This Thing Called Life

By Melodie Washington

Married at the early age of 20, thirsty for love, wanting to be married, wanting to have children and make a home for my family. Praying as a child, every night, to have a home full of Peace, Love & Happiness. Little did I know the hurt and pain that awaited me. Little did I know the attacks that would be-fall me; trying to take my mind; filling me with thoughts of death, never to feel pain again. Learning without permission the life of an Addict. This is my story...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 11, 2015
• ISBN: 9781682132708

Book preview

Prologue

This four letter word is so powerful; it has such a great meaning. More than words could ever say. What is the meaning of Life anyway? The dictionary has many definitions; I want to talk about the one that deals with the aspects of one’s existence while being on this earth. Now I wonder what the WORD of GOD has to say about Life. After looking up the word Life in a Bible Concordance I found that there were 198 scriptures referenced concerning Life.

I wrote this when I was 33 years old. Then and now I feel like my Life is just about over at times, when in fact it has just begun. I started my struggle so early, so I feel much older than I am. It is so much I can say about Life. Life is so tricky, so unpredictable. Sometimes I feel like I am dealing with more than I can handle. Then I am reminded what the WORD of GOD says. He will not put more on you than you can bear. He also said, In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (I Thess 5:18).

It seems like today we are faced with so much, but the truth of the matter is that–problems have always been present in the lives of people. The women of yesterday seem to have had a greater strength of endurance than the women of today. Is this good or bad? I don’t know. I do know that I want that strength for the sake of holding my family together. I do believe that family life is very important, and it is something the world is lacking today.

Life is not full of YES’s. Life is not all about you. Life is in part–what you make it, and in part–love, hate, trust, education, employment, marriage, divorce, children, spirituality, experiences, politics, family, people, trials and tribulations. People you meet can have a negative or positive influence on your life. Life consists of sacrifices, leadership, instruction, goals and objectives. You get back what you put out. There will also be times when you will feel that what you are getting is not fair. Well life isn’t fair. We have to try to understand that the Word of God tells us that all things work together for the good of them that love the Lord... (Romans 8:28)

And yes we are all affected by circumstances of Life and our environment; nevertheless, Life is still about choice and, remember, the final choice always belongs to you. Choices we make are choices we have to live with. You will also find that sometimes you had no choice in the matter. Some things and/or situations we are faced with; we were born into. I won’t go into that; because it can get deep.

Everything I write was inspired by my life’s personal experiences. It is a gift from God. I hope that something I have written will be a blessing to you in some way. It’s all about making a positive difference in someone’s life.

How It All Got Started

January 25, 2005

It all began on September 8, 1966, when a baby girl was born at the old Children’s Hospital in Washington, DC, to Mr. and Mrs. Willie Reed. They named their little girl Honey. What no one knew was that born along with this tiny baby girl was a gift from God (writing) and a heart full of love. Peace, Love, and Happiness has been my slogan since I was in elementary school. And anybody that knows me knows this.

For as long as I can remember, I have always loved to write. I have a countless number of journals and diaries. My life story is documented on calendars, letters, and diskettes. I know that everyone has their own history and their own story, but God laid it on my heart early in life to one day write the story of my life. And yes, it has been full. Only God himself has given me strength to get through it all. Even to this day, as I write this chapter, the saga continues.

I only hope that I can encourage, strengthen, comfort, or help someone get through this thing called life. It is not an easy road to ride on, but it is something each of us is faced with every day. We have to keep on moving on this road. Sometimes we go in circles, we run out of gas, we break down, even get stuck in the ditch; but we got to keep on moving. Some of us have accidents, take the wrong exit, and get lost; but we have to keep on moving. We slip and slide when the pavement is wet; but we have to keep on moving.

If you are wondering how you ever made it, you can stop wondering right now—it was grace and mercy that brought you through. My God rains on the just and the unjust, believers and unbelievers. He has given us all a great portion of grace and mercy, and I love him for it. Thank you, Jesus! He is truly an awesome God!

The Word of God tells me that our life is predestinated by God Almighty himself. Nobody but Jesus has kept me up until this day.

Well, born to Willie Reed Sr. and Louise Reed on September 8, 1966, my life has been in what seems at times a never-ending whirlwind. My insides have been torn and scarred so many times. Today I am thirty-eight years old, and I am still trying to bring all the pieces together. Life can be something else. My heart goes out to all the ones who just didn’t make it. Some committed suicide, some became addicts, some lost their minds, and some wear a smile full of pain every day. And yes, we do have those that got all the right ingredients. Bless their little heart. The only thing about that is their ingredients don’t work for you and me.

I realize that we all have our history because this life today is just crazy. Our poor men, so many of them haven’t been taught. They can be so selfish, arrogant, and just a trip without the luggage, and what make it so bad is they will try to convince you that they are right and you are wrong. So many times do they try to flip the script, but let me tell you that is where I draw the line! We all have to live with our self daily, and 99 percent of the time we know exactly what we are doing and saying. Please don’t be fooled. And yes, women are a trip too.

One thing I have learned in this life is that people just have so many issues and insecurities of their own and will not deal with themselves. It’s too bad because so much time is wasted, and so many people are destroyed. I don’t know why we run from our self so much, but we do.

My upbringing wasn’t the worse in the world; as a matter of fact, I felt pretty good about it. My parents split up when I and my brother (we are a year a part, him being the oldest) were still young, but I thank God that I have never had any animosity or anger in my heart against my father. I’m sure it had some effect on me, but not to the point where it brought a lot of negative energy in my life.

