Entry Level Mom

By Bonnie Lippincott

Entry Level Mom is a book I wrote specifically about my transformation into motherhood. It is a motherhood memoir of sorts. The goal is to uplift, encourage and connect with mothers through honesty, positivity, and vulnerability.

Becoming a mother was an acutely confronting transition and transformation for me.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Books by Bonnie Lippincott
• Release date: Dec 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088281758

Book preview

Introduction

Becoming a mother was an acutely confronting transition and transformation for me. I emerged as a mother slowly and cautiously; I was so disoriented that I found myself earnestly writing out my experiences to orient myself. I would reread my words and use them as a guide, and in doing so, I felt less lost, and more found. As time went on, I devoted myself to chronicling my experience, and I wrote this. This book is my own personal, heartfelt take on the experience of becoming a mother.

In this book, I share my genuine and vulnerable tales with the promise of honesty, vulnerability, and positivity.

I’ve often heard the advice that you should write the book you need to read; that’s exactly why I took nearly seven years to write this book. I wrote down lessons, hilarious moments, triumphs, and failures. I wrote down what I thought I had figured out, only to edit and or delete a month later. Then, I sorted the stories by color, flavor and topic, and stitched them together like a patchwork quilt.

Becoming a mother is a monumental shift in every woman's life, yet the resources I could find on how to navigate this transformation are frankly scarce. As I journeyed into motherhood, I found an abundance of material on pregnancy and raising strong kids, but I found little to no dialogue on the enormous shift a woman goes through herself.

I know (and honor) that everyone's journey is unique, beautiful, and challenging in its own way. But how can we support each other if we're not willing to share our honest truths? That's why I'm sharing my own truth in this book. I'll be sharing my experiences, my feelings, my lessons, my perspective, that all led to growth. My hope is that my words will resonate and uplift.

As parents, we’ve gotta’ stick together!

Naturally, I had hoped that the words for this book would flow out of me effortlessly, but instead the words felt like water behind a dam. The dam was the shield I had built around myself, the mother I wanted people to see. But this book didn’t just happen. Books don’t write themselves. I had to bore holes slowly and painfully into the dam to let some of the words loose.

To let the words loose, I had to dig deep and confront some tough emotions before I could even write my first sentence. It wasn't easy to acknowledge these emotions at first, but now that they're out in the open, it's both nerve-wracking and exhilarating.

Becoming a mother can be a rather isolating experience at times, but I want all moms to know they’re not alone. People had always told me I’d make a great mom, and I know deep down I am, but when I finally became one, the transition was shockingly hard for me. It’s a beautiful compliment to receive, but it also raised my expectations for myself to an unrealistic level. When I inevitably fell short of my expectations, I felt guilty, and even unworthy of my kids. I would tell myself (the hurtful lie) that my kids deserved a better mother.

After bravely sharing these thoughts with a group of new moms, six weeks postpartum, I received a forceful outburst of support from a woman I was secretly intimidated by. She shouted, How could you even say that your kids deserve a better mother? You’re doing great. Her words slapped me in the face. I bashfully nodded, noting her sudden outburst was rooted in support. This highlights the importance of community, because if it weren’t for that moment, I would have continued that hurtful lie to myself much longer. I want to extend that same (gentle or sometimes forceful support) to all mothers out there. We all feel doubts and fears, but they come from a place of love and a desire to give our children the best possible life.

We’re all entry level moms, after all.

I often asked myself, Will I ever be prepared for this? But you know what I discovered? Every experience, every lesson, and all the love I have to offer is enough. It is more than enough. I made a commitment to give it my all, and let me tell you, it wasn't easy. In fact, it meant making mistakes every single hour. But here's the thing - every mistake was an opportunity to learn something new and grow alongside my kids.

