Act Before You overThink: Make Decisions Easier and Liberate Your Mind

By Lison Mage and Guy Langlois

Are you an Overthinker?

Too clever for your own good? Unable to make a decision even after over analysing data in enormous spreadsheets? Feeling

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Mindful Experience Pty Ltd
• Release date: Apr 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9780645233032

Lison Mage

Lison Mage is an author, corporate facilitator, performance and mindset coach. She works primarily with technology companies to elevate engagement and performance by providing their leaders and teams with practical and science-based strategies and tools, to foster a growth mindset and enhance their decision-making processes. Ex-engineer, she went through a massive career change after working on three different continents in some of the major software companies such as Salesforce and Oracle, to embrace her vocation: empowering people and teams to perform at their full potential.

Book preview

Introduction

If you were constantly living with some background noise, like indistinct chatter or traffic noise, would you notice it?

I lived in the peaceful South of France until my early 20s, then I moved to Shanghai, spending three years in the Middle Country. There, I was immersed in a city that never sleeps. Almost everything you could think of is accessible every day of the week, 24 hours a day.

At the time, the local news reported that more than 10 million people commuted daily in the city’s metro and its 400 stations. An unfathomable number of cars and scooters were constantly honking to signal their presence to others. The wind whipped through the endless streets and echoed the whole city’s agitation and ruckus.

And yet, after a few months, I didn’t notice the background noise anymore.

I only realised when I went for an excursion in the Chinese countryside to explore the breathtaking Luxi Gorge. Walking along a peaceful river by day, we stopped at a small cabin in the middle of nowhere, and I slept on bamboo sticks, which was a memorable experience, especially for my back!

Surrounded by silence, my ears were ringing. It was as if I could not tolerate the surreal calm of the place. Eventually, something popped, and the noise disappeared, allowing me to experience pure bliss.

Scientists studied this phenomenon, called auditory habituation, or in other words, how we adapt to ambient noise.

In their experiments, they exposed mice to a constant, loud but harmless noise (similar to a lawnmower or hairdryer) for a week. Then, they compared their brain activity with those of mice that remained in a quiet environment. The scientists noticed a reduction in the number of neurotransmitters released in the auditory cortex, which meant that the sounds heard were not transmitted entirely¹.

Researchers tested how fast humans can adapt to ambient noise in an open office space and found it happens pretty quickly: in less than 20 minutes², in fact. But unfortunately, even if we can filter out unwanted sounds, they can still have a negative impact on us.

According to the World Health Organisation, prolonged or excessive exposure to noise, whether in the community or at work, can cause permanent medical conditions, such as hypertension and ischemic heart disease³.

When Spanish researchers studied the health impact of traffic noise in Madrid, they found associations with increased stress levels, higher risk of depression and cardiovascular issues⁴.

So, it appears we can get used to background noise and somehow tolerate it, even if this is detrimental to our wellbeing. And there is another background noise we accept and learn to put up with. It is a mental one and, if you bought this book, you probably know which one I am talking about.

Overthinking is like a persistent noise in your head.

We get so used to it that we don’t notice it anymore, even if it drains our strength. When we silence this ceaseless racket, we gain clarity. We feel re-energised yet appeased.

But beyond this metaphorical explanation, what is the scientific definition of overthinking? Is it really that bad? It seems there are benefits to overthinking. For instance, to make smarter decisions or ensure we have considered all our options.

With this in mind, I decided to research the difference between thinking and overthinking to see how I could help overthinkers.

I did more than 365 one-on-one interviews with overthinkers over a year. Indeed, this book would not be possible without the many volunteers who generously gave their time. In the end, there were more than 250 hours of qualitative data that I used to investigate this subject and come up with valuable and practical insights.

Based on this interview material, I came to the conclusion that there are three commonly held beliefs about overthinking which are false. I call them the three myths of overthinking. These are:

•Myth 1: Overthinking is enhancing my thinking.

