Tips on Sex

By Dr. S.K. Sharma

Sex is the most ecstatic gift of (rod to mankind. But generally people feel embarrassed to talk about it. Women feel more shy than men. Here's a book-'Tips on Sex' that will put sex on you tips. This book will convince you that sex is not a source of mere physical pleasure but brings the two partners emotionally and psychologically closer. It is a stop by step. easy to follow guide to achieve the ultimate joy and satisfaction in a most intimate relationship. There are many myths around this subject prevalent since time immemorial. This book will explode them all. A lot of literature has been and continues to be written on it in all languages and in all civilisations. But the land of Khajuraho and Kamasutra has already said the last word on the subject. This book is a natural culmination of that ancient knowledge which will enrich your life with the most treasured happiness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Diamond Books
• Release date: Oct 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9798128819529

Book preview

Sharma

Chapter - 1

Sex Education — A Real Casualty

Our is a tradition ridden-society where sex is held to be a ‘Secret act’, hence open discussions, (what to speak of allaying doubts and warding off misgivings), even between two males or females is neither permitted, at least by implication, nor tolerated. It is an admitted fact that sex is the basic driving force of our body, next only to the need for bread and butter (I) A noted writer was asked by a T.V. serial’s anchor as to why the former always dwelt upon so often and so frankly and without any inhibitions in almost all his articles, books and various writings on sex? He was further asked as to why was he so fond of talking on porno subjects? The incumbent had a close look at the anchor and shot back, Had there been no sex between your father and mother, you would not have been standing before me. You are the resultant end of the sexual cohabition between both of your parents This is poser to all of us who consider sex an unfit subject of discussion. There are always reasons, for and against sex, as both sides advance some cogent reasons in support of their avowed view points.

GENERAL VIEW

Concept and practice of sex are common to all living beings-be they animals or men or women. Masculinity and affinity of all living beings is determined by varibale organs in the body. There is always a curiosity to know as to why an ‘A’ has certain organs which MS ‘B’ does not have, the existence or non-existence of sex organs in both persons, determines the sex of a person. During the infancy stage a male child clings to his mother more intensely than his female companion. The mother finds more pleasure in breast feeding her son than her daughter. A father has more attachment for his daughter than his son and in the same way, a mother has weakness for her son. The reason, behind all the said likes and dislikes, is that what one does not posess, wants to make up the deficiency elsewhere. Here, Prof Sigmund Freud’s ‘Sex and Dream Theory’ comes to mind and the said examples bear testimony to his findings.

INQUISITIVENESS

Urge to know about sex arises from the adolescent stage when body shapes into masculine and feminine forms, when boys have hair on their face and breasts of girls start protruding or enlarging. At the age of puberty, the girls start passing blood from their genitals which is a clear indication that the girl is on the threshold of womanhood. When the boy has his penis erect, even on the slightest provocation or touch, it can be concluded that the boy is on way to manhood. Desire to talk to, sit with, cut jokes, body touch and the pleasures derived therefrom are natural signs that male wants company of the opposite sex. Physical changes, desire to meet, to be nearer to the opposite sex, indicate juvenile sexual behaviour change in both the sexes. This period from 13 to 19 years, (Teen-age) is a period of emotional upsets, physical changes, dwelling on ways to have intimacy, talk about sex and on sex-related matters, desire to touch or be, at least, nearer to the opposite sex, read porno books, magazines, watch ‘x-rated’ movies, are some of warning signals for the parents that their children are now no more children, they have grown-up into adulthood.

ROLL OF ELDER

Teenage or adolescent stage is the most critical period for both boys and girls. This is the right time when parents, counsellers or well-wishers should start realising their duty towards sex education. Some so-called ‘bad deeds’ are done intrinsically, without knowing pros and cons thereof. After all, who will break the ice in unveiling ‘mysteries’ and ‘precautions’ on sexual change? This job can be best handled by school teachers or sex counsellers or in the absence of both, either by the mother/father.

