Split P Soup: Am I Crazy? How Would I Know? (Book 4)

By Maharg Ydobon

At the Babbling Brook Listening Center, Doctor Ydobon continues to listen while people talk about their mental health, their hopes, fears, and dreams, the crazy things happening around them, and the normal struggles of living in a weird world full of strange individuals.
Characters from the first three books re-emerge and tell more of their individual stories. New characters wonder about their sanity. Reality is challenged. History is warped. Future and past are merged. And the world keeps seeming stranger and stranger, but never quite as crazy as it is in real life.
"I once thought I could write stories that are crazier than reality," says Ydobon. "But over the years I have come to realize that just isn't possible. So, I stay on the fringes of reality to illustrate the innate craziness of the world."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maharg Ydobon
• Release date: Aug 22, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005110284

Maharg Ydobon

Bio Info for Maharg YdobonAge = Old; birthdate lost in ancient history and political disruptions. Maybe he was born soon after WW2 somewhere in a now dislocated jurisdiction, possibly Europe or South America or somewhere else. But, it seems he must have been in elementary school in the early 1960s. He claims to have been in anti-war and civil rights protests during the Nixon years.Ethnicity = Other; has ties to various ethnicities and claims allegiance to none of them. Claims to have come from "the old world", and that most of the Ydobon family didn't choose to come to this backwater planet... (Maybe there will be something of this vein in future books?)Language = Spanglish (border mixture of Spanish & English) and BuHdobyan (huh?), but his first language is "ba-baba-baby-talk..."Family = Multiple members of extended family, many of whom are now deceased. Favorite Auntie just passed away in her late eighties. Mama died at the same age a few years ago. Some brothers are still in contact, and through them are many nephews and nieces. Heck, life goes on and you lose some and gain some and it all comes out "even steven" - except when it doesn't.Work = Various Jobs & Businesses."The first regular job I remember was walking bean fields in the brutal heat and humidity of the Mississippi River Valley, hoeing out all of the weeds while being careful to protect the plants. Yeah, I made a whopping 65 cents an hour for that menial labor."Over the years there have been many jobs and businesses. Gradually the pay got better as did the amount of control I had over my life."Recently a client told me my rates were way too low for the market, and that I should increase my base rate (for just showing up and not doing any real work) to more than double. I considered that absurd, but increased my hourly rate (including work) by about 20 percent."Reality Check! My rates haven't really gone up that much. Our economy is in such a mess that our dollars are becoming worthless, and you have to get a lot more of them to buy the basic stuff that most people need. That's called 'transitory inflation', and has been going on for hundreds of years..."So, somebody's $100 per hour rate now is maybe equivalent to a wage of $10 an hour back when I was growing up. Okay, that was a living wage for a seasoned technician. You could support a family on that if you were frugal."Frugal is one thing I have been all my life. As Uncle Harveigh says, 'There's no sense spending senselessly on senseless extravagances. Going into debt for non-essential spending is even worse. It's all just senseless.'""So, if you have any sense, mind your dollars and cents."Sorry, I got off track there -- maybe starting to show my age. Financial stupidity is one of my pet peeves."There are many other things of importance about me, but not all is relevant here...."I do enjoy woodworking and creative art. My workshop is outdoors, but shaded, with big trees and a shade canopy, and surround-sound organic birdsong music all day long."One of my best buddies out there is a large Wood Bee (aka Carpenter Bee) who hangs around and talks to me in Buzzlish. He (or maybe she; most of nature seems to be non-binary when it comes to gender) looks a lot like a Bumblebee, except for being all black. Unlike its cousins, Wood Bees are very mellow and don't attack or sting unless they are threatened. It would be nice if more people were like that."

Book preview

Split P Soup

Book 4: Am I Crazy? How Would I Know?

Pseudo-science Fiction

Maharg Ydobon, PsZ

Psycho-babbling, Rumors, Gossip, Conspiracy, and Deep Dark Secrets

Insights inside inner selves and twisted minds

Neurotic, Psychotic, Sociopathic, and just plain weird

Twisted stories of insane stuff

as if told to a shrink

May be mentally disturbing...

Read at your own risk!

Copyright 2002 - 2022 Philosophers Stone Tablets

Published by Philosophers Stone Tablets at Smashwords

Philosophers Stone Tablets is Trademark protected

The names Philosophers Stone Tablets, Split P Soup, Maharg Ydobon,

and other names are protected by Trademarks and/or Copyrights

******************************************************

You say schizoid, I say weirdo, you say narcissist, I say pervert, let's think the whole thing through. You say paranoid, I say fearful, you say normal, I say boring, what do those labels do?

~ Mackintosh Macai, PhpHp ~

Split P Soup -- Book 4:

Am I Crazy? How Would I Know?

Table of Contents

Look deep into the eyes...

Prologue: "Are We Crazy To Say We're Scientists? How Can We Tell?"

