When Two Become One: A Diamond in the Making

By Ray Morgan

Throughout the pages of this bookis a tribute to the institution of marriage. Whether you are single, engaged, married, separated, divorced or widowed, this book will cause you to think intensely about the true purpose of a godly marriage. Dr. Morgan explains the different needs of men and women, the keys to making your marriage a "celebration," and guides you through the principles of making your marriage the gem God intended.

Excerpted from Foreword by
Apostle Louis S. Greenup, Jr.
"The Marriage Doctor"

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 11, 2007
• ISBN: 9781425987855

Ray Morgan

Dr. Morgan has lectured in Africa, India, England, Belgium, Australia, New Zealand, the Caribbean and throughout the United States. His extensive involvement in church and civic affairs has earned him many honors. He is a certified member of the American Association of Christian Counselors, an associate member of the American Society of Christian Therapists. Most of all, he is a student of Jesus Christ.

Book preview

FOREWORD

What are you celebrating–a new job, a sports victory or maybe a degree? Have you ever thought of your marriage as a reason for celebration? I don’t mean celebrating another anniversary, I mean celebrating marriage as an entity or joy in itself. If you long for marriage marked by lifelong love, intimacy, and growth, it can be yours.

In this book, "When Two Become One: A Diamond in the Making, Dr. Morgan asks and answers such a thought-provoking question: What are you celebrating? Indeed, it is time for us to celebrate the true biblical perspective on marriage. Proverbs 5:18 reads, Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. In Ecclesiastes 9:9, the Scripture declares, Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest."

Throughout the pages of its thirteen chapters, this book is a tribute to the institution of marriage; it will cause you to think intensely about the true purpose of a godly marriage. Whether you are single, engaged, married, separated, divorced or widowed, Dr. Morgan explains the different needs of men and women. If you are a man you will learn to love, if you are a woman you learn how to respond to your husband’s love. You’ll also understand and practice hard-hitting biblical principles of solving problems, yet simple practical ways that can make a real difference in your relationship. This book will help you deal effectively with friction and serious hurts, and lead to the intimacy you both long for. Between these pages are the keys to making your marriage a celebration, as you are directed through seven processes of making your marriage into the gem God intended it to be.

—Apostle Louis S. Greenup, Jr.

The Marriage Doctor

Founder & President of Greenup Ministries

Denham Springs, LA

Keynote Speaker at

Manpower: Armed and Dangerous 1998

Contents

FOREWORD

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR’S WIFE

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Writing this book has been a collaboration of my family, clients, students, couples, singles and friends from INSIGHT FOR THE FAMILY conferences. I would like to thank the following people for their invaluable help, suggestions, and support. Dr. Ray Hagins, my friend and mentor–thanks for your wise counsel, and for allowing me to use your unique ideas and techniques throughout my practice and in this book. Thanks also to my friend Dr. Clarence Harris for his very special help and suggestions with my early manuscript. Dr. George and Thelma Patrick for their friendship, love and for helping to keep me balanced.

To Derrick Brown, Ronnie Deleston, Diana Brathwaite, Juanita Mitchell, Thomasena Radix, Ella Harris, Rev. Ken Gibson, Kurtis and Bernadette Thomas, Lyman and Peggy May, Pluma and Shirley Keith, Sonny and Kippy Williams, Carolyn and Tarsheem Stewart, Julius and Sheryl Wilson, Leroy and Margrene Stevens, Dr. Gwendolyn and Sammie Perkins, Pastor Sandra Manning, Pastor Lawrence Powell.

To my Pastor, Rev. H. Curtis Douglas, thank you for the enthusiasm and the endless love and teaching you pour into my filled-to-the-brim life each week.

I extend my very special thanks to my publisher, Carolyn Davis, and my editor, Janice I. Dixon, for their highly professional guidance, patience, encouragement and capable assistance along my literary journey.

To Mom Conway, my mother-in-law, I will forever miss you! Thank God for your love, prayers, support, encouragement, and for enabling Regina and me the freedom to carry out our God-given assignment. You waited until the children were old enough to stand on their own before you left us for a much better place with the Lord.

To my mother, Ms. Dorothy James, thanks for all you deposited in me over the years. I love you!!! I wish you could dance with my father again.

My final note of appreciation goes to my God who provided me with my special mate, Regina. Her love, insights, encouragement and lifestyle weaved their way through my life and the pages of this book. It is so strange that people see her walking down the street daily, and not realize that they have just met the most wonderful woman alive. I am thankful to her for the twenty-three years of treasured memories and for our children Scott, Kristal, Nekia and Tobias, and our grandchildren Sakai, Kimari and Sanje. Thanks for your unconditional love, for always being there when I needed your love, and for showing me how wonderful love can be when you are with the right family.

Were it not for these spirit-filled, intellectual giants upon whose shoulders I stand, and the contributions of the many able teachers, stimulating students, trusting couples, supportive friends, and family, this vista would not be possible. To all of you, I want to express my appreciation and ask your forgiveness for any unwise liberties I may have taken.

PREFACE

T he material presented in When Two Become One is an amplification of Dr. Ray Morgan’s acclaimed video bearing the same title. That video-seminar was ad-libbed before a live audience in which he used no manuscript or teleprompters. As excellent as the videotaped material is, it lacks detail because of its time constraints. This approach was appropriate because Dr. Morgan’s goal was to present an immediate and emotional seminar to significantly impact his audience.

