Wild Times Ahead! The Teen Girls' Guide to Guys, Sex, and Relationships

By Keenan Wilde

EVERYTHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS AND SEX! Get ready for Wild Times Ahead as you enter the exciting and crazy world of romance, sex, and love relationships. There’s only one small challenge: romance involves relating in new and different ways to boys and men! Written for teen girls by a former ladies’ man who successfully seduced scores of women – and now is the father of two teen daughters – Wild Times Ahead! will help you and your girl friends get what you want from romantic relationships, while cleverly protecting your bootie from lust crazed guys. Wild Times Ahead! covers all the essential topics as you define and express your emerging sexuality: • 5 types of guys and how to attract them • How be a great kisser • Dating do’s and don’ts • 6 tips to maximize your chances of success in love • The ins-and-outs of sex, foreplay, orgasms, oral sex, birth control, STDs, and kinky sex • 5 tips to a safe and healthy sex life • How to know when you are ready to “do it” for the first time • 5 tips for dealing with horny guys • Love relationships - how to tell if you’ll be good at them • Top 10 reasons why love relationships fail and how to avoid them • Tips on succeeding in first relationships • How to tell if he’s in love or lust with you • 5 ways to know if you have a healthy relationship • How to “get some lovin’” when guys are clueless • 5 ways to manage males as an adult • Best, most effective way to break up with a guy • 8 ways to create a better marriage Written in a breezy, light-hearted style and featuring dozens of memorable illustrations, Wild Times Ahead! is destined to keep you one big step ahead in the game of love!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael McTeigue
• Release date: Oct 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781301326396

Keenan Wilde

Keenan was obsessed with women for at least two decades. He studied them, chased them, wooed them, and seduced them – lots of them - because he loved them. He said he was on the relentless search for his soul mate, but others (women mostly) said he had “commitment issues.” Probably, both observations were correct. Finally, Keenan “settled down” and got married. Guess what? He and his wife had two DAUGHTERS. As they approached the teen years, Keenan wanted to prepare them for the wild times ahead. He wanted to help them deal artfully with all types of guys, to find love and romance, to know the ins and outs of sex, and to create successful love relationships. The result was a book and a blog, which he and his daughters decided to share with teen girls everywhere who are trying to figure out the whole guy thing. By the way, you can visit Tsukasa, the talented illustrator of Wild Times Ahead, at http://furea.wordpress.com

Book preview

Wild Times Ahead!

The Teen Girls’ Guide to Guys,

Sex, and Relationships

by Keenan Wilde

Illustrations by Tsukasa

Copyright © 2012 by Keenan Wilde. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

Contact the author at

[e-mail] or www.keenanwilde.com.

