The Drama All Over a Father's First Love

By Mandell Williams

As the country fights against injustice in the criminal department, there has also been an unspoken injustice brewing in the family court system for way too long. For over twenty-one years, I have dedicated my life in spotlighting the dark side on an outdated system affecting so many lives. I've learned firsthand of this biased, one-sided system that has stolen my firstborn away from me. My story of these events that has transpired throughout two decades has been well-documented with the facts of my case in its entirety. The surrounding drama, marked by family court and fueled by a relentless baby mama has led me on a journey for justice for a daughter I never knew. Just like so many others who have fought and lost the right to be a parent. My mission now is to change and expose the truth of this corrupt culture that touches across all racial barriers and wealth status.

History has shown us that a father's love is one of the most important key figures in a child's life.

To undertake that away purposely, can be an atrocity affecting generations to come.

But who knew the fight for my daughter would ultimately catapult my life into a direction for change and a front-row seat to a new normal that affects us all!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 3, 2021
• ISBN: 9781649526991

Book preview

Chapter One

Finding Love

At nineteen, this was my third high school I’ve attended in four years. Something had to give! I was just a few credits shy away from graduating. And being held back in the tenth grade did not help my current situation. I was not dumb by any stretch of the imagination, just had a lot of shit in my life that happened. So as I was preparing myself to graduate this year, that was when she came into my life, very undetected to my naked eye. She was this love bandit of the night who totally caught me off guard. I would soon to be trapped in her unconscious nightmare that I could not awake from for years to come. This gave me new meaning to this type of person, or should I say creature, whom I honestly never knew existed in the world we lived in.

This is how I met the soon-to-be mother of my future child. Ms. Shanelle Payne. I met her in the most unusual way of exchange of friends. A good friend of mine named Evan Rollins, whom I originally met in sixth grade, introduced me to Kenny Watts. Evan and Kenny had formed a singing group together in middle school, which they wanted me to be in. We formed our group and played around with that idea for a while, but at the end of middle school, we had all decided to end the group Big on Love! Throughout high school, me and Kenny had kept in close contact with each other. We eventually hooked back up this last school year while attending the same high school. Kenny was more of an outgoing person than me. He would always tend to make friends a little bit faster. One of his new friends he introduced me to was Chris Walker. Although Chris and I attended the same school together, we just respectfully said what’s up to one another every now and then in passing through the hallways. We got formally introduced when Kenny arranged for us to meet while making music one day at his dad’s house. We all seemed to have this love for singing R&B music, and since we all had this in common, Chris told us about his friend named Eddie Payne, who had the same interest in music as we did. I found out later that Eddie and Chris had grown up together singing in a group as well! So imagine how surprised I was when Chris called and invited just me that next following weekend to Eddie’s house. I assumed he must have liked my voice over Kenny’s. When Chris introduced me to Eddie, we hit it right off.

This was all before I met the lady that would change it all for me. Chris had already informed Eddie beforehand that I was a singer who used to be in a group years ago. So upon arrival at the Payne house, I remember it like it was yesterday. After Eddie and I were introduced, I met their mother, Ms. Loretta, who was this big dark-complexioned lady that spoke with a raspy voice and seemed to be, at that time, a nice, warm person. As she welcomed me into her home, shortly after, I met their sister Cynthia. She was this little, heavy-set, short dark-skinned girl with short black hair. I also met their father, Mr. Martin, who, I might add, seemed like a particularly good family man. I hit it right off with the Paynes! Their son Eddie was all off in the corner trying to sound musically in tune. I was listening and singing along to Eddie, who had a soft-tone voice. I on the other hand sounded like someone from the Babyface family! Chris just sounded like a young Michael. We were all feeling each other’s voice tones as we started to sing some more.

We decided on a few basic classic hits that we tried to imitate. We sounded surprisingly good, we thought! So good that we agreed to form a group right on the spot! His family was extremely impressed with me, especially his mother and sister. They kept saying that I was a nice-looking and well-mannered young man. So well that they took it a step further in deciding on being some matchmakers. They wanted to hook me up with their daughter, or sister, whichever way you choose to look at it. Ms. Loretta kept talking about her daughter Shanelle, like I had just got to see her. Boasting about how she went to U of L, and she ran track.

She stated, As a matter of fact, she is on a track meet right now!

