Wickenburg 2: Wickenburg, #2

By charles fisher

Riley and her deputies have adventures with UFOs and unruly Mormons, then uncover  aplot to take over the country.

• Language: English
• Publisher: charles fisher
• Release date: Apr 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201516611

Book preview

W I c k e n b u r g 2

THE LEGEND OF RILEY FLYNN

THEME BY IRIS DEMENT

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And God looked down at the Paradise he had created, which was now in tatters.  Who will stand for my people in these end times? he said. A young woman stepped forward. I will, she said.

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B O O K   O n e

1882 – 1884

D:\American Novels\Wickenburg\badge 4.jpgD:\American Novels\Wickenburg\certificate.jpg

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C H A P T E R  O n e

T h e  g r a n d  c a n y o n  g a n g

I had my God, a strong will, a clear purpose, good deputies, and a good Henry Rifle. That is all I ever needed.

United States and City Marshal Riley Jane Flynn

Interview with LIFE Magazine, April 10, 1940

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Riley Flynn, age 22   Tanner Jo Carter, age 22   Gayle Hall, age 19

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What the hell is this? Tanner Jo said when she unwrapped her gift.

Fuckin’ Christmas present, Riley said. What did y’all think it was?

It’s a horse hair brush and a bar of lye soap! What the hell am I supposed to do with this? Tanner Jo exclaimed.

Wash your ass with it, Riley grinned.

This is for scrubbing floors, Tanner Jo said, looking at the gift with disdain. I have a body brush. A classy one  from France, with soft bristles and a pearl handle.

Not no more you don’t, Riley said. I washed my pet raccoon with it in your fancy French bathtub, and broke it.

You broke my imported brush washing your stupid raccoon?

Ain’t that what I just said? And that raccoon ain’t stupid. He got just as much smarts as me.

Why, you no good ....... I don’t believe you did that.

Pieces be in the trash if y’all want proof, Riley said.

This is soooooo funny, Lonnie Callaway said. Listening to you two assholes argue over some stupid brush. Why can’t you use a fucking washcloth like normal people? Oh, I already know the answer; here sits Tanner Jo Carter, the new Mayor of Wickenburg. She’s better than everybody else and needs an imported brush to clean her cootchie.

D:\American Novels\Wickenburg\Lonnie age 13.jpg

Lonnie Callaway, age 13

Shut up, you putrid midget, Tanner Jo snapped. Nobody asked for your opinion.

And nobody asked whether or not you asked for it. It’s a free country, Lonnie said.

This is the height of disrespect, Tanner Jo said, holding up the floor brush. This is what I think of your so-called present. She turned around and tossed the brush into the fireplace.

Forgot the soap, Riley said.

I’ll give that to the maid to use on the floor, Tanner Jo huffed. Or you can use it to clean your teeth, she grinned.

Same old Tanner, Riley sighed. Mean as a snake and cold as ice.

Eat shit and die, Tanner Jo snapped. I bought you a nice book, and this is what I get in return?

Y’all call this nice? Riley said, holding up the book. A fuckin’ colorin’ book for kids?

A gift should suit the person you give it to, Tanner Jo smirked. I wouldn’t want to insult you by giving you a book you actually have to read.

Riley blew her nose on the book and threw it into the fireplace to join the brush. Read that, she grinned. "And look at the book you bought Georgia; Nigger Dawn. She is gonna fuckin’ kill you when she sees this."

"It’s Niger Dawn, you asshole! Tanner Jo yelled. It’s a book about the Niger River in Nigeria; the country her ancestors came from! My God, you are stupid."

Just the same, she ain’t gonna like it. Lookit how them folks dress; you ever see Georgie dressed up like some jungle asshole? She got class.

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Deputy Marshal Georgia May Dixon

No wonder she was thinking about going back to Massachusetts, Tanner Jo said as her personal French chef Maurice served salad. Putting up with an idiot like you is more than anyone should have to bear.

