Goddesses Stay Sexy

By Yvonne Aileen

Have you ever noticed how some women always seem to attract the BEST MEN?

It's often not even a matter of looks, as you've probably noticed! So, why are some women over 50 so self-assured, so confident in their ability to attract, seduce, and keep a man while others struggle? Can it be that they know something the rest of us don't? Maybe even something as basic as how and where women meet men over 50?

Based on more than 100 interviews, workshops, articles, documentaries, and books, Goddesses Stay Sexy presents the latest research on how to meet someone over 50, how to flirt confidently, how to win at dating, how to create rock-solid relationships, and how to exude sexual confidence. It includes frank discussions with dozens of passionate women in their "third trimester" of life, women who have, as one Goddess put it, learned to grab life by the avocados and make guacamole.

 

It's not too late for you to make it an extraordinary life, one filled with all the love, passion, and adventure you deserve.

 

Learn the secrets for staying sexy no matter your age.

• How to to put prior relationships in the past with gratitude
• How to build body confidence
• How to make online dating manageable and fun
• Where to meet men after 50 in real life
• How to deepen, spice up, and solidify an existing relationship
• Finding a new partner after 50 (and how to keep that relationship strong and sexy)
• Flirting tips that never fail
• The sexiest kiss you've probably never tried

Too often, women feel invisible, even asexual as they age, but know this: Our sexual power only increases as we age. Learning to harness that power is the path of the Goddess. Research shows that women can have the best sex of their lives at 50, 60, 70, 80, and beyond. Redefining sex on our terms is the answer.

Rock the rest of your life (and maybe the headboard, too). Claim your power.
160 pages

• Language: English
• Publisher: Yvonne Aileen
• Release date: Mar 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215758458

Book preview

GODDESSES STAY SEXY

The Girlfriends' Guide to Dating, Relationships, and Sex After 50

Yvonne Aileen

image-placeholder

800 Muses Publishing

Copyright © 2023 by Yvonne Aileen

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, write to the publisher, subject line: Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

[e-mail] www.800Muses.com

Ordering Information:

Quantity sales. Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, and others. For details, contact the Special Sales Department at the address above.

Goddesses Stay Sexy The Girlfriends’ Guide to Dating, Relationships, and Sex After 50 / Yvonne Aileen. —1st ed.

ISBN: 978-1-7369105-5-9

Goddesses Stay Sexy

The Path of the Goddess

Introduction

1. The Dating Goddess

Dating: Are You Ready?

Owning the Dating Game

Dating In Real Life: Where the Men Are

Finding a New Partner After 50

Flirting 101

Putting Your Best (Online) Profile Forward

That First Date

2. The Goddess in a Relationship

The Most Important Relationship

Learning from the Past

Moving Forward

Look Out for Ethel

The New Relationship

Goddesses Don’t Slobber

Goddesses Keep Love Alive

Goddesses Fight Fair

When It’s Time To Go

3. The Sexy Goddess

Reclaiming Your Sexual Power

Sex … At Any Age?

Body Positivity

The Big O

Getting Your Sexy On

Sex in a Long-Term Relationship

The Sexiest Kiss

Benefits of Sex as We Age

A Goddess in Love

Goddess Resources

Other Goddess Books

How to Review this Book

The Path of the Goddess

Our sexuality is our birthright,

a source of power that only increases as we age.

Learning to harness that power

is the path of the Goddess.

Introduction

Don’t buy into the myth that you lose your sexuality as you get older. I can tell you it just gets better. Don’t think that after sixty-five you should dress and behave in a more sedate manner. That is B.S. ~ Florence Henderson, actress

image-placeholder

Women don’t stop wanting romance once they reach a certain age (whatever age a certain age is, it’s certain to be much older than we thought it was when we were younger). And if there’s one advantage to having more candles on our birthday cakes, it’s the hard-won experience and wisdom we’ve picked up along the way about ourselves and about The Other. Still, at times men seem nearly unfathomable. There are days when I’m sure we all envy our lesbian friends. John Gray called men Martians and if the antennae fit … Let’s just say that I doubt there’s a woman alive who can’t think of a man she’d like to send to a distant planet.

This book is divided into three sections. In the first section, The Dating Goddess, we’ll check in on what dating looks like these days. If it’s been a while since you’ve been in the dating world, you may feel a bit like Tom Hanks’ character, Sam, in Sleepless in Seattle where his friend tells him that things have changed since he’s been in the dating world. For starters, tiramisu. Sam: Great. Some woman is going to want me to do that to her and I don’t even know what it is.

Yes, things have changed, but some of them—like that coffee-flavored Italian dessert—can be good. In fact, there have never been more opportunities for you in the dating world. After you finish The Dating Goddess section, you should feel fairly confident dipping your toes (maybe even your ankles) into dating in a way that’s safe, manageable, even fun. And, bonus: you’ll be well prepared to recognize and steer clear of the scammers and scoundrels.

Once we get past the dating stage and go exclusive, the water gets a little deeper and a little murkier. The second section of the book, The Goddess in a Relationship, explores those turbid depths. Relationships take work, most don’t last, and many of those that do are unsatisfactory at some level. A google search for he takes me for granted returns more than 200,000 results. And marriage falling apart returns 68 million. Relationships don’t come with instruction manuals and even if they did, a single manual would be so large it wouldn’t fit into a 12-passenger minivan. Even trying to write the instruction manual: How to Successfully Be You would be a Sisyphean task. Everyone is unique and people evolve and change (most of us, anyway). How much more complex would a manual have to be if it included instructions for two unique, evolving individuals plus the swirling vortex of that third entity—their relationship?

