Surviving the Loss of Your Loved One; Jan's Rainbow

By Lindsay Collier

Writing this book was a major factor in my own recovery from the loss of my wife of 40 years, Jan. But what makes me feel really great is the fact that this book and the presentations I've made to many groups have helped hundreds of people who have lost spouses and other loved ones. The stories contained in the book about how those we have loved and lost stay in touch with us are truly amazing. And the suggestions on how to survive the loss of your loved one come from someone who has been through it all and was able to put a creative spin on many of the issues that come from such a loss. I genuinely hope that reading this book is as helpful to you as writing it was to me. I've included a summary of its contents below as well as an introduction to give you a glimpse of what you will find. Recovering from the loss of a loved one is a difficult task but there is some light at the end of the tunnel. This book will help you find that light.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 How I Became a Believer
This chapter contains some very compelling stories leading up to Jan's Rainbow.
Chapter 2 Jan's Rainbow
Here, you'll find some absolutely wonderful, true life stories of how rainbows and other signs entered our lives after Jan's loss. You need to read it to believe it!
Chapter 3 How to Survive the Loss of Your Loved One
Your journey through the loss of a loved one will be much easier using the eleven recommendations for survival in this chapter.
Chapter 4 Stories of Hope from My Friends
Here you will find twenty-seven amazing and wonderful stories of how lost loves ones have shown that they are still a part of our lives.
Carrisa's Big Splash
Ranny's Moonbeams and Rainbows
Ray's Viking Ship
Rainbows and Ravens
Don's Clocks
John's Dragonfly
Thank You My Love
Thirteen Moons
Straightening Eve and Davy's Coffee Cup
Jonathan's Visits
Mikaels Tikai
John's Sunset
Mom's Ladybug
Helen's Cardinal
Steven's Rainbow
Sam's Christmas Ornament
Christopher's Warning
Peg's Robin
Kathryn's Date and Jane's Warning
John's Last Flight
Jeffrey's Dance
Jann's Rainbow
Mom's Songs: The Angel in the Song
Len's Signs
Merry's Rainbows
Brett's Tennis Ball
Blitz's Visit
Chapter 5 The Seasons of Grief and Other Useful Metaphors to Help You Through Your Loss
This is a creative, and very different, look at how to think about your journey through the grieving process.
Chapter 6 A Few Words of Wisdom to Help You in Your Journey
Here you will find a number of very useful, practical thoughts that will help you in your journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsay Collier
• Release date: Jun 17, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311354587

Lindsay Collier

Lindsay Collier had a storied career with Kodak beginning as an engineer and becoming their expert in creativity and innovation. He also did some pioneer work focusing on humor in the workplace. He took an early retirement to write, consult, and speak about these topics and his books and presentations are characterized as being original, fun, and packed-full of good, usable stuff. After the loss of his 1st wife of 40 years to ovarian cancer he also wrote what might be one of the most creative books on surviving loss.Lindsay is an author and speaker well known for his humorous and information packed presentations. His latest books include Organizational Mental Floss; How to Squeeze Your Organization's Thinking Juices, Organizational Braindroppings; Musings on Organizational Change, Quotations to Tickle Your Brain, How to Live Happily Ever After, and Surviving the Loss of Your Loved One; Jan's Rainbow. Others are on the way

Book preview

Surviving the Loss of Your Loved One;

Jan’s Rainbow

Lindsay Collier

Surviving the Loss of a Loved One; Jan’s Rainbow

Published by Lindsay Collier at Smashwords

Copyright 2015 Lindsay Collier

Dedication

This book is dedicated to all those who have lost loved ones and especially to those who have lost spouses. Getting through the pain of losing someone you love can be a tremendous challenge. I hope that the stories and thoughts in this book will help many on their path of healing.

It is especially dedicated to my first wife, Janice, who was (and still is) the most wonderful and beautiful person ever to walk the earth. You changed the lives of everyone you touched – especially mine. With this book, you will continue to change lives. Our love will last forever.

Remembering Jannie

A new day is begun and the world is forever changed.

Someone we thought would always be here has slipped away.

Smiles flash across each face when we remember special moments shared with the one we loved so well.

Tears well up with pride at having known someone like that at all.

Heaven is forever changed.

That person we loved is reunited with those gone before.

Smiles flash across the skies in celebration.

Tears are wiped away and replaced with peace.

We will meet again someday.

We love you, Jannie.

Ginny Baker (Jan’s Aunt) – June 21, 2001

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 How I Became a Believer

This chapter contains some very compelling stories leading up to Jan’s Rainbow.

Chapter 2 Jan’s Rainbow

Here, you’ll find some absolutely wonderful, true life stories of how rainbows and other signs entered our lives after Jan’s loss. You need to read it to believe it!

