Love is a Noun

By Cindy Guiette

As often as she could, my mother would take my brothers and me to church. That was the greatest gift she ever gave to us. However, betrayal from both my parents spun me into a vortex of not knowing whether or not God was real. Some days, I was full of faith; others, full of doubt. I was furious with God, so I built a wall that was too high and thick for even Him to break through. As I've recovered from my childhood trauma, and with God's help, I've defeated hopelessness and forgiven my tormentors. I now see that God has, from the beginning, been in my life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 23, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644719923

Book preview

Preface

Hi!

My name is Cindy. I’m just an ordinary person with an average job being elevated by God to write these papers. This is my story.

Cursed was the day of my birth. The doctors announced, It’s a girl.

My mother asked, Are you sure?

From that day forward, no matter how hard I tried, good was not what I was called. I have been shamed, ridiculed, talked down to, ignored, spit on, purposely splashed with road sludge, violated, tormented (two older brothers lol), and bullied. For me, loneliness and isolation were the worst. I was left to ponder on my own twisted thoughts. If unleashed, I would be no better than my worst enemy.

Every chance he got, my dad would inflict pain upon me while my mother stood by, ignoring my desperate plea for help. He was driven by the demons of lude sexual perversion. I saw it in his eyes. James 1:14–15 says, Every man is tempted; when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed. Then, when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth irreversible devastation.

Demons can’t directly harm God, but they can hurt His kids. My innocence was taken but not my hope nor my ability to forgive. Both are found only in Jesus. No matter how long it takes, if you let Him, Jesus will love the pain right out of you. Cursed was the day of my birth. However, I now rejoice in the newfound freedom of my rebirth. I once was a nobody, but now, I’ve been transformed into the image of God. I was once a victim, but now, I’m an overcomer. Greater is he that is in me (1 John 4:4).

Thought-provoking tales

Warning:

Open at your own risk.

You will be convicted.

Disclaimer

There is a very small remnant of these papers that has been altered to make a valid point.

Example: my house was a two-story, four-bedroom home which sat on a half-acre of land.

Inner Demons

He doesn’t want me. My own dad doesn’t want me. He’s told me this many times before, but it only just recently hit home. My dad and mom were divorced when I was young. What followed after was years of pain and inner torment. Why? When your parents get divorced, it is bad enough. But when it happens when you are young, it’s worse. You live the rest of your life wondering if it was your fault. My parents’ divorce stung me like a thousand angry hornets, but it was worse because it wasn’t physical; it was mental.

After that, whenever my dad was visiting us, he would tell us stuff. Things like, Your mom doesn’t want you. She hates me, and whatever she tells you about me is a lie. Stuff like that. Since I was young, I believed every word of it. When I confronted her, she denied it saying that he was lying to us. She was, of course, right, but did I know it at the time? Of course, not. I was unsure, feeling torn between the two. I didn’t know what to do. So I grew cold and unfeeling toward others, not caring who I hurt trying to ease my own pain. I grew to hate them both. My dad forever hurt me and mentally abused me. He picked me over the rest because I was so vulnerable. It was hard for me to grow up without a dad.

I had no one to talk to when I had a problem—no one to turn to for advice. No one to teach me how to shave or any of the other ten million things a father teaches his son.

Until recently, I had been a shell, closed to all of the emotions of others near me. I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me, because I feared they would do what my dad did. If I opened up, I would be at the mercy of anyone who got close enough to me to see my true feelings and emotions.

I hoped against hope that my dad would someday change. I filled the gap in my soul caused by growing up without a father, with the hope that things would get better for me. I have long since abandoned this hope, knowing now that my dad will never accept me. He told me over and over that I’m worthless and that he doesn’t want me. His words were a festering wound made deeper by the realization that they were true.

