I'm Completely Joking: The Biggest & Best Joke Book for kids: 2000+ Jokes

By Tom E. Moffatt and Paul Beavis

Get the giggles now!

Unleash endless laughter with I’m Completely Joking, an unparalleled 5-in-1 collection jam-packed with over 2,000 original jokes. From the timeless ring of Funny Knock-Knock Jokes to the clever quips of I’m Joking, Genius, this anthology is your ultimate source of side-splitting humour. Complete with 100 never-seen-before original jokes, I’m Completely Joking will make you the hero of humour at any gathering.

Fun categories: Dip in and out at ease with 100 engaging topics to choose from.

Hilarious illustrations: Entertaining artwork by award-winning illustrator, Paul Beavis, on every page.

Joke-telling tips: Sprinkled with bite-sized tips to help you squeeze more laughs from your audience.

The ultimate gift: Give laughter for years to come with this must-have addition to any bookshelf.

Guaranteed Giggles: Whether you’re eight or ninety-eight, this laughter compendium guarantees a chuckle on every page.

 

This amazing 5-in-1-collection includes:

Funny Knock-Knock Jokes: 400+ Clean Jokes for Kids

I’m Joking: 500+ Original Jokes for Kids

I’m Seriously Joking: 500+ Seriously Funny Jokes for Kids

I’m Joking, Genius: 500+ Big-Brain Jokes for Clever Folks

I’m Completely Joking: 100 brand new original jokes

 

Why did the dog sniff the computer?

To see if its email had scent

 

What weighs four tonnes and wears glass slippers?

Cinderelephant

 

Knock-knock,

Who’s there?

Howler

Howler who?

Howler remember all these great jokes?

 

What happened when lion went in an elevator?

There was an uproar

 

How did the mountain know what was on the other side?

It had a peak

 

It’s time to get the giggles with this complete collection.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Write Laugh
• Release date: Mar 23, 2024
• ISBN: 9781738618439

Book preview

I'm Completely Joking

The Biggest and Best Joke book for Kids with 2000+ Jokes

Funny Knock-Knock Jokes

I’m Joking

I'm Seriously Joking

I'm Joking, Genius!

I'm Completely Joking

Tom E. Moffatt

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Write Laugh

Contents

Climb Your Mountain

Funny Knock-Knock Jokes

BOOK ONE

1.Come In

Ten Telling Tips

2.Keep it Classic

Telling Tip #1

3.Anything Goes

4.Animal Antics

Telling Tip #2

5.Food Fiasco

Telling Tip #3

6.Lively Locations

Telling Tip #4

7.On the Doorstep

Telling Tip #5

8.Whacky Weather

Telling Tip #6

9.Body Parts

Telling Tip #7

10.Funny Things

Telling Tip #8

11.Sounds Hilarious

Telling Tip #9

12.Break Those Rules

Telling Tip #10

13.Create Your Own Jokes

I’m Joking

BOOK TWO

1.I’m Beginning

2.Ancient Egyptian Humour

3.Sound Animal Antics

4.Body-Part Puns

5.Bare Bum Buffoonery

6.Purrfect Cat Comedy

7.Christmas Crackers

8.Odd Clothes Jokes

9.Halloween Horrors

10.Barking Mad Mischief

11.Tasty Nibbles

12.Fruity Frolics

13.Cracking Egg Escapades

14.Funny Book Titles

15.Bonkers Bug Jokes

16.Something Fishy

17.Serious Job Jests

18.Classic Knock-Knock Jokes

19.Unrestricted Knock-Knock Jokes

20.Sound-Play Knock-Knock Jokes

21.Mo Teasers

22.Who’s Who Jokes

23.Nutty Giggles

24.Stinky Poo Gags

25.Lost in Space

26.Sporty Laughs

27.Time to Veg Out

28.Readers' Favourites

29.Building your Repertoire

I'm Seriously Joking

BOOK THREE

1.Time to Get Serious

2.Fairy-tale Jokes

3.School-time Shenanigans

4.Fast Ones

5.Toilet Humour

6.Dinosaur Romp

7.Doctor, Doctor Jokes

8.Bird Banter

9.Wild Wit

10.Limerick Laughs

11.Farty Farce

12.Date and Time Trickery

13.Music Mischief

14.Pet Playfulness

15.More Funny Book Titles

16.Computer Capers

17.Home Hysterics

18.Worldly Wonders

19.Twiddly Tongue Twisters

20.Simple Simon Jokes

21.Farmyard Fun

22.Knock-Knock Jokes

23.Easy as ABC

24.Who’s Who Howlers

25.Roman Riot

26.Smarty-Pants Jokes

27.Readers’ Favourites

28.Telling Jokes

I'm Joking, Genius!

