Nourishing Routes

By Marissa Pendlebury

Marissa Pendlebury is on a passionately driven mission to empower and inspire us to grow her growing tribe of Compassioneers: individuals who are able to love themselves from the inside out while living compassionately and developing life-long positive relationships with food, mind and body.
As a teenager, Marissa battled anorexia and depression. She felt overwhelmed by having to please others, exhausted by striving to meet society's expectations. Her own courageous recovery, accompanied by years of research into psychology and nutrition, made her realise that achieving health and happiness is not about losing weight, following fad diets and rigid fitness regimes, or obsessing about calories, superfoods and clean-eating plans.
The key is learning to love yourself first and allowing the rest to follow.
Nourishing Routes is the culmination of Marissa's journey of self-discovery; a unique food, philosophy and lifestyle guide designed to support optimal wellbeing and personal growth. Marissa reveals, step by step, how she discovered the art of self-love, and taught herself to love food, adore her body and become her authentic self. Let Nourishing Routes put your amazing life back on the menu so that you can nourish, flourish and thrive by loving yourself from the inside out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Clink Street Publishing
• Release date: Jan 17, 2017
• ISBN: 9781911525028

Book preview

PART 1:

A Compassionate Road to Authentic Happiness and Health

More to Happiness and Wellbeing than Food, Weight and Exercise

As we begin our journey to living more compassionately, you may already be starting to understand that there is perhaps much, much more to our wellbeing than just what we eat, weigh and how much we exercise. Yet the fact remains that we live in a culture where there is an assumption that the weight, shape and fat percentage of our bodies, how much we exercise as well as the nutrients and Calories we consume are key indicators of health. Not only that, but we live in a time where we are morally judged on being able to successfully, or unsuccessfully, embark on a journey of self-improvement, This journey usually involves moulding ourselves into something that is expected or idolised according to society’s or someone else’s standards. In other words, we live in a world of ‘healthism’, where our bodies and food intake have been subjected to the following:

 Increased surveillance by the media, medical professionals, workplaces and even family and friends. These communities now often have rights to assess our physical measurements, food intake and nutrient profile too

 Pressure from profit making companies to ensure that we buy into the latest weight loss, fitness or healthy eating products

 Advances in profit making technologies that have been designed to help monitor and control what we eat, weigh and look like

 Undermining messages from magazines, TV shows, social media and public health campaigns that make it acceptable and morally obligatory to eat less food, lose weight and exercise more in order to be perceived as a worthy citizen who takes care to reduce costs in health care for the rest of the community

For a long time, individuals who have gone against the ‘healthism’ culture have been shunned, negatively judged, stigmatised and outcasted – not exactly helpful in terms of promoting happiness and health. However, even though we still live in a world where ‘healthism’ strongly prevails, times are rapidly changing…

It is no longer appropriate to view food, weight and exercise as the main pathways to health – which is ultimately being able to live a life where you are able to experience optimal physical, psychological and social wellbeing. In addition, the famous saying that ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ is increasingly leaving a bitter aftertaste in people’s mouths. It definitely does in mine!

When we come into contact with messages about ‘improving’ what we eat, weigh and how we exercise, there is an assumption that simply coming into contact with these messages will make us instantly spring into action in terms of ‘achieving’ weight loss, eating a ‘cleaner’ whole food diet, or improving our physical fitness in order to obtain a ‘perfect’ physique. In reality, behaviour change is a much more complex process than this, and messages that do have such a focus often have the very opposite impact to their intentions. Many such messages also make us feel unworthy of love and lacking in confidence or the right quality of motivation to take suitable action that really will lead to positive changes in terms of our happiness and health.

I don’t disagree with the common saying that ‘health is your wealth’. After all, wealthier individuals, in terms of finances and personal resources, do tend to be in better conditions of physical and mental health with a longer life expectancy. However, what I do disagree with about the ‘health is your wealth’ mantra is that, more often than not, it is associated with changing our food intake and exercise at a substantial cost (expensive superfoods and running away on a treadmill without enjoyment spring to mind) or some form of negative experience. There are so many magazines that portray individuals eating fruits and vegetables, promoting rigid diet plans and detoxing, or exercising with a big smile on their face, usually along with a slim waist and a before and after picture with one looking notably sadder than the other.

As we will soon discuss in more detail, food, weight and exercise are not the only or main pathways to wellbeing. Even commonly used indicators of health, such as an individual’s body weight, body mass index (BMI) or waist circumference are now being viewed much more critically in terms of how accurate and reliable they are at gauging our current or future state of health and, just as importantly, our happiness, and overall life satisfaction.

At one end of the health spectrum, we are bombarded by messages through various forms of media, suggesting to us that we are not a ‘good enough’ or worthwhile person just as we are. The answer they give us to our apparent inadequacies involves being pushed to get off our ‘lazy bottoms’ and undertake some (usually expensive) form of self-improvement. This might be related to changing our diet and exercise routine, or perhaps even buying into a certain type of beauty product, superfood, weight loss aid, medication or even surgery.

