The Simplicity and Magnificence of Human Sexuality

By Eric Taku

The Simplicity and Magnificence of Human Sexuality unveils the kinesthetic variant to the human sexual response model. Sex is an awesome gift of God, which has consistently intrigue humanity at different eras. Accordingly, diverse authorities have studied and sought to clarify its intricacies. These efforts are captured in a scholarly history of sexual response models.

The kinesthetic variant seeks to answer a number of questions. What is sex? What is sexual intercourse? Are these two terms synonymous? There is a response to which the authors think they are different. Which is the critical pathway to human sexuality: physiology or kinesiology? Is sexual intercourse the main event and by implication the center of sex? And if no, what is that main event? Other themes capture a redefinition of love, the importance of knowledge, and the ethicality of human sexuality.

Numerous cases within the context of Cameroon litter the pages. These are broken up by research findings from the West, especially the USA. Arah’s background as a finance person was critical, for it allowed the application of business concepts to explain sexual issues. We encourage couples to explore these ideas for a deeper and richer sex life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781638148838

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The Simplicity and Magnificence of Human Sexuality

Eric Taku

ISBN 978-1-63814-882-1 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63814-883-8 (Digital)

Copyright © 2021 Eric Taku & Isange Arahtaku

All rights reserved

First Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

The Background

A Nuptial Journey with Achale and Ayamoh

General Objectives to this Sex Manual

The Bicycle Challenge: The Value of Principles

A Social Media Challenge I—An Empty Book to Write Your Story

A Social Media Challenge II—The Basic Rule Is Love

Sex—The Definition

Sex—The Purpose

Erogenous Zones of the Human Anatomy

Sexual Lubricants

Sexual Hygiene

The Sexual Stimuli and Response Cycle—Introducing the Kinesthetic Model

The Kinesthetic Model—Phase One: Desire/Arousal

The Concept of Genital Caresses

Dealing with the Hymen for Virgins

The Kinesthetic Model—Phase Two: Mutual Pleasuring

The Kinesthetic Model—Phase Three: Orgasm or Climax

Simultaneous Versus Mutual Orgasm

The Kinesthetic Model—Phase Four: Resolution or Unwinding

Other Forms of Sexual Activities

Brief Scholarly History of Sexual Stimuli and Response Models

How Long Should Sex Normally Last?—Dr. Brendan and Team’s Study

Prove to Me that You Are a Man—The Male Chauvinistic Perspective of Sexuality

Spiritual and Ethical Sexual Issues

The Way Forward: A Holistic Approach to Sex

Disclaimers

Counselling Disclaimer

These notes are not intended to provide marital, sexual, medical, or any other form of counselling that takes the place of certified counsellors. Neither the publisher nor the authors take any responsibility for any possible consequences from any action taken by any person reading or following the information in this book. Seek the advice of your qualified physician and counsellor before making any decisions. Each reader is solely responsible for the consequences of his or her personal choice concerning consultation with certified marital, sexual, medical, and any other professionals.

Narratives Disclaimer

Except otherwise indicated, the personal stories in this book relate to people we have had direct counselling with in different situations: family homes, one-on-one, over the phone, group counselling, and seminar workshops. The setting is essentially Cameroon, a country in the armpit of Africa (Central African Region), also known as Africa-in-miniature because of the diverse landscape and biodiversity, peoples, and cultures. Other sources of information have been adequately referenced. Names and other details, though, have been modified to protect privacies. Most narratives are a patchwork of accounts from different individuals, including the authors, to form a single story.

Therefore, any coincidences are just that—coincidences. And given that human societies are more alike than different, it is no surprise that couples across the globe share similar tales. Our hope is that this resource will become another positive contribution in the field of marriage, love, and human sexuality to the glory of God and our Lord Jesus Christ.

This marriage, love, and sex manual is dedicated to all the couples (ordinary husbands and wives) whose stories have made this volume possible.

Marriage is honorable, and sex between husband and wife is: pure, vibrant, and magnificent!