I ain’t bare; I got clothes. And kiss my ass while we are on the subject of bein’ naked. If it wasn’t for me, you would be peddlin’ your floozie ass in some dance hall. I made you mine gold ev’ry day when you did not want to get out of bed, you ungrateful lazy son of a bitch; now you got millions of dollars and a big fuckin’ house better than King Louie got. And what the hell are you lookin’ at, you frog bastard? Riley said, eyeing Maurice.

Un animal de mauvaise qualité, Maurice smirked.

What did you call me, you son of  a bitch? Riley exclaimed.

He called you a low quality animal, Tanner Jo giggled as Maurice brought wine.

Thank God the frog finally done somethin’ right and brung wine, Riley said as she grabbed a bottle of wine and tried to fill her tin milk pitcher, which held two quarts. It don’t work, she grinned.

What a moron, Lonnie said, shaking her head. You have to take out the cork.

Oh. You do it, then. I ain’t in the mood, Riley said.

Don’t know how to do it, do you, Lonnie grinned as she grabbed a corkscrew.

I bet if I break the fuckin’ bottle over your head it will come out, Riley said. She grabbed the bottle and filled her pitcher, but it was only half full. Bastard cheated me, she grumbled. Lookit this. Mo-rice! Get your ass in here with more wine.

You can’t make up things like this, Lonnie sighed as Maurice brought in a case of six bottles.

That’s more like it, Riley nodded. This here should be just enough for me. Open them bottles, asshole.

What about us? Tanner Jo said.

Hike your ass downstairs to that fancy fuckin’ wine room y’all built on my money, and take your pick.

It’s called a wine cellar, not a wine room, Tanner Jo said.

Either way, you got to go down there if you want to get drunk, Riley shrugged. Or send the fruit. He got nice strong legs, she grinned. Bet he shaves ‘em, like you do yours. Why y’all do that, anyway? That is like groomin’ a pony nobody wants to ride.

I do it because I have class, Tanner Jo huffed. And I don’t want to look like you. And as for your other nasty comment, I can get any man I want.

Trick is to find one that would put up with your miserable demeanor and that awful smell you produce, Lonnie smiled. I bet if he followed you into the bathroom, he’d change his mind real quick.

What? Tanner Jo shrieked. How dare you!

Her shit don’t stink, Riley grinned. She be a re-fined lady. Only thing is, ain’t nobody wants to find what she got.

Maurice brought up two more cases. Le cochon est-il satisfait maintenant? he grinned, eyeing Riley.

You call me a pig, you bastard? she shrieked. You best speak English from now on, or you will know the reason why.

Riley’s Deputy Gayle Hall came in and plunked herself down in a chair. Don’t ask, she said.

More trouble? Riley said.

Nothing out of the ordinary, she smiled. I love working on a holiday. Some farmer got drunk in the saloon and fell in Cal’s Christmas tree. Bill Nicholas tried to pull him out of the tree, and the guy pulled a knife. Bill shot him full of holes, and the candles that were on the tree set it on fire. Just another wonderful day in Wickenburg.

Well, at least it were a fair fight, Riley shrugged. They put out the fire?

Yes. What’s that smell? she said, looking at the fireplace.

Tanner’s dumb assed present to me, and mine to her. I gave the dummy a nice brush to wash up with, and she tossed it in her fancy fuckin’ marble fireplace I paid for.

Why do you keep saying you paid for everything? Half of that money in the bank is mine. I worked for it, too.

Sure you did, Riley grinned. Hardest thing you done since we bought this house is watch me work. Who got that 20 pound river nugget yonder?

Who cares. I know; stick your nugget up your yonder ass. It should fit, considering the size of you.

I ain’t fat, Riley said. What be the word y’all used, Lonnie?

Rotund.

See that? I am ro-tund. And you be a ro-tard, Riley grinned. Dumb ass nose pickin’, booger eatin’ fool.

I give up, Tanner Jo sighed. I think I’ll go enjoy a nice hot bath. You should try it, Riley; it might be a new experience for you.