Visit Tsukasa, the illustrator, at http://furea.wordpress.com

WITH

ABIDING LOVE

AND APPRECIATION

TO

MY WIFE

AND

DAUGHTERS

* * *

AND

WITH SPECIAL THANKS

TO EACH OF THE WOMEN

WHO CARED ENOUGH

IN TIMES GONE BY

TO SHARE

HER HEART

AND HER BOOTIE

WITH ME

Contents

Introduction – Men Are Dogs? 6

Prologue – Getting Ready for Action 9

Thinking About YOU as an Emerging Person 9

Wild Times Ahead! 9

Fools Rush In 11

A Few Words About Relativity Continuums 11

Who Are You? 14

What to Do With Your Life?! 16

Feelings versus Emotions 16

SexSense for Teen Girls 19

What Is Sex, Anyway? 19

The Plumbing and Mechanics of Sex 21

The Sex Act 24

The Result(s) 25

The Sacred and the Sordid 27

How Do You Do It? 28

The First Time 40

Birth Control - You Owe It to Yourself 41

You Mean Sex Can KILL YOU? 45

Getting Back to the First Time… 49

Foreplay 53

Orgasms 53

Oral Sex 59

Kinky Stuff 61

Love Versus Lust 67

The Push and the Pull 67

Lust 70

The Dark Side of Lust 71

Love and Lovemaking 77

Tantric Sex 82

What Is Love, Anyway? 82

How Much Love Are You Feeling? 86

Time for Dating – It’s Your Brave New World 87

The General Lay of the Land 87

Who Asks Whom? 87

First Date Conversation 91

Who Pays For The Date? 91

Ending Your Date 97

Dating Non-Exclusively 99

Types of Guys and How to Attract Them 101

The Basic Five Guys 102

Attracting Guys 117

First Relationships 119

How to Get Some 127

Love Relationships 130

The Unachievable Promise 131

Maximizing Your Chances 137

Sex in Relationships 146

A Healthy Relationship 149

How to Break Up With a Guy 152

Dealing with Males as an Adult 155

Men Are Dogs 155

Dealing with Men in the Workplace 158

Assault on Marriage? 160

Having Kids 168

Final Words 173

Appendix I – Six Simple Ideas to Ponder 175

Appendix II – Warning Signs on Abusive Guys 184

Bibliography 186

Websites 187

Introduction – Men Are Dogs?

Hi Girls,

You might be asking, Why do I need to read a book about guys and sex, especially from some old guy? Let me answer the old guy part of the question first. I originally started writing this book for my two young daughters, so when they grew up and got interested in guys, they’d be smart and informed enough to deal skillfully with guys such as I used to be. You see, I was something of a womanizer, a guy who really loved women but caused them a lot of grief and heartache, as I flittered from one to another like a bee invading flowers in search of honey. And, frankly, I was not that unusual. Many guys, in the final analysis, are not good for women. Why is this? you might ask. Hopefully this book will tell you that and a lot more, and prepare you for the world of men and sex.

In your teen years and early twenties, you will explore a new dimension to yourself: your sexuality. While largely undefined and confusing at first, your emerging sexuality will color and affect your relationships with girl friends, guys, and even parents, teachers, and co-workers. You will undoubtedly relate to men in new ways – sexually and in committed emotional relationships. Where previously most of your interactions with men were relatively shallow, you now start to consider crazy ideas such as getting naked and swapping bodily fluids with them. Talk about feeling exposed! Maybe a guy even becomes your new best friend, to the exclusion of your previous best girl friends. You will have new expectations of guys, and they of you. For the most part, these expectations might be radically different and incompatible: women typically seek security and emotional intimacy, while men – especially in teens and early twenties – want to sow their wild oats and snatch as much bootie as possible, without committing to anything.

Yes, lots of new things are coming your way that can knock you off center. Many men will say or do almost anything to get laid, things you probably won’t be expecting. You might get in competition with your best gal friend over a guy. People might talk behind your back about your sexual activities, even if you have not even had any yet. You might have strong sexual urges you don’t know how to handle.

I intend to help you cope skillfully with this new world. The approach is simple. I will share with you my view of useful concepts for navigating life in general and men, sex, romance, and relationships more specifically. And, yes, men are dogs, for the most part. By this, I mean men – post-pubescent men at least – think and act like dogs. They primarily want to mark their territories and hump whatever moves. The rest is just window dressing, successful socialization that makes them quasi-respectable. From a girl’s or woman’s perspective, it is reasonably safe to assume they only have one thing on their minds: SEX, and they aren’t particularly picky about with whom.

No doubt, some women who read this will be offended greatly on behalf of dogs everywhere. Others will insist I am short-selling many brilliant and wonderful men. But I will stand my ground. Besides, dogs in fact are lovable creatures, so long as you don’t expect them to be anything other than dogs. And they have proven perfectly capable of being domesticated, the primary goal of most women for their men, yes?