—Hebrews 13:4 (Authors’ paraphrase)

Me, I want many things:

I want the war to be over;

I want the hate to be over;

I want my (spouse) back in my arms;

I want quiet days and loving nights;

I want babies;

I want to come home to kindness!

—Conversation between teacher Mary (Whoopi Golberg) and Sarafina (Leleti Khumalo) in the 1992 South Africa-based apartheid-era movie, Sarafina!

Note from the Authors

Our modest request is that if this book enriches you, then kindly recommend to a married friend, family, colleague, couple, and acquaintance.

It could also be an ideal wedding or anniversary celebration gift. And it is especially suited for marriage-fitness trainers, including church leaders (pastors).

Many otherwise promising marriage relationships have been transformed into battle zones that are filled with disgust, desperation, and disillusion.

This could just be the breakthrough God, in his infinite mercy, has brought their way.

And aligning with teacher Mary’s dreams, the hope in these lectures is that the war, the hate, and the conflicts within families will be transformed into quiet days and loving nights; that couples will once again find it a daily delight to return home to kindness.

With all our love,

E. Arah Taku (ACCA)

Isange Arahtaku (PLEG PHIL)

Acknowledgments

Writing a book is a demanding exercise (as we have come to understand) that requires time, energy, and input from various sources. Accordingly, we want to seize this opportunity to express gratitude to all on whose shoulders we stand on so that these ideas could shine bright to the nations as a guide post to all couples who come along the pathway of marriage, love, and sexuality.

Special thank you to God for our late parents: Mr(s). Eboke and Ebob Taku, and Mr(s). Marcus and Malingo Ebile. We are grateful for access to education, even with their limited means without which these notes will not have been possible.

Our aunts, Mami Emilia Agbor and Mama Jersey Allogbwede, we salute your wisdom. You stood by us over the years, not asking anything in return; your kindness will never be forgotten. A big thank you to our big brothers, Ashu Taku, Esimo Ebile, and Thomas Agbor. We are grateful for your sacrifices. And to the rest of our siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, and friends, we just want to let you know you are awesome.

These pastors—late Apostle PE Tambe, late Tata Bokwe, and the rest—you have been a blessing and a tremendous one at that. Pastors Anthony Obi, Anicho Emmanuel, and Lobe Bokene—your coaching, rich libraries, and examples sustained the flame in us. We can never be grateful enough.

And professionally, I am not sure how to appreciate Mr. Richard Agbor and Mbiarikai Tabetando, my former bosses and mentors. Your influence has been immense. The impact of Mr. Richard, CEO of VitalStone, who doubles as our literary agent, is immeasurable.

The setting of this text is essentially Cameroon, a country in the armpit of Africa (Central African Region), also known as Africa-in-miniature because of the diverse landscape and biodiversity, peoples, and cultures. Case studies from real-life couples within this culture litter the pages. And to all these couples, we want to express our compliments. Our sessions—one-on-one, over the phone, in groups, and/or seminars—have made this project a reality. Your contribution is immeasurable, and without you, many won’t have the rich marriages and sex lives they now enjoy.

Knowledge was also borrowed from books and studies done in the Western world (the USA in particular). These were merged to analyze cases, and even more importantly, they were further refined and expanded into what we call "the Kinesthetic Variant to the sexual stimuli and response cycle (see mapping 01 and 02, for details). Accordingly, we have made every effort to properly credit all the sources cited in this project. We hereby express our sincere gratitude to the authors whose works broadened our scope; specifically, the research study on How Long Does Sex Normally last?" by Dr. Brendan Zietsch (ARC Future Fellow), and the team at the University of Queensland, Australia, is commended. Their findings were published in April 2016 on the academic journal, The Conversation.

The Doctors’ TV Talk Show (USA), shortly thereafter, ran an episode on The Average Duration for Sex to explore the findings of Dr. Brendan’s team (see Appendix II for the transcript). On panel were the hosts, Dr. Travis Lane, Dr. Jennifer Ashton, and Dr. Andrew Ordon; and the guest in honor was actress and supermodel, Molly Sims. Both projects also significantly gave focus to this book and immensely contributed in understanding and refining our Kinesthetic model of sexuality, which is the core of this text. Accordingly, we applaud your contributions to society.

