Coming Home: Loss, Grief and Re-entry

By Judy Routamaa

Based on qualitative research, this book explores and analyses issues surrounding the re-entry journey of cross-cultural mission workers.  It aims to promote deeper understanding and increased awareness of the complex nature of the re-entry experience, while highlighting that loss and grief is a key aspect of it.  The book advocates the necessity of a substantially more pro-active and rigorous approach in caring for mission personnel as they navigate the hugely challenging transition of  ‘coming home’, and concludes with suggestions for ways in which this may be achieved.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Regnum Books International
• Release date: May 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9781913363468

Book preview

PREFACE

After many happy and fulfilling years living and working in Papua New Guinea along with my husband and children, having completed what we set out to do and handed over the baton to our Kamula friends and colleagues, it was time to return to the UK. Our final weekend among our Kamula friends will stay with me forever, the loud outpouring of their grief piercing the jungle as they realised that they would probably never see us again this side of eternity. As our little plane took off and circled the Kamula village for the last time, I could hardly see through my tears all our friends on the airstrip waving, fading all too quickly into tiny specks as the plane gained height and distance.

‘Back home’ in the UK, I began what I realised was a journey of loss and grief, having left a place and people that had become so dear to me over the years. Nevertheless, as I talked with missionary friends who had also returned to the UK, I realised that not all felt the same way as I did, with some struggling less or more with issues of loss and grief.

I began to wonder what the reasons for this could be, and what factors could affect the nature and extent of loss and grief. I realised that individuals’ stories varied enormously, particularly as regards circumstances and attitudes while overseas, and those surrounding leaving the host country and returning home. And so began my interest in exploring the experiences of individual missionary returnees, to evaluate whether there was a correlation between these phenomena, and the nature and extent of loss and grief encountered. At the same time, I hoped to give a voice to this group of individuals, enabling each to tell their story, thus raising awareness and bringing loss and grief, described as ‘the missing piece’ of re-entry (Lester, 2000), more sharply into focus among missionaries, their support network and Member Care practitioners.

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

The experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives…it is how we respond to loss that matters. That response will largely determine the quality, the direction, and the impact of our lives (Sittser, 2004, p17).

Sittser was reflecting on loss in general, writing after tremendous personal loss, but nevertheless, his comments are extremely apt when thinking about a cross-cultural missionary who returns to his home country after several years overseas, and the multiplicity of losses through which he often navigates (Donovan, 1991; Knell, 2007).

This book is an attempt to understand and evaluate issues of loss, grief and their impact in the life of a cross-cultural missionary. It aims to highlight that, with more intentional preparation, support and care, loss and grief do not need to define the missionary returnee. Rather, losses can be articulated, grief acknowledged, and a meaningful, fulfilling life ‘back home’ gradually established.

Like many of you reading this book, I am a Member Care practitioner with years of overseas experience. Like you, I have encountered many individuals and families who have struggled with re-entry and resultant feelings of loss and grief. Granted, as awareness of the complexity of issues surrounding re-entry has risen, over recent years there has been an increase in articles and books written on this topic. Nevertheless, there is a paucity of academic documentation of this area that would give practitioners the opportunity to improve their practice from solid, evidence-based insights. It is this gap that my book seeks to address.

Based on qualitative research, the following pages take us on a journey of listening to individual missionary returnees tell their story and reflect on it, particularly as regards feelings of loss and grief. The book aims to call attention to the fact that, in view of the findings, we Member Care practitioners cannot afford to be complacent about re-entry; rather, we need to be aware of the relatively unpredictable nature of individual reactions, and so aim for a substantially more proactive and rigorous approach in preparing and caring for returnees as they navigate this hugely challenging transition of ‘coming home’.

SETTING THE SCENE

Before moving on to the body of the research, it is important to first place re-entry in the overall context of the missionary lifecycle. As many of you will know, the lifecycle of a cross-cultural missionary includes many stages, from applying and being accepted by a sending agency (whether church, mission organisation or both), to preparation and pre-departure orientation, arrival in one’s overseas location, orientation, life and work there, and eventually, after a shorter or longer period, departure from that place and the return home (Pollock, 2002).

There is a substantial body of literature dealing with the pre- and on-field stages of the overseas experience, but as some have pointed out (Storti, 2003; Szkudlarek, 2010; Ibrahim, 2012; Kimber, 2012a), much less on the leaving and coming home stages. This is reflected in the emphases given by sending agencies: normally, there is good preparation and training prior to departure, so that the individual arrives with an awareness of what to expect, and equipped, as well as can be expected, to face the challenges. On location, there is usually continuing training, development and support, and a network of care. However, the same level of preparation, support and care is generally not given prior to returning to one’s home country, nor on arrival home and throughout the adjustment process, even though, for many, this aspect of the missionary lifecycle is considerably more challenging than moving overseas (Austin, 1983; Jordan, 1992; Pollock, 2002).

Pirolo, writing in 2000, posited that re-entry – the process of returning to one’s home country after an overseas sojourn – is a time that ‘remains shrouded in ignorance’ (p17). More than 15 years on from that statement, there has certainly been more written on this topic, helping to highlight the need for preparation and support during this critical stage of a missionary’s lifecycle.

Nevertheless, much of the literature and available resources focus on the logistical and practical aspects of re-entry, with less space given to emotional issues and the ongoing impact of this major transition in the individual’s life. Loss and change are generally regarded as the hallmarks of transition (Guenther, 1992; Miller, 1997; Bridges, 2004), and, due to the all-encompassing nature of the re-entry transition for the missionary, there are multiple and significant losses (Knell, 2001, p134). This results in a variety of emotions and feelings, many of which are ‘typical mourning reactions’ (Foyle 1989) and symptoms of grief (Rupp, 1995; Miller, 1997; Gardner, 2002; Worden, 2003).

However, surprisingly, there is a clear lack of academic research exploring the experiences of individual missionaries with regard to their issues of loss and grief on returning home. There are exceptions to this, notably Selby and colleagues (2009a, 2009b, 2010, 2011) and Ibrahim (2012), who conducted in-depth studies describing and analysing loss and grief in Australian missionaries who had returned to Australia within the preceding one or two years. Both Selby and Ibrahim state that their