Chapter 3 How to Survive the Loss of Your Loved One

Your journey through the loss of a loved one will be much easier using the eleven recommendations for survival in this chapter.

Chapter 4 Stories of Hope from My Friends

Here you will find twenty-seven amazing and wonderful stories of how lost loves ones have shown that they are still a part of our lives.

Chapter 5 The Seasons of Grief and Other Useful Metaphors to Help You Through Your Loss

This is a creative, and very different, look at how to think about your journey through the grieving process.

Chapter 6 A Few Words of Wisdom to Help You in Your Journey

Here you will find a number of very useful, practical thoughts that will help you in your journey.

Afterward

Appendix 1 Helpful Readings

Appendix 2 Other Helpful Books about Loss

About the Author

"Circumstance is God’s way of staying anonymous."

- Author Unknown

Introduction

I have lost a lot of important people in my life. In almost every case, those I have lost have found subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways to send messages of comfort to me. These messages have helped me a great deal to endure these losses. In June 2000 I experienced the most difficult loss in my life. Janice, my wife and best friend for more than forty years, lost a long battle with ovarian cancer. I was introduced to the real process of grieving – something I had managed to skirt around and avoid throughout my other losses. In many ways it has been a tremendously powerful learning process for my family and me. And I hope by sharing what I have learned that I can help others who are experiencing loss. I sincerely hope that the messages contained in Jan’s Rainbow will provide comfort and hope to many others who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. Although much of this is being written through my own tears, my main purpose is to provide a very uplifting and hopeful message that in your journey through the grieving process, your loved one is by your side helping you with each step.

I feel compelled to tell you at the very start that I have always been a very open person but not necessarily a strong believer in much of the new age, spiritual stuff. After all – I’m a guy! And I’m also an engineer and we engineers always need proof. It took some very compelling evidence to convince me that there are things going on that go well beyond our normal understanding of what is possible. You will hear stories in this book that are unbelievable on the one-hand and, on the other, provide irrefutable proof that there are real messages coming from the other side. If you are a believer now you will strengthen your belief. If you are not a believer, you are about to become one.

Jan and I met in high school in Arlington, Massachusetts in 1958. We were married in 1961 while I was working on my mechanical engineering degree from Northeastern University in Boston. After graduation we started our real life together in Germany where I was an officer in the US Army Corps of Engineers. After three years we decided the Army wasn’t for us and I began a career as an engineer with Eastman Kodak Company in Rochester, New York, which has been our home ever since. Somewhere in that time frame we were blessed with three great children, Stephen, Gregory, and Laurel.

Our life together was in many ways like a storybook. Our love and respect for each other just strengthened through the years. We had a very pleasant home in a highly livable suburb of Rochester, New York. We both had jobs we liked and our children were doing very well on all fronts. In the fall of 1988, Jan’s doctor noticed a growth that concerned him which resulted in Jan having a hysterectomy. A tumor was found that was later diagnosed as ovarian cancer. The good news was that the doctors had discovered it early and removed everything. Or so they thought. A couple of years later Jan was given a clean bill of health when the tests showed virtually no activity. The next few years were happy ones thinking that the battle had been won. Several years passed before the cancer reappeared and Jan had to begin both radiation and chemotherapy treatments. At times it seemed like the results were working, but ultimately the cancer took over. Jan started her new life on the first day of summer, June 21st, 2000.

I dedicate this to you, Jan. You will always be a part of me. My life will always center on you and we will always be together.

Chapter 1

How I Became a Believer

Memories of My Family and My First Encounters With Messages From the Other Side

The Collier family originally consisted of my father, Edwin Collier, my mother, Doris Collier, my older brother, Jeff, me, and my younger sister, Suzanne. My father died on my third birthday and, much to my regret, I have no memory whatsoever of him. I remember as a youngster feeling lonely for a father, especially when seeing my friend’s fathers. And I have often asked myself how my life would have changed if my father had been a part of it. How would he have influenced my decisions in life? Would I have been a better father myself if I had him for a role model?

I lost my brother, Jeff, when I was twenty-three years old (he was twenty-seven). I have great, albeit sketchy, memories of Jeff but experienced no messages from him. I often wonder if this is just because I wasn’t mature enough to recognize them at the time. When my mother lost her battle with cancer at age sixty in the early seventies I was first introduced to the receiving of clear messages from the other side. I was in my early thirties when I experienced this loss and it was quite devastating. As you might guess, she was very special to me because of how hard she worked to give her children the best life she possibly could. I didn’t realize at the time how important these messages from her would be in my life.

