Sex Pleasures and Pains

By F. M. Mhlophe

Do you recall watching a movie with your parents, talking and laughing, when suddenly a sex scene would come on which seemed to drag on forever? That awkward silence as everyone tries to find the remote control, ashamed to be in the presence of such a scene? That happened too often in my household and it still happens in many households today.

Sex is treated like an unspoken taboo that nobody should dare mention. Watching sexual scenes on the television seems to have become a silent abomination. Some families, churches and schools find it easier to brush the subject of sex off as if it doesn’t exist.

It is sad some of our parents, pastors and teachers avoid teaching children about this very important subject. Why is it an unspoken rule not to mention sex in a sex-saturated world? How will the coming generations learn without being taught? How will they know what to avoid and respect when it comes to sexuality?

This book outlines the facts about sex pleasures and its pains and attempts to bring about awareness. The message from this book might not deter people from having illicit sex, but it might forestall a lot of headaches and irredeemable situations.

• Language: English
• Publisher: F. M. Mhlophe
• Release date: Jan 12, 2018
• ISBN: 9781370065509

F. M. Mhlophe

Frans Mhlophe is currently a Senior Financial Analyst: Costing & Control at Nissan South Africa, international inspirational speaker, author, educator, leadership mentor, and consultant for various government departments and businesses. He is the founder and CEO of MEGA Speakers and Authors (Pty)Ltd: A company with a mandate of building speakers and authors. Travelling extensively throughout the world, Frans Mhlophe addresses critical issues affecting the full range of human, social and spiritual development. He has written and published several books, including challenges of life, Relationships Mistakes to avoid, 21 Principles of Success and Greatness, Sex Pleasures and Pains, You Can Become Wealthy.

Book preview

Sex

Pleasures and Pains

Sex

Pleasures and Pains

Frans Mhlophe

Copyright © 2017 Frans Mhlophe

Published by Frans Mhlophe Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by the Author using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Bronwen Bickerton for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Acknowledgements

Creating this book has been a personal journey of discovery, in the course of which I have met many great people to help me along the way. I am always conscious that whatever we accomplish or achieve in life is the sum total of all the people, situations and circumstances we have encountered in our lives. This book is evidence of that reality.

I would not have had the courage to write books without the inspiration of my leadership team and all the members of my ministry.

I would also not have had the courage and drive to continue writing and complete this book without the support of Reach Publishers and their experienced staff members. I would like to thank them for the professional work they have put into all my books.

Most importantly, words fail to express how grateful I am once more to my family. To my wife Xolelwa Cynthia Mhlophe and my three daughters, Ubuhle-(Bezulu) Mhlophe, Sihle-(Isandla) Mhlophe and Lihle-(Izulu) Mhlophe; thank you guys for being my pillar of strength. I would not have accomplished these things without your everyday support.

In the course of researching the material for this book, I have drawn on the time and support of many outstanding authors, preachers and public speakers who assisted me. Thank you all for your help and insights, inspiration and education. Iron sharpens iron and indeed you have sharpened me and I am a better person today because of all of you. May this book give back to you more than you invested in me.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1. Sex Destructions

Chapter 2. Sex and Sexual Activities

Chapter 3. Sex Demons

Chapter 4. The Purpose of Sex

Chapter 5. The Temperaments and Sex

Chapter 6. A Sexless Marriage

Chapter 7. The Wounds of Sex

Chapter 8. Impregnated and Dumped

Chapter 9. Abortion

Chapter 10. Sexual Addictions

Chapter 11. Technology and Sex

Chapter 12. Safe Sex

Chapter 13. Sexual Sicknesses and Diseases

Chapter 14. Guilt and Shame

Introduction

I am pleased to introduce this book that talks about sex. It is an expansion of my second book: Relationships (Mistakes to Avoid).

