Ghosts of the CN Tower

By Matti Charlton

The book humorously parodies ghost stories with historical inaccuracies. It introduces CN Tower ghosts and their absurd tales, from Pontificus Maximus to Lookie Lou. The narrative weaves surreal events, like Francis turning into a hot dog and Periwinkly's tower-cursing quest. The characters, like Lester and Francis, add layers of identity and me

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matti Charlton
• Release date: Aug 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9781778900440

Matti Charlton

Matti Charlton is writer, designer and recording artist. They live in Toronto, Canada with their service dog, Quentin.Matti is autistic, queer and transgender and writes passionately about social issues and modern technology; most recently, with their book "Homelessness broke ChatGPT" casting a critical eye on the bias of the popular AI software. Matti has also written several children's books and young adult novels.Matti is an advocate for trans issues, mental health and poverty, especially homelessness and addiction.Matti's career has spanned a wide range of disciplines, from software development and art direction to fashion design, music production and writing. In 2023, they published their 12th album of electronic pop music, "Almost", and their first fiction novel "Dendrome".Matti created the first transgender-owned underwear company in the world, Retromatti Athletics, in 2014, manufacturing the entire line from their apartment in downtown Toronto. The company expanded to provide digital artwork to craft makers during COVID-19.Matti's website: https://matticharlton.com/On Facebook: https://facebook.com/matticharltonOn Instagram: https://instagram.com/retromattiMatti's books: https://books.matticharlton.com/Matti's music: https://spotify.matticharlton.com/Matti's online business: https://retromatti.com/

Book preview

GHOSTS_OF_THE_CN_TOWER_COVER_2-01.png

Ghosts

of the

cn tower

as published by

the eddington foundation

a paranormal investigation team

led in total good humor by

Reverend Matti Charlton

Copyright ©2022-2023 matti charlton

Contents

Introduction 1

Part of Our Heritage 5

Pontificus Maximus 9

Pontificus Maximus 15

A Ghost Named Francis 21

Lookie Lou 25

Haunted Honda Dealership 37

The Haunted Symphony 39

The CN Tower Serial Killer 43

The Myth Of The Third Level 49

One Step Too Far 59

Final Thoughts 67

There's Still Some More 73

My Dedication Page:

This is the author thanking a list of people: Person One, Person Two, Dog Person Three, Etc.

originally written tuesday the 14th day

of february in the common year of 2023.

written from the city of toronto,

in the country of canada, on planet earth.

happy valentine's day folks, i love y'all. thanks for reading my books. hope you find this one to suit your sense of humor.

Hilarious But Historically Inaccurate Content Warning:

Please be advised that the writing contained within the following pages of this book are the bizarre and twisted ideas and imaginative concepts of a raving madperson (the author).

This is a work of pure fiction, and the events, characters, and stories within these pages should not be considered to be historical fact in any way. Due to the misleading nature of the narrative, the deliberate bungling of Canadian history, the terrible butchery of the English language, plus the neverending barrage of terrific puns and really, really funny jokes, it should not be read by anyone with an impairment, temporary or permanent, in their sense of humor. Read this book at your own risk. By reading this book, you accept sole responsibility for being offended, or injured while laughing, or by other means. No humorless assholes were helped by writing these jokes. Stay away from people like that anyway.

Ghosts aren't real.

— Anyone with any decent sense of reasoning.

Introduction

The first time I heard of the ghosts of the CN Tower was on an episode of Unsolved Mysteries .

This program had been running for almost 20 years when this happened to me; my mother came home one night while I was watching TV alone in our basement apartment and asked if she could borrow some money. When I said no, she got angry and stormed off without saying another word. A few years later we were out walking down Yonge Street near where the old movie theatre used to be (now a condo) when my mom started talking about how much she missed her sister but not being able to see or talk to her again because they weren’t close anymore.

In a way, that reminded me so much of how common it was to hear about these famous ghosts, and the havoc that was their lives—followed by the havoc they wrought upon unsuspecting victims. I considered that it had been years and years since anyone had heard from these ghosts and their tales of woe: longer still, by decades, since they had shed their mortal coil originally, leaving our real and habitable world while fixing their non-corporeal underpinnings and complex entanglement to the tallest tower in Canada.

My mother’s words in my ear had ricocheted, like the bullets of a friend did in the very same space between my ears, at the shooting range just a week prior. When the dust settled and the dents in the inside of my skull were revealed to me, the hollowness of it all brought with it a great realization of the parallels between her story to those of these ghosts and their horrifying histories.

Ghost stories become lost, you see. And when they are lost, these stories are like children or siblings you aren’t that close with anymore. You don’t really care that they aren’t part of your life anymore, and you don’t feel any compulsion to reconnect with them.

So I guess, in fact, it’s nothing like these engrossing tales.

Not in the least, I’m afraid.

In fact, the child/sibling/ghost thing was probably no good of an analogy or simile for you anyway, dear reader, as well. This is almost certainly because you’re probably an asshole just like my aunt is, probably a super big asshole. I’m