Calming Truth: God's Word Quiets the Anguish in Our Soul

By Karen Ekedahl

Are you in the midst of a crisis or extreme difficulty that is consuming your soul? Are you experiencing more heartache and pain than you thought you could ever possibly bear? Are there days you can't see beyond the immediate moment you hurt that much? Are you struggling with doubts of your worth? How do you live within those circumstances and not surrender or succumb to them, especially knowing they may be there for a long time? How do you keep from wanting to just give up? God has the answers for each of us in the calming Truth of His Word. It is His Truth which gives us calm in the midst of our storm. It is in His Word that we find quiet for the anguish in our soul. Walk with me on my journey with God to see how He used His Word to very specifically carry me through the anguish in my soul after the loss of a thirty-year marriage. Join me as I let you into my heartache and pain to see how God and His Word enabled me to survive one step at a time. You will see how you, too, are able to survive your heartache and pain as God's Word quiets the anguish in your soul, bringing calm to your storm as it has mine
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• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 8, 2019
• ISBN: 9781642990041

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Calming Truth

God's Word Quiets the Anguish in Our Soul

Karen Ekedahl

ISBN 978-1-64299-003-4 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64299-073-7 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-64299-004-1 (Digital)

Copyright © 2019 by Karen Ekedahl

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

For God

See to it that you complete the ministry you have received in the Lord.

(Colossians 4:17 NIV)

Because You said so, I will.

(Luke 5:5 NIV)

Prologue

If Thy law had not been my delight,

Then I would have perished in my affliction.

I will never forget Thy precepts,

For by them Thou hast revived me.

—Psalm 119:92–93

God’s Word has much to say to us about how we are to daily live our lives, both in the good times and the difficult times. When the tough times come, it is even more critical that we dive into the Scriptures and see what God has to share with us. In it, we discover a guarantee of surviving our crisis, of getting through the catastrophe, of holding together in the emergency. When we make God’s Word our delight, immersing ourselves in its Truth, we will not perish in our affliction. That is God’s promise.

Throughout my crisis, God kept me from perishing as He used His Word to teach me, to revive me, to strengthen me, to support and encourage me, and to develop me. He has nudged me through opening doors, drawing me closer to Himself. He has used His Word to cultivate me even as a gardener lovingly and carefully cultivates his plants. He has enabled me to stand because of the precepts He has taught me. It would have been so much easier to give up. Clearly, that would not be God’s plan for me. Instead, He gave me Himself and His Word and enabled me to keep from surrendering to my circumstances. He revived me and showed me how to live with the heartache and survive.

In this book, I have shared what God has progressively taught me through His Word as we together worked through the anguish of an unfaithful husband who abruptly walked out on me. I describe myself as an abandoned widow—a widow because the man I married no longer exists. He is living and breathing, but he is not the man I knew. Abandoned, because he left me after thirty years of marriage and never once looked back. It has been a difficult road.

Through the years, God has shown to me more of Himself and His characteristics and given to me very specific instructions and direction on surviving the anguish in my soul. I have been very specific about God’s use of Scripture to teach and guide me, prompting my heart and my mind to action or non-action. I have been as open and honest as possible, including some of the heartache and pain directly from journals I kept in the months after he left me. You will find my journal entries written in italics.

I have chosen not to talk about my children in this book. Both of my daughters had graduated from college when my husband left me. I feel that their thoughts and feelings should be theirs to share.

My prayer is that after looking at these examples from my life, a desire will grow in your heart to personally seek God in His Word for the loving and caring instruction He has for you.

God’s blessings,

Karen Ekedahl

Chapter 1

The Crisis I Never Expected

Thou hast seen my affliction;

Thou hast known the troubles of my soul.

—Psalm 31:7

It bothered me all week that my husband had not said a word about our upcoming anniversary. I knew that it wasn’t unusual for him to forget it. It saddened my heart again. Special events were not important to him—at least, so he always said. Besides, he was very busy with work, having been gone Monday through Friday each of the previous four weeks.

In our twenty-eight years of marriage, he had always traveled. He had climbed the corporate ladder, and the travel went with it. There had been one or two times when he had said he would leave it all. I had often felt like a single parent. When I brought up my concerns, his solution was to quit. I knew he didn’t mean it. He loved his job and the benefits that came with it. He had risen through the company, and there was no denying he liked the control it gave him.

The last few months had been strange. When he was home, he wasn’t really home. To make it worse, he didn’t have anything nice to say to me. Everything I did was wrong. Big things, little things, minute things. It didn’t matter. If I wasn’t ready to go the instant he wanted to go somewhere, it was a major catastrophe.

Even so, I was anxiously looking forward to his arrival on that Friday evening, the night before our anniversary. It was going to be a great weekend. In addition to being our anniversary, I had been getting ready for our daughter and our one-month-old granddaughter who were coming in late that night to stay for the weekend. Her husband was out of town, and they were coming for a visit. We were first-time grandparents! It was going to be so much fun to share in this precious new life God had given to our family.

He got home later than usual. He pulled the car into the garage and immediately went upstairs to unpack. He didn’t say very much to me. No hug. No kiss. He didn’t mention that they were coming soon. He didn’t mention that he couldn’t wait to see them. Except for a few mumbles, he was silent. I put down what I was doing and went to join him, sitting down on the bed in our bedroom as he unpacked his suitcase. I wanted to hear how his week had gone and talk about our weekend. What did he want to do? Wasn’t he excited that they were coming? They only lived forty-five minutes from us, but he hadn’t seen them since the previous weekend. I thought he would be so anxious to hold our granddaughter and cuddle with her. I know I was! But he was silent, and as I soon discovered, had something else entirely on his mind.