Although many of us would like to think that the routes to wellbeing were as simple as eating ‘clean’, exercising more, or buying the most scientifically advanced beauty product, I can tell you right now that there is so much more to health and happiness than this. It may have taken me too many years of my own life to realise this, but it is a realisation that I have used to propel my passion for Nourishing Routes and helping others to realise it too.

So what is the problem, if any, with focussing on diet and exercise as key route to health? Surely this can’t be a wrong idea as a large majority of the population – especially those who are already health conscious – place a great weight on how much and what they eat, as well how they carry out physical activity?

Part of the answer lies in how this simplified focus can lead us away from being self-compassionate and taking time to share with others and express our natural creativity. Instead, such a focus frequently leads towards a life filled with obsessions around food, exercise and appearance as a way of externally seeking self-worth. Sometimes this can happen in a disordered way, while allowing less attention to be placed on other huge, and I do mean huge, determinants of wellbeing.

Some of these mighty determinants include:

 Feeling socially connected and part of a community

 Experiencing deprivation or inequality

 Encountering discrimination

 Feeling stressed

 Having a sense of meaning and purpose

 Having opportunities to be creative

 Spending moments being in the present moment and accepting what ‘is’ without negative judgement

 Feeling connected with nature and being grateful for what we already have

 How much kindness we show ourselves and other beings

You could also add in how an individual’s wellbeing is largely influenced by a mix of their genetic makeup and environmental circumstances that are beyond their personal control.

The fact of the matter is that the elements that make up health are widely diverse, and although they do partly involve exercise and nutrition, this is by no means the whole story. Nevertheless, this doesn’t stop how flicking open near enough any health-orientated magazine, book, journal or news article usually involves becoming intrusively faced with written, spoken or visual messages that incessantly sing about the benefits of eating certain types of foods, purchasing the next new ‘superfood’ or carrying out a specific form of exercise. Many messages that we read, even within the same day or media source, can even often conflict with one another, leaving us feeling more and more confused so that eventually we become a bit like a rabbit stuck in the headlights, not knowing what messages to believe, trust or take action on.

I am not discrediting that food and fitness are important, especially as both have contributed to my own recovery and wellbeing. But – and a big but – I do believe that our focus is very much unbalanced when it comes to food and exercise. Take the diet and fitness industry as a prime example. Despite these companies heavily investing in marketing, manipulating customers and promoting services that apparently aid weight loss or build muscle mass, most individuals who actually invest in them end up experiencing no benefits at all. Some individuals even experience the very opposite of what they were promised, whether that involves weight gain, unhealthy weight loss or poorer health in the long run. Even well-known diet companies have openly said that individuals who follow their programmes can expect a 5% weight loss, even when most individuals who do invest in their services aim to lose much, much more. Is this something that should be supported by a society who really wants to promote happiness and wellbeing among all of its community?

A key message here is that the diet and fitness industry are out there to make a profit – not promote health. If their concepts didn’t fail for individuals buying into them, then they wouldn’t have a valid business model. Full stop. This might be a completely acceptable goal for companies involved in this model, but is it really acceptable for us to let our society get caught up in it to the point where our own sense of self-worth becomes based on what and how much we eat, weigh, exercise and look like?

Even companies that don’t necessarily promote changes in weight or muscle still promote the idea that there is some form of ‘perfect’ eating out there that can magic away life’s problems or any chances of future illness. For the individuals who buy into that idea, the concept of healthy or ‘clean’ eating can quickly become a way of gaining control. However, rather than improving wellness, a person is encouraged to venture along a pathway that very much spirals out of control, usually into the depths of disordered eating patterns where a person’s daily routines and sense of self-worth become caught up in a web of restriction. This often comes at the expense of not being able to invest time and energy into many other important elements of health and happiness.

Instead of getting caught up in the latest vitamin or ‘superfood’ we should be consuming enough of, or pursuing the latest exercise trend that will apparently extend our lifespan, it crucial to view the much bigger picture of wellness by asking ourselves:

 Do most of the individuals I interact with accept me for who I am, and are they supportive of my beliefs or hold similar values to me?

 Do I carry out creative activities that are feel freeing, enjoyable and fun?

 Am I currently on a journey that will allow me to reach my full potential in both mind and body?

 Does part of my life involve having opportunities to help others or give back to the community?

 Do I have enough financial and social resources to feel as though my basic needs are being met?

 In my work and personal life, do I feel like I have a choice over the type of activities I engage in and how I do them (e.g. rather than feeling controlled by others)?

 Do I regularly venture into or get to see natural green spaces and places of natural beauty?

 Does my current lifestyle enable me to ‘take a step back’ and see the amazing things in my life that I already have?

 Am I able to genuinely be kind and loving towards myself without being critical and feeling ‘not good enough’ or having low self-worth?

 Do I view my health and wellbeing as being based on many more things other than what I eat, how much I weigh, or the amount and type of exercise I carry out?

 If you feel that you have never or very rarely asked yourself the above questions, then you are not alone. There are many individuals spending hours planning exactly what they are going to eat, counting Calories, exercising excessively and going to various extreme efforts to lose weight or ‘eat clean’ with only perfectionist standards to live up to.