By what qualifications am I, a man – a dog – writing this book? My qualifications are slim, indeed. There is little to no research backing up the assertions I am making here, no studies, no reviews of the literature. Think of this, if you will, as the loose equivalent of a parenting book written by a kindly mother who raised a hundred children. Or, more accurately, by a child who had a hundred parents. For these are the simple perceptions of one former womanizer, who spent the better part of twenty years chasing women, with the same rabid enthusiasm that dogs chase cars, cats, balls, Frisbees, and rabbits. Before marrying my dear wife at the grizzly age of 41, I spent the majority of my waking hours as a single man scheming on women and searching for my soul mate. In the process, I seduced or cajoled scores of women into bed and into my life for hours, days, weeks, or months. Years, too, but rarely.

So now it is my karma to be blessed with two lovely, precious daughters, for whom my love is powerful and enduring. Daughters who need to know about the many guys like me out there, each driven blindly, feverishly, by the compelling command of the hormones surging through his veins. Commanded to….what? Snatch your bootie? Ah, yes, that is the story that lies before you now.

This book is intended for girls and young women ages 13 to 30, and I talk to you mostly as if you are in your late teens. I am pretty explicit about some touchy subjects. I did not try to dumb it down in any way. In the Prologue, we’ll consider some general concepts you can use to define yourself, to maintain your balance, and to help you navigate the sex-crazed, adult society you are entering. I admit the Prologue might seem a bit corny and out of place in a book on sex, but I encourage you to read or at least skim it. In Chapter One, we’ll cover the in’s and out’s of sex: what it is, why and how you do it, and what the risks and opportunities are. In Chapter Two, we consider the reasons and ways people are obsessed with sex and how to tell if you and your new boyfriend are in love or simply in lust. Chapter Three is gives you the basics of going on dates, and hopefully it will help you avoid disastrous dates. Chapter Four describes the five basic types of guys and helps you to attract or avoid them as you wish. In Chapter Five, we deal with the incredibly challenging topic of love relationships, why they fail so often and what you can do to improve your chances of success. Chapter Six looks ahead to your adult years, and gives you some useful ideas to bear in mind as you interact with men at work and as you consider whether and when to get married and have kids. Some of my ideas on marriage might shock you. Chapter Seven sums up briefly a few of the key suggestions you might want to remember and use in the wild times ahead.

I hope you’ll find lots of useful advice, yet I don’t really expect anyone to agree with all or even most of what I have to say. I presume some adults will complain that I am too candid and too detailed for young teenagers, but I’ll respond that the vast majority of today’s teenagers have already been exposed electronically to far more graphic and specific information than I am discussing herein. My goals are to help you to put things into perspective and to establish a point of unshakable belief in yourself that can withstand and rise above the never ending barrage of sexual messages in modern society.

I expect some readers will criticize me (ironically) for being too negative about men, love, and relationships. Well, I’m just calling them like I see them: most love relationships fall far, far short of their potential. I hope yours fare better, and I hope this book helps you to succeed in loving and living with men.

The loudest and most deserved criticism will surely be that I am making broad generalizations about both men and women that simply do not apply to everyone. OK, I am guilty as charged. When I say guys do this or gals want that, I mean many or most" are that way. Sure, (for example) sometimes roles are reversed and a guy desires a deep, emotional connection with only one woman, while his girlfriend craves casual sex with a lot of attractive partners she hardly knows. This does indeed happen. Nevertheless, the coaching I offer you is designed to help you deal with the dominant sexual and relationship themes in our society. I believe they do apply broadly, and you will encounter them.

Throughout the book, I use

bold to highlight useful terms

italics to emphasize important ideas

bold italics to call out nuggets of advice.

If I use bold italic caps, it is REALLY important you pay attention. Okay, let’s get going...

Prologue – Getting Ready for Action

Thinking About YOU as an Emerging Person

Some of you will want to skip this section and get right to the juicy stuff. That’s fine with me, yet I encourage you to at least skim it now or come back and read this chapter later. Sure, it is a *bit* corny, but it brings up topics you’ll be wise to consider. I write it to help you create a solid base, a strong sense of who you are and what you stand for. Believe me, you will need this inner strength to cope effectively with the many strange things people will say and do around you and to you as you blossom into a fully sexual individual. Dealing successfully with men requires you to know and say what you want – and don’t want – at each and every turn of events. If you lack that sense, you will end up feeling used and abused. So, here are some items to contemplate about yourself, before I unload on just how weird our world really is when it comes to sex and love relationships.