Her daughter Cynthia intervened, saying, Yeah, but she will be back in a few days. I think on Friday. She was giving me that hint, saying, Yeah, why don’t you guys have your next practice here on Friday?

We all laughed, and the fellas said Yeah as to be in on it too! So that next Friday we had practice as scheduled. This was also the day I’d finally seen what Ms. Loretta and her daughter Cynthia were talking about. Shanelle, at first sight, was a nice-looking girl, who had more of a runner’s build. You could tell she worked out due to her upper body tone. She was about five feet, six inches to five feet, seven inches. With a dark-brown complexion. She had these big juicy lips, which was a turn-on all in itself. She had French finger rows in the front, with long black hair in the back. I later found out that this was her classic hairdo that she would always wear. But what really got my attention was the enormous ass and thick thighs from the lower waist down. It was beautifully shaped, as she turned to looked at me. I would have to admit that we were attracted at first sight. The group was supposed to practice, but due to the laws of attraction, we could not jump right into it. I do not know how, but Shanelle and I ended up in her kitchen talking. At that time, that was when her father decided to come into the kitchen to fix himself a plate! Deep down I knew he was just trying to figure out what type of person I really was, in the midst of our conversation. Without missing a beat! Shanelle and I continued talking about a little bit of everything, from school, to why we were both single, to our goals in life! God and religion was also on the menu. The conversation stayed on God and religion for a while. It was like we were both confessing how much we loved God. I think she was more impressed about my personal relationship with God than hers.

She said, For some strange reason, a lot of guys do not talk about God, let alone have their own personal relationship with him.

Her father was still in the kitchen, nodding his head as to acknowledge and approve of what he just heard. He seemed to really like what he was hearing as well. This made more sense to me later on when I found out that he was a pastor. Shanelle and I left that kitchen knowing that we really liked each other and wanted more.

Still remembering our practice, Chris and Eddie suggested that we sing a few more songs, imitating former groups we grew up on, like Shy or Boys II Men, and New Additions, while singing this all in acapella. The girls went into the kitchen to discuss what Shanelle and I were talking about. I am sure they talked about how much she liked me and if I liked her. The whole time singing, I would have to say my mind was totally on how much I liked her rather than if I was in tune or not! As we ended the song out, we heard clapping coming from the kitchen. I guess you could say they really liked what they were hearing. They told us to sing something else, which we did. After the next song was over, it was getting late, so we decided to end practice.

I took a look back at her eyes, which were gazing on me. I notice that we had a real shyness about each other. All I could remember in that moment was Shanelle could possibly be my soul mate. I mean, we had so much in common that we did not want our conversation to end yet. But like I said, it was getting late, plus we had school the very next day. Shanelle and I had to wrap up our talk time. I ended it, for some strange reason, asking her how old she was. I really had no idea at that time, so the three things she told me next, I was not expecting to hear. One was that she was twenty years old, which meant that she was just a year older than me. Two, she was born in the same month I was. And three, she was born on the same day as I was, January 10. Of course, we did not believe each other. So we had to pull out the only proof that we had. Which was our driver’s licenses. After that, we knew that our connection was just too much to dismiss. We left each other feeling particularly good about seeing each other again. We exchanged numbers before chris and I left.

After that first introductions, I was hooked. We talked and spent almost every day together after that day. Growing more and more close to one another. We were so in tune to each other’s feeling that it was not funny! Our kisses were so passionate on every level. When we went out, we had a ball. There was no limit to our laughter, to the point of laughing so hard it hurt. Just really enjoying one’s company. Giving each other the feeling that this was definitely unlike any other relationship we had been in. Normally, I would always have sex on my mind, but with her, it was like discovering a new you. With new feeling on every level. I really thought I found someone who completed me. This was the type of life partner I was looking for. We made each other feel good in all ways possible. We always looked at each other in amazement that we were together.

Hell, it even took three months before we could put a label on our relationship as a couple. And four months before we decided to sleep together. Which I found out in the midst that I was her first. Putting that to the side, the lovemaking part was powerful! With each stroke of my magic stick to her body, at times it felt like I was pounding my heart into hers.

Our relationship was growing on levels I never knew existed. We were at the point that every day we had to hang out. She was like a drug that I had to take, not by force, but sheer will. I just had to see her, just as bad as she had to see me. We talked about a lot of stuff in life, like how she wanted to finish school and find a job. She shared with me how she wanted to quit running track. She would complain about how tried she was and wished that she could just stop.