A big thank you to Pastor (Mrs.) Elizabeth Asek epse Njoh and Pastor Babila Priestley who read through early manuscripts of this work and have since been pushing for a published volume. Your desire is now satisfied.

A heartfelt appreciation to the Reverend Samuel Kopp (Pa Samuel, as he fondly wants to be addressed, like we address our fathers in Cameroon) for writing the Foreword to these lectures. He was missionary to the Apostolic Church, Cameroon, from the Apostolic Church Swiss Missionary Board in the 1990s, and has since kept a close relationship with the church in Cameroon, even after his stay ended. His extensive travels and intimate interactions while here give him a unique knowledge of the peoples and their cultures. He was indeed a missionary at heart. And his enthusiasm for the Cameroon Pidgin-English is amusing. As youths back then, his ministrations, especially during our youth retreats and conferences, left a really positive impact on us to this day. Pa, we can only say, Thank you, and the Lord Jesus Christ sustains your legacy by His Holy Spirit.

Special gratitude to our publishers, Covenant Books, and all the professionals whose efforts, suggestions, and skills have realized this work. We single out the president of Covenant Books, Denice Hunter, for her personal involvement and dedication to this project. We say a big thank-you.

And, finally, we cannot forget ourselves. We testify that we are one of the best things that ever happened to each other. It has been a marathon to get through with this work, and we are proud to be able to deliver on it. And to our children, by the grace of God, you all will have strong marriages and find lasting love in your homes; you are gorgeous.

Foreword

What a privilege and pleasure to have a book before my eyes about one of the most exciting themes that has been of interest to humanity from creation. To enjoy fulfillment and ecstasy as a couple is one of the greatest dreams couples have and one of the best gifts God has given to the partners who have joined in holy matrimony.

Both wife and husband are eager to live their sexuality and give and receive gratification. It is possible to have a sexually fulfilled union as a couple, Christian or otherwise. This volume provides a lot of invaluable information toward that end. It offers guidance about the way a wife and husband may enjoy their sexual encounters within a long-term, committed, and stable relationship. It removes a good number of myths and prejudices concerning human sexuality and provides a holistic approach to this important topic.

Sex is not something the husband does and the wife endures. It is my firm conviction that women enjoy sex as much as men do, although her fire may be less blazing than his. It is God who created wife and husband with their different needs and feelings which do not contradict each other but need to be understood and lived in an intentionally loving and caring relationship. God’s intention is mutual satisfaction and pleasure as the couples evolve in their years together.

This text is not just another marriage, love, and sex manual to fill both private and public shelves, given it expounds radical departures from conventional norms on human sexuality. Their Kinesthetic Model to human sexuality unveils a whole new perspective. It supplies clarity to previously blurred sexual issues, which is quite refreshing. Numerous case studies fill the pages. Those rooted in their context of Cameroon in particular are at once educative and entertaining.

The lecture of this book has the potential to lead to a win-win situation for both husband and wife. It will bring joy and fulfillment to the family which reads the text with an open heart and a readiness to learn more about this crucial topic.

May this book be welcomed in many homes, in general, and Christian ones in particular; it will not miss its goal. It will improve sex life and lead to an even happier marriage. God created sexuality to be enjoyed, and this book has a lot to contribute so that this mutual fulfillment may become a dream lived with the one I once had been looking for.

I want to personally thank the Arahtakus for having written this book. Having perused the volume, I confirm that it responds to a crucial need. And I therefore hope and pray that the book will be widely dispersed to the blessing of families and the glory of God.

