Galatea

By Alexandra Berrocal

This book is a memoir of growing up in the LGBT community. It is also a memoir about growing up Unitarian Universalist. Parts of it also have to do with depression, bipolar, and mental illness in general. There is also nature writing in this book.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Alexandra Berrocal
• Release date: Jun 27, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088174623

Book preview

1

GALATEA

A MINI MEMOIR

INSPIRED BY THE PYGMALION EFFECT AND A TRIP TO TIJUANA

BY ALEXANDRA BERROCAL

([e-mail])

SUICIDE

I came across a website with an essay, which advocated life. The essay said that people only get one chance at life, and living is worth the risk of life backfiring on you. Which is the one sensible thing anybody ever told me about the afterlife.

The essay said my miserable feelings were not my fault, and suicide is what happens when someone’s pain outweighs their coping resources. The words gave me hope. If I could stay alive long enough to read the essay, then maybe I had a fighting chance after all. I was also advised to tell someone I trusted what was going on, and so I did. I walked into my Mom’s room.

Mom? Tears dripped down my face as I sat on my Mom’s bed.

Yes? my mother, Barbara, was ironing.

I considered suicide. I said, then cried.

Mom hugged me. Oh honey...let’s go to your choir now. Singing will help you feel better. And I'll schedule an appointment with Kristen as soon as possible. Kristen had been my therapist since early childhood, as I had been diagnosed with High Functioning Autism as a toddler. Although an offer to see a therapist and a hug might seem like a lukewarm response to someone else, her response made me feel comforted. I felt like Mom would take care of everything.

I considered homeschooling a reasonable compromise between what I wanted and what I had, so homeschooling was what I aimed for in sessions with Kristen. Specifically, I wanted her to persuade my Mom to homeschool me. Kristen wouldn’t cooperate for various reasons. I didn’t know how to make anyone take me seriously. That was the hardest part.

Death before dishonor.

***

2

BRANDON

I ultimately befriended a new lad at group named Brandon. I grew to like and admire him for being a survivor, and even developed a slight crush on him later on. Needless to say, we grew to be very good friends (he was even my date to Queer Prom the same year). Many times, I stayed up late talking to him on Facebook until one or two in the morning.

***

Once Brandon posted on his Facebook -hey, can I stay with any of you?-

I asked Mom if him staying over would be possible. She said maybe. I would have liked to have a friend staying over, personally.

I contacted him later and he said -it’s okay, my family doesn’t want me to leave. I was just having a hard time with them. But thanks anyway!-

***

Mom and I were on our way to Brandon’s house, to pick him up for Long Beach Pride.

You like him, don't you? Mom asked me.

Yes, I replied.

And you’re 100% sure he's gay? Mom said.

Yes, I answered.

Well, he seems like a wonderful person! He is, I thought. Mom paused for a moment. You know, age really doesn't matter.

***

Later, at Pride, I need a cigarette, Brandon complained. He suddenly stopped. Look at me. Brennan looked into his eyes for a few moments. Then, Brandon turned his head towards me and looked into mine.

Okay, now I feel better.

***

Brandon also had a photo of Marja holding a knife to his throat.

-hot- someone commented.

-yep...you can see I enjoy being controlled in that way- replied Brandon.

I’d be willing to try that… I thought.

-don’t worry guys, the knife is dulled- commented Marja.

***

Do you guys hang out a lot? inquired Katherine (another transwoman, and a fellow Rainbow Clubber).

Everyday, Brandon replied.

When I left, he blew me a kiss and I blew one back.

I liked him. But I liked him for his own sake, not because I thought I could make him straight, bi, or whatever.

***

Brandon's birthday. Rachel, Mom, and I headed for the train tracks.

Brandon and I were talking on the cell phone