My mother was very sick with pancreatic cancer and confined to the hospital. I was driving from Rochester, New York to Arlington, Massachusetts regularly to visit her but I don’t believe I really understood the extent of her illness. One day, I received a call from my mother-in-law who lived in our hometown and visited my mother often. Her message was that I should come right home because Mom didn’t have long to live. I will never forget my last visit. Mom was just hanging on and I’m convinced that she needed to see me one last time. The drugs she was on made it difficult but I was able to hold her and tell her how much I loved her. I know she knew I was with her because she was able to squeeze my hand. That was about the extent of our outward communication although I knew that we were spiritually very much together. I decided to go to my sister’s house (about a ten-minute drive) to freshen up after the long drive from Rochester so we could both come back to the hospital together.

I left the hospital and got into my car and recall being very upset. I started the car and a song that was very popular at the time was just beginning. The song was, I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. I sat and listened to this song through my tears knowing that the words were so appropriate at the moment. That song has had a way of playing at so many times when I thought of her and also at so many times when I needed some reassurance that she was still with me. This song still gets airplay and still seems to come at such opportune moments after all these years. And it still brings on the tears.

Here are some excerpts from that song that I can remember:

I can see clearly now the rain is gone

I can see all obstacles in my way

Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind

It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day

Look all around there’s nothing but blue sky

Look straight ahead nothing but blue sky

I think I can make it, now the pain has gone

All of the bad feelings have disappeared

Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for

It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day

When I got to Suzanne’s house they told me that Mom was gone. To this day I believe this song played the moment she left us and that it was a message to us that she was finally safe, out of pain, and happy. I am sure my father was waiting for her. This thought has sustained me through the years and helped me to cope with the loss of this wonderful woman.

My marriage had gotten off to a pretty weak start with my in-laws. In their eyes I was definitely not what they had dreamed about for their daughter. Now that I have a daughter of my own I can understand why. I’m not sure I would have wanted me either. I’m not sure they ever would have been satisfied with any guy who had designs on their daughter at that time. But I was the epitome of everything that was bad in their eyes. I had my hair in a DA (that was a duck’s ass for those who weren’t around in the fifties), wore my pants down around my knees, smoked Lucky Strikes (which, of course were neatly wrapped in the arm of my T-shirt), and wore engineer boots (don’t even ask what these were). I was a Baptist and they were staunch Catholics. I was a Republican and they were staunch Democrats. Most everything that I liked, they disliked. This didn’t look like a marriage made in heaven to them. I doubt if they thought (and most likely hoped) it would even last very long. But this relationship quickly grew to one in which I was just like a real son to them – and they were nothing less than my real parents. My father-in-law, affectionately referred to as Papa in my family, saw in me the son he never had and we became the best of friends. To me it was like finally having a father after all these years. But several years after my mother died he also was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After a fairly brief struggle, the disease also claimed Papa.

We had just bought a new home in a town south of Rochester, New York, and it was in a new development that was originally a cornfield. (By the way, a few weeks after we moved in, Papa showed up at our door with a bottle of champagne. He had driven 400 miles to surprise us with it.) There were no trees and no birds anywhere near our lot – just a wide-open space waiting for our green thumbs. We had planted a bunch of trees and started several gardens but the birds were still pretty sparse. The day after Papa died a beautiful male cardinal appeared in our yard and just seemed to stay there forever. After that he just kept appearing so much that we named him, Papa. Male cardinals have frequented our yard ever since. Whenever something important was going on in our family’s life, a cardinal would always appear. If you’ve ever heard a cardinal’s song, you know there is nothing in the world quite like it. This song has seemed to be ever-present at our home. But I can’t ever remember seeing a female cardinal. In my heart I knew what needed to happen to make the female cardinal appear and I was in no rush for that to happen.

In the years following Papa’s death, Jan and I both became very close to her mother, who was affectionately known as Mammie. I made many trips back to the Boston area and the first stop was always to see Mammie. Nearly forty years of being married to her daughter had pretty much convinced her that I was okay. Our relationship had become one of total love and respect for each other. She was not my mother-in-law – she was my mother. And my kids absolutely adored her. But years of heavy smoking were taking their toll on her. She developed severe emphysema and her health went downhill badly in the late nineties. In 1999, she fell breaking her hip and ending up in the hospital for an operation. She made it through the operation but a few days later, passed away. She called herself the family matriarch, and she truly was.

The next day a female cardinal appeared both in our yard in Rochester and Jan’s sister’s yard in Billerica, Massachusetts. Female cardinals have frequented our yards ever since Mammie’s passing. And wherever I am these days when a male cardinal appears, the female is often not far off.

My son, Steve, tells another story of how cardinals assured him