Wild Times Ahead!

These must be wild times for you. There is so much new information for you to absorb and so many new opportunities for you to analyze. During your younger years, our society tries to shield you from the details of sex, letting you believe that sex is kissing and babies come from who-knows-where exactly. Accurate information has to be extracted one tiny detail at a time through skill and persistence. Do you have to be married to have a baby, Mommy? Well, no, not exactly, honey, but it is better to be married so the child can have a father, don’t you agree? Each day, countless parents and teachers expertly dodge the question of how exactly a baby is produced.

Now, we the parents know the jig is up – not unlike your learning the truth about Santa Claus, and we are flushed with anxiety that you will do something foolish before we fill your head with stern warnings about NOT making all the dumb mistakes we wish we hadn’t made at your age (or maybe a few years older). Of course, we know you must have your own shot at figuring things out through your own first-hand experience, but, hey, don’t blame us for wanting to at least arm you with a map of the territory as you start exploring the primitive regions below your navel and in the minds of the dogs, er, men.

So, inadvertently, we add our parental anxiety to your typical teen anxiety. Not only do you have to deal with who you are in relation to your new body, to your hormonally challenged girlfriends, to rabid boys who had no use for you a few months ago, but now you also have to deal with a pile of pending parental disapproval of anything adventurous you might even fantasize about doing.

Well, I am here to tell you there are more than 7 billion of us on the planet, and probably 6.5 billion are going to grapple with the same issues of dating, relationships, love, and sex for most of our lives. This is not something you have to figure out, or get right, or even succeed at. You have many years and perhaps many lifetimes to work it all out, so relax. At the end of the day – or the decades – we finally realize that happiness always arises from within and never comes from without, but, hey, no one wants to accept that until they try looking to all possible outside persons, places, and endeavors. So let’s agree you have decades (at least) to come to some tentative conclusions about how to define your own sexuality and relate to that of others. Let’s take the long-term view and have some fun with the early stages of the journey.

Fools Rush In

Now that I’ve calmed us (or at least me) down, let me validate the need for this book by reminding you the truth of the old saying – fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Consider if you will that the United States has by far the highest rate of teen pregnancy throughout the western industrialized world. Hundreds of thousands of young American girls every year drop out of high school so they can take care of the bundle of joy they were not expecting for a few more years. Typically, they have no money to care for the child; about 80 percent end up on welfare. The new fathers mostly are looking for a way to dodge the childcare payments that would cut into their meager earnings already targeted to music, beer, and boy-toys. So guess who ends up living at home and working, instead of going off to college? Not the guy!

So commit NOW to educating yourself – just as you would before going on your first trip to Paris. Always try to know more about what you are buying than the person (or dog) who is trying to sell it to you. This attitude of becoming an educated buyer will help you to cut down on the bundle of regrets your carry into your later years. This is a useful, valuable goal, for have you noticed how we humans tend to punish ourselves countless times for each single mistake we make?

A Few Words About Relativity Continuums

I am going to speak about something called continuums a bit here and later in the book. Yes, this will be an oversimplification; but I guarantee thinking in terms of continuums can help you sort things out when guys are fast-talking their way into your heart and your pantaloons.

Put simply, we live in a world of relativity. Everything that exists is defined largely by how it compares to everything else – to what it is not. So let’s think of a continuum as a long line with two opposite traits on either end of the line. For example, good and evil – pure goodness on one end, and pure evil on the other. In between the two ends, we find the relative percentages of the two traits. Most everything can be reduced quickly to a place on one or more continuums. This is similar to the personality traits you select for characters in computer games such as SIMS.

