Interracial and Intercultural Love in South Africa

By Andisa Dayimani

Interracial and Intercultural relations in South Africa are still seen as out of the ordinary. Based on the experiences, challenges that Andisa and others who are exposed to these dynamics faces, Andisa was inspired to write this book reflecting to the Bible to find answers relating to the frequently asked questions and Stereotypes faced by those who are either in interracial relationships and intercultural relationships in South Africa.

In this book, Andisa speaks of the origin of race from a biblical perspective and science, challenges faced by interracial and intercultural relationships, ways to overcome them and how we can be united.

This book opens our eyes on how the different skin colours and backgrounds can impact on our everyday lives, the Author says as quoted from the book "I would encourage people to really look at others without seeing their skin colour and past failures. If we dream to have a country that is united and look forward to being progressive, then we need to accept the truth that we are not as different as we would like to be ". "We are according to the bible, from one place and if we believe that, then we live it"

This book is aimed at bringing South Africans to a place of unity and opening the eyes to living a life of God, to get rid of unfounded perceptions of who and what other races are and what they stand for. There are so many people who are victims of wrong perceptions and of what society has taught them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Classic age Publishing
• Release date: May 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393792611

Book preview

Foreword

By Paul Coetzee and Reneilwe Oscar Moagi

Paul Coetzee

Aformer Prime Minister of South Africa, many decades ago had a favourite saying amongst others. He used to say that people,belonging together should be brought together. Of course his sentiments in this regard were expressed amongst a thick cloud of political dogma, yet the very essence of his words remains true and utterly applicable to this day and in all probability eternity.

We, the people of this world however tend to attach numerous preconditions to this true expression. We would in all probability agree with this sentiment in principle yet, would eagerly so attach our own subjective preconditions. We agree that people belonging together should be together if they share the same skin colour, social status, culture, age, aspirations and so on.

In the process the one indispensable common denominator, the very glue  to essentially  keep people who belong together together is love, deep  unsettled, immovable love gets demoted amidst the furor of attachments and diverse sentiments and preconditions.

This brings me to the word of God, the Bible. Didn’t the Apostle Paul elaborate so clearly and eloquently in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 about the numerous unshakable values of love? How could we ever remain together as one if we do not share this indispensible glue of love?

In essence this remains the central theme of this book, we can indeed overcome all challenges, obstacles, societal pressure and societal vetos if our remaining together is tightly glued by the most important virtue of Christianity. Love for God our Saviour and love for each other.

As Andi’s Husband, I did not enter into this relationship with my eyes closed, far from it! I am as described by the world we live in as white and she asblack and we are both citizens of South Africa. The country on planet earth which defined utter stark racial stereotypes, a country which to this day struggles and wrestles so intensely with deeply rooted racial inheritance!

In my relationship with Andisa I  have felt the weight of being different- a white man who overly loves a black woman, a white man who in the eyes of many white South Africans, including some of black South Africans,openly challenges deep rooted racial dogma. To this day I feel and sense eyes of people burning into my very soul, I sense their abhorrence, their utter disgust in me being so totally against societal grain and societal value, be this value skew or not it remains ingrained and rooted in this country.

Yet I love, I Love  my wife, I love this woman!I so totally love this beautiful precious wonderful black woman! Never ever again will I bend to societal skew perceptions.This time, this whiteSouth African man, considerable older than Andisa has followed his heart. She is a God given blessing to me- she is my all and I love her.

May you, the reader, enjoy her sentiments, feelings about interracial and intercultural love in this country, the issues that she discusses in this book and may you realize eventually so that people  who belongs together should be together and will remain together if glued by true unshakable love.

Foreword

Reneilwe Oscar Moagi

Iwas fortunate enough to be requested by the author to assist her with editing this book, Interracial and Intercultural Love in South Africa. I read the author’s first work so I was keenly interested in reading her next book, so I accepted. I was also interested in the book as it talks about a topic of interest to me. Our country is going through a transition and one of the highlights (positive) of this change is witnessing different cultures and races embracing one another beyond just words. In South Africa, particularly, we come from an era of apartheid, so embracing this change has not been easy and continues to be testing at most times. One of the changes is different races falling in love and entering into marriages with one another. This has always been there, but because of where South Africa came from, it was not permissible.This book talks about these experiences, the beautiful aspects as well as the challenging ones.

The book basically enforces the emerging realization that people of different races can live together, enjoy the same things; love each other, marry each other, start families together, etc. It also brings to the fore what the biblical text says about the human race which is something that the world is slowly waking up to. There are a lot of myths in existence by the different races about each other and this book attempts to expel those myths. As mentioned in my introduction to this text, there are also challenges with interracial relationships. However, the book seeks to emphasize that these challenges should not be a barrier to these relationships happening but in fact, they should be an opportunity for people to learn more about each other’s likes and dislikes.

The author, Andisa Coetzee nee Dayimani is a  very spiritual, sweet, shy yet very friendly individual. I’ve known her for about year now which started with short conversation about life. Through those conversations I learned about her love and passion for writing. She in turn learned about my aspiration to become a book editor and that is how I got involved with the editing of this work. She is an astute Christian hence the numerous biblical influences and references in her book(s). She has views about life that she would like to share with the world and writing offers a platform for her to do just that.

