Why Can't I Figure Us Out? Discovering Relationship Answers In Enneagram Personalities

By Eileen C Head

Are you in a relationship where you feel stuck and unloved? Are you frustrated because you have difficulty understanding the other person? I felt this way too and searched for answers everywhere as to why we were two great people with the same values and goals. Yet we just didn't know how to connect with each other.
In the thirty-five years we were married, my husband was a complete mystery to me and I think I was to him too. I just couldn't figure us out... or figure me out. Until, I got personality insights using the Enneagram (any-a-gram).

I discovered, too late, a solution to my unhappy and unfulfilling marriage. I could see the dance we had been doing for thirty-five frustrating years. I now understand why my husband behaved the way he did and why I reacted the way I did. Suddenly everything became clear. We had personality perspective differences.
Personality insights have transformed my life and given me answers for all my relationships, personally and professionally. And they can for you too.
Figure Out Yourself...Figure Out Your Relationships...Figure Out Your Life!

Many people believe relationships are mysterious and there is no way to figure them out. There really is an easy way...through personality.
Our daily lives are made up of patterns. We shop at the same stores and drive to work the same way. Personalities have recognizable and identifiable patterns too. When you recognize the pattern, you will identify the personality and be able to relate to the person.
It is personality perspective differences that causes the challenges in your relationships, within your families and at work. Whether you are dealing with an ex-husband, ex-wife, partner, parents, children, siblings, boss, co-workers or customers, each personality is going to be focused on their own point of view.
Understanding the different perspectives will give you the insights to figure others out and how to respond more effectively. You might not like what others do or how they do it, but at least you will understand why they do it that way. And that will give you the knowledge to resolve conflicts and bond with those you love in a deeper heart connection.

If you have gone through or are going through divorce, this model will give you insights into what happened, identify your responsibility for your part and how to heal. If you are single, it can show you your dating style and the personalities you are most compatible with so you can choose the partner that will make you the happiest.
Throughout this book I give examples of the many stages of my life from understanding the dynamics of my family of origin, work situations and finding the answers to my why in a confusing marriage. Discovering that our personalities feel loved, valued and appreciated differently and the research on our couple combination, helped me to figure out what happened with us. How different it might have been if we had this information.

The Enneagram will show you how to become the best version of yourself and your value, both to yourself and the world. It will give you skills and tools to create a happier, and healthier life for yourself, how to get your own needs met..and transform all your relationships.

If you are searching for relationship answers, I know you will find them in Enneagram personalities just like I did.
It is in the sharing of my story that I hope will transform the lives of many.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Eileen C Head
• Release date: Dec 18, 2014
• ISBN: 9780991971923

Eileen C Head

Eileen Head has been called The Relationship Whisperer. She is a Transformational Mindset and Personality Pattern Relationship Coach. Eileen is a Speaker, Best Selling Author, Reiki Master, Hypnotherapist, and Self Esteem Facilitator.Women and men, couples and singles, hire her to find or reconnect to deeply intimate, meaningful relationships...because at times...they feel trapped, unloved, and powerless to change their situation.She does that by helping you to Open Your Heart, release and heal old beliefs, blocks and patterns, and interpreting your personality traits so that you can Get More Love and Sex.She is passionate about helping you to understand yourself to get your Relationship Answers and Open Your Heart To Lasting Love.Based in Calgary, AB., Canada, Eileen is available for coaching, workshops and online to share her powerful message. She is also be available for speaking and workshops internationally. After successfully overcoming her own relationship struggles, she now gratefully enjoys a life rich with loving - family, grandchildren and friendship experiences.In Eileen's words: Enneagram insights have transformed my life and given me answers for all my relationships, personally and professionally. And they can for you too.Figure out yourself...Figure out your relationships...and you will figure out your life!TAKE THE FREE PERSONALITY QUIZ W: https://eileenhead.com/

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TESTIMONIALS

Eileen writes a compelling story of her journey and how her Enneagram type influences her all through her life. And she beautifully adds how each step along the journey impacts the other types. The scope of her book is well worth your time as she clearly presents how our lives are impacted by our personality pattern and how we can work to change and grow. Thank you Eileen. -David Daniels, M.D. Clinical professor emeritus Department of Psychiatry Stanford Medical School and founder of Enneagram Studies in the Narrative Tradition School.

After reading this wise and practical book I came to some deep understandings about myself and the relationships with my kids, partner, mother, and employees. I was able to use the Enneagram advice that Eileen provides for some long-standing challenges that are now diffusing rapidly. I now enthusiastically share Eileen's book with many others who have common relationship struggles and are stuck in what seems like a hopeless cycle.-Karen McGregor, Bestselling Author, "The Madonna Code: Mysteries of the Divine Feminine Unveiled"

Eileen Head is a powerful and gifted translator of the ancient body of wisdom of The Enneagram. Contained in these pages are new lenses in which to know yourself and understand your relationships. The opportunities for personal growth are boundless and rich with opportunity for one to truly crack the code and understand the secrets to Why Can't I Figure Us Out?"

