No More Social Anxiety For Teenagers: Proven DBT Strategies to Improve Your People Skills with Witty Banter and Charismatic Charm to Become a People Magnet that Everyone is Drawn To

By Hailey Baurer and Jonathan Baurer

No More Social Anxiety for Teenagers is the ultimate guide to overcoming social anxiety and developing confidence in social situations. Authored by Hailey Baurer, a high school senior who has personally experienced social anxiety, and her dad Jonathan Baurer, a renowned life coach and best-selling author, this book offers proven DBT strategies t

• Language: English
• Publisher: Exploring Changes
• Release date: Aug 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9781958012130

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Greetings! You may have mixed emotions about picking up this book, right? On the one hand, you’re looking over your shoulder to make sure nobody sees you with it. You don’t want it showing up in your search, on your bookshelf, or to be handed to you by your parents because just looking at it feels embarrassing. On the other hand, if there are answers in this book, then you’re ready to give it a try; because, honestly, you’ll try anything if it will help you feel better.

Guess what, you’re not alone. Sometimes you feel weak, insecure, stupid, or any other negative description because of your anxiety. You might even start to believe that you are different from the other kids and are the only one feeling this way. But the truth is, if anxiety makes people different, then no one is normal. That’s right, everyone experiences anxiety, and it manifests itself in a lot of different ways.

You are surrounded by other anxious teenagers. Studies show that one in three adolescents between 13 and 18 suffer from social anxiety. Over 19 million people across America suffer from social anxiety disorder (SAD) today. So if you are sitting in a classroom with thirty students, chances are that at least ten are suffering from one of the common types of anxiety. You are unaware of your anxious peers because they are just as good at hiding their anxiety as you are.

I know about the emotions of picking up a book like this and I know you deserve to give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to read on. I know this because it’s not easy for me to talk about this subject either.

Hi, I’m Hailey Baurer (sounds like Bower or Bauer, not Eddie but Hailey). I’m a high school senior, who has dealt with social anxiety and various therapies, techniques, and strategies on a personal level throughout my teens. Last year, I was introduced to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It has turned my life around and I'm excited to share what I’ve discovered to help other teenagers!

The other author of this book is my dad, Jonathan Baurer. He is the father of two teens, a life coach, and the author of The Guide to Gratitude, Loving a Highly Sensitive Person, and Positive Parenting Solutions to Raising a Highly Sensitive Child. Together we have learned a lot about ourselves and are excited to share what we have learned and help each and every person we can to live their best life; a life without limits! A life free of social anxiety! We have been coping with, learning about, practicing, and living with social anxiety for the last 5 years.

This book is designed to help you move beyond social anxiety and into your personal comfort zone! My dad and I are excited to share what we have learned academically and from our own experiences. We hope this book answers some very important and interesting questions about anxiety for YOU!

What is the science and psychology of social anxiety?

Why do we feel intimidated or threatened when we engage with other people in our daily lives?

Where do these kinds of feelings and physical sensations originate from?

What, if any, positive or negative roles do they play in our lives?

Why are these feelings linked to awkward and sometimes even chaotic feelings and reactions?

What can you do to alleviate extremely high levels of social anxiety?

This book offers a chance to understand and discuss social anxiety casually. It draws on theory and research from various subfields within behavioral science to provide answers to those concerns. We will use social psychology to examine the situational factors that cause feelings of social anxiety, personality psychology to inform you about individual differences in social anxiety, and developmental psychology to address why some people grow up feeling socially anxious and others don’t.

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with you. However, if you find that you are uncomfortable with yourself or others in any way, remember, you have the power to change. This book aims to give you specific and powerful tools to help you manage your anxiety and give you the confidence to live the life you want to live. But before we jump into the pragmatic strategies, let’s look at what social anxiety is, how it originates, and the consequences it has in our lives.

CHAPTER 1

THE PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND SOCIAL ANXIETY

Growing up, I was outgoing and self-confident, until about the seventh grade, when I began to feel shy and self-conscious. I remember the day that one of my friends made fun of me for making a joke in front of a bunch of other kids, saying it was dumb. Looking back now, it might have been a small thing, but I really felt embarrassed and humiliated. After that incident, I reconsidered everything I said before talking out loud. Although I always had a pretty good sense of humor, I was now feeling cautious and I was holding back to avoid being made fun of, even in casual conversations with my friends. I became increasingly quiet and lagged in conversations because I had to consider everything I did and every word I said.

By the time I was in high school, my identity felt like it was being lost and I didn’t know how to just be myself. I often had the same thoughts looping through my head about what I had said or done earlier in class or in social situations. I was judging my own behaviors, and feeling bad about myself, and I kept having the same worries about what would happen the next time I was out in public again.

I had social anxiety—the dread of doing anything that would make people laugh at me or reject me. Social anxiety is the most common type of anxiety teenagers face. While there are people who feel more comfortable as introverts their whole lives, there are lots of teens, like me, who want to be more social but feel awkward and socially anxious, especially in middle and high school, and even into college. But before we analyze how my past behaviors might apply to your behavior, let’s start with the basics.

WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY?

When you're feeling shy, nervous, or anxious, it's normal to feel those butterflies in your stomach, a racing heart, and sweaty palms. But for lots of people, this anxiety and stress feel overwhelming and make these situations even scarier. So scary, in fact, that they feel very uncomfortable participating in everyday social situations.

This is often called social anxiety or social phobia. These people don’t want to feel like loners. They appreciate having friends and usually enjoy being around people. But situations like large groups or unfamiliar social circumstances can trigger anxiety so intense that they feel paralyzed. As a result, they might not want to engage in activities or experiences that they would otherwise enjoy.

Everyone is different. Some people's feelings and reactions might be much more intense than others. That’s natural, but no one wants to feel totally stuck or left out. Social anxiety is when someone's thoughts and feelings undermine their self-confidence. Although