Teenage is the most ‘Slippery age’. It is an age when the young ones badly need proper guidance, motivation, direction, sympathetic listening and, above all, a person in whom they could confide. This is the time when confidence building qualities start surfacing.

HOW TO EDUCATE ABOUT SEX

There is a misplaced notion that the kids would go the ‘wrong way’ if they are educated about sex which is an unfounded fear, for the simple reason that unguided youth is more prone and amenable to ‘Pitfalls’ than a properly guided youth. The child is not aware that fire can burn also but, when be is cautioned in time, he will take safeguards lest he is burnt by leeping flames. Ignorance of sex is far more dangerous than sex guidance. After all, someone has to take up the challenge. Evasion of this sacred duty is frought with dire consequences, much to the detriment of the young ones, though elders cannot escape the onus of being willy- nilly and evasive.

Following methods may be adopted to educate a child about sex, right from class VIII when physical changes start surfacing—much to the amazement of the young one.

The parents (preferably the mother or elder Sister or elder brother’s wife) would guide the child as to how changes in body take place, function of each sex-organ and the risks involved in playing ‘mischief’ with the organs. The teachers, at school, can, during the course of studies, dwell upon the subject in a better way to unravel the so-called mysteries and ‘secrets’ of sex. In my opinion, school is the best forum for such educative devices.

Let Physiology be a compulsory subject in the school syllabus, so that more light is thrown upon the subject. When the minds of students are attuned such a way that they are motivated to attend such classes, they will always develop fancy for the subject, since they would also be examined.

In the absence of sex-education at school or home, let there be display of audio cassettes which should be followed by video cassettes. Whatever the student has heard and, at a latter stage, when video cassettes are played, he would be able to correlate the Audio and Video versions. At this stage, the teacher should step in and reply to quarries of his students. If all the inquisitive querries have been aptly replied to, the students will gain a lot. Let us freely take advantage from facilities made available by the electronic media.

A question-answer session will solve most of the problems, relating to sex education.

At the XII standard, functions of sex organs should be explained fully. Here also audio-video cassettes can easily achieve the desired result.

Due to certain taboos and social inhibitions, it may be a bit embarrasing for a lady teacher to suitably reply to querries from male students and vice versa. In order to avoid such an awkward situation, let the lady teachers guide, educate and reply to girl students, and male teachers should do the same job for their male students.

There is no harm if combined classes, in a co-educational institute, are taken by both male and female teachers

Let there be inter-school seminars where teachers, psychiatrists, doctors etc. may take part to dole out their advice and guidance to the young folk. It will provide wider exposure of views, ideas, facts, discussions. Doubts can also be allayed by means of group discussions.

Modern youth have, these days, first-hand knowledge of what they ought not to know or practise but, they remain bereft of the risks involved in free sex. Their knowledge, gained through porno periodicals and magazines, serves to ignite their sexual passions and fantasies and to do practically whatever is revealed through the sex postures, depicted in such magazines, x-rated Videos, Movies etc. This is not a healthy way to sex education it is simply a means to free sex where passion rides high, and all other sane and safety measures are relegated to the back seat.

Young people stealthily read porno literature which vitiates minds and forces them to premature sex. Had such misguided youth been properly educated about sex, their craving and intensity to indulge in premarital sex would never have arisen. In young age one should acquire proper sex knowledge but must not indulge in unholy sex acts. Incidence of rapes can be easily attributed to such pseudo and premature knowledge. Virgin Mothers’ number is on the rise in our society. Situation in elite class is still worse, where there is no check on anyone and one is free to enjoy sex in whatever way and whichever place one wishes, at whatever price.

Whichever methods is adopted, to educate the youth on sex knowledge, emphasis should always be laid on educative, explicit, motivative process. We have to forewarn the youth about harzards and diseases involved in sexual activity keeping an eye on pursuasive approach. If they are properly and timely forewarned, they will remain forearmed also.