Not long ago, he told me again that he didn’t want me. For some unknown reason, this time, those words hit home. After he said them, I felt like a dried husk of corn, broken from the rest of the stalk and carried away by the wind. I kept these feelings bottled up inside and have not yet released them. All my life, I have been conditioned by these feelings, releasing them through fits of rage and violence whenever there were too many to hold. I have had these feelings and emotions all my life, and I am still trying to learn how to deal with them. It will be many, many years before I am finally able to confront them, and even then, I will be afraid, not for myself but, rather, others around me.

I have little advice for anyone who would read this, but no matter how little, it is still very important. If you are one like me, do not sink to the level of your tormentors, but rather, rise above them, for though some say revenge is sweet, it isn’t, and it is never ever worth it. Also, do not do what I did by turning cold to the world and penting up all of your emotions but have hope that things will get better. I did, and now, I am ready to one day confront my inner demons.

Daniel, 12

A Little Girl’s Wish

My only wish is that my father recognizes that he has two wonderful daughters. My wish will never come true.

When he comes to visit me and my two brothers, he walks right past me and goes to wrestle with the boys. My father barely talks or visits with me. When he does come to visit and the boys have to go to work, he leaves right behind them not even saying goodbye to me. When my two brothers, my sister, and I were little, things were the same as they are now.

A couple of months ago my father went to Georgia with us for Christmas to visit my sister and brother-in-law. The whole time we were there, my father ignored my sister and me again. He went straight to playing cards with the guys. My mom, sister, and I made up a game of our own.

My father has lied to me ever since I was little. He smokes cigarettes. and he tells me that he’s going to quit, but he never did. I told my mom who has been there for me from the beginning that if he wants to believe that my sister and I don’t exist, then I can do the same thing he is doing. That’s my only wish.

Christin, 16

From Stupidity to Liberty

My oldest daughter is an elementary teacher. When I have the time, I volunteer in her class. On one particular day I was there, she was teaching her students about the Washington Monument located in Washington D.C. This structure was built in honor of one man—George Washington. It stands five-hundred-an-fifty-five feet high and has nine hundred steps. Please use google to learn more.

Genesis 11:1–9 tells us a story about the people who resided in the plains of Shinar. They wanted to build a city which included a tower. They wanted this tower to be tall enough to reach the heavens. Verse 5 of that same chapter says the Lord came down to see what they had built. He was not happy. So He scattered the people over the face of the whole earth. That’s not all He did. The project abruptly stopped because He confused the language, so no one could understand each other. That is why it was called Babel (Genesis 11:9).

So if God did this, why are we, as a citizen of the earth, so prejudice against each other? Verse 1 of Genesis 11 says, Now, the whole world had one language and a common speech. All was created by one God. All was foiled by man’s plan to make a name for themselves (Genesis 11:4). The wars won’t cease. Hatred won’t stop. Evil will exist until God says enough is enough. Then and only then will He restore everything back to its perfect state. That, my brother’s and sister’s, is when we can proudly proclaim, we are citizens of heaven.

Jesus Cried

’Tis the time for the jolly-ol’-man to return. Again, people are fighting traffic. They’re rushing around town honking and cursing. Why? They want to be the first person in the store. Then comes the storm of dashing, pushing, and assaulting others. They’re trying to grab that perfect gift that hopefully won’t be regifted or returned. Greed! Greed! Greed! Shame on you for putting your worst foot forward. You’d rather let your children believe in a fictitious character that has no life than to teach them about God’s greatest gift to us.

Jesus is the reason for the season. His blood was the price for your redemption. You should’ve been hanging on that cross instead of Him. Yet He loved you enough to take your place. Marinate on this. God was grieved when He lost His only Son, and because of your disbelief, Jesus has lost you. Then Jesus wept (John 11:35).

