Human Sexual Challenges: Innovative and Practical Solutions

By Eric Taku

Human Sexual Challenges: Innovative and Practical Solutions! applies the kinesthetic variant to the human sexual response model in resolving specific sexual issues. The kinesthetic variant was unveiled in our previous text: The Simplicity and Magnificence of Human Sexuality. This volume, appropriately then, is a sequel.

This resource exposes the sexual dichotomies (conflicts) that exist within sexuality that, among others, include monotony and boredom, female inhibited sexual desire and anorgasmia pandemic—that is, the inability to consistently have orgasm, male endemic premature and retarded ejaculation issues, and the criticality of health for a sustained sexuality. Health was given a prominent place supported by the authors’ personal stories and emphasis on the healing power of nature. A number of sexual myths and queries were addressed together with the fact that sex is not an unqualified good.

As before, numerous cases within the context of Cameroon fill the pages supported by research studies from the West, especially the USA. The authors’ hope is that most sexual issues will become history as the couple digest the contents of this manual.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Dec 22, 2021
• ISBN: 9781638148852

Book preview

Chapter 1

Sexual Dichotomies (Conflicts)

Marriage is honorable in all, and the [sexual] bed undefiled, declares the Holy Scriptures in Hebrews 13:4 (KJV, paraphrased). This, in our interpretation, implies the marriage sexual bed is pure, ecstatic, and fulfilling. Is that really true? The response is a definite yes. But do the stories of actual real-life couples align with the above standard? Yes, many do, but just as many do not. A large number are in a state of dichotomy, which often is the result of ignorance—that is, inadequate marital and sexual knowledge.

Dichotomy is defined as a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or different—that is, a sharp division of things or ideas into two contradictory parts.¹ This concept in relation to human sexuality is expressed by the perceived conflicts between the male and female sexual experiences. That is, a gap exists between the ideals of marriage, love, and sexuality relative to actual experiences.

He appears always hot and in the mood for sex while she seems as cold as a freezer. When in the act, he is like a short-distance sprint runner who is over in a few minutes; she, on the other hand, appears to require a long-distance marathon to satisfy her needs. He comes out having enjoyed the sexual episode; she, however, is left bored, bruised, and empty. He hails the glories of sex while she wonders, What in the world is there in the whole event? Why the excitement? Once she has the number of children she was seeking, the sexual chapter is closed. He, however, responds, She cannot be serious! How dare she withhold sex. (As he seethes over his wife’s consistent resistance to his sexual advances.)

These widespread sexual dichotomies or conflicts are captured by two renowned relationships authorities: Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr. and Phil McGraw, PhD.

Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr. in his great book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage records the male frustrations in the following paragraph:

I have known bank presidents, successful politicians, pastors of flourishing churches, and leaders in every walk of life who have thrown away careers and let their achievements go down the drain for a special sexual relationship. They explain to me in no uncertain terms that without this relationship everything else in life seems meaningless to them.²

The female recoil and resistance to engage in sex is generally not born of a wicked heart though; she is just as disillusioned as well. This void in the female story, which is a reality in millions of homes across the globe, is presented by Dr. Phil McGraw in his enlightening book Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World as he writes:

I can’t tell you the number of women over the years that have told me that they don’t care if they ever have sex again. Imagine you’re a husband who, seven or eight years into marriage, hears your wife say, You know what; I’m kind of done with that. Now you’re in a position of forced celibacy. What do you do? She’s saying, honestly, I really don’t want to, and he’s saying, I didn’t sign up for a life of celibacy. What are you going to do?³

Frustrated males who are constantly resisted abound. And there are many more who struggle with premature ejaculation and the inability to fully enjoy the sex experience. Several females finish up bruised and sore; and numerous out there are bored and empty and unable to experience the liberating feeling of a glorious orgasm. No wonder they keep resisting their husbands. A couple of cases below capture these tensions.

*****

We were just through with a marriage and sexual fitness session with Eyere and Tambong, whose wedding was less than a month away, when she pulled me aside. They were in their early thirties.

Uncle, she began. All you discussed sounds promising and exciting. But does it work in real life the way you presented in theory? she inquired.

Yes, it does. I confirmed. At least I am speaking from the position of experience having been married for several years. But why the pessimism? I questioned. What is your concern?