That said, there’s plenty we do know about building and maintaining a successful relationship. We’ll cover some rather eye-opening studies from a couple’s point of view. You may discover why certain patterns repeat or why your partner doesn’t react the way you expect. (The way he should, damn it!)

In the next section we’ll talk sex. Much of what we cover in The Sexy Goddess will apply whether or not you’re currently in a committed relationship. In spite of John Gray’s alien labels, we are all human beings with the same basic relationship needs: affection, acceptance, validation, autonomy, security, trust, empathy, prioritization, connection, and a little breathing room. And the older we get, the more homogenized those needs become. That’s sexsational news!

Sexual identification labels have become as complicated as coffee orders, and as a cisgender heterosexual female, I know I have biases and blinders. I hope there’s something in here for everyone, but this book is definitely geared toward women who love men or at least would like to love them if they could only figure out how! We’ll explore sexuality, overcoming barriers to sexual confidence, and how to bring more sexy into your life, in and out of the bedroom.

I’ve swapped relationship stories with hundreds of women (several dozen of which appear in this book) and although every story is different, there are common themes that we can all relate to. In The Sexy Goddess, I think you’ll find more than a few aha moments.

Now, get your go bag ready. Let’s go on a date!

The Dating Goddess

Self-aware with self-esteem/Is selfishness a crime?/I take the day for quite a ride/And I take my own sweet time/Time to spare and time to share/And grateful I would be/If just one damn man would share the need/To be alone with me. ~ Barbra Streisand, Lullaby for Myself. Superman, Columbia Records, 1977.

image-placeholder

Dating: Are You Ready?

Imagine that you’re at a cocktail party and there’s a guy there who you find attractive. Would you feel comfortable approaching him, or asking to be introduced? In a typical crowd, do you compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking? When thinking of yourself as a dater, do you feel confident and sexy … or frumpy and defeated? What about bitter and skeptical? Or worse: desperate and clingy? Ugh. That was me! There have been times after a breakup where I entered the dating world too soon, trying to fill the gaps left behind and making bad choices in the process. But men are not interchangeable Lego blocks, nor would we want them to be. It takes time to recover, figure out what went wrong, acknowledge our own role in it, and regroup.

When you’re ready to date, you can imagine closeness with another positively, think more often about dating, pay more attention to your physical appearance, and have greater confidence that you will be successful in forming a relationship. According to the experts, here are some signs I should have heeded telling me I was not yet ready to date. Maybe you recognize one or two of these in yourself.

You keep talking about your ex to your friends.

You stalk your ex on social media (worse, in person).

You’re still hooking up with your ex.

Your self-esteem is scraping bottom.

You feel angry or bitter.

You feel shut down emotionally, often tied to fear of rejection.

You’re still grieving a past relationship.

Dating can sometimes feel like crossing a minefield, and because you can’t control anyone but yourself and dating by definition involves you plus another person, it’s impossible to ever be 100% ready, but there is still much we can do. Let’s look at some ways we can prepare for re-entry.

Getting Closure with an Ex

If you’re hanging onto a past relationship or pining for your ex but it’s clear that you’re never going to get back together again, you may need to cut off all contact for several months. If this is impossible, at least try to never meet with this person alone. Zig when they zag. Be unavailable. No booty calls, no drunk texting. Unfriend, unlink on social media. Cold turkey is the only way this will work. That said, if you’re anything like me, this will not happen overnight, and you’ll likely have a few false stops. Don’t beat yourself up. The boomeranging will stop once you fully get that it’s never going to work, it was never meant to work, and you’re better off for that.

Here’s what worked for me: I put an ocean between us. I was in an on-again, off-again relationship with someone who was so not a match. This relationship with Toxic Man lasted six years and through more than a dozen break-ups. At each split, I would at first feel relief, then deep, monstrous grief, and I would do whatever it took to get us back together, even if it meant carving off pieces of my soul. Finally, I moved to Maui. And in the two years I was there, Toxic Man married someone else. Game over. Thank Goddess.

If moving across an ocean sounds a bit drastic, you can move away metaphorically. Don’t go to the same old haunts, don’t hang out with mutual friends. Take up a new hobby, meet new people. Nature abhors a vacuum. It will want to fill the gap your ex left behind with something, so until you’re ready to date again, choose something positive. That 2,000 piece jigsaw puzzle won’t keep you warm at night, but neither will it break your heart.

Write a Letter

I’m a big believer in letter writing that goes nowhere. If you think you still need closure (there is no such thing; you just have to cut the ties), instead of calling, emailing, texting, or placing a ladder up to his window, try writing a letter to your ex and saying everything you’d like to say. Get it all out. Then burn it or put it in a bottle and throw it in the ocean. Or make a time capsule and bury it in your back yard and plant a tree on top of it. While you’re writing, make a list. We tend to focus on the positive aspects of our mates when we break up with them and forget all of the pain and drama. Write a list of everything that was wrong with your relationship and your ex. Everything that was lacking. Every time you were hurt or let down or a promise was broken. I wanted [fill in the blank] from a relationship and instead he gave me [blank]. Then picture your ex as he really is, not the fantasy you created when you first fell in love. In fact, take it to the extreme.