- Farhana Dhalla, Bestselling Author "Thank You for Leaving Me"

I love how Eileen has taken the most challenging obstacles in relationships and with a few simple personality insights couples can achieve greater understanding of each other. Eileen has done a superb job in integrating her story with powerful life lessons woven in. If you want to understand why you or your partner behave in a certain way or how to transform your relationship this is the book to read.

- Karen Klassen, Bestselling Author Living in the Freedom Frequency

What if you had answers to the why? I wish I had known the priceless information Eileen Head shares in these pages! She is tuned in and turned on to sharing with the world the wisdom of The Enneagram. While reading Why can't I figure us out? I found the answers to questions that have plagued me in the past. Further I found answers about myself and why I do certain things. This book is a must read and have! Thank you Eileen for sharing your genius.

- Jo Dibblee Award winning, Bestselling Author of Frock Off: Living Undisguised.

"Before reading this book I took for granted that my wife thought and felt the same way as me. Knowing that our personalities influence our behavior and relationship, it helps me understand why she does things

Different from me. By not taking things personally gives me insights to forgive, let go, and best of all, laugh and work with our differences."

-Shawn DeGreeve, elasticconsulting.com

Through Enneagrams, I gained insights into my personal relationship which brought profound clarity on how we each think, act, and react in situations. These keys to understanding have been instrumental in the nurturing of our love for one another for of twenty-five years.

-David Gross

WHY

CAN’T I FIGURE US OUT?