I ain’t takin’ no damn bath ev’ry day like you done. That is just plain stupid, ‘specially for a lazy bastard like you who don’t do nothin’ to get dirty.

It’s mainly for relaxation. In your case, relaxation is when you pass out drunk and fall in the horse watering trough in front of the saloon. She got up and headed for her elaborate bathroom.

Best wash out that tub first, Riley called out. My raccoon shit in it after I gave him his bath.

What? Tanner Jo exclaimed. That thing shit in my tub?

Yup. And y’all be lucky it weren’t me that done it. Consider it a present from Andy the raccoon.

Fuck you, Tanner Jo snapped. Twice. Once in the ....

Uh uh, Riley said. No cussin’ on Jesus’ birthday.

I give up, Tanner Jo sighed. This is hopeless. You swear like a sailor, and I’m the bad guy. She stormed off to the bathroom.

Merry fuckin’ Christmas, Riley grinned as she slurped her wine. We got Shirley?

Who’s Shirley? Gayle said.

Sherry. Snow Star calls it Shirley.

Oh. Yeah, there’s some here someplace. That one eyed asshole liquor import dude sent a keg of it over here. You can take out the bung and stick a straw in it.

Bung? What in hell is a bung? Riley said.

A big cork in the barrel. It goes in the ..... bung hole, Gayle grinned.

That sounds dirty, Riley said. Y’all spent too much time at Miss Juniper’s.

Maurice put some in a decanter for you, Gayle said.

One fuckin’ de-canter? Figures; ev’rything that frog bastard does is half assed. Go fill a couple more.

Yes, oh great Commode Commander, Gayle said.

That’s more like it. Time I got the respect I deserve hereabouts.

You’re going to get more than respect if what I heard in the saloon is true, Gayle said. The Grand Canyon Gang is going to Tucson. They intend to stop here on their way through.

They make trouble here and they will not make it to Tucson, Riley said. And that is a fact.

Those guys are bad news, Gayle said. Maybe we should warn Tucson.

Tucson can kiss my Arizona ass, Riley said. They never did nothin’ for us, and I intend on returnin’ the favor. Maybe that gang is just what they need.

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Gun Parts 1 Original Civil War Sharps Carbine & Rifle Springfield Roller Lever Spring Rifle Parts Gun Parts

Starnes’  Wickenburg Emporium

The Doghouse Saloon

Wickenburg, Arizona

January, 1883

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Well now; look who sobered up, Cal Starnes said. Happy belated Christmas and New Year.

Fuck New Year, Riley grumbled. And Christmas ain’t far behind, the way this one went.

Trouble at the mansion? Cal grinned.

Fuckin’ Tanner got a hair across her ass over my gift, and throwed it in the fire.

Gee, I can’t imagine why she would do that. What did you give her?

A hard time, Riley grinned. And a floor brush and some lye soap to wash her ass with. And my raccoon shit in her fancy assed bathtub.

You two are what, twenty something years old? You act like a couple of little kids.

Ain’t my fault. Tanner been a pain in the ass since I met her.

Come on; you love Tanner. What would you do without her?

I don’t know, Riley said softly. I do not think about such things. We are okay with each other; we just rag on each other because we can. We always done that. Problem is she believes me now. She gets real mad.

Then stop playing practical jokes on her. She has no sense of humor.

Then too fuckin’ bad. I do not have to stop havin’ fun because she acts like she were still five years old and cannot take it.

You should stop if it truly hurts her feelings.

It don’t hurt shit. She just puts on like it does; bastard put dog shit under my pillow one time. I ever tell you that?

Many times. I believe you were what, eight years old when she did that? Why don’t you grow up?

Ain’t no future in growin’ up. Just brings you closer to bein’ an old lady who can’t do nothin’ for herself. I do not want to end up like that. They find people like that dead in their houses.

Do you fear that? Cal said.