The book covers various topics about interracial relationships and shares biblical and scientific references about the human race. Some of the topics shared are what the bible says about race, how human beings were separated into different races, race according to science, why we should unite as human beings (bringing it home to South Africa), what marriage is and purpose, interracial relationships and challenges, intercultural relationships, etc.

Strength:The personal experiences of the author in an interracial relationship.

Weakness: The book has a Christian influence which makes sense as it is the author’s religious background. The book might only appeal to a Christian audience as a result or people like me who are open to conversations across religious, racial or cultural boundaries.

Conclusion:I hope the book will be a source of enlightenment about interracial or intercultural relationships as it was for me. The author is in an interracial relationship herself so this makes the book even more interesting as she draws from her own experiences as well.

Acknowledgements

I would like to take this moment to say thank you. The support and encouragement shown to me is remarkable. Thank you for taking your time to review the book, to give me insight on areas which I had little understanding.

Thank you to my wonderful life partner and husband Paul Coetzee for taking time to read, comment and encourage me into writing this piece, I appreciate how you always see the best in me and allow me to be me. To my loving parents (Mawethu and Nonkululo Dayimani) and siblings (Asandile Tiya and Azola Dayimani) for believing in me and loving me always. I learn a lot from you awesome people. Thank you to Kanyisa Daniso, Khutjo Nkosi  for also taking time to read and making comments, there would be a lot of confused readers!.Your perspectives and time is truly appreciated. Thank you to my amazing, sensitive and caring friend Reneilwe Oscar Moagi for dedicating his time in  reading and making comments, for having so much passion for  this book. You really play a major role in motivating me.  My best friend Siphesihle Manciya , thank you for always being just a phone call away throughout all my high and lows. To Vukulu Sizwe Maphindani, thank you for all you have done in making sure that this book comes to light, motivating me and supporting me. I pray for more publishing houses like you. Your willingness to push Africans to rise above stereotypes is amazing.

To Lebo Saane thank you for helping out with your laptop so we can edit and see this book come to light, your role was crucial to the success of this  book .

All my friends and family, I am truly thankful for all you contribute in my life and hopefully as we journey this life, we will keep telling stories. In as much as I cannot mention everyone who contributed, I am truly thankful.

Scripture dedicated for the Reader

Psalm 103

Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits—

Who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion?

Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles?

The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:

The LORD is compassionate and gracious; slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;

For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear Him, and his righteousness with their children's children—

with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.

The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.

Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.

Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

Dear Reader

Dear Reader, whoever you are in your life, wherever you are and whatever reasons you had for you to pick up this book, I want you to know that I enter this relationship with utmost respect and consideration. I know that we must discuss some things that are not so pleasant to talk about and that at times, you might feel like putting the book down. I will touch areas of your life that you might be uncomfortable with and mostly, I will have views that you might not agree with.

My hope is that even though we may have different views that the outcome of our differences will lead to a peaceful South Africa.

May we experience God’s love and when we don’t see eye to eye, may we come to a point of reconciliation. I hope that by reading this book, you will get the revelation of the Love that God has for all mankind and that it will encourage you to change certain perceptions in your life and around your life, no matter how difficult that may be.

Dedication

I dedicate this book to Jesus Christ, who gave me the courage to write.

I also dedicate this book to my wonderful life Partner and Husband, Paul Coetzee, who continues to love me in all I do.

Thank you for knowing my heart and for allowing me to be me and express myself.

You inspire me every day of our life; you are truly God’s Greatest Gift in my life. I wish for us to grow more in the knowledge and the revelation of who Jesus is in our lives and who we are in Him.

Introduction

Interracial relationships have been the new thing in South Africa and countries around the world. So; this is how it usually goes, especially if you are not only from different cultures but different races too. You ask yourself; how can I know that they are not just being nice and that they are interested in more. I mean, if they ask you to go out for coffee or lunch, how can you know what intentions they have. Do they mean a date or as friends? Well, we sometimes go through this whether we belong to the same race or different races, same culture or different cultures.

I can say that it becomes even harder when you are from different backgrounds, cultures and races. I mean, it is an unending struggle, from communication to relating and behavior.At times, even when trying to tell a joke it can become a different experience as you either say something, they completely do not understand at all or find offensive.

I have been there so many times and at times, even making friends with someone from a different culture/race requires more effort than it would if the cultures were the same. I often find myself having to make conversations in English or trying to learn to speak their languages so that the conversations are smoother and more understandable.

In this book, I am looking into interracial and intercultural relationships based on my life experiences; from a friendship perspective, biblical perspective, scientific perspective and I will be using bible scriptures to support my beliefs and ideas. I will not only focus on marital relationships but also the unity that this country needs.

All couples in all kinds of relationships face challenges but being in an interracial and intercultural relationship has its extra challenges.

This involves more than just two people trying to get to know one another or are attracted to one another. It involves learning one another’s cultures and learning to appreciate and respect one another’s differences. It also involves having to overcome people’s opinions and views as to why you are together, which will also play a big role in your relationship. Trying to get into an interracial relationship may