ADVANTAGES OF SEX EDUCATION

It will lay emphasis on behavioural, biological psychosocial, cultural, clinical aspects.

Complexities of human nature, social order, will also find a way in revelations.

Sexual problems can be prevented by better and saner sex education.

Problems of various diseases could be solved and the aspirant, being well informed in advance, would himself take care of such impediments.

It will help one in choosing a suitable partner, so as to lead a happy family life.

Above all, dark clouds will give way to bright sunlight, as there could not ever be a better substitute for proper education.

REASONS FOR ABSENCE OF SEX EDUCATION

Ours is not a permissive society, there being no room for express sex desires. Girls are still a neglected lot, as ours is a male-dominated society. Even if woman is the eternal source of our family virtues, she has yet to be treated at per with the men. Let us not forget that today’s girl would a wife, mother the other day. Educating a woman means educating the entire family. Let us look into our own sleaves and see whether we are not prentionisits par excellence. It is the woman who has to often bear the brunt of social upsets, atrocities and slander. Woman has hardly been at the receiving end, as she has often played roll of a second fiddle to the man. First of all, educate the woman and when she is educated, she will educate her family also. It is equally true of sex education. We have yet to extricate ourselves from the dragnet of the social dogmas and taboos. Women are cool customers, hence they can provide suitable sex education to their children.

Generally, children are more free with their mothers, as she hardly passes on any complaint, regarding her children, to her husband. So, her children remain obliged to her for her kindness and accomodative nature. Religion plays a dominating role in social life and religion forbids discussion on sex matters. Our customs, traditions are also based on and dependent on religion which guides, controls, motivates and influences not only our sex behaviour but also our entire fabric of life’s activities. So, let us, at least make a beginning not to be tied down unduly by religious dogmas and tenets, but respect only such religious dictates which neither stand in the way of our daily chores, nor in sex-field.

Chapter - 2

Sexuality

SEXUALITY IN INFANCY AND CHILDHOOD

Sex Before Birth: Even before birth an unborn child, be it baby boy or girl, there is some evidence to deduce that penile erections in boys, moisture and lubrication in vagina and erection of clitoris in baby girls do occur, as revealed by some ultrasound tests and studies based thereon. This is a clear evidence of reflex erections and moisturised & lubricated Vaginas. Such sexual infantile sexuality spills over to the unborn or newly born infants by way of parental (more so of mother) hugging, holding and cuddling. Bonding between parent and child begins from bathing, nursing, dressing and foundlings. This is a sort of mental and physical rapport between an infant and parents, in the absence of which an infant may experience certain behavioural disorders from childhood onwards. She/He may be uncomfortable with her/his sexuality, may have problems in forming intimate rapport with the opposite sex, or even with its own sex.

Sex During Infancy: It may be a lot surprising for the nursing mother to notice penile erection in her baby boy during the course of nursing. But it should never cause any sort of alarm, surprise or even caution. It is a natural sensation when a mother clings her baby (cuddles) to her bosom. Warmth and softness of mother’s body, coupled with sucking of her Nipples is nothing new but simply a form of neurological stimulation due to suckling. Add to it mother’s intense affection, attachment and sense of belonging and above all a sense of satiety that she is nursing, cuddling and suckling her offspring. Here again Freud’s sex theory reminds us that a mother feels more satisfied and happy when she feeds her male baby, though such a feeling occurs with regard to baby girls also. When a baby girl suckles her mother’s nipples there is also a moist and lubricated vagina but the same are not easily visible or noticed. This is not the case with boys, their penile erection is visible to the naked eye. The reason is quite simple to deduce : Boys have only one external sex organ (i.e. penis) and when entire sensuality gathers around a single sex organ, it can get aroused/excited with little effort or no effort at all. But, in case of baby girls, the sensuality element is spread over so many other organs too (which we will discuss later on). It takes time for the sensuality to reach various sex organs, hence the delay in vaginal lubrication/moisturisation.