BOOK FOUR

1.Introduction

2.Intelligence Jests

3.Funny by Nature

4.Convivial Chemistry

5.Sci-Fi Escapades

6.Instruments of Laughter

7.Wordy Wisecracks

8.Alien Antics

9.Mum Mummery

10.Curious Creatures

11.Funny Book Titles

12.Greek Gags

13.Beverage Banter

14.Family Frolics

15.Silly Star Wars

16.Geometric Japes

17.Cooking Capers

18.Common Name Comedy

19.Humor USA

20.Nursery Rhyme Jokes

21.Doctor-Doctor Jokes

22.Number Mumbo Jumbo

23.Garden Gambol

24.Viking Vagary

25.Cheesy Jokes

26.Tiny Tales

27.Readers’ Favourites

28.Glossary

29.Joke-Telling continued...

I'm Completely Joking

BOOK FIVE

1.Funny Emotions

2.Jokes Around Town

3.Hairy Humour

4.Medical Mayhem

5.Colourful Laughter

6.Completely Finished

Copyright

Climb Your Mountain

To be honest, I’m not completely sure how I managed to write over two thousand original jokes.

I feel like a mountain climber peering down from the peak of a formidable mountain, thinking, How the heck did I get up here?

Not a muscly, intrepid, well-equipped mountain climber, either. I’d be wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Sandals, maybe. Looking like I popped into town for an ice-cream and took a wrong turn.

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Here I am, anyway. Standing atop Mount Jokemore, surveying the landscape and feeling out-of-place.

Why?

Because I am not a stand-up comedian or world-famous jokester.

I don’t have a PHD in Being Funny.

I am a dad, though. That gives me some comedy street-cred. Just not much.

So, how did I get here?

I’ll tell you: One. Joke. At. A. Time.

Initially, ten jokes a month for my website. Then, one joke every day for I’m Joking, my first joke book.

Before long, I was writing five jokes before lunch each day. And the jokes added up, book by book:

I’m Joking.

I’m Seriously Joking.

I’m Joking, Genius!

Funny Knock-Knock Jokes.

When I tallied them up, it came to just over one thousand nine hundred jokes, and I realised I couldn’t stop there. It would be like turning back when you’re only a hundred metres from the summit.

So, I put my head down and pushed on through a final one hundred jokes. Jokes that are original to this book. The snowy peak of my joke mountain.

Here they are, all two thousand jokes, squeezed into one epic tome. All original. And with so many to choose from, there is something for everyone in this ultimate kids’ laughter compendium.

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I hope it will bring you giggles for years to come. But also, that it will encourage you to climb your own mountain. Whatever your goal, you can get there. One. Step. At. A. Time. Or one kick. One good deed. One hour of study. Whatever it is that your challenge requires. If you keep going, I’ll see you on the summit soon.

Funny Knock-Knock Jokes

400+ Clean Jokes for Kids

Tom E. Moffatt

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Write Laugh

BOOK ONE

1. Come In

Ten Telling Tips

2. Keep it Classic

Telling Tip #1

3. Anything Goes

4. Animal Antics

Telling Tip #2

5. Food Fiasco

Telling Tip #3

6. Lively Locations

Telling Tip #4

7. On the Doorstep

Telling Tip #5

8. Whacky Weather

Telling Tip #6

9. Body Parts

Telling Tip #7

10. Funny Things

Telling Tip #8

11. Sounds Hilarious

Telling Tip #9

12. Break Those Rules

Telling Tip #10

13. Create Your Own Jokes

Come In

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So, you love knock-knock jokes, do you? Well, you’ve come to the right place.

This book is jam-packed with hundreds of brand-new howlers, neatly organised into different categories, making it easier to dip in and out.

There are the classic knock-knock jokes, which always use a person’s name. There are themed sections, such as animals, weather, and things you might find on your doorstep. And there are sound-play jokes, which use the ‘who?’ sound to take your audience by surprise. And last of all, there are the rule breakers. Those cheeky outlaws that never behave the way you’d expect.

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The great thing about Knock-knockers is that they are some of the most fun jokes to tell. Why? Because you drag your audience into the joke. They can’t just stand there, rolling their eyes and trying not to laugh. They actually have to join in. To say the correct responses at the right time, and that keeps them engaged. They are a captive audience, caught in your joke trap until you decide to release them.

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And with 400+ knock-out jokes between these pages, that could be hours away. Days, even. Perhaps weeks, if you speak slowly.

Now dive in and entertain yourself—and those around you—with these Funny Knock-Knock Jokes!