•Myth 2: Overthinking is inconsequential to me.

•Myth 3: Overthinking is inevitable in decision-making.

While conducting my research, I established a scale ranging from 0 to 10, where 0 means not overthinking at all and 10 means overthinking all the time. This enabled both the interviewees and me to rank their level of overthinking.

When asked how they would rank themselves, the participants who believed all three myths ranked their overthinking level at seven or higher.

Those who held fewer beliefs ranked their overthinking level lower. It was particularly striking for the interviewees who viewed themselves as recovered overthinkers, namely as those who had successfully conquered their overthinking.

And the higher the level of overthinking, the more the participants were experiencing adverse effects, such as feeling unproductive, inefficient in their decision-making or socially anxious.

At the highest level of overthinking, it’s not background noise anymore. Instead, it’s a constant aeroplane motor noise that runs in your mind—and it doesn’t go unnoticed. People reported experiencing chronic insomnia, crippling levels of stress and anxiety, and mental and physical exhaustion.

So, this book aims to give you the keys to turn down the noise volume, liberate yourself from the shackles of overthinking, and appease your hyperactive mind.

But you might say: "I don’t want to think less; that would make me stupid."

You won’t.

Conquering overthinking is not about thinking less but thinking better.

As you finish this book, your thinking will be sharper and clearer, ensuring you make efficient decisions confidently.

To get these results, we will debunk each of the myths of overthinking, explaining how they form, why they are harmful and the techniques and tools you can use to manage and negate their effects. We will also explore the six different overthinker personas (the Maximiser, the Finisher, the Observer, the Helper, the Dreamer and the Performer) that will help you better identify what triggers your overthinking and the specific behaviours that relate to it.

Finally, as we methodically dismantle these beliefs one by one throughout this book, you will notice yourself overthinking less and less.

Before we begin, here are a few tips to keep in mind to get the most value out of this book.

Firstly, this book is going to challenge you.

I wrote it to be engaging, daring and actionable. However, if you hold any of the false beliefs mentioned above, this will be confronting. The claims made in this book are backed by factual and scientific evidence, as well as my opinions and convictions after spending a great deal of time on this subject. Where research went against my conclusions, I did not exclude it in favour of research that supported my findings.

Secondly, I encourage you to approach the material in this book with a balance of openness and scepticism.

If you find yourself disagreeing with any of the ideas and concepts put forward in this book, try to be open-minded and give them the benefit of the doubt. It could simply be unconscious resistance stemming from your overthinking beliefs.

On the other hand, don’t patently agree with everything in this book. There will be sections that resonate with you and others that simply won’t. Test and see for yourself what is working best for you.

First Myth

Overthinking is Enhancing my Thinking

As the author Christopher Hitchens aptly said: "The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks."

An indispensable prerequisite to any discussion on overthinking is to agree on a standard definition.

Interestingly, there are discrepancies between the generic definition in English dictionaries and psychology literature. The former explains overthinking as thinking too much about something. The latter calls it rumination (relegating overthinking to a non-scientific name¹) and gives at least fourteen different models and theories in an attempt to characterise it².

Rather than arbitrarily picking one, I decided to define it with the help of my interviewees, by directly questioning them, asking how they would describe overthinking to a friend who doesn’t know what it is.

I was expecting that with such a large number of interviews, I would extract common vocabulary and uncover patterns to synthesise a generic definition that most would agree on.

It turned out to be much more complex, somewhat explaining the divergence in the scientific world and the plethora of psychological models.

When asked to define overthinking, most of the answers I got were emotions, symptoms, and situational anecdotes.

Sergey ruminates the same thoughts for hours, which makes him stressed. Paresh cannot sleep as he cannot stop thinking about an upcoming customer meeting. Wendy remembers something awkward she said, and she keeps going over what she should have said instead.

Strangely, most people describe overthinking as a negative experience. Yet, when asked if reducing overthinking would be a good thing, many adamantly answer they would not change anything about the way they think.