Reverend Samuel Kopp

The Apostolic Church, Switzerland

Former Missionary (1991–1998) to the Apostolic Church, Cameroon, Central Africa

Part One

Introduction—Background and Objectives to These Lectures

Background and Objectives to These Lectures

1

The Background

You bachelors need to get married fast, commented Sekaah, a married Christian brother. As for me, I am going home to ‘socket’ (have sex) right away. I pity you guys who do not yet have wives in your lives.

We all laughed and entered into some boys’ talk. It had been a tiring Sunday some twelve years or so ago; we had some event, and the worship service was quite long, coming to a close at about 03:00 p.m.

On the course of the conversation, though, he unconsciously slipped, disclosing his struggles with erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation, despite being only in his early-thirties. At the time, I (Arah) was engaged and getting ready for marriage. I had a pack of marriage and sex books in inventory as part of my marriage skill acquisition process. And probably on the back of my study, somehow, I picked up his distress.

Shortly thereafter, I pointed out the slip to him which took him aback. How come you noticed my comment? he inquired.

Well, I don’t know. I just noticed and felt we needed to talk about it, I responded.

Okay, then, what time? I am not sure why I am trusting a bachelor, but I have nothing to lose.

We both laughed.

We met early the next morning by 8:00 a.m. and talked for the next four hours straight, going through various chapters on sex from different resources. The conversation was quite engaging for both of us, and in the end, with tears in his eyes, he made a confession.

You know, I had never really thought there were some sound resources out there on the subject of human sexuality. What for? I believed you just inherently knew these things (kind of automatic), especially if you had been sexually involved before marriage, like I had before I was born again. But I was dead wrong. I can confidently say my knowledge of sex was 5 percent before this morning, and yet I bragged around in arrogance. No surprise, then, on why my marriage is struggling.

He borrowed a copy of each of some other books to complement his newly acquired knowledge on human sexuality. These were: Dr. Tim LaHaye’s, I Love You, but Why Are We So Different? Making the Most of Personality Differences in Your Marriage (also published under the title Opposites Attract: Bringing Out the Best in Your Spouse’s Temperament) and Dr. Gary Chapman’s, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.

And from this point on, his marriage blossomed. I was humbled by a confession from his wife a few months later when she said to me, You know what? I owe tithes at the apostle’s feet! Thank you for my marriage. Only God can truly reward you.

There began my naïve experience with marriage, love, and sex training.

At this stage, though, I simply shared theory, ha-ha, as I was not yet married and didn’t have an active sex life either. I and Myh (my wife) eventually settled down, and we began mixing experience with theory during one-on-one and group counselling sessions. We wished we could say that our first sexual exploits, especially for me as a young knowledgeable husband, were ecstatic. Indeed, they were flops! Ha-ha! But as Richard B. Wilke points out, "The great thing about marriage is that there is time for experimentation and for trying again.¹ It is a learning curve; do not panic if you do not get it right the first time.

We have learned a lot, and much of that knowledge is incorporated into these notes. Usually, during any session, we went through the basic principles of sex as I scribbled concepts on pieces of papers. At the end of the conversation, the pages were handed over to the couple for their perusal later. Couples, however, started asking for a more formal document.

The first one came when one of our little girls, Vereu, was getting married in another town in Cameroon. The schedule was tight, and we couldn’t talk, which got me thinking; I was worried that she should not enter the marriage home sexually ignorant, for the consequences, as will be explained subsequently, could be disastrous.

An idea came to mind, and I grabbed a pack of A4 papers and wrote down a summary on sexuality which came up six pages. At the end of the celebrations, shortly before they retired to their hotel room, I stuffed the sheets and a tube of artificial sexual lubricant into the inner pockets of the husband’s suit with the instruction to read through before engaging in anything. They obeyed.

It was amusing when she called a few months later to quarrel me. You wanted to kill me, right? she said as she blushed and exploded in amusement.

Darling, what did I do? I inquired, kind of at a loss but sharing her elation.