I won’t belabor this subject now, although I might later. For now, consider just three items related to continuums. First, memorize the Anxiety--------------------Comfort continuum. This is vital for navigating the often-rocky waters of dating and romance. When faced with any choice or decision, you surely will have a gut reaction of comfort or anxiety – or something in between – as you consider each alternative course of action. In many cases, men will be pushing you to do something that will give them great comfort, while the mere thought of it is causing you a palpable sense of anxiety. If you are alert to this occurrence, you might find it easier to remember whose interests you ultimately wish to serve (yours, not the man-dogs’.)

Second, continuums also are useful when evaluating an individual’s personality traits. It is easy to judge people harshly when they are not like we are. This, of course, separates us emotionally from them and reduces the number of people we feel comfortable around. If we get fixated on judgment, we can get downright crotchety and miserable. Instead, we can reduce that continual stream of mental judgments and lighten up considerably by realizing that each person comprises many points on a large number of trait continuums – and surely has a good number of similar placements on some traits as we do. It is merely a question of finding those continuums on which we are similar or compatible. This gives us reasonable grounds for liking more people.

For example, here is a short, sample list of personality trait continuums. See where you place your self and some of your friends/family/acquaintances on each continuum. Of course, there are many more.

adventurous........................ ..........................cautious

confident........................................................insecure

ambitious..................................................complacent

mellow...............................................................hyper

neat...................................................................sloppy

intelligent........ ..................................................stupid

outgoing.........................................................reserved

funny................................................................serious

talkative...............................................................quiet

motivated..............................................................lazy

warmhearted......... ......................................restrained

affectionate................................................standoffish

By the way, the trait-continuum concept is helpful for shutting down our inborn tendency to judge ourselves harshly. If we obsess like crazy on one specific trait where we don’t meet our own expectations – such as our placement on the fat versus thin continuum – we become grouchy, even morose. It is far better to remind ourselves that there are numerous continuums to consider, and, on some or on many, we rate quite well. It helps us turn down the volume on the broken record in our mind that keeps harshing us all day long.

Third and last, consider the concept of dynamic range. Instead of being just a point on each of a lot of continuums, we have the capacity to change our placement on any given continuums to suit changing circumstances. The ability to adjust our placement on a continuum in a given situation is dynamic range. Ideally, we do this as an act of will, by our own choice, and not because we slide whichever way someone pushes us. One example is outgoing versus reserved. In some circumstances, you might want to step out and make your presence known, while in others you instead choose to step back and let others hold the spotlight. The trick is to know which continuums are in play for you in any given moment, and where and who you want to be in the present circumstances.

Who Are You?

Growing up. The teen years are about the gradual transferring of ultimate responsibility for your life from your parents to you. (I know, sometimes parents forget this.) This can be challenging to both parties, especially because this coincides with massive changes for you – changes in your body, your brain and nervous system, your social interactions, your interests, your world view, and so on. While teens typically want as much responsibility as possible immediately, there are major issues to confront. Here are a few examples:

What will I do with my life? You might feel like you are in the train station of Life with no ticket, no schedule, and no destination. Maybe you have no idea what your calling is.

How do I fit in socially? Perhaps you feel pressure to conform, even against your better judgment. Smoking, drinking, drugs, putting people down, buying certain clothes, tattoos, piercings, giving it up.

Should I stay in school? College? Where? Work instead? Where?

How do I deal with boys? Can I trust them?

How do I handle sex? I want to, but there is so much pressure about it.

Where do I want to I live? Do I stay near my folks and family or move far away?

What can I do about the planet? Are we killing it? How can I help?

How will I make enough money to support myself? Or, who can I get to support me?

All this can get pretty mind-boggling, too much to handle at once. You may not feel good about making all these decisions yourself; yet at the same time, you might not trust anyone to help you with them – especially not your parents, the ones you are supposed to be breaking away from. More likely, you want to get counsel and comfort from your peers, who are grappling with the same issues, and have basically the same experience and frame of reference you do.

The thing I lacked and later wished I had at your age is a long-term perspective, a sense that I had as much time as I needed to resolve these issues. It might be valuable to realize that we will face the same issues in various forms