That's (Sort Of) Inappropriate

By Matti Charlton

Embark on an uproarious literary adventure with "That's (Sort Of) Inappropriate"! This non-fiction humor book reimagines a innuendo-filled short story in unexpected ways.

From Jane Austen's eloquence to H.P. Lovecraft's dark humor, each chapter brings beloved authors and TV shows to life, infusing the plot with irresistible cha

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matti Charlton
• Release date: Aug 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781778900457

Matti Charlton

Matti Charlton is writer, designer and recording artist. They live in Toronto, Canada with their service dog, Quentin.Matti is autistic, queer and transgender and writes passionately about social issues and modern technology; most recently, with their book "Homelessness broke ChatGPT" casting a critical eye on the bias of the popular AI software. Matti has also written several children's books and young adult novels.Matti is an advocate for trans issues, mental health and poverty, especially homelessness and addiction.Matti's career has spanned a wide range of disciplines, from software development and art direction to fashion design, music production and writing. In 2023, they published their 12th album of electronic pop music, "Almost", and their first fiction novel "Dendrome".Matti created the first transgender-owned underwear company in the world, Retromatti Athletics, in 2014, manufacturing the entire line from their apartment in downtown Toronto. The company expanded to provide digital artwork to craft makers during COVID-19.Matti's website: https://matticharlton.com/On Facebook: https://facebook.com/matticharltonOn Instagram: https://instagram.com/retromattiMatti's books: https://books.matticharlton.com/Matti's music: https://spotify.matticharlton.com/Matti's online business: https://retromatti.com/

Book preview

That's_(Sort_Of)_Inappropriate_Cover-01.png

That's

(Sort Of)

Inappropriate

matti charlton

Copyright ©2022-2023 matti charlton

That's

(Sort Of)

Inappropriate

matti charlton

Contents

Introduction 1

The Original Story 3

Jane Austen 7

William S. Burroughs 11

Charles Dickens 15

H.P. Lovecraft 19

Ogden Nash 23

Edgar Allan Poe 27

Thomas Pynchon 37

Hunter S. Thompson 41

Kurt Vonnegut Jr. 45

Apology by Justin Bieber 49

George W. Bush TV Speech 53

70s Sitcom 57

80s Board Meeting 61

90s Kid's Toy Advertisement 65

Broadway Musical 69

Coke Advertisement 75

Cold War KGB Agent Report 79

Courtroom Drama 83

Elementary School Play 89

Secret Military Operation 93

Sign Language 99

Luigi 103

Apu & Boss Hog 107

Bob & Doug McKenzie 111

Calvin & Hobbes 115

Moe & Barney 121

Abbott & Costello 125

Waldorf & Statler 129

Monty Python Sketch 135

Family Guy Cutaway Gag 139

Scene from South Park 143

Siskel & Ebert Review 147

Ingmar Bergman Film 151

John Carpenter Film 157

Wes Craven Film 163

David Cronenberg Film 169

Federico Fellini Film 175

David Lynch Film 181

Andrei Tarkovsky Film 185

Ed Wood Film 191

Episode of Judge Judy 195

Episode of Star Trek: TNG 201

Episode of The Office 207

Copyright ©2023 matti charlton.

Introduction

I wrote an original story, consisting of relatively inappropriate content that required a grasp of innuendo in order to understand the nature of that inappropriateness.

I then imagined it through a series of rewrites and transformations.

This book is the result.

Each of the transformations you read here has been very specifically and non-mechanically achieved through specific prompting and, in some cases, coaxing and massaging the nature of the content to produce an entertaining result.

A great deal of editing and manual writing then was used to produce the hilarious results you are about to read.

Enjoy!

Matti Charlton

The Original Story

Scott stood up.

Phil was red-faced and exhausted.

That teabag was actually better the second time around, he said.

Scott agreed. Should we dunk it again?

Phil hesitated. I'm not sure if I have time. The landscapers are coming over today to trim the bush.

Scott looked at the bush and shrugged. Looks good to me. I like it all natural like that.

Phil nodded. Yes, but the missus complains about it brushing against her face too often. She finds it hard to swallow.

Scott said, Yes, my favorite animal is definitely the beaver. This pork sausage isn't well to my taste.

Phil waited until his mouth was no longer full to respond. Suits me fine, he said earnestly.

More tea? Scott said, adjusting his position.

Mmm-hmm! Said Phil, slurping earnestly.

They enjoyed their tea in the mid-day sun as they looked over the backyard landscaping of both of their properties.

Suddenly the neighbor's dog appeared. Wanna bone? He said.

Scott shook his head, but then turned to Phil and said, A pearl necklace would look really nice on you.

Phil said, Really? I had thought you'd rather I swallowed your pride.

And so he did.

The end.

Jane Austen

In the grand realm of civilized society, within the quaint abode of a certain Mr. Scott, a gathering of two esteemed gentlemen took place. Phil, with a countenance slightly flushed and an air of exhaustion about him, rose from his seat with remarkable composure.

My dear Phil, spoke Scott, pray enlighten us with your opinion on this matter. Remarkably, I found that the flavor of this particular teabag improved upon its second infusion.

Phil, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts, nodded in agreement. Indeed, my good sir, I am of the same mind. Shall we dare venture into the realm of a third steeping?

However, Phil's anticipation was briefly interrupted by a moment of hesitation. Alas, I fear my time is rather limited. The gardeners are due to arrive imminently to groom the unruly bushes, he confessed.

Scott, casting a discerning eye toward the verdant foliage outside, responded with a nonchalant shrug. In my humble opinion, the natural state of the bushes is quite appealing to my sensibilities. Pray, I find such untouched beauty rather delightful.

Phil, with a gentle nod of understanding, concurred. You speak the truth, my friend. However, my dear wife, in her heartfelt lamentations, contends that the unruly bushes have an unfortunate penchant for intruding upon her countenance with excessive frequency. It, regrettably, proves to be a vexing challenge to overcome.

Scott, momentarily lost in his thoughts, offered a curious remark. Ah, the beaver, a creature of my utmost admiration. Unlike this particular pork sausage, it fails to tantalize my palate.

Phil, patiently awaiting a moment of reprieve from his oral endeavors, engaged in the discourse. Indeed, my good sir, your preference for the beaver is duly noted. It aligns well with my own sentiments. As for this delectable pork sausage, it finds no favor with my discerning taste buds.

With great patience, Scott proposed a further serving of tea, adjusting his position to a more comfortable stance. Phil, expressing his eagerness through a sound resembling Mmm-hmm, slurped his tea earnestly, both gentlemen indulging in their afternoon repast.

In this tranquil setting, basking in the golden rays of the mid-day sun, they surveyed the landscape of their adjoining gardens, engaging in discussions of horticultural matters. Yet, as fate would have it, an unexpected visitor emerged—a neighbor's dog.

The dog, with a wag of its tail and a hint of mischief in its eyes, audaciously uttered the words, Wanna bone?

Scott, declining the offer with a dismissive shake of his head, then turned to Phil, an impish grin forming upon his countenance. Phil, my good man, I daresay a pearl necklace would perfectly adorn your person.

Phil, his curiosity piqued, retorted with a playful jest. Oh, really? And here I thought your desire lay in my willingness to swallow your pride.

And so, my dear readers, in this most unexpected turn of events, Phil succumbed to the jest and