Speak Incest Out Loud

By Nicole Jackson

Nicole's story of incest survival is purposed to support the path toward peace for those that may be in the thralls of this type of abuse or may be many years removed from their abuse experiences. Speak Incest Out Loud® will mentor readers in identifying actual and potential prey, survivors, and vile predators. Whether a frightened victim, an angry survivor, a family member of someone victimized, a teacher or church congregant, there is a message and teachable moment for you. The authors show us that there are many participant roles in the cycle of incest both directly and indirectly. Identifying these team players, as the writers call them, is an important component of the healing process. Nicole believes that deliberate confrontation of personal truths and removing personal masks which kept secrets living in the shadows were two of the many stepping-stones along her path toward healing. The purpose of Speak Incest Out Loud® is to enable survivors in rescuing the frightened child hidden deep within who has been awaiting your healing so they may be delivered into the light, to freedom, and into a life of joy and peace. This book lives up to its name and will teach you how to overcome fear, self-doubt, low self-esteem and will truly help you speak incest out loud. —Sharon Skinner, Phenomenal Peace Book Club Reading Speak Incense Out Loud had me on the edge of my seat as I became emotional for the little girl that the writer came back and rescued. The book teaches its readers the signs of abuse and how to be aware of the predators who linger in the shadows. I highly recommend this book. —Crystal Edwards Owner of I Care Daycare and CEO of Brystal Visions Inc.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9781644629741

Book preview

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Speak Incest Out Loud

Nicole Jackson

Copyright © 2019 Nicole Jackson and Jesse Owens II

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2019

ISBN 978-1-64462-973-4 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-64462-974-1 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Emerging from the Shadows

Education: One Step at a Time

Youth of Innocence

Consequences

Experiencing the Lion

Consequences

Environments of Despair

The Cycle of Destruction

Restoration

A Note to the Super Eight

Breakthrough to Restoration

Acknowledgment

While this book is my brainchild and has been brewing in me for decades, it took the support of a most unlikely and unsuspecting rock to bring the experience of my life’s journey to print. When I traveled across country for a one-hour meeting to ask for support, I was a wreck because presenting this proposal meant overexposing my vulnerabilities.

Jesse Owens II (JO) was so gracious and cautious with his response to my question to serve as ghostwriter on this project. Having known me as a young girl in junior high and high school and reestablishing our friendship as adults, the image he knew in no way lined up with the story I laid out to him that evening. Leaving me with my dignity intact, Jesse simply agreed and shared that he was honored to work on the project.

Pushed beyond measure by JO for content, details, thoughts, feeling, experiences, spaces, smells, and you name it, the first two years of this project was hell on earth for me. I went very deep within to unearth and dump material to fill his pen. The gift to me was he availed himself to my sobs and struggles as I processed through the reliving of the dark corners of my memory. When I called, he answered, regardless of the three-hour time zone difference.

Having progressed to a new level of healing, I became more involved, and Jesse’s support moved from ghostwriter to coauthor as he willingly accepted my input and suggestions to reflect authenticity, provide dignity and respect to prospective readers. An accomplished author himself, there was no resistance to allow this novice to assert into the shaping alongside his expertise to create this work.

JO, because of your push (and, quite frankly, your force at times against my resistance) for me to sit in my life’s messy path, I am free today. It was only God who put me on that plane four years ago to bring you my story and ask for your support. So I thank you for being the person to honor and protect it just as I had faith you would. I am prayerful that we are serving God’s purpose and that through this book, He will touch, move, and heal lives.

Introduction

Rage has consumed me. Life is hesitant to exist in its perceived normal state. What is normal, you ask? It has been observed as sheltered and a veil of behavioral deceit. My real existence was falsely protected and guided into a hidden horrific place of abuse. I had been exposed in my mind as a sacrificial lamb, and I had to emerge from the shadows of that existence or else lose my life, my position as a woman. Like any other, I was created and defined as I grew from my infancy to an adult woman. As my story of abuse became known and I was able to assess this difficult trial in my life, I had wished it was nothing but a nightmare. Yes, can you imagine someone wishing their life was a nightmare? Well, I did because at least I could wake up from it and escape to the reality where the horrors did not exist. Very real was that corrupt incest abuse which interrupted my progress toward becoming an emerging young lady. This will be a vivid description of how the fallacy of a normal family stood on a sandbank of deceit and hid in the shadows of realistic life issues. My strength, my persistence to emerge out of the shadows would one day fuel my calling to a stop and call it what others tremble to say. I called it out, I shouted it out, and today, I speak incest out loud ® so it can stop for others.

Emerging from the Shadows

Itrusted that I would be protected. I trusted that I could believe in him. I trusted that one day, he would be proud of my accomplishments and the lady that I would become. I thought I understood that when I was in his arms, I could rest, feel safe, and be safe to dream of how my future would unfold. But those times were marred by the memory of ice cream; yep, the memory of ice cream that I could pallet no more. You see, for me, the memory of ice cream wasn’t that sweet treat that most kids like to indulge in when growing up. Ice cream had a significantly different meaning for me. One day many years ago, the idea of ice cream transgressed from a treat to a nightmare.

With a little girl’s youth and innocence, I thought Daddy was my example of what my dream man’s characteristic would be when I got older. He treated me like his princess. He gave me the attention that most little girls would covet, but that was a part of his plan and the setting of his trap. Daddy would make me laugh and desire to always receive his gentle playful touch. I saw him as a man who provided things for me when I would respond favorably to his request. I learned that when I exhibited good behavior, I would be rewarded. You see, to me, Daddy was the king of the house, and if he bestowed the crown of his perceived grace, I would be taken care of and grow in the likes of his life’s priority. As the princess of the house, I was awarded when I sat in the throne of his grace. I had arrived, or so I thought.

The information and experiences that I share with you are only some light accounts of what happened during my struggle of incest. I want readers to know this is very serious subject matter to deal with and will be heavy at times to trudge through. My experience toward healing is progressive, and I have learned to forgive. Through my quest to forgive others, I have learned to communicate my story by means of embracing the journey so as not to scare or scar you through my journey. So through this book, I will bring to light the issues of these horrid accounts, but I want to communicate it in a way that others can receive it into their heart. I want my readers to learn about prevention, recognition, how to stop the abuse, and how to support others to and through healing. Finally, and just as important, I want to help adults that have gone years living life white-knuckle because they’ve had not the tools to confront their fears or even consider forgiveness.

In the beginning, I told you about how I felt I was Daddy’s princess. He held me above others only because he could hold me. I didn’t realize that the shift in his attention was for his lustful mindset. It shifted from many other things that Daddy should have been concerned about outside the home to his focus of his little girl inside the home. I didn’t know any better other than to think that Daddy’s giving me a lot of attention. I didn’t think that it was supposed to be demonstrated any other type of way. All children need exclusive parental attention from parents at various stages of his or her life. I guess I only thought that my turn was at hand. Hindsight has given me a different reality of what was happening. What I now know is his behavior exhibited that there is intent to everything that is done in a predator’s sick mind.

Sidebar for a second, in my mind, I see the analogy of forensic science and my discovery of incest running as two parallels. What I mean by this analogy is that there was evidence that wasn’t on the surface, but as we dig deeper and utilize tools to bring out truths, the evidence starts to leave a dirty trail. As we become aware of inappropriate behaviors and near misses of exposed secrets, we start stringing together suspicions that allow us to ask unprecedented questions. So let’s start by exposing the truths in my journey. It started innocently I thought after the slight tickles of play. Daddy would invite me to sit on his lap and have daddy/daughter playtime like all dads do