Only For Your Happy Life

By Hiranya Borah

This book is a modified version of his first and highly circulated book, ‘Random Thoughts through a Coloured Prism.’ It is basically ‘Tit-Bits of our Daily Life’ from which we can learn many things to make others and ourselves happy. It is hoped, one can solve many ‘depression related issues’ by just rethinking all the issues afresh in the light of the stories and sub-stories of the book and makes little re-adjustment of his or her day to day life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Blue Rose Publishers
• Release date: Dec 1, 2022

Book preview

Chapter: 1

On Saying ‘I Love You’

Let me ask all my friends, ‘How many of you actually used these three magical words, I love you, to someone you love?’

I am not asking how many of you have told these words to your GF/BF/children/spouse, I am asking how many of you have told these magical words to your old parents/grandparents/uncles/aunts/old servants recently.

Probably, a very few of you have told these words in the last 24 hours to any of the persons in the group stated above. Some more will be added in the list if time period is extended to one month.

Many of us probably ceased to think that those people are in the list of our love ones. I am not blaming any one of you. I am only trying to share some of my own experiences on this issue.

I hugged my father for the last time in 1989 when my son was born. My father died in 1997. That means, I did not hug him for the last 8 years of his life. Now, whenever, my son/daughter hugs me, I feel very happy and also feel a pain in the bosom of my heart thinking what I had deprived my father few happy moments for the last 8 years of his life before his death.

For the last time, I put my arms around my mother in March, 2005 when she was critically ill. Unfortunately, I could not even put my head down on her lap when she died in May, 2005 as I could not reach my village before her cremation.

But I still vividly remember the last hug I made to her. She pressed her chest to my face and did not allow me to take my face away for long five minutes or so. At the time of her death, none of us (including my brother and sister) was present beside her. She fought her last battle of life all alone. We justify our actions with some good or bad reasons. However, at the back of the mind, I always think, she would have survived few more months had I been with her.

Why I am writing this now after so many years? Because I realize now, I had missed an opportunity to make my parents happier.

Please, please do not miss the opportunity to tell ‘Hey, old buddy/old sweetheart, I love you, I care for you’ to your close elderly people, before it is too late to realize what you are going to miss in your life forever.

Chapter: 2

Happiness is only a phone call away

All of us are experienced, at least once in a month, waiting anxiously for a phone call from someone, may be, for different reasons. We always see the mobile phone, again and again, thinking, why it is not ringing or whether I have missed the call by not hearing the sound of the ring. We use to check the apparatus whether it is ok or not. Finally, when we get the call, we are very happy and relaxed or may feel something.

However, all those activities what we are doing, knowing well that the phone call will come only when the caller will make the call. The caller will decide when to call to the person who is anxiously waiting for the call. The receiver has no control over it.

Sometimes, we think, we shall not receive the call to show our unhappiness/annoyance for the late call- but finally we pick up the call at once, knowing that we want to receive the call more than the caller, who happens to be the decision maker.

All parents of my age (50 plus), experience many times the anxiety of not picking up phones by our children despite of repeated phone calls. Sometimes, you may have to call his/her friends/colleagues to know about his/her wellbeing. After, calling to his/her friends, you may sometimes get a good verbal thrashing from your ward. But most of you might be doing the same mistake again and again to ease out your anxiety.

But your wards, are cool with the following probable answers: i) I forgot to carry the phone to the college/ party; ii) lack of charge in battery of the mobile; iii) I was in a meeting and so on. Despite of the verbal thrashing or the apparent lie on their part, once you got the phone call, you become very happy and relaxed.

Now, consider the people, who are around 20 year’s senior to us in age (70 plus). They also want to hear from us, something on regular basis. On the other hand we may be extremely busy (at least mentally) with our routine duties including calling our children in time, attending phone calls from our boss/ client/ colleague/ spouse/ GF/BF.

Let us ask this question to ourselves, ‘Can we not spare two minutes a day to call our parents and other elderly ones who are waiting for our calls every day looking at the mobile/land line phone from morning to till midnight and even getting up from sleep in the early morning to check the phone whether phone is properly placed or working properly so that any call from you is not missed?’

Probably many of us are not mentally prepared to spare those two minutes a day. But, yes we can do it with some planning. Fix a time, may be after your dinner, to call your elderly near and dear ones, every day. Once you are accustomed with the timing, you are unlikely to forget to call him/her.

