Sowing in Tears: A Mother’s Sorrow in Infertility and Joy in Adoption

By Leeann Hale

Are you broken and feeling hopeless as you read another negative pregnancy test? Are you searching for God wondering why He seems to be ignoring you?
Sowing in Tears is the story of a mother's struggle through infertility that opened her eyes to see the beauty of adoption. This memoir will take you on an emotional journey as you read of the deep-rooted pain that accompanies infertility, and the unspeakable joy that is found in adoption. Read how God changed this mother's heart as she let go of her dream to one day be pregnant and discovered that God's ways are truly so much higher than her own.
"Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" (Psalm 126:5)

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Feb 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781543991642

Leeann Hale

Leeann married her college sweetheart the summer after they graduated college. She went on to teach for five years as a special education teacher in a local public school, and now enjoys the privilege of being home full-time with her boys. As an adopted daughter of the Most High God, Leeann desires to promote unity and compassion in the adoption process. For adoptive parents, she desires to encourage them as they navigate the path of adoption for the first time. For birthmothers, she desires to change society's negative stigma and remind others of the selfless act of bravery they display. And for the children—born and unborn—she desires to live in a world where every child knows a home.

Book preview

cover.jpgcover.jpg

© Leeann Hale 2019

Print ISBN: 978-1-54399-163-5

eBook ISBN: 978-1-54399-164-2

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Website—https://www.facebook.com/sowingintearsbook

Email—[e-mail]

Adoption symbol: Each point of the triangle represents the birthparents, adoptive parents and the adoptee. The heart surrounding the triangle represents the love that unites them.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Dedication

Preface

Part One: Sowing in Tears

Diagnosis

The Best Problem

Follicle Counting

Uninvited

I’m Never Adopting

War Room

I Can’t Help Crying

Part Two: Reaping with Shouts of Joy

Last Chance Month

I Will Come to You

Orientation Day

Our Song

Making Progress

A Tangible Reminder

I Don’t Even Know Her Name

Stay by Your Phone

Jehovah Has Heard

My Name and Heart Forever Changed

Blessings

Joy Unspeakable

A Once and for All Transaction

Two Pink Lines

Part Three: A Call to the Church

Unanswered Questions

Comments and Assumptions

Rise Up

Scripture from My War Room

Resources

Acknowledgments

I would like to begin by thanking some influential people who held our hands throughout our journey. First, and foremost, God’s sovereign hand was, and still is, at work in every part of my life. He held us when we were broken and He rejoiced with us in our victories. He is the only One who could change a heart and mindset so completely and drastically, and He is the only one who could bless me far more than I ever asked or thought. If you do not know or have a personal relationship with the God who created all things from nothing and came to die the most cruel and gruesome death so He could be a sacrifice for our sinful souls, ask me. My God is Healer of the broken and He alone is mighty to save. I’d love to tell you more about my Heavenly Father, and how He can be yours too.

I’d like to thank my husband who faithfully stood by my side in the lowest parts of our valley and in our highest mountaintop experiences. He was steady in his love towards me and abundantly faithful in following God’s leading. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else by my side though our trials. The godly example he shows as head of our household is a treasure I too often take for granted. His love and passion for the Lord have humbled me many times, and much of the growth in my adult Christian walk with my Savior is a testament to a husband who seeks to honor and glorify God with his heart, soul, mind and strength.

To my boys: may your lives forever be a testament to God’s love and faithfulness. You both have changed my life in ways you will never fully understand. Jayden, you gave me the name I longed to be called: Mom. Jaxon, you were not far behind in reminding me that God’s plans are far better than my own. You both were the result of countless prayers. You have also multiplied my responsibilities, stripped from me countless hours of sleep, seen me broken and weary, but most importantly, given me a joy I never knew existed. You genuinely make me laugh, smile and love more than I knew I could. Jayden, you melt my heart when you recite scripture in your small, toddler voice and when you sing praises to Jesus at the top of your lungs. Both your lives, though they haven’t seen many years, have touched the hearts of many. Before you were even born, I prayed for you fervently, and I loved you deeply before you ever reached my arms. As we always say before we tuck you into bed, Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, Jesus loves you MOST!

