DEPRESSION: My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

By Robert Canada

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates sixteen million adults in the United States suffer from some form of depression. The World Health Organization estimates 350 million people in the world suffer from depression. Over thirty thousand suicides take place in America each year above sixty percent suffered from depression. The suicide epidemic has become the fourth leading cause of death among adults ages eighteen to sixty-five. This sermon topic seems to be overlooked by our pulpits today. There are millions of Christians within the 350 million suffering from depression. These brothers and sisters in Christ are suffering from something they cannot control. They awake each day to another day of dread, crying out to God for relief with none in sight. Lost in a dark, never ending tunnel, looking for a way out. No light, no hope, and no direction. There is a stigma attached to being a Christian suffering from depression because we believe this is not supposed to happen to real Christians. After all, aren't we to be content in all things? We are to put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. How do we share our condition with other Christians who are void of understanding? We are not alone in our fight to drive this beast out of our lives. There are millions fighting this battle each day. Searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. The time has come to talk about depression in Christianity.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 11, 2018
• ISBN: 9781641141529

Book preview

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Depression

My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

Robert Canada

ISBN 978-1-64114-151-2 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64114-152-9 (digital)

Copyright © 2017 by Robert Canada

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Introduction

How can you know the depths of my despair unless you are me?

We listen to the preacher on the radio telling us that all we have to do is "Stomp on the devil’s head. We hear him say, You are a child of the living King, you are more than a conqueror, it is time for you to wake up and realize who you are in Christ; you are a child of God. Oh, how we wish it could be that simple. Just listen to your family and friends tell you to shake it off, pick yourself up, quote scripture after scripture saying, You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, He is the lifter of your head, your strength, your shield, your high tower, a place of refuge they seem to make it sound so easy. As a personal note from one who has suffered through this never-ending nightmare, personally, it makes me want to get in the flesh and tell everyone, Go jump in a lake." Yes, I know this statement doesn’t sound very Christian-like, but this is the frustration with the common ignorance about our battle with depression. Unless you know the depth of my despair, don’t try to turn my agony into some small mental issue I seem to be struggling with. There are millions suffering from depression who would share my sentiments. I have been amongst the Christians who believe there may be something biblically wrong with us. We agonize over the fact that while others quote these scriptures and seem to be happy all the time. We seem to be from the Island of Misfit Toys—broken, discarded, and unable to function properly.

In the heart of every Christian suffering in this living hell is a deep desire to believe by quoting a few verses of scripture this visitation from Satan will disappear. For some unknown reason, those of us entrenched in this quicksand just seem to flounder in our ongoing despair, seemingly unaffected by quoting the word of God. These thoughts may appear to be somewhat sarcastic and faithless to those who don’t understand depression but it is very clear to all of those living in this daily quagmire of heaviness. Let me clarify my feeling about scripture; personally, I believe every word and every promise in the Bible. It is God’s word given to mankind, to guide and direct our lives, to bring us into a right relationship with our Creator. I believe He is our strength, our shield, the lifter of our heads, and a never-ending help in time of trouble. But herein lies the dilemma, although a Christian suffering from depression believes these scriptures to be true, strangely enough at the same time there seems to be no personal application. We seem overlooked by God, an unwanted stepchild, and one being punished for bad behavior.

Somewhere, somehow, someway, something went wrong and God will not move on our behalf. He seems to be content with our suffering, yet at the same time we know this not to be true. We know the enemy comes but to kill, steal and destroy, but we struggle with the fact that our loving Father continues to let us suffer. We scream at God for Him to deliver us out of this pit, but it does not end. We hope for a better tomorrow, but at the same time, we know tomorrow will not be better. It is difficult to live with this thought pattern yet appearing unable to change it. Then tomorrow comes and here we are crying out like Jeremiah, hoping that God will send someone to lower a rope and lift us out of this pit.

It is my hope those of you who have never gone through depression will get a small glimpse of this pain, which is very real and very debilitating. You may have a tendency to look at a person suffering from depression and feel they should be able to snap out of it, just change their thinking, and be happy, after all aren’t they Christian. Believe me, there is no greater desire on planet earth than for this to happen in the life of a depressed Christian. How we long to be happy once again, just to enjoy a whole day. Life becomes segmented for those in the mire of depression. There are moments out of the pit, when we have a twinkling of happiness, times when you can laugh without heaviness and truly enjoy the moment. But inevitably, it’s back to the sinkhole, hoping to have another segment of happiness sometime during the day.