Just today I was sharing with one of my girlfriends about my childhood things about me that have always been a part of me. As far back as I can remember, my slogan/motto has always been Love, Peace, and Happiness. Those have been things I have always believed in and still hold close to my heart—what piece of heart I have left. I remembered always wanting my home to be filled with peace and happiness. I don’t know if this was a result of my parents splitting up or what. Thirty-eight years later, I feel like I had the wrong picture of happiness. I think I have for too long looked for happiness in the wrong places.

I have been married for eighteen years this May 2005. I have been with my husband about twenty-three years. I met Mark in high school. He tried for so long to get my attention. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t like him; I really just didn’t know him or didn’t pay him any attention, until he called my house one day. I have no idea how he got my number.

I remember back then I wanted him to fall in love with me from a kiss. Yeah, yeah, I was tripping. It was something about love that I wanted so badly. I mean, even today, I want the kind of relationship that just by sight you get a glow of love in your eyes and vice versa.

I know this sounds crazy, but in fact, it’s not crazy at all. We have been brainwashed to believe that this is life, take the good with the bad. And yes, yes, all of that and some more is true, but a bunch of nonsense is also a bunch of nonsense. Issues, insecurities, arrogance, low self-esteem, and all related characteristics don’t have to be the story of your life either.

I mean, I am the first to sympathize with individuals made up like this. I would love to reach out and help in any way I can.

One morning on my way to work, the title Wounded Spirits Receive Your Healing dropped in my spirit. I gave a workshop on that about a year later. It went well, but it was not long enough to get deep to the root of the hurt and pain. My friends asked me when was I going to do it again. Maybe one day I will be able to really get it off the ground. Most of the material was originated by myself. I mean, we had a good time too. We ate, laughed, some cried and we prayed. It was nice. But so many people, including myself, are so deeply wounded. By what? This thing called life!

More About Me

May 2003

My life has been full of ups and downs; good times and bad times; celebrations and disappointments. I have many emotional roller coaster rides. My little mind is always on the move. I like to refer to it as my emotional roller coaster. Not only is my mind always on the move, my life is very busy. I have a husband, 6 children, and 2 stepsons, all of which can be very demanding at times. My weeks are full of craziness. It’s a vicious cycle and I wonder when the craziness will end.

I am seeking complete solace, an inner peace. I am always wondering what the purpose of my Life is. Why am I here? At times I wonder if I know, but don’t care to acknowledge it or just won’t accept it. How do you ever really know any way? I think about death a lot too, which isn’t too cool. I have so many issues racing thru my little mind daily. Life seems so unfair at times, but then I start to wonder maybe it isn’t unfair. Maybe we get what we put out. I once read that Life is like an echo, it gives back everything you say or do. The Word of God also lets us know that we reap what we sew. So of course it brings another question to my little mind; what kind of seeds have I sewn? Well let me try to go back. Let me see if I can figure out what makes me tick. What and why my emotions are triggered. Where does the sadness, fear, and doubt come from?

So often I am over shadowed with sadness. Sadness seems to have a way of embracing me, embracing my mind, my heart, and my thoughts. It weighs me down; it burdens me; it brings my spirits down. I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately. I am trying to figure out me! Who I am! I am 36 years old and I feel burnt out. When I look at my life what do I see? Who do I see?

--I see a toddler living in Northwest, Washington, DC on Newton Street, Park Road, and Monroe. I remember the daycare I attended, going to Upper Cardozo Clinic. I remember going to a playground on top of an apartment building, and Kennedy playground. I remember the day my mom left my dad. He went to work and we started moving. I don’t know exactly why they separated but I know we rolled out and never looked back. We moved to 1340 Colorado Avenue, NW, where we lived for many years. I remember having a lot of bad dreams (night mares) as a child. I would always get up and go get in bed with my mother. I also remember hearing things at night. My mother would leave the lamp on for me. Looking back now, I realize the enemy has been trying to attack me for a very long time.

--I see a little girl having a lot happy times growing up. As far as I can remember, my primary years were good. We would go stay with my dad sometimes. He had a room in a rooming house near O Street, NW, then he got a nice apartment in Maryland and we had our own room. I think he and my mom where going to try and reconcile but they never did. I’m sure this had an effect on me. However, it didn’t really affect me in a negative way, with a lot of negative energy or bad feelings toward my father. But I do remember praying throughout my child hood that I would never have a broken home and that my house would be full of love and happiness.

Christmas time was always fun. I remember looking out the window looking for Santa. My brother and I had loads and loads of toys. My mom always fixed a big dinner; however, we would eat somewhere else. We would deliver all our gifts Christmas morning and land at one of my Aunts houses. This has definitely been passed to me; I love Christmas time and the giving of gifts. We always have fun wrapping presents and giving gifts. I even get carried away on some of the other holidays like Easter or Valentine’s Day. Sometimes hubby have to tell me to calm down.

During the summer we went to North Carolina, for at least a month. My brother and I would catch the bus down. My Auntie would meet us in Danville, VA and we would drive about 1-hour to Yanceyville, NC. They lived in a trailer. One year it thunder stormed so bad; my little life flashed before my very eyes. I thought I was going to die that night. My Aunt would take us to the drive-in movies; that was fun.

I remember a friend of my mom’s name Mr. Herb. Mr. Herb was around a lot when we lived on Colorado Avenue. I remember this other guy name James. Once he scared my momma so bad that she took us and we left the apartment. We went to stay with her cousin. We had to bring my brother home the next morning so he could do his paper route; but we saw James and we left. My mom had - had enough. She called the police; they met us at the apartment and put him out. He was just sitting in our apartment so unconcerned. I guess he was waiting for us to come home. He knew my brother had a paper route, and he knew we had to go to school. My mom never let that happen again. I don’t remember exactly how it got to that point, I surely don’t remember him being abusive; but maybe he was. Whatever fear my