We Won't Quit: Marital Tools to PUSH Through Difficult Times

By Ricardo Frost and Kimberly Frost

Do you feel that your marriage is falling apart? Are you at a loss for how to recover? WE WON'T QUIT! Marital Tools to Push Through Difficult Times is the answer for couples who have endured tough times and are struggling to heal their broken marriage.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: RFK Outreach
• Release date: Mar 2, 2023
• ISBN: 9798986857022

Book preview

FOREWORD

M

onique and I had settled into our married life of three months. We were still googly-eyed and so in love, excited for our unknown futures. And then, I made her mad and saw a side of her I had not seen in the ten months we dated.

I quickly reverted to the I-don’t-need-this-oryou-I-can-go-back-to-Chesapeake-and-be-just-fine divorced mom of two that I was. I grabbed my keys, bolted out the door, and drove off. I did not have my wallet, nor did I know where I was going since we had just moved to an unfamiliar city. However, my pride would not let me turn around and hear him out. No, that was too much like right. I drove the local streets until I got hungry – then, I returned to our three-bedroom apartment. Still, driven by my need to be right, I refused to go inside. Nope, I had to prove my point to this man I prayed for.

Monique drove up, and I immediately went outside.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Frank walk casually and confidently over. I pretended not to see him.

Using my knuckle, I tapped on the window.

And I pretended not to hear it.

Dear?

I looked at him and curled my eyes like only a black woman with an attitude could. Man, I was something else. Okay, back to the story.

Monique, roll the window down, please.

I did. With my guard on high alert for what I was used to from earlier relationships, I prepared my playlist of ready curse words to fly out of my mouth without restriction.

Monique, can you please come inside so we can talk? This is not how we handle disagreements.

In my head, I was like, it’s how I handle mine.

We work things out. But what we won’t do is leave or quit. I reached inside for her hand. She gave it to me reluctantly, but I was not upset. Actually, I was motivated. Monique was a single-independent parent and wasn’t used to relying on a man, but I needed her to know, I wasn’t just a man, I was her husband, and I was all in. There was nothing she could say or do that would run me away.

Frank wrapped me in his arms like I was the best gift he had ever received. I leaned on him, closed my eyes, and soaked in the moment. I was reminded of a prayer I prayed when I was single. Lord, I want a man that won’t love me to death. In earlier relationships, I had died so many times that I was a small cemetery. Besides my daddy, Frank was the first man to see the real and raw me and love what he saw -and stayed. He loved me to life. And oh, what a life it has been.

We would love to confess that our covenant has been a continued love-at-first-sight fairy tale, but it has not. Instead, our marriage process has been just that, a process of trial and error. As God as our builder and foundation, we needed marital tools because it was my first time being Monique’s husband, and it was her first as my wife.

We had to learn, explore, trust, exhale, breathe and try over and over and over again to do this thing called marriage. Then we had to use these tools, some more than others, to activate our faith, not just our mouths.

Marriage is not hard; rather, it is a test of time, faith, and love.

What kind of marriage do you want? Do you want a romantic novel, a suspenseful thriller, or a horror story? As marriages unfold, husbands and wives have the privilege to influence their desired outcomes. Just as the co-authors of this anthology have done, spouses must continually build and develop their story, word by word, line by line, paragraph by paragraph, and day by day. The wonderful thing is YOU get to choose the outcome of your marriage story.

Ideally, Godly unions will work together to create a life story of unrestricted love, unbreakable trust, and an undeniable joy the world cannot take away. However, unions such as these are difficult if they are built separately. Imagine trying to co-write a happy ending without collaborating with the other person. Undoubtedly there will be inconsistencies, disjointed conclusions, and a lack of harmony that every story should have.

Monique’s Tools:

My first significant tool was a zipper – right over this smart mouth of mine. It was so smart it made me say a lot of dumb things, and I was not going to do this to my marriage with Frank. So, when I wanted to pop off, I did not. Instead, I pushed myself to mature in our relationship. I bit my lip, placed my hands over my mouth, and said, You prayed for this man, and God gave him to you, don’t mess this up, girl. This is just temporary. It may sound silly, and I looked the part too, but I tell you what, it worked. It’s an intentional thing. When I open our toolbox and pull out words (tools), they should draw us closer - not a part.

I was also open to wisdom. Frank’s ex came out the gate ex-ing, and I wanted to strangle her, but instead, I called a friend. He gave me the greatest advice ever when he said, Monique, do you want Frank to have to fight her and you, or just her. I swear, I heard angels in heaven loud enough to be in concert with Beyonce. I took hold of his words and used them as another tool for our toolbox. I solidified my stance in the ring and chose the correct opponent, the enemy’s devices. Not his ex or anyone or thing would succeed at coming between him and me. I am on Frank’s side, no matter what. And there will never be a day when he would have to question my loyalty, commitment, or ride-or-dieness to our marriage.

Frank’s Tools:

I believe success in marriage will not happen without a concentrated effort. We must create mindsets and habits (tools) to accomplish the goal of happily-ever-after. What is required of us is commitment and determination to do whatever it takes. It’s imperative that we build and maintain trust by backing up what is said with consistent action and follow-through. If you say it, mean it, and do it.

Next, develop a listening ear. First, with God, for He has the answers to every circumstance. Regularly ask Him for direction on how to love your spouse. Then have a listening ear with each other. I can guarantee that your communication will greatly improve when it's less about who’s right or wrong but rather about hearing your spouse's heart and truest intent.

Do not sweat the small stuff. We cannot allow everything to be a major deal. So, choose not to get worked up and upset over things that may not go your way. Instead, look for the positive in challenging situations.

Lastly, marriage is a beautiful thing with beautiful results when we submit to God’s leadership, instruction, plan, and processes.

Monique and I pray as you read, We Won’t Quit, Marital Tools to PUSH through Difficult Times that you will find stories filled with an abundance of inspiration that will make your heart feel good. We pray that if you are looking for a sign to try again, this book is it.

Love,

Frank & Monique Anderson

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

T

his book was written by an amazing group of married couples who chose to collaborate and bring a level of soul exposing transparency that will undoubtedly impact marriages. They had the strength and courage to divulge information to the world about a traumatic season in their marriage with the hopes of showing other couples that their unions are worth fighting for. A heartfelt thank you to these ten dynamic teams: Eric & Ellasin Allen, Eldonous & Marlene Allen, Rarsan & Princess Barnes, Rodney & Renita Burns, Steven & Nija Means, Tony & Tara McGee, OJ & Kadene Miller, Lester & Kristie Norwood, Brian & Tabitha Pretlow, and Kevin & Tonya Rankins. We could not have accomplished this feat without your willingness to share without restriction.

We would not have been able to complete our project without the guidance and leadership of our Project Manager & Publisher, Ifedayo Greenway of IG & MORE LLC. We would also like to give a very special thank you to our editor Monique Anderson of Spirit Filled Creations, who put her heart into editing and revising our stories and making us better writers. She went far beyond the responsibilities of an editor, partnering with her husband Frank Anderson, to write the foreword in this book. This publishing & editing team ensured that we released this collaboration with a spirit of excellence!

To our spiritual parents, Bishop Kimberly W. Brown and Elder Valerie K. Brown of The Mount Global Fellowship of Churches, thank you for modeling transparency and for spiritually raising us to shamelessly stand in our truth