From Abandonment To Acceptance: A Celebration of New Beginnings

By David Briggs

It is said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The journey to restoration and wholeness is often far longer and more traumatic, with numerous twists and turns along the way. D. S. Briggs details the journey of his life dealing with abandonment and rejection as a child while att

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Shawn Briggs
• Release date: Apr 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9781088111260

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Introduction

T

he biggest question to ask at the onset is, why?

Broken relationships and relationships not put together are commonplace in society. So much so, that at the time of this writing majority of children and young adults have experienced it. It seems the church has more marriages of convenience than happy, productive, whole godly relationships built on the solid rock of Christ Jesus.

So, why speak?

This is probably my greatest current level of attack from those with any knowledge of my story. I am being told that it is uncouth to speak ill of the deceased. After all, their works and sins do follow them. It is dishonorable to openly discuss the failures of the elders no matter how they negatively impacted or traumatized you. That’s your fault, not theirs. Certainly, by now as an adult these things should no longer be on your mind. Why can’t you move on and let it go? It is messy. Just leave it alone. Have something to tell the Lord when you die. If God truly is for you, He is more than the world be against you and that includes your parents’ absence, abuse, and abandonment.

Reasons like these have been the justification given by many to get many of us born into similar situations to bury the intense pain we feel. It doesn’t matter how it made you feel or still makes you feel; no counseling, no therapy, no venting to the winds. Just bury it in an unmarked grave. For those of us with a religious or spiritual background, the burden is even heavier. We have the constant feeling that by speaking about this, we run the risk of somehow displeasing God, dishonoring parents that did not care about us or know how to deal with us, ruining lives, and even in some cases fighting against God’s plan for our lives.

This is a pain I have personally experienced. Yet what troubles me more is the number of people dealing with the same thing everywhere I go. In every church that I pastored, in every community that I have lived, the same stories exist. The stories may be slightly different and for some, the outcomes and pains are far greater than mine will ever be. But the root issues are exactly the same; shame, selfishness, stupidity, sin.

To those adults who may be living this scenario with their children, stop forcing your children and grandchildren to bear a burden that you refuse to deal with. This generational curse did not come from the devil, is not a thorn in your side or a cross that must be born, but from refusal to man up. That is deflection of the issue instead of dealing with it. It is unfair and downright selfish to force a child - any child regardless of age to lie to cover up for others’ mess, sins, indiscretions, mistakes, habits, etc. You did your dirt and many times you were happy doing it. But to make them lie so you don't have to deal with the fallout, forces them to live lives of confusion, shame, regret, and double standards. Why? Because telling them and raising them to tell the truth - except that one really big thing- because it is too painful, too personal, too embarrassing, it will hurt too many people. Every day of their life they live a lie that you created. Let me tell you there are grown folks in every age range that still have not been able to deal with the duplicity.

I will be brutally honest. We can be so spiritually stuck up and stupid that we prefer to keep people in bondage because their freedom affects our freedom. Sometimes the truth is unavoidably messy. It hurts those that have been forced to bury it more than those that seek to keep it from seeing the light of day. It hurts and it contorts those who prefer alternative stories. It causes those that have intentionally avoided dealing with the truth much consternation. Those that were completely unaware are interrupted in their life journey by such revelations are forced to think differently. I agree fully with Mitch Albom when he wrote in his book Just One More Day that a funeral is no place for secrets. I can also say from experience that after the funeral it is even worse. How can we claim to be transparent and open with everyone in the church world, yet all you tell your child are lies? You allow them to deal with the shame you are not man or woman enough to own up to with your super saved and holy self?

From Abandonment to Acceptance is not an expose book. It is not to shame or hurt anyone. While it deals with the difficulties of growing up as the abandoned son of an extremely popular and powerful preacher, the transition to forgiveness and an eventual relationship with him, I intentionally choose not to name him nor my siblings by name. In that I discern there is no profit. I don’t seek for anyone to rewrite their opinions of him. Rather it is to help those that have gone through or who are going through similar situations.

I have found out that what I went through is more commonplace in the life of the church than I previously believed. The cover up of sexual sins and immorality in the house of God has turned so many away from the faith and in some cases far worse. Many are children born out of wedlock to church leaders and officials who are then shamed into silence for fear of destroying the adults’ careers. Children should not ever be made to bear the burden of adult decisions. It is completely unfair to the child. Of that we cannot equivocate.

There is good news in learning that there is a process to transition from abandonment to acceptance. It is not in denying the truth or hiding it but facing it squarely with the power of God in your life to bring you to an accepted place.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

If we believe that God is the giver of life, and that we are His handiwork, then ultimately there is a purpose beyond the pain. The purpose was not pain, but what can grow beyond it. "Ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." (Genesis 50:20) Yes, the pain may exist. To deny it or cover it up is to lie to oneself. Yes, it will be twisted by the adversary to keep you from discovering or fulfilling your destiny. The remembrance of events and situations are meant to discourage and defeat you before you fulfil your purpose. Yet I believe the word of God is clear that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) It wasn’t good that it happened, but God can show through you the good that can come from it. That it did not stop you. That it may have delayed your arrival, but you still arrived at the appointed place and time. That you lived through it all confounding all those who said you would not make it. That you can lift your voice and tell your own story through the hardest parts of your life to inspire others to not give in or give up to what they feel.

The Genesis

I saw my father three times physically in this life. Each moment that I saw him coincided with an event or events that have far more spiritual and personal significance to me than it ever did for him. Each moment marked a transition in our relationship with each other. I hoped to see him at least one more time. But it was not to be.

~1~

Abandonment

E

motional abandonment is a subjective emotional state in which people feel undesired, left behind, insecure, or discarded. People experiencing emotional abandonment may feel at a loss. They may feel like they have been cut off from a crucial source of sustenance or feel withdrawn, either suddenly or through a process of erosion. Emotional abandonment can manifest through loss or separation from a loved one.

Feeling rejected, which is a significant component of emotional abandonment which has a biological impact in that it activates the physical pain centers of the brain and can leave an emotional imprint in the brain's warning system." ¹

"The causes of a fear of abandonment are complex. For some people, a clear life event triggered the fear. For others, it may be a combination of factors. Some examples include:²

Abandonment: Adults sometimes fear abandonment because they experienced it as children. This may have