I have realised from my pastoral experience that sex and its complicated challenges can adversely affect people and hinder individuals from progressing in life. The reason this is so is the challenges of sex are largely avoided in being addressed in many institutions; family and the Church being the main ones.

I am happy to have written and compiled this book because I have learned from experience that we need to emphasise different things in different stages of life and ministry. The naked truths about sex that I have laid down in this book were not as apparent to me 10 years ago as they are today.

As I continue to lead people, I have observed complicated sexual situations which have led to divorce, a phenomenon that seemed impossible at the beginning of my Christian ministry. My views were like the views of some people who are in the Christian community today; that when you are born again, sexual challenges should not be part of your problems merely because you are supposed to have crucified the evil desires of the flesh.

But as I grow in the ministry I have come to realise not all Christians are willing to crucify their flesh to live a pure and consecrated life. Instead we seem to see people, even in the Church, beginning to behave worse than unbelievers when it comes to matters of sexual purity.

Sex Pleasures and Pains is a book that speaks about sex blatantly to try to address the ills caused by the misuse of such a sacred thing as sex. It is like an open letter to our unmarried, married and our youth. I have faith this book will help many and empower even the generations to come. I have confidence it will also become a building block for many marriages and for relationships in general.

I hope also it will help marriage counsellors in marriage counselling, especially when it comes to the area of sex and sexuality. I don’t believe though that this book is suitable for the underage. So caution must be taken to keep it away from the children. The topics addressed in this book may be too deep for their tender minds.

This book is carefully written and some of its input was much researched. So I hope you will enjoy the journey with me as we address the naked truths about sex. Enjoy the reading. May the Lord God bless you and keep you!

Chapter 1

Sex Destructions

Even if sex is pleasurable and good, reports and events in the world have revealed it can also be destructive, especially if it is practised illicitly.

The mother of King Lemuel lamented to his son, and said:

Don’t spend all your energy on sex and all your money on women; they have destroyed kings. (Proverbs 31:3)

The necessity to keep shouting about this is made possible by the way illicit sex is marketed and promoted in songs, advertisements, and in the entertainment industry as a whole like it is a good thing. Millions of lives have been influenced by the phenomenon and our world is the worse for it. Businesses sell products and services using sexual pictures, songs are performed on stage using half-naked women. There is a strong belief in the world that sex sells products and services much faster than any other thing. Although that may be an economic or business fact, are we ready as a nation to live with the consequences of exposing illicit sex to our young ones?

Human culture in the 21st century has been transformed by a revolution in sexual values. Promiscuity is regarded by many as a virtue to pursue. Children who do not engage in premarital sex are perceived by their peers as stupid, boring and unsophisticated, with the result children are trying sex at earlier ages than ever before. The level of premarital sexual activity in many nations is extraordinary. Research reveals that in Britain, the average age for both sexes to lose their virginity is 16 years. In Britain it is said that among 16- to 24-year-olds, 19.7 per cent of men and 14.6 per cent of women have already had 10 or more partners (The Guardian, Nov. 30, 2001). Premarital sexual activity among French girls is also extremely high.

In my work as a pastor I have counselled several boys and girls who are below the age of 18 years who have already had sex with more than 10 partners. All these facts have made me realise that, although as an African child, talking about sex may seem a taboo, as a pastor I have a responsibility to help my brothers and sisters out there who are daily destroyed by the pleasures of sex.

As individuals, we must realise our sexuality is a fundamental part of our lives. That is why the wise mother of Lemuel gave his son advice that he should guard against spending all his energy on sex and all his money on women. Sexuality is an area of our lives that has the capacity to make or mar our destiny, yet it is one area we have taken for granted, treated in an abusive way and made to look so common that it is not worth much, even in our own eyes and in the perceptions of others. The moment you devalue your sexuality, the value of your life immediately depreciates.