My humble submission is to all of those who are not calling their elderly dear ones, please spare two minutes and make them happier so that he/she can also boast to his friends/relatives that my son/ daughter/ nephew/ niece telephones me every day. Your little effort and small spending on telephone will make your near and dear ones happier, which in turn make you also happier day by day.

Chapter: 3

Try to smile when you are even in pain

Earlier it was boasted that only human being can smile and that is why it is precious. But now scientists find that even animals and plants can smile when they are happy. Smile is always contiguous like any other moods of any living being. You always try to see smiles on the faces of your love ones. Even when you are in trouble/pain you perhaps try to be in good mood in front of your love ones so that they are not unduly worried about your wellbeing.

But can we smile to a stranger? We advise our young ones not to mingle or not be very friendly to unknown persons. In public places like metro stations, through public announcement systems also, we normally hear that ‘Do not be friendly to the strangers’.

These types of announcement/ cautions are necessary, considering the law and order situation in the entire world. But, if we close all the doors for all the strangers, we shall close doors for development of new friendship as well. Probably, that will be contrary to our earlier teachings to make friend all over the world. Personally, I make lot of new friends (you may call them as new acquaintances only) during the last few years who happened to be totally strangers to me and interestingly nobody had introduced me to them and vice versa. I proudly say that some of them are now good friends of mine and glad to inform you that they are from across the globe. However, one common observation I had made in all of them, all of them have smiling faces.

Is smile so important in life? Is smiling face is an indication of timidity? Is it deceptive for others whom he/she wants to flinch? All these questions are coming out of our own experiences. As the answers are also coming out of our own experiences, we have to deal with all these smiling faces differently.

An innocent smile of a toddler can make you happy at any time. However, we must admit, every smile sends you a different messages, if it emanates from different personalities. Even for the same person, context of smile may be different. A lion, may also smile, when a zebra is approaching to its striking distance. Same lion may also smile when he is approached by his cubs or when a lioness approaches him for enticing to have sex. Even it is said about some bosses, ‘Today boss is smiling and therefore grave danger is looming ahead of us’.

When and why we are worried to see smiles on some persons’ faces- I need not have to explain. As our mythology says ‘Smile of Mahakaal (God of death) is the most dangerous indication for any living being as that is the last smile- one is destined to see.’

How do you feel about a plastic smile? When an airhostess welcomes you into her aircraft or a model on the ramp appears with a smile, nobody finds any warmth in it. But when you see a similar smile from a neighbor, your mercury level may shoot up in excitement, depending upon his/her relations with you and depending upon his/her earlier records. For example, if he/she asks for a favour after every smile, you will be worried and on the other hand, if he/she gives a lift, you will be more than happy.

Unfortunately, smile on the others face cannot be controlled by you. So keep smiling always! Let the other person interpret your smile!

This article is dedicated to one of my maternal aunts who just one hour before her death at around 6 in the morning told me with a sweet smile, ‘Go home my child, take bath, take breakfast and take a nap before coming to hospital again to meet me’.

Chapter: 4

Learn to hear a ‘No’…While Saying ‘I love you’

In 2014 a highly educated boy of a very reputed university attacked a lady classmate with sharp weapons who curtly refused his proposal to love him. He also committed suicide after committing the heinous crime. However, this is not a ‘one off example’ of such crimes committed by jilted lovers.

Every day, it is happening all over the world. Every day, one spurned lover either throws acid on the face of lady or stabs her whom he claims to love from the core of his heart. As per statistics provided by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, in 2012, there were 24923 rape cases, 45351 cases of Assault on women with intent to outrage her modesty and 9173 cases of insult to modesty of woman. These were only recorded cases against women. There might be lot of unrecorded cases where women were in the receiving ends.

Why women are targeted? Why a spurned lover attacks a lady whom he apparently loves? These are generic questions. But let us concentrate on those cases where spurned lovers attack their loved ones. The moot question, can anybody harm a person whom he/she actually loves? Perhaps, that is not possible. Then, can we call it as an aberration to drive a divine activity to a heinous crime? Perhaps yes, that may be one of the plausible answers.

