Rage of the Unloved

By Claudine Gaston

Claudine Gaston started her journey staring at the broken screen door her daddy had just walked out of. Her only memory of her father was him walking out the door, leaving her with a pregnant, drug/alcohol-addicted mother. This has been a tragic yet magical path of success that has led her on an amazing j

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jul 12, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685562434

Claudine Gaston

CLAUDINE GASTON has been a college professor, teacher, mentor, counselor, and author. She has ridden the roller coaster of life many times over. Some of the obstacles include failed marriage, single parenthood, drug addiction, and through all of the trials, she remains able to laugh through the pain, smile at the difficulties, and always sees the best in everyone, which makes her a fantastic, effective teacher, mentor, and author.

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Rage

of the

Unloved

Claudine Gaston

Rage of the Unloved

Trilogy Christian Publishers

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, CA 92780

Copyright © 2022 by Claudine Gaston

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 2017 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. Christian Standard Bible, and CSB®, are federally registered trademarks of Holman Bible Publishers.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without written permission from the author. All rights reserved. Printed in the USA.

Rights Department, 2442 Michelle Drive, Tustin, CA 92780.

Trilogy Christian Publishing/TBN and colophon are trademarks of Trinity Broadcasting Network.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Trilogy Christian Publishing.

Trilogy Disclaimer: The views and content expressed in this book are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views and doctrine of Trilogy Christian Publishing or the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN: 978-1-68556-242-7

E-ISBN: 978-1-68556-243-4

Dedication

This book is dedicated to every woman and child fearing for their life in unsafe situations.

All my inspiration comes from a deep place of gratitude filled with the people that have poured into my life all of these years. There are too many people to list in any kind of order. I promise your name would be on the list if our paths have crossed in a meaningful way.

My children gave me life in this cold world. I will forever owe my everything to them. They taught me to dig deep and keep searching for meaning in this world.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Preface

Chapter 1: Infuriated

Chapter 2: Abandonment

Chapter 3: Monsters Are Real

Chapter 4: Chasing Freedom

Chapter 5: Daddy, Why Did You Leave?

Chapter 6: Reality of Madness

Chapter 7: Paralyzed with Fear

Chapter 8: Breaking Free

Chapter 9: Dealing with Pain

Chapter 10: Overcoming Loss

Chapter 11: Final Chapter

About the Author

Preface

In the process of becoming all God has designed for me to become, I have uncovered some serious truths about myself and various issues that will need to be handled in order to fulfill my destiny. I will walk you through my journey as a way of healing. The things I need to work on are primarily dealing with inward emotions concerning my mom and dad. I have evolved into a person with the realistic view that my mother and father were not capable of loving me as they should have; they did not love themselves. However, this does not, in any way, give them a free pass to bring unloved children into the world and let the wolves raise them. The wolves of the drugs, alcohol, poverty, disease, etc.… Children have no place down there with the bottom feeders of society. Their own misconceptions of what it means to have and raise children really mean getting married and having children being a part of each person’s destiny, as it was painted by Leave it to Beaver or The Waltons; however, it did not take into account the extremely messed up individuals that do not have the mental or physical capacity to take care of themselves, let alone children, making those television shows a fantasy. Therefore, walking this long, unloved road has become my personal journey, and I would like to share it with you.

Let us start. I met my dad when I was eighteen years old, after I hunted him down like a bloodhound to find some sort of justice for the injustice of abandonment. I was four years old when he left, never appearing in my life again until I made an effort to find him. So, to say I was devasted would understate the depth of my pain. I will give more details in the following chapters.

However, jumping ahead, he passed away in 2008. The last memory I have of my father, I was standing over his casket wanting to punch him in the face for all the things he never did when he was alive! He was never there… he wasn’t a dad to me… I really wanted a daddy, and he was a disappointment! My biological father was a person who went through life tearing hearts out of little girls and little boys, whom he was supposed to be a father to. I wanted a daddy, but no, he died without being what God designed him to be to the five children he donated sperm for, or at least that is all he did for the four out of the five siblings I know of, there could be more, who knows!

The tremendous disappointment was the only reason I cried at his funeral on that rainy, cold fall day. I stood over his casket as a broken little girl with an enormous broken heart, wondering how any rational or logical human being could have lived a life so reckless and carefree. I was searching the depth of my soul, trying to make sense of the whole situation and its abrupt ending. When he died, I was thirty-five years old. I was lost and wondering why I was so ripped off when it came to the parental department. When I look back, in hindsight, I can physically see a small child on a step stool looking into that casket, wishing he would have loved me—wishing, wanting him to wake up and hold me, feeling so empty and lost and infuriated! I didn’t cry because my father was dead. I cried because all hope for the relationship I had always longed for was dead.

So, with that being said, I don’t want to have the same feeling for my mom when she passes, and at the current state, sadly, I will feel the exact same way when she dies.

I want to meet her where she is; I want to forgive her for my childhood and move on from this day. While watching The Oprah Winfrey Show one day, I saw she was interviewing the family of Elizabeth Smart’s abductors. According to The Elizabeth Smart Story, fourteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart was part of a large and loving Mormon family. Her father, Ed, hired a handyman, a self-styled prophet named Immanuel, to help him with a remodeling job. Months later, Immanuel returns and kidnaps Elizabeth one night at knifepoint. For the next nine months, Smart was raped and tortured by her captor and his wife. Oprah proceeds with her interview, asking the children of this supposed prophet, Can you forgive your mother and accept her for who she is and put the past behind you? The grown children