Doctor Ydobon's Crazy Presentation to the 1975 Professional Psychotherapy Symposium

"Mental Illness is Just a Symptom; The Real Issue is Living With Overwhelming Obstacles"

~ Mackintosh Macai, PhpHp ~ (PPS Presentation after Ydobon's)

Babbling Brook Listening Center Interviews:

01: Am I Crazy? How Can I Know?

02: I just wanted to share some of my writing today

03: I think I'm normal, maybe too normal

04: Why waste your time with us low-life weirdos?

05: Tell Me What To Do!

06: Remembering The Craziest Time to be Alive

07. Do YOU think I'm CRAZY!?

08: My Boss Calls Me Crazy, Stupid, and Inept!

09: Chicago 1968: Crazy Trip -- Part One

10: I'm Retiring Early -- But Not By Choice

11: Oo-ah-eh... Oh-yah-yay? I'm here... Where are you all?

12: Chicago 1968: Crazy Trip -- Part Two

13: Ancient Blackadder Clan History

14: Crazy Party at Axe-man's Ranch

15: Weirdo or not?

16: Crazy Party at Axe-man's Ranch (part 2)

17: Nature or Nurture or Just Plain Luck? It's a Puzzle to Me

18: I Love My Son, but I Have to Obey God

19: Alligator Gar

20: Old Ways and New Ways

21: Hitchin' a Ride -- The Drunk

22: Time to Invest said the strange old man

23: They're the ones who are crazy -- not me and Chubb

24: Sippin' on Lookout Mountain Tennessee

25: Jago's gotta go!

26: Good Game, What Could Go Wrong?

27: Trails

28: Is My Wife Driving Me Crazy?

29: Some Things Make Me Crazy

30: The Jago Incident

31: Chicago 1968: Part Three

32: Trails & More Trails & Really Trippy Trails

33: Picnic at the Grassy Knoll

34: Boogers & Cooters

35: Booger County Parties

36: Damn! I almost got Married!

37: A Real Hero!

38: Chicago 1968: Arrested for Rioting

39: The Dogs found Jago

40: For His Own Good

41: Am I Crazy, or in Love? How Can I Know?

42: Yee-haw! I'm going to Arizona!

Various Opinions About The Weird Doctor

Literary Works by Maharg Ydobon

Whaddaya Think, Jack?

The phone rang and it was a political pollster. I reluctantly answered the first few questions. Then came the zinger: Do you support mandatory death penalties for cop killers?

I had to think about that.

That depends on your definition of 'cop killers', I replied carefully.

Oh come on... Really? he replied. What other definition could there be?

Welll, I paused for emphasis. Are you referring to murderous police officers, or to people who defend themselves from murderous police officers? Cop killers can be killers of cops or cops who kill...

The phone went dead, and I guessed that my response would not be recorded. But, I've never put much faith in political polling anyway, because they almost always word the questions to get the answers they are looking for. And, if somebody actually thinks through the question, and questions its rationality, then that result gets trashed.

The system seems crazy to me. Most opinion polls are not designed to gauge public opinion, but rather to pretend to prove that their side is winning. That's my opinion, I have the poll numbers to support it, and I'm sticking to it.

Prologue

Are We Crazy To Say We're Scientists? How Can We Tell?

Doctor Ydobon's Crazy Presentation to the

1975 Professional Psychotherapy Symposium

Diagnosing mental illness, wellness, psychosis, neurosis, emotional trauma, stability, and brain malfunctions is a weird pseudo-science. My fellow psychobabblers claim that our field is a real science, but their case is weak.

The behavior modification bunch seems to have the best case for being a real science. They avoid labels and just study results caused by rewards and punishments. They chart the frequency of the behaviors being studied, make the changes in rewards and/or punishments, and chart the results. That method does provide scientific data about the outcome. It doesn't address the underlying reasons. Behavior mod doesn't care why. It just studies how, and tracks the results.

Medical psychiatrists, who study brain malfunctions and chemical imbalances and other physical reasons for mental problems, also have a good claim for being real scientists. Though confusing, their data and physical science approach does follow most of the rules of scientific study.

The rest of us, though, who call ourselves mental health practitioners, psycho-therapists, doctors of psychology, behaviorists, and all of the other various subfields of psychology, have little credibility when we claim to be real scientists.

I know, I know that you're ready to throw me under the bus! I failed to use the officially correct response to that criticism, which is to assert that we do follow the scientific method, seem to use scientific definitions, and apply a bunch of high-falutin' diagnostic labels to prove that we are real scientists.

For those who don't know what science is, we sound awesomely informed about the subjects and intricacies of mental health. But, in reality, it's just the same game as the ancient shamans played on primitive tribal people.

