Life Doesn't Stop for You to Hurt: He Heals My Hurts

By Barbara Phillips Littlepage

Look Grief in the Eye

We don't grow up, dream of our wedding day, the birth of our first baby, and then think, I will have to bury my child someday. My children were the best thing I ever did. I always knew I would be a mother and would love it.

I planned to have two children. They would begin their schoo

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Nov 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9798887380988

Book preview

Foreword

The moment my daughter Joy asked me if I had heard about the death of Matthew, my heart nearly stopped beating. Thoughts, images, and spoken words kept trying to penetrate my brain.

"No, not Matthew! Lord, don’t allow this to happen to my friend, Barbara! She would not survive the pain and devastation. No, no, no!" my heart cried again and again.

So many parents feel their kids are a burden, but never Barbara. The first thing you notice about Barbara is her love for her children!

I first met Barbara as an adult going back to college. She would not leave her children to continue her education until the last child, Matthew, was in school.

Barbara adored her children. She often spoke of her daughter Dianna’s musical talent. I remember the second time I visited with Barbara; she whipped out a cassette tape of Dianna’s. I thought, Just keep smiling: she loves her kids, and soon, it will be over. But that kid could sing!

I began going to some of Dianna’s concerts, and who but Matthew would be there, helping his momma with the shows! He never let Barbara get very far from his sight. He wanted to make sure he was available to help her anytime she needed him.

Barbara has another son, David, whom she absolutely adores. She brought him to college one day just to show everyone her handsome little son David. He loved football, Pac-Man, snow skiing, and waterskiing, as did the other two kids.

My children learned about those same sports because Barbara wanted to share that with them also! I couldn’t have asked for a better role model for my children. Today when they are adults, her influence is obvious.

My family ran to Barbara’s side when we heard of Matthew’s death. I watched as she processed the worst thing in life—the loss of her baby!

She took it in, and when she could breathe again, she turned to Jesus. She does not hide her pain; she shares it in realistic terms. She allows you to walk with her and feel her steps as she navigates this painful journey.

I have encouraged Barbara to keep writing her experience because she pulls no punches and gives no pie in the sky of what others expect a grieving mom to say. While she attempts to stay strong, she is open to letting you see her pain. She has no glib words and will openly cry when she thinks of Matthew. She illustrates that pain, belief, and hope can dwell in the same space. It is a real physical hurt, not only emotions.

It is the way God made her and why, when you read this book, it will turn you to Jesus.

—Barbara’s best friend, Gail Bryeans

Dear Mama,

I know that you never—in your wildest imagination—thought that you would need a day set aside for your broken heart and your empty arms.

Who thinks when they learn a new life is growing inside that this same life might be cut short? What heart is brave enough to consider the possibility?

Yet here you are.

I’m so, so sorry.

But there are a few things I want you to know. There are some important truths to remember on this broken road—truths that can help you hold onto hope and finish strong.

You are not a failure. I don’t care about those silly social media memes that are tossed around like candy from a Mardi Gras float.

You kept me as safe as you knew how. You are not omnipotent nor omniscient. You did the best you could. That’s all anyone can do.

You are my mother even if you don’t have me to hold onto in this earth. You have me just not so that others can see. When people ask how many children you have, answer boldly, and count three, one that waits for you in eternity.

Your love is valid and worthy of expression. Love for me may look different than love for your other children still walking the earth with you. That’s OK. Grief is love with no place to go. Tears are fine. Laughter is fine.

Speaking my name is your privilege. Carrying