So why don’t you quit? I asked. She stated if she did that, she would be letting her mother and father down. But mainly her mother.

She could not do that, she confirmed. At this time, I started to notice that she was doing a lot of things that she did not want to do, just for the sake of not disappointing her mother in any kind of way. This was my first glance into the type of power Ms. Loretta had over Shanelle. I started to notice, the more she saw Shanelle being happy with me, and the more Shanelle expressed her happiness about me, Ms. Loretta would reply by saying, I do not know, Shanelle, I think you guys are moving too fast! You don’t really know him enough. You’re just experiencing puppy love, that you will eventually get over. Deep down I started to detect that Ms. Loretta didn’t like me the same way as she did compared to the initial way she once felt before. I assumed it was because she was losing some of her control over Shanelle’s life before I came into the picture. This observation she would never admit to, but her mother would make her feel bad for not spending time with her. A lot of times Shanelle would feel bad and just give in on doing something with her.

When Shanelle was with me, she would be having so much fun that she would never want it to end. Ms. Loretta really grew to have a problem with it. She told Shanelle again that we were moving too fast. Which was code for basically taking up too much of your time.

I started to see more envious sides and jealousy coming from Ms. Loretta. But what I did not know until probably the fifth month into the relationship was that Shanelle and her mother were best friends who did everything together before I came into the picture.

I would have to admit that her mother and I had no idea that this relationship would kick off so well. I am sure earlier on, when she was trying to hook us up, that she had no inclination that she might be losing her best friend in the process. Otherwise I don’t think she would have done it. Her focus now was to really try to interfere with our relationship in the best way she knew how.

About six months into it, her controlling ways was starting to really show more and more each day. Shanelle tried to please her mother in staying home more often, but if I was there, which was almost every day, it would create a problem. And when Shanelle did decide to go out with me, Ms. Loretta would pull Shanelle to the side to tell her that being out too late with me was starting to be an issue. To her mother, eleven o’clock and even ten o’clock was too late for twenty-year-old women to be out. She also informed me that she did not want Shanelle dropping me off at my home anymore alone since I did not have a car.

Even though my house was only five minutes away. She claimed it was because she did not like my neighborhood. And the route she took to get me home, she was not too fond of, saying how a lot of people got murdered around my way, which was not at all true. Now do not get me wrong, I did not live in the best neighborhood, as I stated earlier. But at the same time, the crime rate in my neighborhood was the same around hers. So given her views on our tristate area, I just stayed over Shanelle’s house most of the time till ten o’clock. And Shanelle would have to get her brother or sister to ride shotgun with us. I did agree that safety was important, but Ms. Loretta was taking this too far. In my mind, she was doing this all out of control, not safety. I would later learn that this was one of her key ways in running her household with all her grown kids. I will take that car away from you is one of her favorite lines that I remembered she used a lot. I am the one paying that note and insurance was her second favorite line.

Since this car thing was becoming more and more of an issue. And since Ms. Loretta did not want her grown daughter driving me late at night, I decided that the money I was saving up was going to be used to purchase a used car. I just about had it with Ms. Loretta and her made-up rules. I had to go get myself a ride ASAP. So less than two days later, I remembered pulling up in my 1989 Cranberry Chevy Camaro in front of the Paynes’ house. Her mother and sister were sitting on the porch when I arrived. When their eyes locked in and noticed who was in the car, their mouths dropped wide open in shock. If I could just read Ms. Loretta and Cynthia’s mind at that time, I bet they were thinking, how in the hell did he pull this off? How did he get a car so fast? And the crazy thing about it all is, I truly started to see the true Ms. Loretta. She showed me her true colors in black-and-white. Because even with me having my own car, she tried to pull the same shit about being out too late. She tried to use it as the issue of any one of her reasons. Pulling these same stunts even when I was the driver of my own car. Which she did not buy, nor was she paying any insurance on. So to me, it was never about the car in the first place. It was always about how she wanted to control the situation at hand.

Nevertheless, we continued to spend almost every day together despite the small tension that was brewing between her mother and our relationship. Shanelle and I could not help it. It was like we were drawn to each other with no regard. I mean, to be around her, my smiles would be unlimited. We would just look at each other and get lost in our own world.

