Before Getting Married: Facts Every Young Man and Woman Should Know

By Ndungu Mungai

This book, Before Getting Married: Facts Every Young Man and Woman Should Know, seeks to help you identify:

• Questions you should ask yourself before you find a partner.
• Reasons you should get married or keep away from marriage.
• Behaviors and practices you should adopt before you say "I do!"
• Things you should do before you start thinking of dating and marriage.
• Habits that can help you attract a good marriage mate.
• Factors that can make it hard for you to get a partner.
• Sexual practices that can affect your future marriage.

This easy-to-read book contains information every single person in the world should go through before finding a spouse or moving in with a man or woman.
Get your copy today to help you understand how you can prepare yourself for a happy and fulfilling relationship with the man or woman of your dream.
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ndungu Mungai
• Release date: Apr 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201859428

Ndungu Mungai

Ndungu Mungai is a motivational speaker, social commentator, and relationships counselor based in Limuru, Kenya. He speaks and writes on issues of interest and concern to the human family, particularly love, courtship, marriage, parenting, religion, and sex. He started his preaching and counseling ministry in 1988 and has addressed several youth meetings and couples' seminars. He has been a guest speaker in countless church services, annual conventions, weekly meetings, and Bible study seminars. He has also addressed many public and private functions, including wedding ceremonies, family events, group meetings, community gatherings, and funeral services. He has also been invited to several educational institutions to talk with students or parents or address special parents/students/teachers' meetings or get-together events. He has in the past decade published thousands of articles on social media platforms that have been read and shared by millions of people around the world. His Facebook page, Relationships Counselor, reaches thousands of people every week with posts helpful to men and women of all ages and backgrounds.

Book preview

Before Getting Married

Facts Every Young Man and Woman Should Know

Ndungu Mungai

Copyright © 2022 Ndungu Mungai

All rights reserved.

Scriptures are from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Dedicated To Young Men And Women

Success belongs to men and women who every day strive to make themselves better and not to persons who make themselves worse in their day-to-day lives and endeavors. You will, therefore, need to be the best version of yourself if you wish to succeed in your education, skills, career, relationship, and other aspects of life. Daily improvement of your thinking and character will ultimately reward you with a successful life and marriage.

Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Introduction: The Big Question

1. Truths You Should Know About the Institution of Marriage

2. Lies You Should Not Believe About the Institution of Marriage

3. Major Reasons Why You Should Not Think of Getting Married

4. Other Reasons Why You Should Not Think of Getting Married

5. Major Reasons Why You Should Think of Getting into Marriage

6. Other Reasons Why You Should Think of Getting into Marriage

7. Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Choosing A Partner

8. Other Questions You Should Ask Before Choosing A Partner

9. Tendencies You Should Overcome Before Moving into Mariage

10. Addictions You Should Overcome Before Moving into Marriage

11. Practices You Should Develop Before Thinking of Marriage

12. Qualities You Should Develop Before Thinking of Marriage

13. Weaknesses You Should Overcome Before Getting Married

14. Behaviors You Should Overcome Before Getting Married

15. Abilities You Should Develop Before Finding a Marriage Mate

16. Traits You Should Discard Before Finding a Marriage Mate

17. Sexual Habits You Should Avoid Before Thinking of Marriage

18. Cultural Sins You Should Avoid Before Thinking of Marriage

19. Liberal Habits You Should Avoid Before Getting a Spouse

20. Family Behaviors You Should Avoid Before Getting a Spouse

Final Word: Choices Have Consequences

References

About the Author

Introduction: The Big Question 

What is the first step toward getting into a marital relationship? What is the very first thing a person is supposed to do if he wants to get married? Where exactly does the journey to marriage start and what needs to be done before a man or woman moves to find a spouse or settle down with a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Avoid making common mistakes

Answers to these questions are critical because they reveal the fundamental things you should do to have a happy, fulfilling, and long-term marriage in the future. You will need that understanding to avoid mistakes committed so often by people starting in marriage. Most youths are, for instance, not aware of where the journey to a marital relationship should begin.

One of the reasons why most marriages experience problems and failure is because partners' entered from the wrong gate. The vast majority of men and women often start their relationships on the wrong footing and without counseling. Some people commence their marriages in the middle stage or the last stage instead of the first stage.

A good beginning is essential!

The starting point of a marital union determines if it will succeed or fail. Trouble will afflict a marriage that had a poor beginning regardless of the number of months or years the husband and wife will have lived together and the bliss both spouses will have experienced in their early weeks or months of life together. Relationships that once seemed good collapse every other day because a step the couple failed to undertake before uniting with each other ended up causing problems for them.

