, instead of feeling shame.33:30: Research finds keeping serious secrets as kids can impact us as adults.35:30: Here’s what parents should say when their kids admit a secret to them.38:00: What do you say when friends keep you out of the group?39:40: How do you tell your partner that you’re having an emotional affair?42:30: The family secrets parents should never reveal to their children.47:15: What about traumatic family secrets?50:00: Choose the person who is your “coping compass” wisely.54:30: Questions you can ask anyone to develop a closer relationship.59:50: Here’s my hardest memory and what I realize about it now.Want more resources? Go to my podcast page at melrobbins.com.Disclaimer
Released:
Aug 31, 2023
Format:
Podcast episode
Titles in the series (100)
How to Let Go: 2 Simple Ways to Find Clarity & Move On: How do you know if the thing you’re holding on to is something you should keep fighting for or if it’s time to let go? Phenomenal question. I’ve got the answer. The truth is, most of us never let go. You spend a lot of time adding things into your life – new projects, new relationships, new stuff – but when was the last time you *subtracted* something? I’m talking about all the things you hang on to, even when they’re no longer serving you or helping you grow. The stuff that you know is weighing you down and sucking your energy dry, but you can’t seem to drop it. I’ve got the solution for you. I’m about to walk you – literally – through a strategy that nobody talks about. It will help you let go of what’s a pain or a drain in your life. Are you staying in a job you hate? Do you keep hanging out with that friend who brings you down? Holding on to those too-small pants because you’re hoping to one day fit in by The Mel Robbins Podcast