Marriage Companion

By Ade and Grace Okonrende

In today’s marriages, it is unfortunate that people seem to deny God and believe that their human standards alone are enough to keep the marriage going.

In this book, the authors, Pastors Ade and Grace Okonrende, renowned marriage counsellors who have ministered worldwide, outlined in the simplest language how couples can stay together in unity and love to fulfill their God-given potentials.

Having had the opportunity to read the original manuscript, I believe that church leaders and people from all walks of life will immensely benefit from reading this great book, which addresses issues that most writers on marriage failed to identify or address.

It is very thrilling to realize that you can determine the sex of your unborn child. The procedure is clearly stated in this book as authenticated in the Bible. The authors have clearly demystified the challenges of determining the sex of your intended child. They applied this method to choose and raise one girl and three boys.

—Rev. Dr. Lawrence Tette

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 15, 2024
• ISBN: 9798887511061

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Marriage Companion

Ade and Grace Okonrende

ISBN 979-8-88751-105-4 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88751-106-1 (digital)

Copyright © 2024 by Ade & Grace Okonrende

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Foreword

Appreciation

Chapter 1

This Marriage Must Work

Chapter 2

Appreciate Your Spouse

Chapter 3

Healing the Wounds

Chapter 4

Avoid Diminishing Returns

Chapter 5

Resolutions

Chapter 6

Sex the Best Way

Chapter 7

Say No to Divorce

Chapter 8

Men, You Cannot Afford to Fail

Chapter 9

Abuse and Misuse

Chapter 10

Stop It

Chapter 11

Let's Face Realities

Chapter 12

In Search of a Perfect Spouse

Chapter 13

The Cheated Spouse

Chapter 14

Communication in Marriage

Chapter 15

Saints Outside

Chapter 16

Understanding Relationship

Chapter 17

Sunday Palaver

Chapter 18

Third Party

Chapter 19

Marriage and Professionalism

Yours gracefully,

His Grace

Chapter 20

You Can Determine the Sex of Your Baby

Chapter 21

The Teen Challenge

Chapter 22

Handling Impotence in Man

Chapter 23

Newly Wedded

Chapter 24

Avoid Illicit Relationship

Chapter 25

Common Mistakes in Marriage

Chapter 26

Grace-Lines from Grace

Chapter 27

The Child's Mind

Decision Page

About the Author

This book is dedicated

To the glory of God

To all victims of matrimonial disorder

To our parents

Late Pastor S. A. Okonrende

Late Mrs. H. O. Okonrende

Late Pastor A. I. O. Imafidon

Late Mrs. Comfort I. Imafidon

(They all had bitter experience of matrimonial disorder.)

To all Christian homes in anticipation of matrimonial bliss

Foreword

It is always important for us to see marriage as the oldest institution that was instituted by God.

The first miracle that Jesus Christ performed as recorded in John chapter 2 was at a marriage ceremony.

In today's marriages, unfortunately, people seem to deny God and believe that their human standards alone are enough to keep the marriage going.

In this book, Pastors Ade and Grace Okonrende, renowned marriage counselors who have ministered worldwide, have outlined in the simplest language, how couples can stay together in unity and love to fulfill their God-given potentials.

Having had the opportunity to read the original manuscript, I believe that church leaders and people from all walks of life will immensely benefit from reading this great book, which addresses issues that most writers on marriages fail to identify.

My wife and I have known the Okonrendes since 1990 whilst they were still pioneering the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) Angel Parish in the UK. Their labor and input into the lives of many in those early days actually helped in planting many branches of the RCCG in the UK.

Grace and Ade Okonrende are a perfect example of what a genuine marriage companionship can bring into a family and the Christian community. Ever since they relocated to Sacramento in California, USA, their ministry has taken on a new turn. Their worldwide marriage seminars continue to affect people from all walks of life, bringing deliverance to many men and women they come into contact with.

I highly recommend this God-given book.

God bless you as you read through the pages.

Dr. Lawrence Tetteh

President, Worldwide Miracle Outreach

Appreciation

This is to express our sincere appreciation to our very wonderful dedicated daughter-in-Christ Sis Ronke Popoola, who did the compilation of this book from the original manuscripts of Family Issues. Our profound appreciation also goes to Minister Ebi Thourn, Pastor Tukunbo Daniel, and Pastor Albert Sason of blessed memory who all proofread this book. We are very grateful to Brother Michael Okopedeghe, who did the final corrections on the first edition of this book.

We really appreciate our children, Grace, Chosen, Choice, and Royal for their cooperation. The contribution of our only daughter, Grace, is worthy of special commendation. It is our belief that her involvement will make her a better writer, wife, and mother. We must also acknowledge the support of all the sponsors of Chosen Generation Family Issues published in the UK (1995–1999). Special appreciation goes to Pastor Janet Adedipe for her unalloyed support of the Family Issues publication up till date. Your financial support is highly appreciated. We count it necessary to make a special mention of the financial commitment of Pastors Benson and Julia Ossai of RCCG King's Court Parish, Hackney London.

Our appreciation also goes to late Chief Michael C. Olorogun Ibru (of Ibru group of Companies, Nigeria), who was the sole sponsor of volume 7 of the Family Issues and for making the production of this book a reality. May your home enjoy the best of blessings from all those who shall be blessed through this book.

We feel highly honored to have our good friend in the ministry, Dr. Evangelist Lawrence Tetteh, PhD, founder and president, World Miracle Outreach (London and Ghana), write the foreword to this book.

May the Lord bless you all, amen.