I do not fear anything, Riley said. "Nothing of this Earth can scare me, for I have my God and He has made me his avenger in this place. Then the elders of his city shall send and fetch him thence, and deliver him into the hand of the avenger of blood, that he may die. You understand that, boy? That be Deuteronomy 19:12, and although this be 1883 and not 1912, it still holds."

I thought vengeance was the Lord’s.

Well, he been busy as of late and have delegated his authority to me. Y’all care to argue about that with me, go right ahead. You will lose.

Where do you get this from? Cal said.

I do not know. It is not my place to argue over what God tells me to do; it is only my place to obey. Y’all should try it some time. Hurts a lot, but it be very satisfying. Now what’s this I hear about the Grand Canyon Gang?

Man said they were coming through here.

What man?

I didn’t ask his name. He came in and had a drink, told me about that gang, then he left. He was dressed all in black. He had a very plain face; the kind you could look at all day and the next day you would not recognize him.

I do not know nobody like that. Maybe it is horse shit.

Doc Holliday said that gang is nobody to mess with.

Neither am I, Riley said. I will take care of them boys. How do y’all recognize ‘em?

They wear gold colored neckerchiefs. Be careful, Riley. There’s a lot of them.

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Best clean your Sharps Rifle, Mayor, Riley grinned. The Grand Canyon Gang is comin’ to pay a visit.

Who? Tanner Jo said. Never heard of them.

Me neither.

I have, Lonnie said. They showed up in Missouri when I was a little kid. Made a lot of trouble. They are a lot bigger gang now.

Where they get that name? Riley said.

They were wanted in Utah and headed south. They hid out in the canyon, because nobody would go in there to look for them. You know; all those  crazy stories about monsters.

Those stories ain’t crazy, Riley said. We went in there in 1877. We saw some really strange things. A fuckin’ bird with wings about forty feet wide tried to grab me for supper, and we saw a cat the size of a pony with teeth a foot long.

Sure you did, Lonnie giggled. How much did you have to drink that day?

Them things exist. You seen Frankie.

And that is an experience I would rather forget, Lonnie said. How could something like that live in the canyon? It’s all rock. There isn’t anything in there to eat.

Yeah, there is. They got deer, sheep, and all kinds of critters livin’ in there. It got wooded areas, too.

So; those assholes are coming here? Great. We don’t have enough criminals of our own, we have to have some from other states show up.

Maybe they will just pass through, Riley said.

They don’t pass through. They are like locusts; they show up in your town, and they don’t leave until there isn’t anything left.

Well now; looks like I got to clean my Gatling gun.

You do that, Lonnie said. You may need it.

City Marshal’s Office

Wickenburg Way

Wickenburg, Arizona

January, 1883

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The Grand Canyon Gang? Bart Washington exclaimed. I know about them; they are the remnants of a couple of Infantry outfits that fought for the South in the war. They do not like people of the colored persuasion.

Who does, Riley muttered.

What was that, cracker?

Nothin’. Georgie oughta love these boys. What do they do, rob banks?

Rob, rape, murder, burn whole towns, you name it.

Them peckerwoods got a leader worth lookin’ at?

A former Major name of Bob Stafford. He is forty or so, tall with blue eyes. Clean shaven, which makes him easy to spot. Still keeps a Major’s insignia on his coat, and he always rides in the front of the pack.

Good, Riley grinned. He will be the first to go. Tanner kin pick him off five hundred yards out.

That might work; they aren’t used to resistance. Sometimes they send scouts ahead to check out the town to see what kind of fight they could face.

I kin make ‘em think this be a real easy town to take, Riley said. They see a girl Marshal, they will relax some, is my bet. They will not know what we can do.

That means if they send scouts, you have to let them live long enough to go back and report to the boss.

Oh. That ain’t no fun.

They aren’t stupid; they are experienced military men. They know battle tactics.

They know how to get away from a Gatling gun? Riley grinned.

Nobody knows how to get away from one of those, Bart laughed. You want to try to get one of those?