It is with hope that this book may offer help to fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who suffer from the torment of depression. To give you a hope and let you know it will come to an end and someday you will be able to enjoy an entire day.

I know there are many Christian books dealing with the topic of depression, written by prolific writers with much greater writing ability and many with better clinical knowledge of depression, however many lack the personal experience of living in depression. Then there are the books written by those who have suffered through depression and have successfully come out of this madness, but all too often their books have become testimonials. I do not want this book to be a testimony of my own personal suffering. It is my desire this book helps to be a light in the very darkness many endure day after day, a light to lead you out of the tunnel which has no light. The other day I heard a song sung by a Christian band that simply says, There’s a light at the end of this tunnel, shining bright at the end of this tunnel, for you, for you. Right now you may be sitting in total darkness, afraid to move, afraid to breathe because you don’t want things to get worse. God hears your cries and He knows the despair in your life. There is a light at the end of this tunnel for you, don’t give up. God hears your pleas. He has not forsaken you.

So next time someone tells you to shake it off or snap out of it, you have my permission to tell them to Go jump in a lake. Yes I know already, but sometimes we need a break.

Lastly, for all of you who don’t understand this torment, it is time to get a little education. It became very real to me about the lack of understanding in the area of depression when speaking with my sister. It was an eye-opening experience to hear someone with over thirty years in the medical field say many of the people she worked with laughed at depression. After she overheard a conversation between me and my niece (also in the medical profession) talking about the symptoms we suffered through, for the first time, it became real to her and I hope it becomes real to you. Again, unless you have suffered through a depression, you cannot understand how much of a disability it truly is.

Personally I finally came to the end of a three plus year battle with this monster. Did I need professional help? Possibly yes. Did I need medication? No, I needed more of Jesus. This has been my third and I hope my last bout with depression over the past forty years. By far, this has been the longest and worst thing I have ever endured in my life. In the same breath, I know that many reading this book are living in this nightmare right now. There are many things you can do that will help you, but the first thing you need to understand is this You are not alone. You are not an unwanted stepchild, a misfit Christian broken beyond repair. God hears your cries, He knows your pain and suffering and He is making plans to rescue you out of this despair. If there is any blessing to depression, it is the understanding of what it must be like to exist out of the presence of God. I believe depression has given us a small glimpse at what eternal punishment must be like, having the appearance of being banished from the presence of God. If hell is anything like depression, this is one Christian who wants to know I am right with God when it is time to depart from planet Earth.

Let me get my testimony out of the way and not use this book as a testimonial, but as a tool to help you conquer depression in your life. I have been in the ministry since 1996, Associate Pastor at three churches and Senior Pastor at another. I have made a living working in the offshore oil industry on and off for over thirty years, most of my time spent in the Gulf of Mexico with time spent in Africa, South America, and the Middle East. It was during my time as a senior pastor that I suffered my greatest bout with depression. You would be astonished at the amount of depression in ministry, not only among pastors, but their wives and children. Occasionally, I struggle with very small amounts of depression, but they grow smaller and shorter. Very few people knew of my struggle during my time as Pastor; after all, who does the Pastor speak with? God of course. But when God did not answer, the pain grew worse and so did my anger toward the very One who would help me out of this agony. In the end, it was my faith in Christ, which brought me through. My anger toward God during my bout with depression more than likely slowed down the healing process. During this time, my only relief came while preaching or teaching. But my sermons and lessons would end and the sinking feeling would start all over again.

Depression does not just suddenly end; it slowly comes to an end, at an excruciating painfully slow pace. My days of the Yuck, as my wife and I would call it, slowly came to an end. Life has changed for us, having returned to fulltime secular work in the offshore oil industry. I know God is making my life better and there is a healing taking place in my soul. You will receive your healing also; just keep your faith, no one can take it away, no one!

Life is getting better again. The other day while driving down the interstate the car in front of me had a terrible suspension problem. The rear end of the car was bouncing wildly as this poor lady drove down the road. I began to laugh out loud at what I was seeing and for the first time in years I felt normal again, happiness has returned.

Thank you, Lord, for all you have done.

