Why Me? Not Me?: The New Face of P.T.S.D

By Lavonia M. Graham

Domestic violence, rape, abuse, bullying, poverty, a dysfunctional family, bad relationships, homelessness, health issues, and death--Lavonia Graham became a ticking time bomb about to explode. Over the past five years, she went through some hard storms that would not only test her faith in God but would bring her to a point in her life that would break her physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. She finally realized she needed help. With the help of a wonderful team, her counselor, doctors, and her lawyer, Lavonia, was able to get on the right path to her recovery process. She learned that her adulthood and childhood left her vulnerable. She learned the meaning behind the rage and anger she felt and demonstrated for years. Posttraumatic stress disorder, along with some other mental health disorders, became her new life. Having learned how to accept and cope with this new way of life, she has now discovered it all was for the glory of God. God has instructed her to use it to break the stereotype clause in the Black communities, and the Afro-American church. As she is going through this, the Lord is teaching her how to walk in her calling as a prophetess. He has instructed her to teach, advocate, and bring forth for a new generation that is to come.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 9, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685703073

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Why Me? Not Me?

The New Face of P.T.S.D

Lavonia M. Graham Jr.

ISBN 978-1-68570-306-6 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68570-307-3 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Lavonia Graham

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

This book is about the questions, denials, lies, truths, facts, and struggles of the mental illness and homelessness we suffer from and suffered with.

In a short period of time, we had to face the reality that this is what I have to live with for the rest of my life. After dealing with so much in my past life, I have never had this experience before. From rape to death to bullying, abuse, sexual harassment, sickness, and so much more.

This was something new. I didn’t understand it. I couldn’t believe it, and I certainly didn’t want it. But I know that there is a plan and a purpose for it. As you read this book, you will begin to see that plan and purpose begin to unfold. So sit back, relax, and open your mind to see just how it came to pass.

All things happen for a reason.

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all the people who, along with Jesus, made it possible for me to get the strength to write it. I want to give a special thank-you to Dr. Joseph Bruno, my primary care physician’s assistant. Dr. Vinay Shaw, my ob-gyn; Dr. Amaranath Avencha, my cardiologist; my psychologist, Dr. Thomas Grace; also my attorney, Mitchell Goldstein. God gave me a wonderful team of doctors to help his servant through the most difficult time I had to face.

Thank you, all!

To my children La’tasha, Marquis, and La’keiyah. I love you all. Also my stepdaughter Michele. Thank you for your help in my time of need. And to the most beautiful granddaughters in the world. I love you. Last but not the least, to Auntie, Mrs. Cynthia Howard-Mc Fadden. I love you so much. Family health history played a huge role in this book. You made that possible. Rest in peace, beloved. Learn you’re family’s health history. Don’t take it for granted.

My Deepest Gratitude

Iwould like to give my deepest gratitude to a special lady. Mrs. Margaret Morrissey, LLSC. Mrs. Morrissey was highly recommended to me by Dr. Joseph Bruno. She has been such a blessing to me. Mrs. Morrissey has helped me to see the new me. She has opened my eyes and heart to see and understand the new me.

She has helped me learn that PTSD is not the end of life but the beginning of a new life, to help me become just as affective with this new condition.

She has also helped me be self-aware that mind and body are one, and when one isn’t working properly, the both of them won’t function properly. In order to be fully functionable as a human being, both mind and body have to be healthy; therefore, if the mind isn’t properly working to its full capacity, then the body gets offset. And if the body isn’t working to its full capacity, then the mind gets offset. The importance of this is to treat the one that is sick or dysfunctional by using the many resources that are available to help with your need to get better, and to know that it’s okay to use them without being judged or criticized. She’s also helped me to recognize the truth of mental illness and how it affects everyone.

Mental illness has no color, age difference, creed, and so on. I would like to thank God for placing this wonderful woman in my life. It’s because of him that I am able to have the privilege to have the best of the best counselor in my time of sickness, pain, adversity, and the most trying time of my life. Thank you, Lord, for Mrs. Margart Morrissey. A precious gem in the field of counseling whom you have given this world.

Thank you so much, Mrs. Morrissey, with my deepest gratitude. God has used you in the most valuable way.

Love,

Lavonia Graham Jr.

Chapter 1

I’ve Got a Plan

It was the end of the year in 2015 that I had come up with a plan. We were living in Hampton, Virginia, and had been wanting to finally build our home on the land that my husband and I paid for. We were coming to the end of our lease, and I thought of a plan to go back to New Jersey to make better money. I began to pray and ask the Lord to permit us to go to make the money then return home back to Virginia.

We had done it before, and it worked out great, so I thought, let’s do it again. I felt that this was the best and fastest way, so I prayed and asked the Lord and He said yes.

I told my husband, but he felt like we shouldn’t because we had just gotten back to Virginia and he really didn’t want to move again. I felt that way too, but I got tired of working and renting someone else’s property when I had my own. He is getting old, and the last thing I didn’t want him to do was work on someone’s job. So I had in mind that he would stay home, and I would get two jobs.

Of course he didn’t like the idea of that and made a big fuss about it. But he