A mistake overlooked during the planning stage sets a marriage for failure or gives couples the kind of life they never imagined, which could include conflicts, abuse, or a breakup. There are many things a person is required to do before he can enter a relationship, and ignoring any of them would result in trouble at some point in his marriage. Just like the absence of a component cannot allow a machine to operate, so does a marital union fail to thrive or survive without some requirements. 

Recognize what you need for marriage

A person interested in getting married will need to know the essential things he will need for the journey to a happy relationship. The man or woman will also need to recognize things he will need to leave behind to avoid developing a poor relationship with a spouse. A lack of a clear and complete understanding of what it takes to create a successful marriage will influence the person to make mistakes that will one day return to haunt him.

Sad to say, the adult world gives young men and women little or no information about behaviors and things they need to have in their journey to marital relationships. The advice given to youths by their parents, relatives, educators, trainers, communities, and religions do not help many of them to develop successful relationships with their partners. The entertainment industry, including print and electronic media, often treat relationships in a casual manner.

First popular but wrong step to marriage

The first method taught to young men and women by their respective societies is engaging in sex with a person they think can be a marital partner. Most people feel engaging in sex determines the success or failure of a future marital relationship. Liberal communities that support individual rights outside of specific codes of conduct, moral standards, or religious guidelines, promote sexual affairs as the first stage of getting into a short or long-term relationship.

The teaching of testing a car before buying it is popular in progressive Western countries and westernized Third world nations. The doctrine encourages unmarried youths to find out if they are sexually compatible before marriage. Sad to say, young people who embrace that kind of teaching hardly experience sexual fulfillment, which can inspire them to want to live with their partners.

Hardly do young folks know great sex is not possible among men and women who are not in a legal arrangement. In a casual sexual affair, fear, worry, and feelings of shame and guilt plague the minds of the sexual players in a way that prevents either of them from wanting to proceed to a legal and long-term marital relationship. Several studies show unmarried youths have poor sex compared to individuals in legal and long-term partnerships and that sex negatively affects their feelings and emotions.

Most communities, governments, and religions never tell their young people that engaging in sex should happen after a relationship has been legally established and not before. Young people hardly know that sharing a bed with a member of the opposite sex should be after many other things have been decided and finalized. And never are youths told unmarried persons engaging in sex before marriage has a price to pay.

Lack of sound advice from society sees most people live to regret their involvement in sex as a method of moving towards a marital relationship. The price sexually active young men and women pay in their lives includes having unwanted pregnancies and sexual diseases. Sexually active people also experience stress-related health problems, including depression, suicidal thoughts, hypertension, and diabetes because of betrayal, rejection, or abuse by individuals who had promised to marry them and in whom they had invested a lot of emotional trust, time, or resources.

Second popular but equally false step to marriage

The second method pushed to young men and women by their respective communities involves living together before marriage. Cohabiting partnerships are in many communities promoted as the surest way two members of the opposite gender can find out if they are fitted for each other so they can then move to a legal and lifelong marriage. Most western societies promote trial marriages as the first stage in the journey to finding the right partner. 

Most youths who cohabit do not eventually make it to marriage, and the few who do never report any happiness or fulfillment in their unions. That is inevitable because, in temporary relationships, each partner is at liberty to do as he wishes. Studies show there is a lot of cheating in cohabiting relationships which see mates detest, abuse, leave each other, or harbor bitter memories of evil deeds a mate did to them during the cohabiting period.

Tragic developments are inevitable in cohabiting relationships because living together should be the last stage of a marital relationship and not the first. Before two members of the opposite sex can live together, they should have gone through various stages, which should have taken each of them several months or years of preparation and empowerment. There is a real possibility that a cohabiting man and woman will one day realize a shortcut is always the wrong cut.

Third popular but also wrong step to marriage

The third method inculcated into the minds of young men and women by their people involves getting married and sorting out other issues later on. In many lands, youths are often reminded of an old saying that a golden opportunity once lost is never recovered and that their marriage will be successful if they find each other physically attractive. Some adults tell young men and women to consider a good body chemistry or attractive physical image as the first stage toward a successful marital relationship.

It, however, does not take long for quickly married couples to realize they made the mistake of moving in with each other without having undertaken other steps in several months or years. People who get married in a hurry find themselves with much to regret. The turmoil quickly married men and women face never make them happy with each other.