After I finally graduated, I poured all my focus into Shanelle. We enjoyed planning and talking about or future together.

We would read each other’s soul thoughts and feelings, at any given moment while still learning the first stages of love and all the special gifts it brought. She gave me a feeling of it is just you and me, and no one else. The feeling of as if I do not have to look any further at trying to find Ms. Sangester. I was not ready to elope just yet! But I surely wanted to.

We had only been together for only seven months, so getting married was surely in my future. Like I said, we spent a lot of time over her house. Sometimes we would be in her room, which was upstairs on the third level. While up there, we would watch TV, talk about life, play games, and even made love. With every sexual movement we made, you could just tell that our bodies could not stand to be away from each other. I learned and studied the shit out of her body, from the inside and out. I can honestly say that I was trying to become one with it. With every breath she took, I stoked even harder, as we explored the endless possibility of each other. But just as quickly as we got started, not even five minutes later, her mother would call her name to ask her something or to say something meaningless. Like, What are you watching on TV? or Did you see such and such? It came to the point where I knew Ms. Loretta was doing this out of spite, because she felt a sense of control when doing so. At this point, for some reason that is when I recalled that I never heard Shanelle say no to her mother, not once! For anything. Even when she knew that her mother was doing too much. I am talking about calling her downstairs as many as four to five times in a two-hour period, as if to show me who really was still in control. If that did not get through, she would tell Shanelle to go run some errands for her. Like to the store for hair products or to Baskin Robbins for ice cream. It was not like she did not have other children in the house that could go. Plus, she could have even driven herself. But she would always ask Shanelle. She knew that Shanelle would not say no.

We would always have to stop what we were doing, all the time, to attend to Ms. Loretta’s needs. Even though Ms. Loretta’s controlling ways led into all parts of her family, but with Shanelle it was more in depth and direct.

Just by the way she acted and was treated, you would think that Shanelle was the baby out of the bunch. But she was the middle child. Cynthia was the oldest, and Eddie was the baby.

I always wondered on a personal level, as I’d seen with my own eyes, how did her other kids feel about Ms. Loretta and Shanelle’s close-knit relationship? Because you could clearly see that they were being neglected for attention and affection from time to time from their own mother. Ms. Loretta would only be concerned for one individual, which was Shanelle.

On a few occasions, I witnessed Cynthia lashing out a few times pertaining to this issue. Stating that her mother always wanted to spend time with Shanelle. When Ms. Loretta was confronted with the news, she would just brush it off, telling Cynthia to stop being silly, which was here favorite word to say.

Over time I started to see more and more of her controlling ways and the extents of her sickness. Ms. Loretta was the type of person that when confronted on any issue, she would not admit it. She had to be in control over everything surrounding her life. She felt that she was always right all the time. But if she was not, she would easily justify her actions, and you better not contest it. Ms. Loretta would always tell her grown kids and husband what to do. She made them fear her in whatever she asked. And like human robots, they would do it. Their response was always, oh, you do not want to get Mother mad.

I felt that she had put a great deal of fear into them. So much, if they got out of line or did something that she did not agree with, there was going to be consequences.

It was like they were unable to think for themselves, and the more I thought about this, the more I knew it to be true. For example, when Shanelle and I talked, which was every day. But after ten months into the relationship, I started to really pick up on how she was talking. She had been talking like this when I first met her, but I guess I never really noticed it. She constantly continued to say Momma said this, Momma said that, and I started to realize she was saying Momma said a lot of the times. Almost as if she did not have a mind of her own or that she could not think outside the box of Momma said.

Chapter Two

Seeing the Signs

This went on throughout the rest of our relationship. Now they always say love is blind! So don’t get me wrong. I was definitely caught up in it, before I truly seen the light. But out of all people, I know what it means to respect your mother. I grew up having to respect my parents, but this type of respect I was witnessing was downright dangerous. Growing up from a child to a young man, I did most of what my mother told me to do because she was my mother. I respected and valued her opinion very much so. I also felt that she knew what was best for me as she prepared me for life. She structured a road of personal thinking for me, on the way to me becoming a young adult male. She gave me room to make my own mistakes so that I could learn from them. Like if I were to ask my mother about her advice on any given thing, one of the first things she would ask me is, What do you think, son? Saying this in good faith, as if to get me to think on my own. What is your mind telling you, Anthony? she would always ask. This was a process and tool she