Raising Someone Special

By TRACY FOSTER FRANCIS

Imagine everything that you thought you knew about life being challenged. You now question the best way to do things. You look at what makes things easy or difficult with a new perspective. Now imagine that the person responsible for this is your child.

Typically, that is not abnormal. We always look at things with a sense of wonder and magic when our children are small. Now consider what it would be like if this stage of life never stopped.

This book is about my experiences navigating life with my daughter starting with first discovering that she was someone special as an infant through her high school years. We faced many challenges. Some of them came from others while some challenges were self-inflicted.

When dealing with someone who perpetually sees things from a different perspective, you have to adjust your responses. What you don't realize as a parent is that others do not understand the importance of operating from that alternative perspective. You will never look at things the same again.

They have never had someone totally melt down over something that to most is seemingly simple. They do not understand that the things that most normal people value are not the same things that some with disabilities value.

It is my hope with this book that others will get a glimpse into the lives of those who are special and the people who love and care for them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9798889432111

Book preview

An Introduction to My Life

Hello and thank you for taking time out of your life to read this. I am simply a mom who has learned many life lessons through experience. I am also someone who says what she is thinking. That has at times been a bit risky; however, I believe has helped me in the long run.

This book is the result of many years of learning life lessons and sharing those life lessons with others. I have had many supportive people in my life who have encouraged me and told me that I should write a book. So here I am.

I would like to share from the beginning that there are many different labels for those with disabilities. Those have changed significantly over the years. Some of those labels were individuals with disabilities, special needs, differently abled, and handicapped.

Some of these are new, and some are old. Some used to be acceptable, and some are not as accepted now. I am using the term special in this book as she is my daughter. To me, Casey is special, just as we all are in our very own unique ways.

This book is nothing more than my journey in this big ol’ world of raising someone special, working to help her become the best that she can be. I am not sure at this point still who has learned the most on this journey, she or I.

We have journeyed from infancy to adulthood. Having raised two children before, I felt pretty well prepared initially. Note the word initially. I would soon learn how naive I really was. This journey is an evolving process. It and we are always changing.

I am by no means an expert on the subject, but I can with confidence tell you I am an expert on the subject of my child. It took me a while to recognize and accept that I was indeed an expert. Learning that you have someone special in your life is a challenge, but oh so worth it.

Casey-ism

While replacing the toilet paper roll (a shock in and of itself), Casey noticed that it smelled (the roll was scented). She immediately asked if the toilet paper would make her butt smell good!

Have Kids, They Said It Will Be Fun, They Said

I at the ripe old age of twenty had my first child, a son. I was over the moon in love with him and being a mother. Like all first-time moms, there were good days as well as bad. Learning what to do with the tiny new human was exciting as well as scary. Breastfeeding! Need I say more? How did they do this without Google? I didn’t do so well the first time but did make it three months. Unfortunately at the time, I did not have Google to rely on when I had questions. I had to do what I could with what I knew.

These little humans introduce you to all kinds of things, including bodily fluids. Initially, I thought this introduction happened through pregnancy and birthing. This process does not allow for much modesty, and—well, let’s be honest—there are a lot of fluids and other stuff going on there. You have things happening to your body that straight up make you go hmmm. This however is not what I was referring to. More fluids? Oh yes, when you are a mother one could say, But wait, there’s more!

These tiny humans are the production facility for some of the grossest, foulest, nastiest types of fluids known to man. Typically this happens at the most inopportune times when you are the least prepared. This is where you learn to laugh at yourself, improvise, and make the best of the sometimes worst situations (or at least I hope you did/do).

As he grew, we decided that having another child close in age would be a good idea. Almost two years later, we welcomed a baby girl into the family. She was sweet and quiet (for the most part) and was a welcome addition to the family. Much like all families, there were growing pains—moving to different houses, navigating jobs, and other life changes as well.

Luckily, I had already learned many new things about bodily fluids (with her brother) and what it took to be prepared for the unexpected with this new little human. This little one, however, decided to challenge the things that I thought I knew up to this point. I again was nursing and thought I had it all figured out (or at least more than I had last time). She was not gaining weight as quickly as the doctors would have liked. Of course, this made me question everything. Am I doing this right or that wrong?

Extra emphasis on the I part of that. We as parents take everything that happens to and with our children personally. Now don’t get me wrong. We are responsible for them and how they are raised. However, listen to me and listen well. We do not have control of everything. There are some things in this life we do not have control of and never will.

Now this little girl of mine and her weight gain or the lack thereof, I had no control of. I was nursing her as much as we could, and still, there was not the weight gain they would like to have seen. So there I sit trying to blame myself for not doing something right. They told me I would have to supplement the formula along with nursing. I was not a fan of that. I decided to switch her to formula. Fast forward a year down the road, and suffice it to stay, she was just a small-framed child who was petite. She fell at the bottom of the growth chart. I was quite frustrated that I was made to feel I was not doing well enough breast feeding. I immediately questioned what I was doing wrong. Why is our go-to feeling bad about ourselves, what we do, or about the choices we have made?

When the children were eight and ten, they welcomed another sibling to the family. This was like starting all over with the big kids as old as they were. I probably should have had my head examined at the time; however, I could not imagine life without this child now.

Casey completed our family. The bigger kids appeared to be happy about her arrival. We brought her home, and things fell into place, and we settled back into life as we knew it as a family with three kids.

Casey was your typical run-of-the-mill baby. She was way too cute just as the older children were. My children were the cutest kids around, right? I mean we all think that let’s all be honest.

I nursed Casey just as I had the other two. This time however I felt better about it. I was more confident. I learned being a parent is not for the faint of heart. It is also not for the timid! I did what I felt this time. I knew that my children were small-framed. They did not grow at the same rate as others.

As she grew, it further confirmed my thoughts that it takes a village to raise a child. I have subscribed to that line of thinking from the time I had my first child to this day. We are all someone’s child, and we all need help at times.

When we raise kids, we all face challenges, teething, potty training, the terrible twos, bumps, bruises, illness, and many more things as they grow. With Casey, it became apparent things would be different, and I would soon need that village.

The best part of this village theory is the fact that a village is composed of many people. You have people who move in and out of your village during your life. You also have those who are lifelong residents. Each of these villagers has things they are good at. Also equally important is they are often all good at different things.

Casey-ism

Mom, are roly-polies baby armadillos?

Two and Two Do Not Make Four

Casey was the child whom I proudly nursed the longest. I finally knew more and felt confident in what I was doing. The third