Alice in Fucking Wonderland

By Matti Charlton and Lewis Carroll

Dive headfirst into the wild, hallucinatory realm of "Alice in Fucking Wonderland," a reimagining of Lewis Carroll's timeless story. Join Alice as she tumbles down the rabbit hole into a world where the Mad Hatter's tea party is a psychedelic odyssey, the Cheshire Cat's grin is positively diabolical, and reality itself unravels in a mind-bending

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matti Charlton
• Release date: Sep 25, 2023
• ISBN: 9781778900952

Matti Charlton

Matti Charlton is writer, designer and recording artist. They live in Toronto, Canada with their service dog, Quentin.Matti is autistic, queer and transgender and writes passionately about social issues and modern technology; most recently, with their book "Homelessness broke ChatGPT" casting a critical eye on the bias of the popular AI software. Matti has also written several children's books and young adult novels.Matti is an advocate for trans issues, mental health and poverty, especially homelessness and addiction.Matti's career has spanned a wide range of disciplines, from software development and art direction to fashion design, music production and writing. In 2023, they published their 12th album of electronic pop music, "Almost", and their first fiction novel "Dendrome".Matti created the first transgender-owned underwear company in the world, Retromatti Athletics, in 2014, manufacturing the entire line from their apartment in downtown Toronto. The company expanded to provide digital artwork to craft makers during COVID-19.Matti's website: https://matticharlton.com/On Facebook: https://facebook.com/matticharltonOn Instagram: https://instagram.com/retromattiMatti's books: https://books.matticharlton.com/Matti's music: https://spotify.matticharlton.com/Matti's online business: https://retromatti.com/

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Alice in Fucking Wonderland

matti charlton

with lewis carroll

Copyright ©2022-2023 matti charlton

Alice in fucking wonderland

matti charlton

with lewis carroll

Contents

Down the Fucking Rabbit Hole 1

The Pool of Tears 9

A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale 19

Advice from a Caterpillar 27

Pig and Fucking Pepper 37

The Queen's Croquet-Ground 45

The Mock Turtle's Story 57

The Fucking Lobster Quadrille 69

Who Stole the Fucking Tarts 83

Alice's Fucking Evidence 91

Dedication Page

This fucking dedicated to everyone who fucking loved the original story.

Copyright ©2023 matti charlton.

originally written sunday the 15th day

of july in the common year of 2023.

written from the city of toronto,

in the country of canada, on planet earth.

Down the Fucking Rabbit Hole

Alice was tripping balls. She was starting to lose her goddamn mind, tired of sitting her ass down by the riverbank, doing nothing but contemplating the pointless existence of her own sister. She had caught a glimpse of the book her sister was reading, but it was empty—devoid of any hallucinatory images or mind-altering conversations. What's the point of a book like that? thought Alice, her thoughts swirling like acid-laced smoke.

Lost in her drug-induced haze, Alice pondered the merits of crafting a daisy chain. Was it worth the effort to get off her lazy ass and pick some goddamn daisies? And just when her brain was marinating in these drug-infused musings, out of fucking nowhere, a White Rabbit with pink eyes darted by her. But Alice, she wasn't impressed. She was used to weird shit happening, you know? It was all part of her psychedelic journey.

Now, this Rabbit, it wasn't just any old ordinary creature. Nah, this Rabbit started talking to itself. And Alice, in her clouded state of consciousness, didn't even bat an eye. She was like, Yeah, talking Rabbits? That's some regular shit right there. But then, the Rabbit did something out of this world. It pulled a watch from its waistcoat-pocket and checked the time. Alice's mind exploded like a kaleidoscope of colors. She couldn't comprehend a rabbit with a waistcoat-pocket, let alone a fucking watch to tell time. Her curiosity, like a ravenous beast, consumed her. She chased that Rabbit across the field, her feet barely touching the ground.

And then, in a flash, Alice found herself hurtling down a rabbit-hole. She didn't even stop to ponder how she'd get out. She just dove headfirst into the abyss, riding the wave of her twisted reality.

That rabbit-hole, it was like a gnarly tunnel, stretching into the infinite abyss. Alice tumbled down, feeling weightless, her mind spiraling out of control. She had all the time in the world to gaze around and wonder what the fuck was happening next. It was a trip. A real fucking trip.

But then, the trip got even crazier. The walls of the well were lined with cupboards and bookshelves. Maps and pictures hung from pegs, warping and shifting like a DMT trip. Alice snatched an empty jar labeled ORANGE MARMALADE as she floated past. Disappointment washed over her, but she couldn't drop the jar, fearing it would kill someone. So, she stashed it away, hoping to preserve the fragile balance of the universe.

Alice's mind was racing. She thought to herself, After a fall like this, tumbling down stairs ain't shit! They'll think I'm the fucking queen of bravery back home! Hell, I wouldn't even mention it if I fell off the roof! That shit was probably true.

Down, down, down Alice went. The fall seemed never-ending. She wondered how many miles she'd plummeted, but who the fuck cared about miles when you're freefalling into the depths of your own subconscious? She figured she must be getting close to the center of the goddamn Earth. Four thousand miles down, give or take. But latitude and longitude? That was some heady shit. Alice didn't have a clue what they were, but they sounded cool, like distant echoes of forgotten wisdom.

Then Alice got all philosophical. She started wondering if she'd fall right through the Earth. Can you dig it? Imagining herself popping out among people who walk on their heads, she mused about the Antipathies. But fuck it, she'd have to ask those upside-down folks what country she'd landed in. Yo, is this New Zealand or Australia? she'd say, trying to keep her cool mid-fall, you know? And how ignorant would they think she was, asking such a trippy question? Nah, better not ask. Maybe she'd stumble upon a signpost or some shit.

Down, down, down Alice continued her journey through the rabbit-hole. There was nothing else to do but keep talking to herself, trying to make sense of the madness. She rambled on about how her cat, Dinah, would miss her and her saucer of milk. She wished Dinah could join her in this alternate reality, where mice floated in the air like celestial beings. She pondered the cosmic question: Do cats eat bats? Do bats eat cats? It didn't matter. She was getting drowsy, slipping into a dreamlike haze. The line between reality and hallucination blurred. Do cats eat bats? Do bats eat cats? It was all the same. Alice felt the weight of her eyelids. Soon, she was off in the land of dreams, hand in hand with her cat, Dinah, interrogating her about bat-eating habits. But, reality slapped her hard. Thump! Thump! She hit the ground, jolting back into this twisted trip she called life.

Alice, in her drug-fueled state, bounced right up. She looked up, but it was pitch dark above her. Before