You ask as if you don’t know, she shot back, giggling along. I was just as entertained. Well, that vulva and clitoral fondling thing is just crazy, she exclaimed. Several times, my husband had to tune up the volume of our music set to drown out my moaning, she stated, feeling embarrassed at herself at the words that flowed from her lips. Truth be told, though, sex is gorgeous. What a marriage gift from God. the best ever! she exclaimed. And at that point, we both erupted in laughter.

I later laid out a copy of the write up and expanded it to about thirty hand-written pages. It was bound up in several copies and a copy gifted to another couple who were getting married. My friend, Pastor Babilla Priestley, who also received a copy of this version of the document, exploded during one meeting.

Brother Arah, you have to publish that document, he stated bluntly. I mean, it is a masterpiece! We have spent time together with my wife reading through every single line, and wow, what a treatise! It feels like you should just keep it in this hand-written format, for a typed version, to me, is an adulteration.

Multiple emotions hit me all at once; I felt embarrassed, flattered, and thrilled at the same time.

Well, an updated typed version was released and gifted to a number of persons also. Pastor (Mrs.) Elizabeth Asek epse Njoh, the wife of a pastor friend who received a copy, called in. "Uncle Arah, please release this document to the public, and urgently. It is needed," she stated as a matter of fact.

Later, another pastor and big brother to us noted. "Calling this work a ‘document’ is downgrading its value. I wished you knew the prize you have in your hands. I baptize it Sexual Cure, for it unravels many sexual mysteries with such simplicity, he affirmed. If we pastors and couples in our congregations digested this volume, most homes will be quieter so our energies could be redirected in other areas of the ministry," he concluded.

We felt honored, but most importantly, we deduced from these observations that someone was receiving help, meaning the objective of the manual was being met. And to that effect, we felt fulfilled. Several other persuasions followed, and we were glad to be able to deliver on those requests.

This sexual fitness manual is the result of one-on-one sessions, discussions in groups and over-the-phone, social media exchanges, and seminar lectures. It is also the product of study, personal trial and error experiences as a couple for over nine years (as of this writing), interactions with couples in my capacity as member of the marriage committee of my local church, and feedback from the many couples counseled over the years.

Many homes are militarized zones, and several marriages have come to a dead end. The abundance of love and kindness in the summer months have waned in the chill of winter. But just like every winter is followed by the rejuvenation of spring, so also we believe that there is hope. Yes, we need an overwhelming military force, not against each other but against the enemies of ignorance, misinterpretations, and fear. And even in the midst of the perceived dead end, we confirm that there is a camouflaged doorway on the wall; and together, we will hopefully find it.

The glow of the embers and overflowing kindness will return again. And our humble prayer is that millions of lives would be touched so that marriage could once again recapture the beauty The Creator meant it to have.

*****

The uniqueness of this text is that it is written by dummies in human sexuality. Most marriage and sex manuals are penned by experts in psychology, psychiatry, medicine, or marriage/ relationship counselling. I (Arah) am a finance person, and Myh is a philosophy tutor. As outsiders, we are opportune with a set of fresh eyes and perspective to the subject of human sexuality. Probably my background in finance is an advantage.

The bottom-line in running business organizations is growth, consistent positive cash flows, value creations, improvements in market capitalizations, and maximizing shareholder value. But these targets depend on strategic planning and implementation and robust reengineering of business processes and value chains to deliver on organizational goals/objectives.

The same principles apply to human sexuality. We have the physiological objectives of consistent male/female pleasure, mutual orgasm, erections, lubrications, breast and vaginal swellings, and overall mutual satisfaction. These were captured by the innovative human sexual physiological response model issued by the talented researchers, William Masters and Virginia Johnson, in Human Sexual Response (1966), and subsequent variants (see Mapping 03: physiological response models—sexual output/end process models).

But these physiological responses are dependent on kinesthetic touches and tactile movements—stimulations, fondling, and bodily stroking—to hit the intended targets. Thus, just as entities are challenged to pay close attention to business processes for their survival, couples are equally encouraged to get the sexual processes right for mutual fulfilment and equally for survival of the union. We hold then that our kinesthetic variant to the sexual stimuli and response cycle (Mapping 01 and 02) accomplishes just that.