I brought up the subject of our anniversary about half an hour before they arrived. Our daughter knew it was our anniversary and was sure to say something about it. I knew I would somehow have to joke with her about the fact that our anniversary, my birthday, and any other important date did not matter to him. It was a well-known fact. He didn’t mind telling everyone. He thought it was funny. In truth, his attitude always hurt so much.

I asked him if he wanted to do anything special. After all, it was our anniversary. With his back turned to me, not even looking at me, his cold, forceful answer swung at my heart. I want a divorce. I couldn’t believe what I had heard.

A divorce? He couldn’t have really said that.

A divorce? Surely, I hadn’t heard him right.

A divorce? That is what he said.

In one split second, my world turned totally upside down. I fumbled through a few words.

You’re kidding.

No.

We have always said that would never be an option for us.

It is now. If I don’t do this now, I will never do it, and I’ll be stuck for the rest of my life.

What about counseling. I don’t understand.

No counseling. I want out.

Ding-dong. The doorbell rang. Our precious daughter and granddaughter had arrived.

I gripped the railing as I went down the stairs, went to the door, and took a deep breath. Welcoming them with open arms, I gave my daughter a huge hug and quickly reached for my granddaughter sitting in her infant car seat and held onto her tightly. It was all I could think to do. I was trying hard not to cry or let on that there was anything wrong. Since it was already quite late, I helped them to get settled for bed. The crib was ready with a mobile hanging over it, the changing table ready with disposable diapers, wet ones, powder, and whatever else might be needed. Everything was set to have them come and stay at our house. After we got her settled, my daughter went to sleep in her old bedroom.

Then it was my turn to go to bed. I turned to go to our bedroom. It was a very slow, painful, and confusing walk. Every part of my body ached with heartache that was deeper than I thought possible. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go in there. But I had to because we weren’t alone in the house. I couldn’t have them come back home to this. I went into the bedroom and silently closed the door.

I limped into bed and nothing was said. I didn’t bring it up. I didn’t want to fall apart. I had to get through the weekend. I asked God to hold me together and keep my mind and my heart focused on Him, and to somehow keep my shattering emotions from tumbling out. For the next two days, I put on a façade that hid the churning going on in my heart. I knew that when they were gone, we would have to confront whatever this was. Until then, it would have to wait. Apparently, he agreed, because he didn’t say anything more while they were there.

So I did the one thing I could do with all my heart—love my daughter and granddaughter and be loved back. Holding and feeding and bathing my first grandchild gave me the sense of God’s presence and His love. When I looked into her eyes, she looked right back at me and responded with the biggest smile. She loved being rocked. I have my grandmother’s rocking chair, and we made good use of it! They let me know I was wanted and needed. Without realizing how much I needed it, they let me know I mattered to them.

Sunday night, our daughter and granddaughter went back home. It was time to talk. Where do we start? What do I say? What is he going to say? Was this really happening? God, what in the world is this all about?

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What was this man I loved so much thinking? Where was the man I loved, the one to whom I had been married for twenty-eight years? That man was not sitting across from me.

Our discussion wasn’t really a discussion. It was very one-sided. He had clearly planned out everything he was going to say. He didn’t want any interruptions. He wasn’t willing to listen to anything that I might say. He would make his points and that would be the end of our discussion. He told me he wanted to get a divorce right away. He would write a letter to me and put it all on paper. I would have it before the week was out. He was still turning his back to me. This time, not physically, but emotionally. He couldn’t look at me and say these things. It was obvious he was planning to take control of everything and engineer it to his liking.

Thanksgiving was only a week and a half away. Christmas was just around the corner. Our two daughters would be devastated. But that didn’t matter. He had his agenda and he was sticking to it. He would stay through the holidays and move out in January. We would see a lawyer and get the divorce by February or March. My mind and my heart were in a state of pandemonium, alternating between confusion and out-and-out turmoil. No words can describe the shattering of my heart.

Was this really happening?. I told myself this would work out. A divorce would not happen. We could go for counseling. I loved him with all my heart. There had never been even an ounce of doubt in my mind that he was the man with whom I wanted to spend my whole life.

We met in college at an InterVarsity event right before classes started. I was a freshman. He was a senior. We lived in the same dorm complex, studied together, volunteered as staff for the local Youth for Christ together, went to church together, and spent most of our free time together. We got married a year later. I truly believed that God intended our marriage to be for as long as we both shall live, that we would grow old together, and serve God together in whatever place that God placed us. When we said, I do, it would be forever.

My husband was a leader, an officer in the company at which he had worked for a quarter of a century. I believed he was respected in the industry, having earned a reputation for being honest, fair, and trustworthy. He had been a leader in our church, serving on numerous committees and boards. Everyone liked him. Our house had been a home to which people were drawn for fun in the good times, for support in the tough times, for love and care in the crises.

God had blessed us in so many ways: terrific children who had given us only small headaches, a good job, a nice home, and now we were grandparents. We attended a wonderful church, and were blessed with long-time friendships from more than twenty years of having lived in the area. We had so much for which to be thankful. This wasn’t making any sense.

I believed our individual relationships with God would cause us both to seek Him for the right