A mother is sleeping while her child cries, and Daddy’s not there to dry his eyes

Confusion sets in as the child grows

Parents don’t see why anger is all he shows

He turns eighteen he’s supposed to be a man

But he was never taught to deal with life’s demand

He tries so hard to find what’s right

But in the end, he loses the fight

The world pulls him down hard and low

Alcohol and drugs are where his friends tell him to go

He doesn’t see the harm or danger it hides

He does all he can and gets hooked on the highs

He tries to go back to where he began

He tries to go back as far as he can

He wants to forget the pain and erase the past, but memories remain and the scars always last

In the end only two would grieve

His parents at his grave so naive

Asking themselves why their son

And was there anything they could have done

So don’t let it be you who neglects to see the child before you and all his beauty

Because if you do, you might be the one

Standing at his grave, saying, Why, my son?

Michael, 23

War Zone

Saturday is a day I set aside to relax and do as I please. Unfortunately, this day, like many others, has become a battleground for me and my children. Each child has their own vehicle, and all are quite busy. I asked one to go to the convenience store just down the road to buy a newspaper. With haste, the bellyaching brat snuck out the backdoor.

The next in line also pitched a fit. After a brief heated discussion, he finally said yes. A continuous war zone of simplistic requests on my part always prompted the same question. Why can’t someone else do it?

I don’t want my family to feel obligated to do anything for me. I’d like them to spontaneously and lovingly respond to my needs as well as others. Matthew 25:40 says, What you do for the least of my children you’ve done, unto me. First John 3:18 says, Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. Love is a verb. A verb is an action word. Therefore, love in action speaks louder than words ever could. Sadly, when God asks me to do something for Him, I cower and say, Other people are more qualified than I. Let them do it. It didn’t work for my kids. I don’t know why I thought it would for me. Hey! I tried.

Go Beyond

One night, I had a dream. I saw a man who appeared to be homeless. His clothes were tattered, and his hair was unkempt. As I drew close to him, I began to gag. Not only was his appearance unseemly, his foul body odor was extremely repulsive also. I stifled the urge to vomit and offered him a meal. I took him to a restaurant. As we ate, we exchanged brief glances and even briefer words. I then gave the restaurant owner extra cash, so the man could revisit anytime for a hot meal.

Upon my return to the eatery, I was baffled. The same bum sitting empty-handed was sharing his meal with another unfortunate person. Unnoticed, I quietly slipped past them. Being slightly perturbed, I asked the owner for an explanation about this matter. His reply was, Twice a week, he and another different individual would enter the establishment. He always ordered for two then prompted his guest to consume both meals. I was going to stop him, but I couldn’t. I could tell by the smile on his face that he was pleased with his decision to go hungry. On another occasion, he brought in a woman and her daughter. Again, instead of eating the food himself he encouraged them to take his portion also. I was so overwhelmed and taken back by his compassion and generosity I offered him a plate too. That was the one and only meal he ate.

But, sir, I didn’t give you a large sum of money. How are they able to continue coming back? I asked.

His reply astounded me. The meals have been on the house because whenever I’m tempted to indulge myself with an expensive gift or buy a fancy cookie to stifle my sweet tooth, I would ask myself this question. Who other than me could be blessed today?

Love means giving even when you have nothing much to offer.

Oreo

My daughter’s teacher told her and her classmates a funny story. When he was young, his mother would put Oreo cookies in a jar for him and his brother to snack on. His sneaky brother would take a few. He’d twist them apart and then lick out the creamy middle. Instead of throwing the cookie away, he’d squish them back together then put them back in the jar. When the teacher reached into the jar to get some for himself, he got a soggy surprise instead.

Some people treat God like He’s the yummy middle. They only want the good stuff from Him. Gimme! Gimme! They don’t think it’s fair that they should have to endure trials or heartaches. And they certainly don’t want to be held accountable for any wrongdoings.

Love thy neighbor. If you were in the same room with them, you wouldn’t know who they were, you arrogant fool.

The torn and bloody Son of the Most High carried and died on a cross that was meant for you. Jesus is your Redemptive Savior not your sugar daddy. Aaahhh! I’m done with this paper. I can’t think while the image of your stupidity is running through my brain.

Go Visit

The day was long and tiring. I got a lot of work and chores done. Every bone in my body seemed to ache. The only thing on my mind now was taking a long, hot soaking bath. I prepared the water