We have many examples in the Bible where great men of God were found wanting when it came to sex. Think about Judah, Samson, David, Solomon and the church in Corinth. The Bible does tell us that the Israelites: sat down to a feast which turned into an orgy of drinking and sex. (See 1 Corinthians 10:7). Illicit sex has been a problem for many years, and it is still a problem in today’s society.

In recent years a new term, hooking-up has sprouted. The real meaning of this term is quickie. Quickie is a quick sexual interaction. So a hook-up/ quickie may involve a range of intimate activities from kissing to forms of sex, and it usually involves alcohol. It is sex without commitment or emotional involvement, usually between people who know little if anything about each other and expect nothing more from each other than the gratification of that lone encounter. It is the same as what is called a one-night stand. I remember another sexual term that emerged, called friends with benefits. It is sex without commitment or emotional involvement, usually between friends. In 2016 another phenomenon of ‘blesser and blessee’ emerged. It also involves sex without commitment or emotional involvement where the blessee offers sex and the blesser some sort of material support.

According to a survey by the Institute for American Values, 40 per cent of college women in America have hooked up at least once, and 10 per cent of them more than six times (Christian Century, Aug. 15, 2001). The empty ritual leaves many young women feeling used, disillusioned and burdened with emotional confusion. In South Africa, statistics reveal that as many as 100 000 young girls could be working in underground sex dens as sex slaves due to various factors leading to them ending up in those positions. On top of this, there is a rising trend of cohabitation and premarital sex among Christians and non-Christians in South Africa that is becoming more socially acceptable. Some churches don’t even want to preach about sexual purity and abstinence for fear of losing membership of parishioners.

These are social ills that must be addressed by every leader in every organisation. I strongly believe parents and pastors haven’t fully played their part in trying to address the issue of sexuality. This is one of the reasons I was persuaded to write this book about sex pleasures and pains.

I want to firstly explain what kind of sexual activity illicit sex is. Any kind of sexual relationship that exists outside of the marriage life is illicit and unwholesome. You may define it in any kind of way but it comes down to being wrong. Today’s contemporary society uses terms like ‘adult consensual activity’ in the name of ‘rights and freedom of expression’, to colour it to be right. Others believe it is wrong to engage minors below 18 years in sexual activity but that once a person reaches the age of accountability(e.g. 21 years and above), he or she is free to make decisions for himself or herself. That may sound socially correct, but on the moral high ground it fails the test of being right. The wide acceptability of a concept does not always make it right.

Two people having sexual intimacy before marriage remains wrong. If we place this view side by side with all religious teachings, the verdict is ‘it is wrong’; unless one chooses to live from the point of neutrality, where nothing is wrong or right for him or her. Unfortunately there is no platform of neutrality in real life. You either believe in something or you don’t!

"While Jacob was living in that land, Reuben had sexual intercourse with Bilhah, one of his father’s concubines; Jacob heard about it and was furious. Jacob had twelve sons." (Genesis 35:22)

The damage the lifestyle of illicit sex is doing is massive. Family values are being eroded on a large scale. That is why Jacob was furious when he heard his son had sexual intercourse with his concubine. Why? It was morally wrong to do so and it is still morally wrong to do such things today. Because Reuben had sex with one of his father’s concubines, he lost the rights belonging to the first-born son, and those rights were given to Joseph

(1 Chronicles 5:1).

If a young man and woman can have sex for free, why then should it be necessary for them to be committed in a relationship like marriage? If sex is treated with such levity, why should we bother about faithfulness between married couples? Feeding our minds with the garbage of a free world does huge damage to our consciences and destroys the idea of what is wrong to the point there is no longer a dividing line between what is wrong and what is right. A society that lives from a position of neutrality will have a doomed future. Our society and world must wake up from the slumber of illicit indulgence and save the future of our children from total annihilation of our values. As a church, government, schools and homes, we are responsible for guiding our children.

A nation will fall if it has no guidance. Many advisers mean security. (Proverbs 11:14)

We have a phenomenon where people in a relationship with an intention of marriage now see sex as