She gave a speculative look at her husband, Tambong, who was standing a distance away from us then lowered her voice as she said, I am asking because I hate sex.

Okay, I blurted out, kind of at a loss. I understand you were born and grew up in church. And you said you are the youth team leader of your local church, I noted. So how do you know you hate sex? I prompted.

Blushing, she confirmed, Your assertions are correct. But I deviated in my late teens into my twenties within which period I dated a couple of guys before Jesus Christ captured my heart again.

I indicated to her that it was okay; it has happened to many persons, and I am glad she found Christ again. She should keep in mind that in Christ Jesus, she is completely forgiven; she should receive that forgiveness and never allow one bit of guilt in her heart any longer, as Scripture notes, Having forgiven you all trespasses (Colossians 2:13 KJV).

She expressed gratitude as she picked up the trail again. I am afraid for my marriage and the young man behind you. I love him so much and neither want to hurt nor lose him; he does not deserve to be punished with rejections. But judging by my previous exploits, I know I hate sex, and it is going to be a struggle between us at home except your concepts do indeed work, she concluded.

We later went through a question and answer session again, and at the end, I handed her a documented summary for her perusal. Fast-forward three months, she called in with giggles as she exploded with, Thank you, thank you, thank you, and thank you! We had a lighthearted chit chat as she elatedly narrated her ecstasy since marriage.

*****

Nguepi gave Sholla a lift on the way to work one morning. In that rush hour, taxi caps were overloaded, and she was stranded. They were both in their thirties. On the way, though, the conversation between them eventually digressed into marriage and sexuality. He was startled when she popped a demand directly.

Do you mind becoming my sex partner? You are handsome and athletic, and I am confident you can satisfy me in bed. I won’t disappoint you either.

Sholla was wearing a wedding ring which caught Nguepi’s attention. He made reference to the ring pointing out that she was probably married.

Yeah, I am married, she confirmed. But I need sexual release which I cannot have with my husband; I am confident you can do the job for me. And besides, Douala is a big city. If we play it well, none would find out, neither my husband nor your wife.

Well, he turned down the offer and eventually dropped her off at her destination.

*****

It was midnight when Papa Fopeh ran out almost naked chasing his wife for sex. They were both in their late fifties and had been married for almost thirty years. The noise from the bickering awoke the neighbors who all came out to understand what was happening.

Giana, I paid your bride-price, let me remind you. He growled. You cannot continue to do this to me; you cannot continue to torment me.

And so what? she responded. And because you paid my bride-price, is that why you brutalize me? I say I don’t want it; aha, is it now food? Leave me alone. I told you multiple times I don’t want it! She screamed.

The quarreling persisted for some time. Then a wise and respected neighbor intervened. He quietly persuaded onlookers back to their apartments as he urged the couple back home. Behind the scenes, he provided counsel to both parties and persuaded Mme Giana to yield. Early in the morning, Papa Fopeh was at the neighbor’s door beaming with delight and expressing his gratitude. He had his sexual release, but she probably endured the process out of respect for the neighbor who had intervened.

*****

Jonsen is a technical staff for an industrial complex. His marriage to Fuleh had gradually disintegrated. Sex was a struggle, and many days, he had to literally force himself into her. In their forties, they have five children together. Things went into a tailspin when Fuleh started arriving home later than usual. She always had an excuse. Soon, her clothes were gradually disappearing from the home. When queried, she explained: The company recently launched a new and really demanding project which requires we work late into the evening she stated. I need to be close to my job site, so I spend some nights at a friend’s.

The length of stay grew longer, and after she didn’t show up for over a week, her husband took action. Investigations revealed she was quietly installed in a new partner’s residence. She moved on, leaving behind a husband and five children.

*****

The marriage of Sungeh and his wife, Muku, appeared godsent. Initially it was wonderful to see them together. They were both deacon and deaconess in their local church. One day, while in the sex act, she disturbed the peace of the neighborhood with her sweet-nothings pleasure screams:

Sungeh! Sungeh! Sungeh! Oh! I am dying, it is so sweet. You are killing me. Yes, baby, yes, yes, yes! And on it went to the end of the sexual episode.

She later confessed on how exhilarating the experience was. It felt like running down a hill on a cool day with the wind in your face and lungs. Wow, how refreshing.