The clichés are true

As a mom, I quickly realized that this was the toughest yet most fulfilling job I would ever have - a statement I had heard countless times before. But, let me tell you, all of those clichés are true, and for good reason. The days are long, but the years are flying by in a blink of an eye – an experience I never fully understood until I had children of my own. How about It's important to make time for your partner, to prioritize date nights without the little ones so that you can connect and chat about life outside of parenthood. I have found that after an evening out, just the two of us, my husband and I have a newfound appreciation for each other, and that extra butt squeeze is a sweet bonus. As much as we cherish these moments, we know all too well that babies don't keep. At times, I remember feeling like my son grew up overnight - every time he woke up from a nap, it seemed like he had gotten bigger. But even in those early days, I was keenly aware that I would miss these moments and wish for more time, just like every grandparent says. And that, my friends, is the honest truth.

Motherhood is an incredible journey that takes us on a transformative path, shedding our old selves, desires, values, and old habits. For me, this led to immense personal growth. I felt like a snake shedding its skin, and I’d look behind me and see my old habits that were left behind. There is no guidebook to this adventure, no map, and it's easy to feel like we're lost in the woods. But as we embrace our new role, we start to morph into something beautiful, like a caterpillar cocooning and becoming a butterfly. (Don’t forget a caterpillar is straight up goo while it’s cocooning!) We still have the same DNA as before, but now we have the capacity to love and care for another being in addition to ourselves. (And if you're like me, you might secretly wish you could fly too!)

As mothers, we are constantly evolving and growing alongside our children. And just like a quilt, different threads make up the patchwork of our transformation through our lessons.

I love the way poet Rupi Kaur puts it in her book, Home Body: I will never have this version of me again, let me slow down and be with her. Always evolving. This sentiment perfectly encapsulates the essence of motherhood-a journey of growth and transformation filled with challenges, but ultimately, deeply rewarding.

Lastly, this book is like a patchwork quilt, woven together with the colorful scraps of my post-it note musings. The stitching is made of positivity, honesty, and encouragement - the very same values that have guided me on my journey through motherhood. My hope is that this book-quilt will wrap around you like a warm, comforting hug from one entry level mom to another, lifting you up and reminding you that we’re all in this together.

Writing this was a blast, and I can't wait for you to read it.

1

Pregnancy and Holy Moly Hormones

When I announced my pregnancy, a colleague and father of three said something that has stuck with me: The best thing just happened to you, and you don't know it yet. This comment was not only true but also incredibly supportive. It's interesting to contrast it with the less supportive remark he could have made, such as well, you better sleep now.

Meeting the father of my children

When my husband and I first crossed paths in college meeting him felt as if a bolt of lightning struck my heart. As I took my seat in Chemistry class, our eyes met, and I felt an electric jolt on the left side of my chest. Initially, I convinced myself he was out of my league, but as it turned out, my hot lab study partner was more than just a pretty face. We had an undeniable chemistry! After nearly seven years of dating, including a long-distance relationship, we tied the knot, bought a home, and settled in the perfect place to start a family. When the time finally came for children, I once again felt that familiar jolt in my heart, only this time it was the thrilling realization that I was pregnant.

Finding out I was pregnant

During my first pregnancy, I took six pregnancy tests just to confirm that it wasn't some fluke. I promise you, I’m not naive or a dumdum, I just loved seeing those two lines! My husband and I were actively trying to conceive, but the reality of it hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw those two lines. I couldn't believe it was actually happening! I kept thinking ‘this just couldn’t be!’

I was overwhelmed with gratitude and fear. I promise not to be too cheesy throughout this book, but the thought of being chosen to be a mother was something that made me feel incredibly special.

I thought to myself, I can hardly keep up with simple tasks like getting my car's oil changed or giving my dogs enough exercise. How on earth can I handle the responsibility of raising a child? Poor baby... no, lucky baby. I refused to succumb to my instant negative self-talk and instead, practiced challenging it head-on.

However, I couldn't help but mourn my selfish pre-mother life. The long naps, the impulsive trips, and the binge-watching TV shows were now a thinking of the past. I dramatically thought to myself, So long, brunch! The emotions were a whirlwind to say the least.

Left: Text messages with a friend. Right: six pregnancy tests and note to my husband for when he returned from work (along with a onesie I had purchased!)

When I saw the two pink lines and finally believed them, my thoughts immediately turned to my late grandmother for two reasons:

First, my grandmother and I were kindred spirits, and I wanted to share this joy with her. She had been an incredible mother to my dad and uncle, a wonderful mother-in-law to my mom (who always said she hit the jackpot with her MIL), and a dedicated grandmother to myself and my sisters.