I would like to thank the brave and courageous women who carried my boys into this world. To Jayden’s birthparents: although we’ve never met in person, you both will always hold a special place in my heart. Our short text conversation just a couple of weeks after we brought Jayden home is permanently saved in my phone. Your words meant more to me than you will ever know, and Jayden will grow to know the deep love you have for him in giving him the life you thought was best for him. To Jaxon’s birthmother: my love towards you started before our first hug, and it didn’t end with our last. You are one of the strongest women I have ever met. I treasure our relationship and look forward to sharing more memories with you. We are so proud of you for all your accomplishments, and Jax will always know that he is your inspiration for all you do. Each night when we say prayers with the boys, we pray specifically for you three. We pray that the Lord would keep you safe wherever your life takes you, and that you would be drawn closer to Him and know His saving grace. Love is brave!

To our adoption agency and our attorney: words can’t express my gratitude for all you did to help us become a family. You poured in time, above and beyond what was expected of you, and you showed genuine love and care for us all through each step. God led us to both of you at different times and for that I will forever be grateful.

To the Giugliano and Riley families: I didn’t have a clue where to start or where to begin; I only knew God was leading us to adoption. You paved the way and answered all my questions, and your testimonies thrilled my heart. Your love for the Lord shines brightly in your lives and I’m thankful for the guidance you provided and the prayers you prayed alongside us through our journey.

To all our extended family and our church family: you all amazed us with your generosity. You gave sacrificially of your time, finances, prayers and—most importantly—your love in welcoming our boys home. Many of you prayed daily throughout our journey and that is, I believe, why we experienced the peace that surpasses all human understanding. We love you all and are honored that you have come alongside us to be part of the village that it takes to raise our children.

And to my beta readers who read my book in its very early stages, my publishing company, and my editor, Amy Clutter: you are the real champions. You suffered through pages full of errors, lack of detail, and grammatical inconsistencies; you are a huge part of why this book is all that it is now. You encouraged me to continue pressing on and writing what God laid on my heart to write, and I thank you so much for your insight and wisdom during the editing process.

Dedication

To all the birthmothers who may be reading this, your courage is inspiring. The pain you endure, both physically and emotionally, is not in vain. Every child is a gift from God. Each one uniquely known, fearfully and wonderfully made, and formed in your womb by the Creator of the universe. He is the Giver of life, and you are the vessel He chose to bring that life into existence. You are loved and never forgotten. There is no shame for your actions, but there is victory because there is hope. There is hope for adoptive parents longing to welcome a baby into their home, there is hope for the child to have a life and future without limitations, and there is hope for you because there is One who knows the deepest parts of your hurt and suffering. He alone is the Healer. You are loved because you, too, are a gift.

To all the adoptive parents who may have walked a similar path to us, or may be right in the thick of it now, keep pushing and keep the faith. Do not be discouraged. God truly writes the best stories for our good and His glory. He is the greatest author of our lives and when you give your life to Him and trust Him to order your steps, He will show Himself faithful.

And to the greatest treasure and gift to both of the above sets of people, you, sweet child, are loved. Your parents chased hard after you. They loved you before they met you, and your life is a testament of God’s answer to prayer. Adoption isn’t an easy path, but you were worth the wait. No matter the history of your birthparents, whether good or bad circumstances, they chose life. They chose you. They may have made mistakes leading up to that point, but they didn’t give up on you. Even more than your parents and birthparents, God held you in the palm of His hands from the instant you were conceived, and He is holding you still. His greatest desire is for His children to follow Him. You have the unique ability to reach people most can’t. Your story is special, and so are you. Give your life to Jesus and let Him take you places far better

Reviews for Sowing in Tears

[Jennifer Whitehead · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I loved this book! Cannot wait to read the second one!
I love how she shares raw real moments she went through. I also love hearing how God changes our hearts for His glory and uses us for wonderful things.