Or if you need some help with your delivery skills, skip to the Telling Tips:

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Ten Telling Tips

#1: Smile

#2: Be Loud and Clear

#3: Rhythm & Timing

#4: Eye Contact

#5: Do Actions

#6: Put on an Accent

#7: Sing!

#8: Jot Down your Favourites

#9: Memorise Them

#10: Practise

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Keep it Classic

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Originally, knock-knock jokes always used a person’s name. The idea is that the joke-teller is knocking on an imaginary door and the audience wants to know who it is. This section is jam-packed with nearly 200 classic knock-knock jokes covering common and not-so-common names from all across the world. They are arranged from A-Z, so you can easily search for your own name or those of your friends and family.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Acosta

Acosta who?

Acosta courier one more time and I’ll call the police!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Adana

Adana who?

Adana poo in my pants! Can I use your bathroom?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Adair

Adair who?

Adair you to eat a teaspoon of hot sauce!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Adele

Adele who?

Adele dust gissed me on da lipth! Blugh!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Aditya

Aditya who?

Aditya if we were stranded on a desert island!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Alef

Alef who?

Alef you so much… can I giff you a kiss?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Amor

Amor who?

Amor pressing question is WHO ARE YOU?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Ana

Ana who?

Anather joke. And there’s plenty more to come.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Ange

Ange who?

Ange-you and you and you!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Anya

Anya who?

Anya call yourself a joker?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Apollo

Apollo who?

Apollogies for such a bad joke!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Armin

Armin who?

Armin for the rest of the day. You can go out if you like.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Armstrong

Armstrong who?

Armstrong enough to knock this door down!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Arnie

Arnie who?

Arnie’d to lie down, so please let me in.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Arthur

Arthur who?

Arthur any decent jokes in here?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Arya

Arya who?

Arya gonna let me in or not?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Asya

Asya who?

Asya were. I got the wrong house.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Athena

Athena who?

Athena houthe for thale. Would you like to come and thee it with me?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Attila

Attila who?

Attila lie… my names actually [your name]!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Audi

Audi who?

Audi-you-do… it’s nice to meet you.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Avalos

Avalos who?

Avalos my way… do you have a map?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Azure

Azure who?

Azure here, you might as well tell me some of your own jokes.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Barbara

Barbara who?

Barbara black sheep, have you any wool?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Belle

Belle who?

Ding dong!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Betty

Betty who?

I betty doesn’t know what my real name is!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Bionda

Bionda who?

This is Bionda joke!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Carmen

Carmen who?

Carmen have a look at my new bike. It’s so cool.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Celeste

Celeste who?

Celeste time I tell this joke!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Charlene

Charlene who?

Charlene on the door to keep it open?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Cher

Cher who?

Cher these jokes with all your friends!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Cosette

Cosette who?

Of Cosette is me. I live here.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Daenerys

Daenerys who?

Daenerys public toilet is miles away. Can I use yours?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Désirée

Désirée who?

Désirée of sunshine peeking through the clouds. Wanna come and see?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Don

Don who?

Don ya wanna let me in?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Donatella

Donatella who?

Donatella your mother that I’m-a here.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Don Giovanni

Don Giovanni who?

Don Giovanni open ze door?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Eileen

Eileen who?

Eileen on the knocker by accident. Sorry!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Elise

Elise who?

Elise let me in for a few minutes.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Enoch

Enoch who?

Enoch on my door… I knock on his door!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Faith…

Faith who?

Now we’re faith to faith, let me kith you!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Filippa

Filippa who?

Filippa cup with sugar for me, please. I’ve run out.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Flores

Flores who?

Flores slippery. Mind you don’t fall over.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Frieda

Frieda who?

Friedalivery service. But you need to pay for the food.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Genoah

Genoah who?

Genoah place I can get my bike fixed? My wheel fell off.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Ginny

Ginny who?

Ginnyd any more jokes? I’ve got plenty.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Giselle

Giselle who?

Giselle refreshments? I’d like to buy a cup of tea.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Gladys

Gladys who?

I’m Gladys not raining!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Harper

Harper who?

Harper birthday to you!

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Harry

Harry who?

Harry up and let me in.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Hassan

Hassan who?

Hassanother person knocked on your door today?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Hazel

Hazel who?

Hazel the power gone out in your house, too?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Hester

Hester who?

This Hester be the right house! I used Google Maps.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Honour

Honour who?

Honour doorstep isn’t the best place to get a good night’s sleep.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Howard

Howard who?

Howard you like to let me in?

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Idona

Idona who?

Idona bad fart. You might want to keep the door closed.

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Knock, knock…

Who’s there?

Imelda

Imelda who?

Imelda than