The second reason was because when I was younger, my grandmother and I had talked at length about how she adopted my dad and uncle. She shared her adoption experience with me and told me that when she held my dad the first time, she just knew that they belonged together, and that she was his mother. I realized what a precious gift it was to have that same feeling of connection with my baby for an extra nine months in my womb. Her story helped me cherish my pregnancy in a deep and meaningful way.

For me, it was crucial to not focus too much on the uncomfortable physical symptoms during pregnancy. In fact, initially, I barely included uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms in this chapter in my draft. Throughout both of my pregnancies, I was in awe and deeply grateful that my conception experience was simple and easy. However, I know that for other moms, conceiving can be emotionally challenging, traumatizing and even triggering. My heart goes out to those who have had trouble conceiving, and please know that I fully recognize how lucky I am. I owe this perspective to my late grandmother, who taught me the value of gratitude as it relates to conceiving.

My grandmother passed away when I was 22, just as I was starting my career. I think of her every day, and when I became pregnant, I wanted to share the joy of it with her, so I did. I talked to her as if she were right beside me, and I truly believe that she was. I felt her presence in the delivery room, and even more so after becoming a mother. I’ll touch more on this connection later.

And let's be real, one of the best parts of being pregnant is announcing it to loved ones! It's a feeling that's hard to beat, and I absolutely loved sharing the news with both my parents and my husband's parents. Their joy in response to the news felt divine!

Bringing a new life into the world is a joyous occasion that brings happiness to everyone around. It's an investment in the future, and people are thrilled to see a new baby coming. Let's be honest, babies are cute, and pregnant women are fun to look at, especially with their adorable bellies. I felt happy and jolly as my bump grew and my number of chins increased.

When I first told my parents about my pregnancy, we were at a family friend's (amazing) sports bar. My sisters and mom immediately started crying, and my dad nodded but wanted to continue talking about his patent. We were all in a bit of shock, and it was hard to discuss the news. As time went on, my dad and I talked more and more, but it took some time for him to adjust to the idea. I giggle when I remember the almost uncomfortable feeling around the news. The gig was up dad, your daughter undeniably had had S-E-X.

When we told my husband's parents over the phone, the reaction was more celebratory and less shock. I suspect they expected this news, though, when we asked to speak to them on the phone all four of us together. I remember my father-in-law yelling WOOHOO! and my mother-in-law crying tears of joy. It was beautiful to share this special moment with them.

Boy, was I proud of my bump! I took monthly bump photos to document the pregnancy. I even kept a pregnancy journal to track my cravings, which I have since shared with other new mothers. A friend recommended an app that told me the baby's daily fruit size equivalent, and I paid extra attention to fruits while grocery shopping thanks to this app!

The app print screen that showed the size of the baby, what's a muskmelon? (Spoiler alert, it’s a cantaloup)

Experiencing the first kick of my baby was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I remember feeling my son's first kick after enjoying some spicy Indian food (poor guy), and my daughter's first kick while swimming laps. At first, it's just a little flicker, but it grows in intensity as your baby grows. Sharing this experience with family is incredibly enjoyable as well. My husband was amazed when he felt the kick later on in the pregnancy, and nearly fell out of his chair in awe! As you get closer to delivery and catch glimpses of the baby's feet or elbows moving around through the skin, it felt quite surreal, and foreign or almost alien-like. As time went on, I felt like a mother kangaroo with my little baby kangaroo (joey) just chillin'. The baby’s independent movements served as a beautiful reminder of the incredible journey of pregnancy and the miracle of life.

My superpower

During my pregnancy, my husband helped me edit this book and encouraged me to share my superpower. And what was my superpower, you might wonder?

Well, it was my ninja-like ability to catch anything thrown at me. It all started with a water bottle toss across the room, which I caught effortlessly with one hand. This may not seem like a big deal to most people, but I have never been known for my hand-eye coordination (which is why swimming was the only sport in which I excelled). As my husband tossed harder and harder throws at me, and sometimes even when I wasn't paying attention, I would still manage to catch them with ease. It was a fun and unexpected instinctual talent that I discovered during my pregnancy.

