To My Daughter: Everything I Have to Tell You (Well, Almost)

By Tanya Toncheva

To be a woman nowadays can be overwhelming. Airbrushed magazines bombard us with unrealistic images and expectations. False advertising tries to convince us that expensive products hold the secret to our happiness. But my life has taught me that you don’t need to be a celebrity or to spend a lot of money to look great. And while good appearance does matter, it will never give you full satisfaction

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tanya Toncheva
• Release date: May 13, 2013
• ISBN: 9780989434911

Tanya Toncheva

Tanya Toncheva graduated from the National Academy of Music and Sofia University in Bulgaria. She started her career as a pop singer. She worked at several import-export companies, banks, and medical offices. Following her husband’s postings abroad, she worked at the Bulgarian Embassies in Kuwait and Sweden, and the Bulgarian Consulate General in New York City. As you can tell, her life has never been monotonous or boring. But in the author’s words, “Nothing can be compared with the joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction I had teaching kids. Raising my daughter Ani is my biggest success in life.” Tanya currently lives in New York with her husband.

Book preview

To My Daughter: Everything I Have to Tell You (Well, Almost)

By Tanya Toncheva

Copyright 2013 Tanya Toncheva

Smashwords Edition

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

To Ani:

Thank you for being my little best friend through the years.

Thank you for holding my hand wherever I went without any complaints.

Thank you for never having tantrums.

Thank you for never saying I want you to buy me this.

Thank you for being smart, curious and super handy.

Thank you for appreciating music, art and literature.

Thank you for always being an Honor student and always making me proud.

Thank you for winning a full scholarship for the college that I couldn’t afford.

Thank you for having a good heart.

Thank you for changing my opinion on many subjects and making me a better person.

Thank you for taking me to the Met - I love our time together!

Thank you for being who you are.

I love you.

Special thanks to: Ani, my husband, my mom, my sister, my brother, my sister-in-law, Krassi, Scott, Hannah, Iveta, Arla, and Liz. I really appreciate all of your help and support!

Table of Contents

THE FACE

THE CLOTHES

THE SOUL AND THE THOUGHTS

About the Author

APPENDIX: Building a Healthy Diet

Everything about a man should be beautiful: the face, the clothes, the soul and the thoughts.

A.P Chekhov

By pure chance Anton Chekhov's idea became my personal motto. It was written in big white letters on a dark blue sign on the side of my neighbors’ house. The sign was visible from afar and it was so conspicuous that anyone who passed it read it (if their height allowed, of course). I was five years old when I noticed it for the first time. I remember how my grandmother held my hand and patiently waited for me to tackle the text, then told me well done. At the dinner table that night she praised me in front of the whole family and my grandfather gave me a nickel so I could buy myself a candy bar. Praise and chocolate - this sign was a real find! I started reading it several times a day, I even learned it by heart, but I didn’t get any more praise. Nor money. My diligence was only rewarded with numerous explanations of what is beautiful. Depending on who was holding my hand, beautiful meant I had to stop biting my nails, keep my dresses clean, play my violin more often, help my mom, always greet people politely...

Now that I am 53 and still picking at my cuticles, you might say that I was not listening very carefully. But who knows? My stubborn refusal back then to leave the house without a colossal yellow ribbon tied to my short ponytail makes me think that something stuck in my head after all.

As long as I can remember, I’ve always enjoyed fashion (I promise, my sense of style has changed quite a bit since childhood). Like most women, whatever can improve my health, my appearance, my character, and my life as a whole interests me and grabs my attention. But sharing my experience is what excites me the most. That’s how I started this book – as an email to my daughter Ani. It’s so much safer to give advice or make a suggestion in writing, isn’t it? When it grew in size the idea to share it with more women came naturally. Ani was the first one to encourage me and helped me all the way to the end. Writing is not what I do for a living, but teaching is: professionally and as a mother. Passing knowledge and experience from one generation to another is what makes us better as individuals and as a society. To continue the tradition, I would like to start a conversation with you about things that I find important for every woman and that I’ve learned from my grandmother, my mom, my personal struggles, and, of course, from the books.

I started my career as a pop singer. That was my first big success in life. I achieved my childhood dream and overcame my parents’ desire to do something that’s more serious (I studied international commerce). For several years I mingled with celebrities, toured a lot and enjoyed my independence. I was making a lot more money than my parents were. My life went by on wheels and its tempo was determined by the car, bus, or airplane that was taking me to my next destination. The years slipped by and I had a nagging feeling that I was wasting my time. There was something missing in my life that money and applause couldn’t compensate for. I realized that waking up in a different city every day and long distant conversations with my family and friends was not how I wanted to spend my life. I loved the stage. I loved the people I was working with. I loved the audience. The magic was still there. But that just wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I felt the urgency to choose my priorities in life and make a decision. And one day I made it. I quit show business, retired my suitcases, and never looked back. I got my second college degree, got married, had my daughter Ani and become a teacher. As they say, we can’t escape our destiny - my husband’s job (he was a diplomat) put me on the road again, but this time I had my family with me. I lived in different countries and I got to know different cultures that developed my curiosity and taught me tolerance. I met remarkable people whose qualities and charm motivate me to this day. I've seen wars, I’ve seen prosperity. I’ve seen ugly, I’ve seen