Mindfulness for the Restless: Easy Daily Steps to Stop Self-Sabotage

By Ala Villaneuva

This second workbook in Ala Villanueva's self-mastery series, provides swift results to identify and then redirect negative internal dialogue, self-sabotage, unconscious and often wasteful, mental habits. The goal is not to eliminate thought, as in meditation, rather, you are taught to be accountable for them. Mundane daily routines become a training ground for powerful transformation as we rewire old habits with lightheartedness. So, no extra time is required for your self-mastery. By reflecting upon the influences that shape our foundational belief systems, patterns emerge which can then be tracked, systematically obliterated and finally replaced. You will experience heightened consciousness, less reactivity, more self-control, improved relationships, diminished destructive behaviors and a knowing of oneself that is true, not tainted. With a personal philosophy to never stop exploring, challenging and cultivating, Ala commands a voice of reason navigating our chaotic world with self-evolved equilibrium. She exists as an example of choosing possibilities over fear.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 8, 2024
• ISBN: 9781312147485

Book preview

FORWARD

This first workbook has spontaneously evolved into a self-mastery series. It is a straightforward path toward reformation. There are no lengthy recitations to learn, no ancient philosophies to fathom, no hours of meditation. Just simple, uncomplicated lessons, like a child memorizing their ABC’s. The requisites for a successful outcome are honesty and consistency. Although seemingly simple, it will prove to be a challenge. Without challenge, there is no growth.

Valuable results will emerge as you realign your internal dialogue with your deepest truths, creating a more disciplined and empowered life. No fakers are allowed in this realm of sincerity. By taking full responsibility, you pave the way for full deliverance. This journey of discipline and control over once random thoughts, rambling internal dialogue and self-sabotage and will liberate you to finally create a life of fulfillment.

After my first book, Wife of a Master, I realized that the self- developed techniques leading to my personal transformation and eventual triumph could benefit others. These unconventional methods in their uncomplicated approach resonate will all strata of people.

By combining personal examples, and using daily exercises, notation, and repetition, your once unconscious behavior becomes deliberate and directed. Your newly discovered mindfulness then permeates your words and actions, completing the triad of body, mind and spirit for palpable results you will be proud of and others will definitely notice. No meditation required.

Introduction

When I completed my first book, Wife of a Master, I was transformed. I had taken a deliberate journey backward, that served to propel me forward. During the three years of writing that book, I developed techniques and methods with which to observe myself objectively without judgement or guilt. A Herculean effort. From there, I was able to consciously rebuild a less reactive, more productive existence. It was a bit like giving birth. During the process, the pain is overwhelming, but afterwards, you barely remember the agony as you are awestruck by this miraculous new creation in your arms. It is the quintessential example of struggle disguised as an opportunity for transformative ascension.

Pain often contains profound lessons that can be used to shift our circumstance. But it is rarely embraced that way. We are too busy trying to avoid it. Our tendency to dismiss discomfort more often functions to veil our illusions, keeping resolution at bay. Identifying and razing this unconscious conditioning and other types of limiting ideologies is key for personal development. It requires a firm honesty with oneself. You need to consistently, almost obsessively, affirm a strong desire to want to live differently, until that desire bleeds into every moment and eventually saturates your subconscious.

Many of us state ideals outwardly, but then sabotage ourselves over and over with latent contradictory thoughts. Without a good friend or therapist to tell us to get our shit together, we can con ourselves into living a life of lies behind a smile. This act is reinforced with such regularity that it calcifies, becoming our norm. It’s no wonder that our ingrained habits become so difficult to identify and shatter when we consistently relegate them into monotonous obscurity.

It is similar to those who suffer from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Trauma has settled under the skin and into the psyche. It waits anxiously like a nervous finger on the trigger of a gun. Without mechanisms to resolve the embedded emotional conflict, the results can be lethal. Although this syndrome has a name and many studies have been conducted on it, the underlying principle bears a common human thread, conditioning. By repeating patterns of behavior, they take physical form on a microscopic level in our cells, organs and psyche. This is the system of neurobiological imprinting which creates the physiological pathways that form our habits.

The criminal, the suicidal and the successful businessperson are all results of societal, familial and cultural conditioning from an early age, compounded over time. When I work with the myriad of public personalities that come through my door, understanding this concept allows me to remain non-judgmental and treat each person with respect and kindness, despite their often toxic demeanor.

Practically all of the insidious traits that interfere with our personal progress are borne of unresolved emotional turbulence from the past that follow us like a shadow throughout our lifetime. How long will we blame our parents, our employer or our circumstances for our misery? When will we finally stand up, reject victimization and take full possession of our lives? The culprit of irresponsibility supports and maintains our juvenile stance, keeping us stuck.

Some blatantly disregard their crap, building a brick wall around themselves. Poor souls, they will continue to spin in an endless cycle of discontent. Others behave consciously, but only to a point, unable to break through the final barrier of the false ego and the self-righteousness it breeds. Much like conditional love, it’s not worth much. All of us have been hurt and pointed our fingers outward to feel justified. It's easy to do when surrounded by so many amoral options.

Then there are those few, like us, determined to shift ingrained perspectives to improve ourselves. We are the courageous ones. The terrain of self-realization requires an unflinching frankness that only the brave dare to traverse. You will need it for these daily exercises to be effective.

Many of us believe that we are responsible because we hold a job, take care of our families, pay our bills on time, and go to church every Sunday. It is common to gauge our life with these superficial examples. Those acts have nothing to do with what we truly need to acknowledge. I refer to those intimate faults and unrecognized destructive habits we, as a race of people, tend to snub on a grand scale. We need to take a hard look at who we are intrinsically, as sentient beings. Not the roles we’ve chosen to play.

Making a strong determination to live differently requires resolute consistency. Frequently, that fundamental asset needs to be relearned. Deciding not to be so reactive, overly sensitive, offended, angry, or any other negative character trait is a good place to start.

You can make a list of your infractions if you dare. When I began, I used a simple good/bad list. I was amazed how quickly I could jot down the negative aspects, but the positive traits were arduous to conjure and were much fewer in number. Clearly, my opinion of myself needed an injection of improved self-esteem. Starting with a physical outline can often help us to recognize discrepancies, affording a clearer picture of where we currently stand and the path we need to construct toward the goal we seek to accomplish.

If a list seems too daunting, just chose one aspect about yourself that you don’t like and determine to shift it. It’s always best to start simple so that you can experience enough successful results to maintain motivation. Something manageable, such as I’m going to be mindful not to complain to my co-workers when my pain-in-the-ass boss makes a derogatory comment. It will not change your employer’s behavior, but it will eliminate creating a negative charge that will ultimately reveal its effects in your life, not theirs. Hopefully, this new energetic output will render us less judgmental, insulted, and free of the damning emotions that contradict our wellbeing.

Once we start on this road, and gain momentum, other paths will open, and a new journey of self-discovery will lead us out of our mire into better days.

Acknowledging, accepting and forgiving are requisites that will eventually eliminate the negative charge in all of the incidents that created our history. In this way we are able to thank absolutely everything that has occurred thus far. Yes, even the abusive husband whose scars we still wear, the torturous health battles that stole years of our life, and the financial collapse that left us on the street. I know this seems impossible, but detachment guided by self-love is the key. All episodes, both positive and negative, are the ingredients that have shaped our lives thusfar. Each incident wired a reactionary process into our brains, defining who we’ve become today.

We can wish that certain horrors hadn’t occurred. But that doesn’t resolve their corrosive influence. We can live with regret, but that certainly is not living fully reconciled