Emotions and Exercise

My husband wanted me to share that I cried every single day during my pregnancy. While it may not be surprising to those who know me, I want to give the full picture. A touching commercial caused me to weep. Remembering a happy moment? Puddle of tears. A kind thoughtful card? Sobbing.

One thing I highly recommend for pregnant women is exercise. I walked a lot to stay in shape, which also helped prepare me for delivery. In addition, a dear friend gave me a pregnancy massage, which was fantastic for relieving aches and pains, especially after reaching 32 weeks pregnant. I even had the opportunity to experience a 4-handed massage, which was amazing! (And no I wasn't abducted by aliens).

A massage instructor who taught prenatal yoga offered free massages from students to practice, and I had two masseuses working on me at once!

Waiting from the time of the first two pink lines at 5-6 weeks to the first ultrasound at 10 weeks felt like an eternity. As I had not yet established care with a local OBGYN, I called around and found out I had to wait over a month for an ultrasound. Until then, I wanted to get started on pregnancy activities. I joined a yoga class for pregnant women. Attending prenatal yoga throughout my first pregnancy was a sacred experience for me. I soaked in all the wisdom shared by mothers-to-be who were further along in their pregnancy. Their words were like valuable golden treasure.

In truth, the words of these new mothers were a treasure. They helped me visualize the road ahead and reminded me of the importance of community when entering new chapters of life. Woman after woman shared how their expectations were inevitably different than reality. I also have fond memories of the prenatal yoga instructor. I thought she was cool, radiant, kind, smart, and beautiful inside and out. Her calm confidence drew people in, and her warm voice was soothing during the poses. I even remember some of the cute outfits she used to wear, as she was pregnant too, and I was scoping out clothing options.

As I sat in the prenatal yoga class, I couldn't help but notice the cool instructor's shirt that read I’m so pregnant on four different lines. It looked like this:

‘I’M

SO PREG

NANT"

It’s funny what you remember, but I recall walking up to her after class to compliment her on her shirt. It helped me understand how clothing can be a bridge to conversation, at times. We had a lovely brief conversation about the t-shirt and went about our days.  Despite feeling an instant desire to be her friend, I felt like breaching the social contract between a yoga instructor and a mere student was unacceptable. I was surprised to realize that I had imposter syndrome, especially since I am naturally outgoing. It wasn't until a fellow mom hosted a get-together after our babies were born that we became close friends and started sharing our birth stories. Our bond grew stronger, and we became dear friends.

Those prenatal yoga classes were a lifesaver. The positions we learned in class helped alleviate my back soreness, ligament, and hip pain. I loved the sparkling energy in the room as we went around the circle sharing our pregnancy weeks and how we were feeling about everything. I enjoyed the open format, since everyone was usually buzzing with excitement. It was a fellow yoga student who suggested a natural-friendly OBGYN, who ultimately became my choice for an OBGYN.

During the yoga class, we had discussions about the benefits of an epidural versus a natural birth. Before taking the class, I had no strong preference either way, but the group discussions taught me the benefits of not having an epidural. I know the topic of medicated versus unmedicated birth can be controversial, but my family friend, who is a labor and delivery nurse, suggested that actually getting an epidural is the best option, since in her experience it can speed up labor since the mother can relax. I’ve also heard the opposite. I'll dive more into that later, but wanted to share how this class opened up discussions about delivery so I could prepare.

Initially I had a slight negative perception of male OBYGNs, likening them to mechanics who didn't own a car. However, my opinion has since changed!

OBGYN #1: The mechanic who owned a car

When I scheduled my first ultrasound appointment, I was pacing the kitchen on my cell phone. I naively thought they’d see me the next day. I felt anxious to see the baby and hear the heartbeat. After some quick calculations on the phone, we determined that I was around five weeks along, based on my last period and an early pregnancy test. I stared at the microwave, noticing my reflection in the glass when I learned I had to wait another five weeks before I could see a doctor. (Unless I started experiencing spotting). The wait felt like