It's a simple, age-old formula, used by shamans and fakirs for centuries: speak in a mumbo-jumbo esoteric language that the peasants don't understand (like Latin or Greek) and make grave pronouncements that sound ominous, diagnose symptoms and add impressive labels, and make sure to never let the gullible fools suspect that you don't know what you're doing. Sell them snake-oil remedies and feel-good solutions, while scaring them with worst-case scenarios. Tell them they are crazy and that you can fix them. Make them feel hopeful that things will be okay if they trust you enough. Because, that trust is the fuel that keeps the moolah coming in.

Most importantly, keep them coming back for more visits so we can keep billing them, their insurance, or the services that send them to us, over and over again. It's a fine racket, and when run right it can actually be a good service. But, calling it science is inaccurate -- unless we're referring to the science of systematically fleecing a flock of sheeple. Then, it's more like a religion.

Hey! Don't lynch me yet! I've got a lot more to say first.

No, I am not going to recant my heresy. Forget taking away my credentials, I never got any.

We live and work in a world of insanity. Weird mental conditions surround us and threaten to overwhelm us. If you doubt that, just look at how many of our professional colleagues have attempted or committed suicide over the past few years. How many of them, or you, are regularly taking anti-depressants or psychotropic drugs? How many are struggling with addiction? How few of our peers are actually in happy home relationships?

Our profession is a sick puppy. Most of us are just hiding our symptoms. We live in denial. We deny that we are fallible, while inwardly stressing over our inadequacies.

We publish pseudo-scientific papers, promising miracle cures for imaginary diseases, filled with diagnostic hyperbole, illustrated with impressive graphs and tables of data, and a whole lot of professional sounding gibberish.

But, I tell you -- my friends and colleagues -- that the only way to stay sane is to stop denying the obvious reality.

We aren't healers; we aren't scientists; we are modern voodoo brujos. Once we accept the obvious fact that we provide the very same service as the village shamans of ancient days, only then we can loosen up, get rid of our pent-up stresses, and live happy lives.

Those of you who deny this, and I suspect that will be most of you, have only yourselves and your highbrow educations to blame for your own mental anguish, depressions, addictions, broken lives, and suicides.

Don't take yourselves or your work too seriously. It's driving you all crazy!

My room, graciously provided by our sponsors for my willingness to give this speech, is a hospitality suite, serving snacks and beverages, and hopefully a lot of good discussions, from 7 pm, just after the dinner speeches -- or maybe escaping from the last set of those, until I fall asleep about 2 in the morning. If I'm sleeping, but the party is still going, don't mind me. Whoever is the last to leave should lock my door, please.

Oh yes, y'all need to remember my mantra:

The best therapy is to just listen.

Mental Illness is Just a Symptom;

The Real Issue is Living With Overwhelming Obstacles

Mackintosh Macai, PhpHp talking

Thank you for that generous greeting. You American audiences are so nice, not throwing rotten bananas at me like back home in Botswana. That's a joke! Get it? Oh well, if you don't you don't.

Actually, the rotten bananas were often pre-digested by Orangutans, so they were even more fetid than you can imagine. But, you don't know or care about life in the jungles of Africa.

Anyways, I came to talk about the big thing that is missed by most everybody in our field. No, not the elephant trampling the hemp paddies!

No laughs? That joke is a whoopster back home. Since you fine folks seem to have left your senses of humor back home, I'll just get down to the main subject matter of my speech.

The big issue is the root causes of Mental Illness. Some have postulated that death, and the fear of death, and the various assorted fears stemming from the fear of death, are the root causes of most mental illness. If that were true, mentally ill people would not commit suicide. Right? That's just logical and doesn't require existential proof.

Since the majority of people who commit suicide are deemed mentally ill -- hari-kari and other societal ritual suicides becoming more and more rare -- it would seem that the fear of death is not the root cause of mental illness. Are you with me so far, or do I have to use the Orangutan joke?

Okay. That's cool, because if an Orangutan walked into your office, you would likely just think he was one of your more interesting patients. The Orangutans I have counseled have been quite interesting, but that is a subject for a different time.

Mental Illness is just a symptom. A person is like a tree with the visual part above the soil. It has a trunk and limbs and a head, and sometimes that head seems to be weird. If it is too weird we classify it as Mental Illness. But, that isn't the real problem.

You say schizoid, I say weirdo, you say narcissist, I say pervert, let's think the whole thing through. You say paranoid, I say fearful, you say normal, I say boring, what do those labels do?

When trying to understand the human psyche, it is futile to just look at the obvious current state of things. One must try to understand the roots of the problems. Like with trees, the roots of the human psyche go deep and are difficult to discover. And, it is often futile to delve into the fears and traumas of childhood to find the reasons for the adult to malfunction emotionally.

More often, the root cause of the malfunctions that are called mental illness, are simply the fact of being overwhelmed by reality, the world, all the problems a person faces, and various calamities. Considering that fact, it is not difficult to understand why a large segment of society exhibits symptoms of mental illness. What is more difficult to understand is how some people seem to be immune from