Deacon Sungeh felt like a hero just seeing the wife washed out with ecstasy. But unfortunately, he could not recall exactly what he did that drove Muku wild with delight. Muku’s ecstasy that day had simply been a happy accident. Thus, subsequent encounters were flops, which eventually turned her off.

She affirmed, If I don’t get to get consistent orgasm, to have that same feeling that day, then I don’t want sex. That was the beginning of trouble as her rejections drove him out. Initially, quarrels erupted at home; other days, he came late then not at all on some days, and lastly, he moved out with another woman, abandoning the wife and three kids. It was a complication for the family and the church given they were both church leaders.

Unfortunately for the family, at the same time, he also struggled with business and financial woes. Thus, when the divorce papers arrived, they cited, Her disrespect and sexual neglect because of his business and financial problems. To him, therefore, she was there just for his money, which was a huge misunderstanding. In reality, she rejected him sexually because, except for that one glorious encounter, the rest were flops that left her sore, bruised, and empty. It had nothing to do with money.

*****

Nona and Reine lived together in the city. They were dedicated Christians who had both held positions of leadership in the men’s and women’s fellowships. Recently, he retired and decided to return home to his village so they could spend the rest of their days in peace. Reine, his wife, however, adamantly rejected the option.

Later, she confided to a friend: Freedom has come; let him return home alone. Sex is a battle in our marriage; most days, we don’t sleep on the same bed. I am exhausted with always fighting him off; I am done with those bruises and boredom. Let him return home alone; I am in the city with the children.

*****

Akugweh is twenty years younger than her husband Fobiah. Things appeared okay from the outside for many years. But by the time Fobiah turned sixty, all hell broke loose; he became really abusive.

Stupid woman, you prostitute, filthy and dirty pig. And the insults multiplied, which some days turned physical.

It so happened he was struggling with diabetes and high blood pressure which had affected his ability to erect. Fobiah, at sixty, meant Akugweh was forty years of age. She was quite attractive, and at that age, her sexual juices and needs were crying out for satisfaction which, unfortunately, her husband could no longer meet (with his penis, although he could have used the fingers or tongue methods to help her out).

He was overwhelmed with jealousy and could not stand other males around her, which explained (though not justify) the abuses. He suspected every male—family friends, colleagues, neighbors, and even fellow Christian brothers. His accusations were mere hallucinations and were quite untrue. But that was the way he reacted, and it was really pathetic. She spent many days in tears over his constant assaults.

*****

Tiles drives the CEO of a multinational company. Some days after dropping off the Boss, he returns home to assist Madame Boss (MB) with some errands. On this day, he returned hoping business as usual, but things were about to go awry.

Come upstairs, Tiles, Madame commanded. He went up lingering at the corridors of the first floor.

Please come inside the room, she insisted, the voice barking from the master bedroom which door was partially opened. He hesitated but eventually entered to find she was having a shower at the bathroom.

Kindly pick up the towel on the bed and hand it to me, she demanded, which sent his head spinning and heart racing. What is this woman up to? He imagined within himself. He took the towel to the door of the bathroom, and just then, she opened the door standing completely nude with all her credentials bare before him. He turned away to avoid looking at her, to which she responded.

Why are you looking away? What is there on my body that you have not seen before? You mean I am not beautiful? Anyway, get out from here and leave this place and make sure to shut up. She scolded. He left shivering like a leaf blown in the cold wind. She repeated the act again though. And the third time, she came out clean.

Now, you undress, take a shower, and join me in bed. I need you to make love to me, an instruction that struck him home with panic.

She noticed his ordeal and responded, If you don’t want to make love to me, then I will understand and find someone else. The door is open; you can unlock it and leave. But when you go, just go for good and never come back. Just disappear because if you stay close, I promise I will destroy you. She threatened and blackmailed him.

The economy was hard, and he was not sure of another job soonest. Further, he was the main breadwinner of a large dependent family. In summary, despite the desperation he felt, Tiles became Madame’s lover, the boss completely unaware.

MB subsequently stumbled on an abridged copy of our manuscript on sexuality, and what an eye-opener it was. She ended the illicit relationship and fixed her marriage. Yet she could not shake off the gloom of guilt and shame which inundated her soul. She could not hold up her head in front of her husband. She came across Acts 17:30 where Paul, the apostle noted, In the days of ignorance, God overlooked iniquity… And again from Acts 26:18, Paul’s