How I Discovered

Relationship Answers

In Enneagram Personalities

Eileen C. Head

~~~

Smashwords Edition

COPYRIGHT 2014

© 2014 by Life Equations Consulting Ltd.

All rights reserved. It is a violation of Canadian and all Federal Laws to reproduce or transmit this book, in part or in whole, in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the express written permission of the publisher, except for reviewers, who may quote brief passages.

Second Edition

PUBLISHED BY:

Life Equations Consulting Ltd.

W: www.eileenhead.com

E: [e-mail]

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

DISCLAIMER: The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not in any way represent the views of anyone involved in this story. Dialogue and events have been recreated to help readers to feel they are experiencing the events first hand. Names and events have been changed to protect the identity of certain individuals.

If you find yourself in part of my story, thank you for teaching me, providing me with an opportunity to grow or supporting me though the challenges I have experienced. If you are still in my life, I am grateful to be sharing our journey together

DEDICATION

To my two amazing sons,

thank you for choosing me to share your journey.

You are my inspiration and the reason that I strive for continual growth.

I am honored by your love.

To my remarkable daughters-in-law,

you enrich our family and bring happiness to my sons.

Individually your gifts expand our family dynamic.

To my four grandchildren,

how much fun it is to see your simplicity and

wonder of life from a grandparent’s perspective.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I believe this story was meant to be written and I am honored by the number of people who volunteered their time to assist me in the many ways of releasing this book.

A project such as this is never completed without the support, encouragement and input of many people. It was a loving collaboration of many. Thank you to everyone who has been part of my life and this project.

For my ex-husband, thank you for giving me the opportunity to grow and learn through our experience together. The writing of this book has brought me to new understandings of myself and perceptions of others. It is my intention to assist others with the telling of our story.

My brothers and families; Ron and Dorothy, Harvey and Coral, Ken and Robin, thanks for supporting me.

Debbie Henders for believing in my dream encouraging and supporting me in releasing this book.

Cyndy Watts for your friendship and in walking beside me through some challenging times. Especially the many days when I questioned: why am I doing this?

Pam Ehlert Rudolf, we met as an Enneagram client and you have become a true friend. Thanks for assisting at workshops and collaborating.

Shawn Degreeve, friend, cheerleader. Your tree analogy is brilliant. You have been a gift to me personally and professionally. As a Skeptic you tried to disprove the Enneagram and became just as passionate about it as I have.

Laura Simonson, friend, coach and creative web designer. Having your support and expertise with the book and launch has been immeasurable.

Liz Viccars, a wise and loving friend who is always there with a great sense of humor.

Thyra Whitford for your amazing and intuitive insights, coaching and friendship.

Tina Hull, your love of grammar, punctuation and your willingness to edit my book has made it a much better product. You have a career in editing should you choose.

Darlene Hull, you raved about the Enneagram at a festival I was at, stopping people and telling them they needed to learn this. You have become my social media guru and a friend who stepped in to help me with the final process of uploading the book and much more.

Karen McGregor, Rock The Stage, who is assisting me with polishing up my speaking career.

Karen Klassen, you believed in me and gave me my first speaking engagement and continue to challenge me to raise my frequency.

Farhana Dhalla you got the ball rolling for writing the book by inviting me to be part of your website project.

Jo Dibblee for assisting me in living a Frockalicious life. You walk the talk, supporting and caring for many. Thanks with the social media blitz.

Jacki McLenaghan, creator of the Festival of Health and Wellness, for your continuous encouragement. I am excited about our collaboration in my next steps.

For the many who read my book and gave me feedback, including Julia Speaker, J. B. King, Cathy Goodman, Natasja Fischer, Darlene Hull, Liz Bryant, and Thyra Whitford. There were so many, if I have forgotten to mention you, please let me know and I will put in if I re-edit.

A huge thank you to Launa Germiquet who worked with me on content, clarity and flow in the final edit. It has made my book so much better.

TABLE OF CONTENT

INTRODUCTION

1. THE ENNEAGRAM OVERVIEW

2. EARLY FAMILY DYNAMICS

3. MEETING MY PRINCE CHARMING

4. LIFE GETS COMPLICATED

5. SEEKING SOLUTIONS

6. SILVER WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

7. SEARCHING FOR MEANING

8. 50th BIRTHDAY PARTY

9. SPEAKING UP

10. FINALLY FINDING THE WHY

11. WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT US

12. I NEED TO LEAVE YOU FOR ME

13. SINGLE AND DATING

14. NEW BEGINNINGS

15. THE ENNEAGRAM AT WORK

16. HELPING CLIENTS

17. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

18. FIGURING OUT YOU

19. ANSWERS TO MY WHYS

20. KEVIN’S PERSPECTIVE

21. FIND YOUR WHYS TOO!

CONNECT WITH EILEEN HEAD

SEND ME YOUR STORIES

REFERENCES

INTRODUCTION

If you’ve picked up this book, you may be searching for answers--both personally and professionally--as to why relationships are so confusing. Why does it make sense to them and not to you? How is it that you can live in the same world and yet see it so differently?

You may be struggling with a work or family situation. Or you may be looking for a closer connection in your personal relationship of how you can love and support each other to create a deep and meaningful soul connection. That is what makes life juicy.

Whether you are single or you are with someone, the key to all successful relationships is knowing, loving and accepting you first. When you understand you, you will have more skills to react and respond to others more effectively.

Possibly you are at a crossroads contemplating leaving an unhappy or unloving relationship because you can find no solutions or you are dealing with an ex-partner and divorce that has put you in a tailspin.

I too struggled in my relationships. For most of my life I had searched for the Why to confusing relationships based on how others were reacting to me. It just did not make sense. I focused on what others needed and yet my own needs were not being met.

I longed for a deeper understanding of myself, more meaning to my life, closer connection with my family and friends in all my relationships, and a soul connection with a partner. To make closer bonds, I adapted myself in order to create that closeness and to gain approval.

Like many of you I often asked myself "who am I and what do people value in me?" I searched for my identity and how I could come to feel love and acceptance for myself.

I looked for answers in my marriage; Why are we were two great people with similar values, morals and goals and yet just didn’t connect. My husband was an absolute mystery to me and I’m pretty sure I was to him too.

I just couldn’t figure us out... or figure me out.

I think we were like many couples who don’t understand each other. We know we have differences and yet have no idea how to deal with those differences. And because the other person is basically a nice person, you resign yourself to thinking "that’s just the way it is.

The most significant Aha moment of my life was when I found and first read my own Enneagram (any-a-gram) personality profile.

Reading my Helper profile was like having an Operator’s Manual to understanding who I was to my very core and was so validating. It explained in depth why I react the way I do, how I put my energy in the world, what my needs are to feel loved and how I can change my behavior to become the best version of myself.

My intention in writing this book is that there is a way to figure out yourself and all your relationships.

I share with you my journey of how I went from confusion to compassion and a much expanded view of myself, others and relationships. Through my experiences you will see what I was feeling at the time, new Insights, how differently I see those situations now with new Personality Perception, and the Choices I made to heal those relationships.

The title Why Can’t I Figure Us Out applies to couple relationships as well as any relationship personally or professionally.

Through many different examples, experiences and personality information, you will learn about yourself and the people in your life to find the answers you have been looking for to create closer connections, love, and better outcomes.

I feel called to share my story and to help others. It’s part of my personality.

The Enneagram told me the truth about myself so I could face it and grow. It answered my questions of who am I, what is my value to others in the world, and how I can use my personality gifts to serve others. I have come to love and accept all the parts of myself as I continue to transition into becoming the person I am meant to be.

I suggest you take the personality quiz online before you start reading to help you clarify your own personality type.

Life does not need to be a struggle. Understanding the personalities will simplify your life. I found my relationship answers and I know you can too.

1. THE ENNEAGRAM OVERVIEW

As you read this book, it might be beneficial to begin with an awareness of which personality type you might be.

You are a person with the behavior patterns of a personality.

With awareness, you will see the unconscious patterns that are keeping you stuck. The Enneagram shows you options so you can choose to transform to a more empowered and expanded way of being.

You can take the quiz online at: http://www.eileenhead.com. The score results depend on your interpretation of the questions and how it relates to you. After taking the quiz, go to The Enneagram Tab and read the descriptions of the three personalities of your highest scores.

The descriptions of the nine different types will give you more clarity and awareness about the Enneagram personalities, and how they affect you.

The following is a simplified explanation of the nine personality types and their perspectives.

Nine Personality Perceptions of a Crab Apple Tree

Imagine this crab apple tree in your front yard. It is springtime, the tree is in bloom, and you stop to contemplate about the tree.

Each personality who observes the tree in bloom has a different