Instead of viewing meal times as an opportunity to enjoy and spend time with the people we love, there are individuals who would rather stay at home to eat a lonely meal that meets their Calorie quota – even when it does not bring them any pleasure or opportunities for social interaction.

Ultimately, although there are many benefits from eating a nourishing diet and engaging in regular physical activity, individuals who base their lives around self-restricting activities with little room for self-exploration and life fulfilment are likely to be trekking down the wrong path. This unfortunately leads them to significantly lose out on developing and enjoying many other vital elements of health and wellbeing.

But what really does matter for our happiness and wellbeing?

As research in the field of psychology and nutrition are increasingly showing, it is possible that the benefits of being able to love ourselves, have positive connections with others and have both creative and meaningful activities in our life are worth so much more in the health equation than any vitality boosting vitamin or ‘superfood’. This book also highlight findings, and places a large emphasis on the relationships we have with ourselves, what we eat and who we share the planet with – not just diet and exercise alone.

As yet though, the health and fitness industry don’t seem to think this way or promote a more holistic perspective of wellness – at least not yet, anyway. If they did, there would be huge losses to be made in terms of financial profit. A potential consumer who is already content with loving who they are while finding other routes to wellbeing other than food and fitness aren’t exactly an ideal target for selling the latest self-improvement product or program…

If we are to go about authentically promoting health and wellbeing, then I wholeheartedly believe in and recommend the idea of starting to take notice of the other vital elements that promote longevity, happiness and a good quality of life – especially when it involves leading a more compassionate lifestyle.

In practice this means helping individuals to reduce the proportion of importance they place on nutrition and exercise and redirecting our attention onto appreciating what we already have, loving ourselves as we are, engaging in creative and meaningful pursuits, making positive social connections and helping others and the planet to flourish and thrive.

There are vast amounts of research evidence that focussing on these elements of wellness has positive implications for the way we nourish our bodies and the way we move. In other words, nurturing the many holistic elements of our wellbeing can improve the mindset we have around optimally nourishing and energising ourselves.

For example, individuals who have a more socially connected life with a positive relationship with food and themselves, tend to describe feeling happier with their lives. Perhaps unsurprisingly, they also tend to be at a reduced risk of anxiety, depression and disorders related to eating, exercise and body image (e.g. anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge eating, body dysmorphia, exercise addiction etc.). The reason for this partly lies viewing health in a flexible and balanced way rather than black or white terms.

Of course I am not saying to throw the idea of healthy living by utilising food and exercise out of the window. This really would be throwing the baby out with the bathwater, as there is much evidence to support their importance. Also, what we eat and the way we exercise feeds into the way we socialise and our ability to live compassionately (e.g. through ethical dietary choices), so there really is a complex maze to venture through when thinking about how the elements to happiness and health dynamically function across our lives.

With the unique direction of Nourishing Routes, though, I would like to highlight that food and exercise are only a couple of elements that contribute to the much bigger picture of wellness, which does not simply manifest in an input equals output model. Instead, I am strongly suggesting that we can come to feel OK, supportive and even enthusiastic about the idea of not trying to aim for a perfect diet, exercise, weight or personal image related goal. Alternatively, what we really need to do is place an equal if not greater amount of importance on the compassionate relationship we can develop with ourselves, others and the planet while considering many other elements of wellbeing. Ultimately, by allowing compassion to be at the heart of our lives, as we were all designed to do, then I truly believe that this is the key to finding our own inner compass that will direct us towards the real routes to health and happiness.

The 10 Key Elements of Nourishing Routes

With the philosophy of Nourishing Routes, it is my mission and passion to empower you to experience a greater sense of compassion, and also to reach your full potential.

As we have recently described, Nourishing Routes is based on 10 key elements that are the keys to happiness and wellbeing. Each of the 10 elements is, as I have also experienced myself, interconnected with the others, and together, they fuel our ability to become empowered and the amazing people we were born to be. What’s even better is that none of the 10 elements involve food restriction, weight monitoring, or rigid exercise regimens!

Below is a brief outline and description of the 10 elements that make up our Nourishing Routes. These elements are all strongly evidence based, and although I won’t be discussing all of them individually (as that might require me to write an additional 1000 pages with lots of references), they will all be interwoven between most sections of this book in a way where they can be understood in real life terms with personal examples and practical applications. A key theme running throughout the 10 key elements is about compassionate living, which is a topic we will delve into throughout the rest of this book.

1) Compassion for the Self and Others

The first steps towards reaching your full potential comes from being kind and loving to ourselves without negative judgement and self-comparison. Compassion is also the key foundation that each other element of Nourishing Routes is based on, as without compassion we become really limited in terms of our self-development.

By becoming more self-compassionate, we can accept ourselves as beautiful unique creatures who also have the capacity to be kind and compassionate to others – both in human and non-human form, as well as the environment.

This may involve taking time away from work and other people’s expectations to nurture yourself, as well as eating and exercising in a way that fills you with joy.

Being self-compassionate can also help us to become more open to new ideas and ways of