Chapter 1

This Marriage Must Work

The trend of events in this modern world suggests that the institution of marriage needs a very objective appraisal. We need to ask ourselves, Do we want marriage as instituted by God or marriage as is convenient for man's selfish interest?

Matthew 19:5–6 states, And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be united firmly [joined inseparably] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (separate).

The phrase let no man put asunder simply means let no human principles put asunder. God does not expect any marriage to break up either partially (Satan-inspired separation) or completely (Satan-approved departure, divorce).

The most important determination of anyone going into or already involved in marriage, whether through Christ or crisis, should be, This marriage must work.

Beloved reader, if you are yet to be married, you are advised to be very sure that it is the Lord (not your flesh) that leads you into marriage. Surely, if the Lord Jesus leads you into marriage, the marriage will work. This does not mean you will not experience any problem. You need to realize that without friction there is no motion. Where there is no motion, there can be no progress. The challenges will make you progress if you handle them properly. Please understand that challenges are not to chain man, but they are allowed by God to bring about remarkable changes in line with His perfect will.

Realize that you are married (if married) so as to understand each other better and not because you already understand each other. Do you know that it is not very easy for a man or a woman to clearly understand himself or herself, much less of having a perfect understanding of others? The Bible says, The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it (perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind)? (Jeremiah 17:9).

If the marriage must work, partners must not lose sight of the pledges and vows made either meaningfully at a solemnized wedding or casually at the peak of passion or accidentally at the height of excitement. A vow is a vow whether counterfeit or genuine.

Please note these Bible verses.

In whose eyes a vile person is despised, but he who honors those who fear the Lord (who revere and worship Him); who swears to his own hurt and does not change. (Psalm 15:1–2, 4)

My covenant will I not break or profane, nor alter the thing that is gone out of My lips. (Psalm 89:34)

My uprightness and my right standing with God I hold fast and will not let them go; my heart does not reproach me for any of my days and it shall not reproach me as long as I live." (Job 27:6)

Every child of God should learn to keep his or her vows.

We have listened to teachers of modern marriage vows and have also witnessed or known about weddings where modern marriage vows were taken. Vows such as For better, for best, for goodness, for plenty, in good health and strength. These vows look pleasant but are very unrealistic, faulty, and vulnerable to flaws and breakdown in marriages.

Records have it that one of the princesses of Wales in the twentieth century requested not to read or recite the part of the vow that read to obey him. Her request was granted. I guess her disobedience was partly responsible for her tragic death in an auto crash. Any unrealistic vow is a bait for destruction.

We need to realize that wedding vows are for realities of possible life experiences and not superficial pronouncements of unrealistic expectations. Nobody should blame a spouse who left the partner because of a post-wedding misfortune if their vow was not for better, for worse. Nobody would be justified to condemn a wife whose demand for the removal of the clause to obey him was granted during the taking of her wedding vows. The concession automatically grants her the license to disobey her husband or be self-governed.

Vows such as for better, for worse, in good health and in illness, in plenty and in need are very biblical, objective, and realistic. These phrases are relative terms, which is why every couple prays for pleasant experiences that would keep the joy in their marriage. Anyone who takes such a vow has no excuse or ground for divorce. No matter what happens, the principle of the couple should be This marriage must work.

To make your marriage work, especially when you have made up your mind to keep your vows, you must do the following:

You need to realize that your partner is of a different parental background. You have your differences.

Try to win all your in-laws. (It may not always be possible. However, with God, all things are possible.)

Address issues properly.

You just have to make up your mind that nothing shall cause you to breach the valid biblical vows.

At the heat of disagreements or agreements, be courageous to make such statement, You are my God-given husband [or wife]. We are together in this marriage and it must work.

Realize that apology to your spouse is not a mark of cowardice or a loss of dignity. It is a proof of wisdom and your ability to yield to the humble spirit of the eternal Trinity, the spirit of preferences and honor (Romans 12:10).

Do not bring into remembrance the past errors for which apology had been tendered. (The tendency is to refer to the past. Please don't fall victim to this temptation.)

You both must not be mad at the same time. Recognize when the devil is trying to magnify an error to foment or fuel trouble. Do not get into rage. He who gets into a rage loses the respect that accrues to age.

Do not bring in the third party (your friends, children, and parents) into your marriage. Try, as much as possible, to resolve your differences in your bedroom. Make sure you smile outside your bedroom lest the third party asks you about what went wrong. You may be tempted to tell it all. Undoubtedly, the third party (if also married) possibly has his or her personal marital problems. Such may counsel you wrongly to test his or her ideas. Do not let anybody experiment with your marriage. If you fail, the third party will laugh you to scorn.

Do more of talking to God (praying) about your marriage than to anyone else, even your pastor (except when you can't think of any way out). Unfortunately, many find it easier reporting to man than to God. If you have God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as your parents-in-law, you will realize that they know how to handle your spouse better than anyone else. Praying with your partner about your marriage makes it easier for your prayers to be answered and the problems resolved.

When the problem becomes a pain in the neck, report your spouse to his or her heavenly Father.

Do not speak ill of your in-laws. Talk to God about them.

Chapter 2

Appreciate Your Spouse

Some Christians commit visual adultery (sin of the eye), lookery, and imaginary matrimony with other brethren outside their marriages. Their imagination is always, "Probably if I had married that X or Y instead of this troublesome smelly, unfashionable, extravagant, untidy, bookish, unloving, disabled, unsexy, sexually unsatisfying, holy-holy, short, tall, prayerless, unfaithful, always