Before going to a serious discussion on the issue, let me introduce a friend who looks at ‘love’ in his own perspective. During our college days, as per his own claim, he proposed, each and every beautiful girl of our class. In his own words, none of our classmates had accepted his proposal. But all the girls, now all are middle aged women are good friends of him. According to him, to love somebody was his prerogative, whereas acceptance or rejection was her (their) prerogative. He claims that even now he proposes beautiful girls/women, with the same result; a rejection on his faces. However, in the process he made a big pool of beautiful girls/women as his good friends. His wife is also pretty confident that none of the female friends will ever be GF of her husband. As far my information, none of his women friends have any grudge against him for proposing the other women as well or even their husbands have any bad feeling about him. As per his claim which I also endorse, he has lot of respect for all those ladies whom he once proposed and also respect for their decisions to reject his proposals. When someone asked, had any of them accepted his proposal, would he stopped proposing another one, his answer was an emphatic ‘No’.

Now let us come to the serious part of the problem. While a man proposes a girl/ woman whom he loves, he has to muster a lot of courage- (assuming that girls/women normally will not propose a man). But only a brave man has the courage to hear a ‘no’ and respect the decision of the girl/woman whom he loves. A brave man will never hurt the sentiment of the girl/woman and he will always be helpful to the girl/woman knowing fully well that she will never be with him or she will never love him.

In this world, unfortunately, there are very few extremely brave people like Temucin, Bidhan Chandra Roy who can digest the rejection of someone whom they actually love, and made those painful moments to build inner strength to do something exceptional for their community/country/race or as a whole for the mankind.

Though everyone cannot be like those well-known personalities of history, there may be many unsung heroes in different fields, about whom we may know very little or nothing at all. However, they are also hero of their own right. Similarly there may be thousand brave persons after getting a rejection, they may excel in one field or other field(s) which may be unknown to others. Those brave persons may also be happy with their life partners and also faithful to them throughout their lives. They may not shed tears whole of their lives for the girl once he used to love.

On the other hand, what a coward will do after getting a rejection from a lady whom he thinks, he loves? He may put himself in to a cocoon, which he will make to destroy himself. Alternatively, he may physically or mentally or socially harm the lady whom he claims to love. Unfortunately, there will be many more cowards compared to the number of brave people. That is why crime graph against women are going northwards.

Coming to our own country, it is a fact that most of the Indian families do not discuss about personal life of self or about their children amongst themselves. To be more precise, we do not share our experiences- bad or good with our children to avoid embarrassments- if any; forget about discussing about love affairs etc.

However, now it is felt that time has come, at least we should realize that we all have the social obligation to teach our children in general, and sons, in particular to be brave enough to muster the courage to hear a ‘No’ not only in the fields of education/ job market but also in the delicate world of ‘love’. They should be taught that loving someone may be their decisions but to be loved by someone, is the decision of someone else. They should be taught to respect others’ decisions and take those decisions with humility. They should be taught that every one may not get back equal love from the other party. Even he/she who has rejected you, may be in the same position where you are at this juncture (they may also be spurned by others!)! Therefore, there is no embarrassment for a refusal from someone you love, nor, it will demean your masculinity/ personality/ or your position in the society.

So be brave, take a ‘No’ into your own stride and look for a new friend. Who knows, the new friend may accept your proposal and God wishes, she may be qualitatively far better than the one, who had rejected you.

As mature persons we may also teach our daughters how to react to an unwanted proposal to avoid confrontation. A girl also should respect the sentiment of a person who proposes to her. One should remember that, success of a person depends upon the articulation of words of a person to say a ‘No’ to a proposal. How to say a ‘no’ depends upon the situation under what condition, you have to say a ‘No’. Keeping the central theme of a ‘No’, you may convey the message without actually pronouncing the word ‘No’. Sometimes you may have to say an empathic ‘No’ and sometimes a very apologetic ‘No’. For example, you may have to say a ‘No’ to a weak limpet very strongly when his proposal is not acceptable to you. But when the person is your boss (or someone, very powerful) proposes, you may not be that straight forward. But you must have to convey the message that you are not going to accept his proposal, if you are not interested. Remember, saying ‘yes’ is the easiest answer anybody can give. Fulfillment of the promise is, however, another matter. Sometimes, a ‘no’ may cost thousands of lives. Best example is perhaps ‘Destruction of Spanish Armada’ in the eighteen Century when Queen Elizabeth refused the marriage proposal of Spanish King. Therefore, while saying a ‘No’, sometimes, you have to be very cautious/ diplomatic, as this may jeopardize your own or your family’s security in terms of physical or financial or may be in both. In many occasions, we have to say a ‘Yes’ instead of a ‘No’ to quell over an impending storm.

Here, I am not suggesting any specific answer for saying a ‘no’ to a ‘love proposal’, but I am just