Already did, Riley said. Used it six years  ago on the Pinkertons. It is in our barn. Didn’t I tell y’all I had one of them?

No. That changes things quite a bit; they will have to cross a mile of open ground to get here. They won’t stand a chance.

That’s the main idea, Riley said. You best lay low. Military men might know who you are.

That’s true, Bart said. Me bein’ the most famous nigger west of the Missouri, he grinned. Rich, too. And handsome.

Anything else y’all want to brag about yourself? Riley said.

Well, you know what they say about black men, Bart grinned. I have a big ....

Stop, Riley said, holding up her hand.

Brain, Bart said. I was gonna say brain.

Sure you were, Riley snickered. You and Reverend Ron.

Reverend Ron Jackson

That  boy looks like  a faker to me, Bart said.

Nah, he be for real. I seen his college papers, and he knows his scripture. Reverend Dan found him somewhere, Riley said.

Reverend Dan couldn’t find his own ass with both hands. He is a drunk.

So am I. You got to drink to stay sane in this fuckin’ place.

Then why do you stay here? You got money; you could live anywhere you want.

This town is my destiny, Riley said. And I will do my duty without complaint.

Starnes’  Wickenburg Emporium

The Doghouse Saloon

Wickenburg, Arizona

January, 1883

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I ain’t seen nobody yet, Riley said.

I assure you; they will be here, Doc Holliday said. They have their eye on Tucson. They like to invade big cities; there is so much more to steal. I myself have had immense success gambling in big cities.

Success is gonna have a whole new meanin’ for them bastards if they think they are gonna take over my town.

You had better have your Apache scouts well out in the desert, Doc said. When they come, it’s usually at a gallop. Fifty, sixty of them with  more in reserve. It is a terror tactic.

I got my own terror tactic; Dr. Richard Gatling invented it.

That will stop them, Doc said. But you have to know when they are about to arrive.

What in hell do they want with a town what got 200 people?

It’s a convenient place to stop and rest up for their assault on Tucson. Only thing is, they do a lot more than rest.

Bart said they usually send somebody to see what kind of fight the town can put up.

I have heard that as well, Doc gurgled.

What would you do?

Move, Doc grinned. I am a lover, as well as a fighter. One does not promote the other.

I am not moving, and neither is anybody else. These boys want a fight, they will get one. And they ain’t gonna like it one bit.

Starnes’  Wickenburg Emporium

The Doghouse Saloon

Wickenburg, Arizona

February, 1883

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There, Gayle said as two men came in at noon. They were heavyset, bearded, and wore gold neckerchiefs. They ordered drinks and sat at the bar, casually looking around. One of them nodded at Riley and tipped his hat. Riley smiled at him and went back to her Sherry.

Boy either knows I am the Marshal, or he is struck by my beauty, Riley said.

I vote for the Marshal thing, Gayle said.

Y’all callin’ me ugly? Riley exclaimed.

No. Nature already took care of that for me. Should I go talk to them?

No. Let ‘em wonder about us. I told everybody in here not to give ‘em any information.

Uh, you forgot something, Aristotle. Your picture is on the gun ordinance behind the bar.

That be part of the plan. Boys will think this town be easy to take with a girl Marshal.

You’re a girl? Gayle exclaimed. Could have  fooled me.

Shit on you. They are scouts; let ‘em be. They will go back to camp and tell the Major we are easy pickins.

The men had another drink and left.

Go see where they go, Riley said.

Gayle went to the window. The two men looked up and down the street, then went over and looked in the window of the Marshal’s Office. They seemed satisfied with what they saw, and mounted up. They slowly made their way west.

They are leaving, Gayle said. Took a look in our office window, then mounted up.

Good. I put a couple of flintlock rifles in the rack, and left that old Walker Colt on my desk.

That’s the one you’re holding in that stupid picture you had taken of yourself, right?

Right, and it ain’t a stupid picture. I am beautiful.

I hear the photographer went blind after he took that.

"Could be; after seein’ me, he would have figgered he