Individuals who marry in a huff often end up feeling as if they were blind when they seduced their partner or agreed to their proposal for marriage or when they moved in with them. Majority of people who had a quick marriage end up divorcing their mates. Quickly-assembled marital unions experience a short life span and are a source of pain for both mates if they survive.

Ultimate results of unpopular methods

Research and testimonies of millions of people indicate the three popular methods of quick marriage, trial marriage, and sex before marriage hardly produce successful relationships. The practices create tense relations that often lead couples into bitter conflicts or separations. Persons who adopt these practices cannot avoid developing mental disorders and physical ailments because of psychological and physical abuse by their partners or marriage mates.

The beautiful thing, though, is that there are time-tested methods that produce happy and fulfilling relationships. Until a few years ago, people knew principles that lead to happy marriages. Individuals who followed those noble but largely forgotten standards of getting into marriage report having enjoyable marital unions.

Happily married individuals will openly tell you what the first step towards getting into marriage is. Successful couples will also reveal other steps a man or woman should fulfill before moving into a long-term relationship. Those successfully married but numerically few spouses are also aware of measures that can keep a marriage happy.

The first step to a successful marriage

The institution of marriage requires individuals to change their mindset and behavior first before they can become engaged. Finding a partner is the second stage in the journey to a happy and long-term relationship while preparing for a wedding and moving into the same house is the third stage. The first step towards marriage is about personal transformation and empowerment.

This book underscores the simple truth that a man or woman needs a change in his thinking and behavior if he wants a successful relationship with his future spouse. The point is made noticeably clear that a person cannot have a successful life and marital relationship if he possesses a mentality and behavior not conducive to a peaceful existence with members of the public. Also revealed in its pages is a way of thinking and behaving that can help any individual live in peace, love, and unity with a spouse. 

Years of research and counseling have convinced the author that a person cannot enter a marital relationship with his old character and behaviors. Case studies mentioned in every chapter of this book make it quite clear a person can only succeed in a relationship if he possesses newness of mind. Marriage is like any job or business, and wisdom, knowledge, and skills are needed if partners can hope to get good returns for their time and care for each other.

A positive transformation is required

It is only after an individual has had a positive transformation of mind, body, and soul, can he move to the next step of choosing a mate, which will be the subject of our second book. Suffice to say, problems await any member of the opposite sex who enters marriage without changes in his perceptions and character. That is like moving to pilot a plane, run a marathon, or create a bomb without the requisite knowledge and skills.

The more you create a better version of yourself, the easier it will be for you to develop a happy marriage with your future spouse, and the more likely you will attract a good partner. A successful marriage is a product of two members of the opposite sex who has near-perfect habits and mindset. Conventional wisdom and scientific research show individuals who are the exact opposite of each other or who have had wicked behavior, awkward tendencies, and faulty thinking never develop successful relationships.

Simply put, this book tells you the things you need to do and not do, and behaviors you need to adopt or discard before you can find a marriage mate or move in with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

1. Truths You Should Know About the Institution of Marriage

We are living in a world where large numbers of people tell lies about anything and everything. Marriage is one of the institutions that is lied about by most people. To avoid plunging himself into trouble, a wise person will need to understand the nature of marital relationships.

It is partly because of a lack of correct understanding of the institution of marriage that divorce is becoming a permanent feature in most countries. Couples consuming wrong information about marital unions are damaging each other's body, mind, character, spirituality, and ambitions before they walk out on each other or file for divorce. You need to familiarize yourself with the state of marriage and divorce in your country before you can decide to live with a member of the opposite sex.

State of marriage in the United States

The United States is an example of a country where most people find it difficult to live together for long. Some hundred years ago, married adults in this North American land of over 330 million people lived together until death; single families were almost non-existent. But as of the year 2020, over 50 percent of all marriages there end in divorce.

State of marriage in the United Kingdom

Most people in the United Kingdom are also having trouble maintaining marital relationships. The divorce rate in this European nation, with over 66 million people, is reported to be close to 50 percent. A 2021 report noted divorce statistics in that country could leave a man or woman looking forward to getting married with cold feet. 

State of marriage in The People's Republic of China

The institution of marriage in China has also been suffering badly. One researcher notes divorce rate in this Asia Pacific land of over 1.4 billion people soared from around 0.96 divorces per 1,000 people in 2000 to 3.36 divorces in 2019. A government report says divorce went from 1.3 million couples in 2003 to 4.15 million in 2019.

Best