Holy Marriage, Happy Marriage: Faith-Filled Ways to a Better Relationship

By Chris Padgett and Linda Padgett

What makes for a long-lasting, thriving marriage, one that's not only holy but also happy? Chris and Linda Padgett first shared the story of their courtship in Not Ready for Marriage, Not Ready for Sex, and now, after twenty-one years of marriage, they're back with another lively look into what they've learned along the way. The Padgetts have had their share of ups and downs, and they know from experience how a strong faith creates a strong relationship. Their individual perspectives go beyond pop theories to explore the results of faithfully practicing mutual respect, solid commitment, and open communication with your spouse over the long haul. With humor, honesty, and personal stories, they offer hope for even the most challenging relationship.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jan 24, 2023
• ISBN: 9781635824742

Book preview

Part One

A New Way of Thinking

There are a lot of people who seem awfully unhappy in marriage. Even some of the good ones’ seem like they are on borrowed time. Have you ever spent time with a couple that at first glance appears to have the right stuff to make it, but after awhile you realize there are little cracks in the foundation of the marriage that, if left untended over time, will end up destroying the union? Marriage needs to be built on selfless love—and on a firm foundation. As Alice von Hildebrand says, Marriage calls each spouse to fight against himself for the sake of his beloved. This is why it has become so unpopular today. People are no longer willing to achieve the greatest of all victories, the victory over self.¹

Chris

When I was a small child, my grandparents would spend their winter vacations on Melbourne Beach, Florida. It was very common for my sister and me to fly out of freezing South Dakota to go and visit them on holiday. I can remember walking along the rubbery grass at their particular beach home, seeing a coral snake for the first time. Those were the days of Polaroid cameras and trips to the Kennedy Space Station, which, albeit very informative, was pretty boring to a young child. Truth be told, I wanted Disney. The sand on the east coast of Florida is generally not as soft as it is on the west, but let me state that any sand in Florida was better than the dirt of the Great Plains, which was buried under ice and snow from October to March!

We used to have those old plastic buckets and little shovels you could build sand castles with. I was never one for sand sculptures, nor was I much of an engineer. Usually, my constructs would last for a brief period of time, only to be swept away by the incoming waves. In all honesty, I was not building something to last; I just wanted to have some fun and see what might happen if I built a moat here or added another mountain of sand there. My guess is that most children build sand castles just for the moment at hand. When we get older, we usually help our kids make the sand castles, or watch with one eye on our children and the other on our latest beach read. And after our outings at the beach, we go back to a home that is not made of sand or placed next to the crashing waves—one that ideally is so solidly built that it can weather any of the storms the area may encounter. Sand castles are fine for the beach, but when it comes to real life, we want to reside in something that lasts.

Many a marriage is approached as if it is just some experiment that is bound to work because the conditions are correct, the moment is ideal, and everyone seems to be having fun. But when the waves crash in after the initial honeymoon phase, or when storms arise with unexpected destruction, many marriages are washed away because they are not built on a firm foundation. Of course, few couples think they are unprepared for marriage once the big day arrives. No one usually concludes that they need more pre-Cana classes; rather, they are more likely worried about finances for the wedding and honeymoon, or who is and isn’t attending the ceremony. Most couples certainly don’t intend to set their marriages to fail, yet it is no surprise that some marriages end up being disastrous.

With that said, we believe there is still hope for couples who have started out on the wrong foot, having built their marriage on a shifting foundation. There are some key things that can be done, but both parties have to be willing to do what it takes. Both must realize that God wants their marriage to be a success and is capable of solidifying what seems impossibly unstable. There is a big difference in a marriage that has been crafted and joined together by God and one that has been thrown together by man. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder (Mark 10:9).

There will always be storms in a marriage, but your marriage can be built to last if it is entered into with love, built on solid principles, and truly given over to Christ. Remember, Jesus is a carpenter, after all!

Many people have embraced a false way of thinking when it comes to marriage. Through the years, we have found there to be eight basic qualities that every marriage needs to embrace in order to thrive and not simply survive. Using examples from our own marriage, this book will look at each of these qualities, addressing the false way couples implement them and suggesting a new way of thinking that can help any couple’s relationship journey back into health.

Chapter One

Freedom

The first basic quality of a solid marriage is freedom. We will each speak about this attribute, and you will notice that it is connected to the theological virtue of charity. Love cannot be expressed without freedom, and freedom is truly not authentic without love.

Linda

A marriage based in love and trust should be filled with freedom. Without it, frustration will build up and fear will become the ruling emotion in the house. Each spouse should be free to fully be themselves, and together their marriage should be free to be unique from other relationships.

I married a man who was voted Most Unique Personality his senior year in high school. Through our years of marriage, he has never failed to live up to that title. I have come to learn that the different ways in which he processes a situation or deals with conflict are his version of normal. Even though I occasionally get frustrated because he does things differently than I do, I have learned to give Chris the freedom to be himself.

Thankfully, this freedom goes both ways. Chris has learned that I take longer than he does to cool off after an argument. He knows that Sorry will eventually come; I just need time. Chris has also learned to give me the freedom to pursue my crazy dreams and sometimes extravagant projects because he knows I ultimately do what I do for the benefit and enjoyment of our family. In the same way I have learned to accept his compulsion to collect the things he loves—whether books or tattoos—and his crazy need to check and re-check light switches in the house, his patience with me gives me the freedom to be who I