The changing face of marriage
Alliance vs affection
A brief history of… courtship
The supposed ‘death of romance’ is a common lament in modern times – but how romantic were the courtships of our ancestors? In Western culture, where only marriage could produce legitimate offspring, the wooing of a spouse has been a fundamental part of human existence.
The practice of courtship (with a view to marriage) was often bound by particular rules, especially in the upper classes. Advice on the ‘art of love’ survives from ancient Rome, from medieval France and continues to flourish today. But inevitably, as ideas and expectations about marriage have evolved over the centuries, so too have the rituals of courtship.
For centuries, the purpose of upper-class marriage was to forge an alliance beneficial to both families, whether that meant the acquisition of titles, fortunes, or the influential contacts of new in-laws. Here a match was often entirely negotiated by the couple’s parents, and the courtship swiftly orchestrated through chaperoned visits, correspondence, and gifts.
The roles were highly gendered, with the lady receiving the addresses of her male suitor; one 1670s matrimonial guide declared that, “modesty in a woman is required, boldness in a man”.
Influenced by the rituals of medieval ‘courtly love’, expressions of devotion were made through poetry, music, or a well-timed sigh. As for gifts, gold was the “vanquisher of women”, though books, ribbons, locks of hair, and coins etched with hearts were also exchanged.
The later 18th century saw a huge shift, as marriage was increasingly linked to affection rather than alliance. Young couples were emboldened to reject parental control, and suitors increasingly expected to “fill her ears with themes of love”. Here we meet a favourite ‘golden age’ of romance for modern audiences: the highly mannered but love-orientated fiction of Jane Austen’s era.
HAUNTING ADVICE
Advances in technology promptly ushered in new romantic opportunities: as
