The Mind Is a Battlefield: Mind Games Exposed

By A. Brown

Do you have a silent struggle that wages deep within your soul? Are there questions, shame, and sadness that resound within at the end of every day? The emptiness and loneliness from not being understood . . . the pain that is too much to bear by yourself so you must numb out just to survive. And then there's the question of "Why do I survive?" You are not alone. This book is a window into the souls of the troubled at heart. It reveals the silent cries from deep within that rule every thought and action. These pages are about the battle in the mind of someone who found their voice, and wants to share it with a world who suffers in silence. Don't underestimate someone by a smiling face. What lies beneath may terrify you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 26, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644168585

Book preview

Church?

It comes in waves . . .

Then it plummets down

I could be soring high above the clouds, and then it hits me . . .

It plummets down

I can be fine one moment . . . then the next . . .

It plummets down

I don’t understand why I’m this way . . .

I can’t seem to shake it

Can’t do it on my own like they say

Maybe someday someone will understand

I wish I could just run away . . .

Vent all my feelings and it would be ok . . .

But I can’t

I’m a young Christian girl

I have to be pure . . . I have to act like I have it all together

Why can’t I ever let myself go?

Just once . . .

Let it all out and it would be ok

So I won’t feel insane . . .

So I can get these thoughts out that are branded on my brain . . .

I’m sick of being a mistake

Sick of being ignored

Sick of holding it all together like a good child of the Lord

Give me a break . . . I’ll get one somehow

Everything is fine . . .

But I still feel empty inside

This filled up feeling only lasts so long . . .

No one says why that is

I guess it’s supposed to be my fault

Must not be pressing in enough . . .

I hate it when people go back on what they say . . .

They make up rules and then do things their own way

What is this mess that we’re in?

Just take me away, please!

Someone just help me . . .

I can’t stand these feelings inside

I will burst soon, and hopefully I’ll die

What good am I here anyway?

I see a glimmer . . .

I think I can reach the star . . .

Then I look where I’m standing, and it’s just way too far

I need some space for my mind to be free

Some places to go and things to see

Maybe then the memories will ease . . .

All of these thoughts

I begin to wonder what’s wrong

I can’t do it on my own

I already made that clear

I tried to make everyone happy . . . including myself

I tried to be happy . . .

Then there it fell

Oh well

Save my sorrows for another day

I breathe the mist . . .

Amid the weary desert I am standing here

Arose so weary, a song too sorry to be told . . .

Too shameful to be revealed

Though never really certain

The mist falls down . . .

But it is not enough to refresh my soul . . .

To burn the chaff within this lonely place that I hold to myself

I long for the rain to fall

To wash away the pain in my soul

To cover all my sins . . .

Make me whole again

To live again . . . is what I long for

Looking into the mirror, she saw the mask that she had been hiding behind like a frightened child

The cry for freedom rang out through the night and echoed into the canyons of eternity

She knew it was near

She could almost touch it . . .

As she reached out, she could feel the padlock chains break and fall to the ground

The glass shattered and lay broken at her feet

With a death grip, she now holds on

Never going back

Never slipping away

Now steadfast in the arms of freedom

This wasn’t the truth that I’ve seen

This wasn’t the truth that I was told to believe

All has fallen short of it

A frail hand reached out to grasp—now taken away

Enclosed in a case

So tightly sealed

I cannot breathe

Falling, falling into fog

I am here again . . . in this place of utter pain and hurt

The darkness is lonely, the wind is cold

No light at the end of the tunnel

The case is too tightly sealed to set myself free

Who will be there to hold me?

To pick me up when I fall down?

I trusted once and then again . . .

Only to be thrown away

Back into this dark pit

The flog clouds my way

My spirit falls

It seeps through my fingers like the ocean sand

Crying, calling out

But no one hears . . .

Hurt echoes against these walls

I