Currently, dogmas on sex uphold sexual issues as mostly psychological with physiological responses on emphasis and intercourse as the core of sexuality. These were called to question, giving the overall disappointing news issuing from bedrooms. And the kinesthetic variant, which was the outcome of that interrogation process, highlights knowledge of biology over psychology, kinesiology (touches) over physiology, and sexual pleasuring (a mutual event) over sexual intercourse (a male-only event).

This Kinesthetic variant is not aimed at what couples currently do but rather what they should do for mutual sexual fulfilment. Thus, it is a proactive rather than reactive sexual model by its nature. A brief scholarly history of sexual response models is included in chapter 21.

However, arriving at this connection between kinesiology and physiology did not happen overnight. The value adding scholarly ideas floated in these pages were framed and refined over the long haul. It has taken years of study, sexual counselling, and collection of feedback and personal trial and error experiences to arrive at the conclusions presented in the volume. We encourage you then to ride along with us as we together explore the ideas.

*****

Now, in this text, we have taken concepts and deployed them from different angles and perspectives to ensure understanding. It may at times sound repetitive, but we want to make sure nothing is lost. Indeed, Apostle Paul captured this truth when he wrote, To write the same things to you, to me indeed is not (burdensome), but for you it is safe (Philippians 3:1 KJV).

Scurvy, vitamin C (ascorbic acid) deficiency, is a disease that was endemic, especially among sailors. During the Age of Exploration (between 1500 and 1800), it has been estimated that scurvy killed at least two million sailors. The British naval surgeon James Lind, in 1747, demonstrated the cure, and in 1753 captured it in A Treatise on the Scurvy (1753) as he noted, the results of all my experiments was, that oranges and lemons were the most effectual remedies for this (disease).²

This awesome truth, unfortunately, had little impact and was largely ignored because the experiment and its results ‘occupied only a few paragraphs’ in a work that was long and complex… (And) Lind himself never actively promoted lemon juice as a single ‘cure.’ The consequences were damaging as thousands more lost their lives until 1932 when Lind’s experiments were definitively confirmed through the efforts of the Hungarian biochemist, Szent-Györgyi, and American researcher, Charles Glen King.

Charles G. Finney (1792–1875), the great American Presbyterian evangelist, emphasized the necessity of repetitions. In his autobiography, Charles G. Finney: The Life of America’s Greatest Evangelist (Condensed and Edited by Helen Wessel), he narrated the counsel of a US Supreme Court judge on the importance of repetitions. It goes as follows:

Ministers (preachers), said the Supreme Court judge, "do not exercise good sense in addressing the people. They are afraid of repetition. They write in too elevated a style, read without repetition and are not understood by the people. Now… if lawyers should take such a course, they would ruin themselves and their cause.

"When I was at the bar I used to take it for granted, when I had before me a jury of respectable men, that I should have to repeat over my main points about as many times as there were persons in the jury box. I learned that unless I did so—illustrated, repeated, and turned over the main points of law and evidence—I would lose my case. We are set on getting a verdict… and to get it (on) the spot… Hence we are set upon being understood.

Now, if ministers would do this, the effects of their preaching would be unspeakably different from what they are.³

There is so much marital and sexual discontent out there, even amongst Christian laymen and ministers. One in every two marriages end in divorce in the West, and divorce is equally rising in other parts of the world. We have plenty of sexually frustrated husbands and unsatisfied wives who are disillusioned in love and want out of the relationship. Males with premature ejaculation issues and females with inability to feel pleasure and have consistent orgasms abound. The emptiness is horrible.

Dr. Phil McGraw, in his enlightening book, LIFE CODE: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World, captures this void in marriages as he writes:

If your marriage is to survive, you have to start your negotiation with the goal of being understood and giving understanding… I can’t tell you the number of women over the years that have told me that they don’t care if they ever have sex again. Imagine you’re a husband who, seven or eight years into marriage, hears your wife say, "You know what;