When babies are diapered, bathed or powdered, when their genitals are washed or when they are bounced around (playfully), all the said signs of reflex sexual activation may also surface. In this regard, Martinson observes that the infant is too young to be consciously aware of the encounter and therefore no socio-sexual awakening can be said to occur. This is absolutely a true observation, as the baby is neither aware nor conscious of the said changes that occur, but his parents, of course, are conscious. It will depend on individual parents as to how and in what spirit they take these changes (i.e. observance of the said sexual reflex in the babies). If a parent gets unduly alarmed or worked up showing signs of any disapproval, does not augur well either for the baby or the parent. But, their calm and acceptable reaction will give a signal/message of comfort and adjustability, as regards sex acceptance.

When babies begin to rub or touch their genitals as soon as necessary motor co-ordination develops, such an orgasm may occur even in children (infants) below the age of one year, infants can’t reply to such situations, whereas the observing parents may draw their own conclusions, as if the infant might be attempting to explore other equally accessible organs like genitals, tummy, elbow etc. or is the sibling actually deriving sexual pleasure or any satiated joy due to repeated self-stimulation. Should we attach any sort of sexual overtone to such a behaviour? Certainly Not. Here, Helen Kaplan points out that the Babies express joy when their genitals are stimulated but Bakwin Warns that Infants show extreme annoyance when efforts are made to interrupt them, during the course of masturbation and that self-stimulation is done many times during the day."

As the baby reaches 3rd or 4th mouth of age, he cools and smiles when stimulated genitally. Those babies who are born in hospitals and nursed in the nurseries hardly resort to genital play whereas the ones, born and brought up at home, have more of genital play. This clearly points to the effect of infant parent relationship and mutual bonding which plays a significant role in development of subsequent sexuality. Such genital play is generally taken in varying spirits by the young children—some are surprised, some amused, while others get alarmed if they are unaware of the fact that such is a normal pattern of development. It would be wiser for the wards to educate the young children in no uncertain, but friendly, language that they, too, were having the similar developments during the infancy stage. Parental apathy or silence would naturally burden the young one’s mind with many such problems. So, be bold, be receptive, explicit and frank to divulge such secrets (?) to the young ones. An unresolved problem paves the way to doubtful suspicions and resultant lack/or total absence of confidence & faith in their parents.

SEX FROM 2ND TO 5TH YEAR

Now, at his stage the child begins to notice difference in body organs, as to whether is he or she. In addition, he starts to talk and walk, tries to explain himself and also responds to other person’s gestures. He may also react to certain motions and expressions, may show anger and disapproval (may be in implicit form), as also extreme sense of joy and approval. His reactions will show as to in what spirit he takes overtures of persons around him. Now, when the child has already observed and noticed difference in body organs of a boy and girl, an insatiated inquisitive feeling will set in. He will start taking genital stimulation as means to pleasurable sensations, as a result of which he will first ravel in solitary activity and at a later stage, If you show me yours, I will show mine to you—This expression may be expressed to inanimate playthings, like dolls etc. Further, they might derive pleasure by rubbing their genitals against their pillows, cushions, blankets. Sensual stimulation may be derived, to attain the sensual pleasure, by rubbing genitals with those of the girls.

A young girl child may feel the pleasure may even remove her under panty when she rules her ‘Clit’ and ‘Gina’ (The abbreviated substitutes for Clitoris and Vagina). Similarly a male child may also find his penis in erectile position, several times a day, by rubbing his penis, from which he derives optimum sensuality. Since he gets each time charged up and excited he will opt for repeating the act many times during a day If he/she is ever told that doing so would harm him/her or either may fall ill or that it is a ‘forbidden act’ or still worse if ever he resorted to such a practice he would be reprimanded. Such phobia would, most likely, drive the child to secret act or else he may do it when nobody is around him or when others are asleep or not attentive. The child will seize all suitable opportunities whenever and wherever he manages to do as he likes.

Such abnormal behaviour by the children