Chapter

1

The Attack

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. (1 Peter 5:8, KJV)

What has happened to me? How did I ever come to this place? I just feel terrible all the time, the things I use to do don’t make me happy, there doesn’t seem to be any happiness in life anymore. How, what, where and when did this monster creep into my life? This beast wreaks such havoc on your inner man you are overwhelmed by the devastation it has caused. Isn’t it amazing how quickly this monster has taken up residence in your life? There seems to be a vast number of things, which allow depression to come into a person’s life. You may have possibly lost a loved one, ended a relationship or moved away from home. Maybe you are the poor soul who hates your job, but you just can’t quit because the bills have to get paid. Are you the single mom or the family dad with monthly bills larger than the monthly bank account? Could it be you have an extremely ill family member, or a child lost to drug addiction? Have you suffered a severe accident and require medication to control the pain? Maybe the very thing used to stop the physical pain is also the very thing causing emotional and spiritual pain. The list of how and why depression comes into a person’s life seems endless.

Who does this beast seek to devour; Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Elijah, John the Baptist, King David, and of course, you. You are not alone, and the symptoms you suffer are very real, and very identical to the symptoms others are suffering. The beast has taken up residence in your life and you want it to leave. During the initial attack is when you stand the greatest chance of swiftly defeating this monster. Sad to say we have a natural tendency to believe things will get better with time and in most cases this is true, but when dealing with depression we ponder our problems over and over again, coming up with new scenarios as we play them back through our minds, each one better than the one before. As we ponder, we sink deeper and deeper into the clutches of this beast, until we are in its control. We slip into existence instead of living. We begin to hope this day will end and we begin to make plans for a better tomorrow, somehow lost in the inevitable notion that tomorrow will be the same.

I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better I can not tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible; I must die or be better, it appears to me.

—Abraham Lincoln

I think this man might be useful to me—if my black dog returns. He seems quite away from me now—it is such a relief. All the colors come back into the picture.

—Winston Churchill

I don’t like standing near the edge of a platform when an express train is passing through. I like to stand right back and if possible get a pillar between me and the train. I don’t like to stand by the side of a ship and look down into the water. A second’s action would end everything. A few drops of desperation.

—Winston Churchill

Elijah, a great man of God, wrestled with the beast; after one of the greatest visual displays of the power of God in the Bible, the defeat of the prophets of Baal where the fire of God came down from heaven and consumed an offering soaked in water. Soon afterward, he would speak the end to a three and a half year drought; and finally, he ran for miles in front of the king’s chariot. What dramatic sights these must have been. In the mind of Elijah, surely, Israel would return to God; surely the King would repent and restore Israel to its right place. But it didn’t happen; in return, all he received was a death threat from the evil Jezebel. Elijah then encountered the beast, surely Elijah played the different scenarios over and over again in his mind as he sank deeper into the jaws of this abyss, until he finally crawled up under a juniper tree and desired to die.

But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for am not better than my fathers. (1 Kings 19:4, KJV)

John the Baptist, whom Jesus made reference to as No greater man born of a woman than John the Baptist, it was John who saw Jesus and said, Behold the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world. This insight could have only been revealed through divine revelation. The man who baptized Jesus and confronted the religious sects face to face, encountered the terrible grip of the beast. This man so confident in the message he was sent to preach, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, make his paths straight, slowly sank into the depths of depression. Just like all who have come face to face with this monster, he began to doubt his very calling, he began to doubt the words he had spoken and doubt if Jesus was indeed the Christ. John, in his despair, locked in a prison cell and soon to be executed, sent his disciples to ask Jesus if he was the One or do we look for another.

David the shepherd boy tending his sheep was called by his father to come before the great prophet Samuel. A young lad who occupied his time slinging rocks at various targets, strumming his harp and singing songs to the Lord, was now being called to come before the man of God. Standing before this prophet, judge and priest, David was anointed with oil to become King over Israel. How could this be? David of Judah knowing that King Saul of the tribe of Benjamin had his own sons. Then the time came when Jesse, his father, sent David to take supplies to his older brothers who were at war, but God was sending David to encounter a giant. For a season he was the victor, the talk of all Israel only to encounter the beast. Anointed to be King of Israel, he met another giant, a giant that would forever change him. Running for his life from a mad king, a king he would have served unto his death. David cried out to God, only to keep running. David kept his trust in the One who would bring him through the valley of the shadow of death. Four and a half years David knew what it was like to be hunted.

Who is this beast after? The beast is after anyone who would choose to serve the living God. If you are making a stand for Christ, then you can expect an encounter from this giant. Jesus said, In this world you shall have tribulation, I know of no greater tribulation to date than to battle this giant. Men will go to war and see human tragedy and horror beyond description, survive battle after battle only to come home and lose the war against depression. What bullets and bombs were unable to destroy the beast of depression will conquer.

These great men of the Bible along with Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill and many other great leaders have encountered depression. The above biblical accounts have two things in common. First they all continued to place their trust in God, knowing it would be the