This book is for anyone pursuing a successful search of the depth and soul of their marriage. The material is presented in a format that is helpful to anyone who feels their marriage is at the threshold of greatness and is just in need of a spiritual or emotional tuneup, or anyone whose marriage is in trouble and in need of help. It also is a guide for singles contemplating marriage.

The author realizes that much has been written lately about marriage and has endeavored to look at the family as a system. Thus, most of the material is directed toward pastors, counselors, therapists, clinicians, teachers and laypersons.

This book will reveal to you everything you need to know about compatibility and will show you how to create the fulfilling relationship you deserve whether you are:

•   Married, and wondering if you could be happier

•   Single, and wondering how to avoid another wrong partner

•   In love, and wondering whether your mate is the right one for you

The information herein is intended to help you make informed decisions about your life and relationship. It is not intended to be a substitute for counseling or to replace your counselor. If your life or relationship is in trouble, I urge you to seek the help of a competent professional counselor.

The author, publisher, editors and researchers are not responsible for any adverse effects resulting from any misuse of casework in this book.

INTRODUCTION

One of the most amazing and enlightening weekends of my life occurred in 1995. I was invited to be the keynote speaker at a national conference for women in Memphis, Tennessee. Other national and local speakers in attendance were conducting daily seminars. The keynote speaker on the first night of the conference was an executive of the National Organization for Women. Throughout her presentation, her anger against men raged and she banged her fist on the podium until her knuckles bled. The next morning, a second angry woman spoke. She did not bang her fist on the podium, but her anger toward men was just as obvious.

The fiery female who captured my attention, however, was the midmorning speaker. She was a very well-dressed woman who identified herself as a model and motivational speaker. The topic of her seminar was The Woman of Strength. Her speech was quite impressive, though somewhat misleading. She said that all men were alike and that men are only after two things from a woman: the first thing was sex, the second thing was control. She spoke of how men have all the power and how this power is used to manipulate and hold back women from taking their rightful place in the business arena. She spoke of how her two former husbands used her, held her back. She said it was not until after her divorce that she was able to see the light. She spoke of how women need to be independent of all men because there is no such thing as a good man. (Only one other man, a local clergyman assigned to pray at the evening banquet, and I, were present.)

From the audible response of the approximate 250 women in the workshop, it seemed that most of them agreed with the speaker.   Some time in the middle of the workshop the speaker asked how many of the women were presently married. About half of the women raised their hands. She then asked how many were divorced. It seemed as though the other half raised their hands. Her third question was how many of the women were happy and satisfied with their lives. Most of the married women were not, but all of the single women were. She then suggested that maybe the unhappy women were being held back by their husbands from satisfied, happy lives. At the end of her workshop her final question was, How many of you are going to get rid of this man that is keeping you from your happiness? The response from her audience was a resounding, I will.

As that night’s keynote speaker, it was left up to me to bring some order to what I thought was disorder. Based on my observation of the three previous speakers, and my assumption of the views of the next workshop speaker (whose session I was unable to attend), I decided to discard my chosen topic: The Uncommon Woman. I believe God wanted me to share with these hurting women a subject that would bring healing to these wounded souls. My topic was a simple one: The Uncommon Man: His Position, Assignment and Motivation. It was a message that came from my paradigm change and what I felt would heal the many hurting women in that audience, including the workshop presenter.

Throughout the chapters of this book, I’ve presented in detail the basic truths I shared with the women that night. If you apply these same principles, the pain you may be enduring in your relationship can be soothed. If your marriage is pending, your expectations will be realistic and you will avoid some of the pitfalls along the way. As you continue to apply godly wisdom to your relationship, you will achieve the richness and joy which God intended.

—Ray Morgan, Ph.D.

When Two

Become One

A Diamond in the Making

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Chapter One

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Marriage:

A Biblical Celebration

Psalm 127

1   EXCEPT THE LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

2   It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.

3   Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

4   As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

5   Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Psalm 128

1   BLESSED IS every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways.

2   For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee.

3   Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

4   Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.

5   The LORD shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

6   Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s children, and peace upon Israel.

Two of the most beautiful passages of the Holy Bible are Psalms 127 and 128. I love those Psalms. Psalm 127 commences with the inception of a marriage and continues in Psalm 128, taking us chronologically through our lives. Each verse traverses marriage from the wedding, through parenthood, and on into grand parenting. Except God is in the beginning stages of a relationship, the Holy Bible says that the marriage is in vain.

From a biblical perspective, what does the word marriage mean? It does not mean what you probably think. It does not mean oneness, and it definitely does not mean joining. Two becoming one does not happen at the church altar when the pastor says, I now pronounce you man and wife!

The word marriage simply means celebration. When we look through the Holy Scriptures we see three celebrations, each having symbolic application when examining the marital relationship.

The first biblical celebration is death. When there is a funeral there also is the understanding that a death has preceded the funeral. As Christians, we call this occasion a home-going service. In the midst of this very solemn occasion, family and friends gather to pay homage to our deceased loved one. We celebrate the fact that our loved one no longer exists on earth but is present with the Lord. Here, we see death preceding the ceremony. We do not have the opportunity to select the time nor date of our death. Until death occurs, there is no need to make plans for the celebration service.

Many couples become infatuated with each other, realizing they would like to spend