This standpoint is due to the most robust and potent belief held by overthinkers, namely the fierce conviction that overthinking somehow enhances their thinking, making them think better.

But in our search for a compelling definition of overthinking, this belief gives us a fascinating hint.

If overthinking makes us think better, when are we thinking, and when are we overthinking? What is the line between them? How do you differentiate them?

It was the most puzzling question of my interviews.

And what would your answer be as you are reading this? When would you say you are thinking or overthinking?

One interviewee described it metaphorically. In her view, thinking is like warming milk to make hot chocolate, while overthinking is like boiling it.

At a certain point, you have done enough thinking. In other words, the milk is hot, and you should take it off the heat. Overthinking makes a mess of a situation, just like overheating milk makes a mess of the kitchen when the pot boils over.

Surprisingly, when asked about the difference between thinking and overthinking, no two people came up with the same explanation. Some could not even answer the question.

Differentiating thinking and overthinking is confusing.

This is not something we are in the habit of asking ourselves. The various definitions of thinking are as ambiguous and vague as the ones of overthinking. For instance, is thinking a conscious process? Or can it also be unconscious? Is thinking the opposite of feeling?

Given our inability to precisely define thinking and overthinking, the line between the two notions is incredibly blurry.

Nevertheless, one consistent finding emerged throughout my research: we think (and overthink) about things we care deeply about. These can be segmented into three categories: control, competence and connection.

Control refers to the ability to make our own choices, be in the driver’s seat and have the freedom to decide. Competence refers to the ability to demonstrate aptitudes and skills. Lastly, connection refers to the ability to cooperate, bond and belong with others.

These elements are the basic psychological needs that must be satisfied to ensure our wellbeing.

This finding echoes the self-determination theory developed by psychologists Deci and Ryan in the 80s³, which more than 100 studies have since validated.

So, these three categories inform where we direct our attention and, consequently, what we think about most. They form the foundation from which we can establish the differences between thinking and overthinking.

When we overthink, our focus shifts from caring for the triad control—competence—connection to fixating on the triad perfection—completion—validation. We become self-absorbed with and consumed by attaining these things.

To be in control, we feel the urge to hide our weaknesses and be irreproachable at all costs. We expect perfection.

To demonstrate our competence, we must come up with fool-proof and fail-safe solutions and finish all the tasks set out before us, no matter what. We accumulate completion.

To feel connected to others, we seek constant praise or special attention for what we do and who we are. We revere validation.

Throughout the following three chapters, we will examine the differences between the two triads, defining a more precise delineation between thinking and overthinking as we go along.

Doing so will enable us to dive into the first myth of overthinking.

We will demonstrate why and how overthinking is actually doing a disservice to our thinking instead of enhancing it. And as we explore the different categories, you will also be given tools and techniques to manage your overthinking better.

Chapter 1

Finding The Tipping Point Of Excellence

Perfect is a dream that you wake up from and spend forever trying to remember.

Joseph Eastwood

Victoria has decided to take a trip to Thailand for seven days. She is frantic with excitement and rushes to her local library to borrow the three available books on Thailand. She puts in a request for the fourth one that is already out on loan for another week.

Almost every night, she works on her planning and itinerary to ensure she sees and visits as many things as possible. She spends hours online combing over the national tourism office website, then comparing different resorts, local attractions, transport companies. She looks at every transportation fare, hotel rate, admission price, meticulously compiling the information in an Excel spreadsheet.

All this research is quite exhausting but worth it. After all, she just found a little gem of a B&B to stay at, definitely offering the best price to value ratio.

Strikingly, even after she made all her bookings and finished her planning, Victoria simply cannot relax. There is always this little voice in her head wondering if she made the best choices, which keeps her tense and nervous until the day of her departure.

An hour after she lands, she arrives at her accommodation and feels a bit disappointed. It doesn’t look as magical as in the pictures.

Fortunately, her phone’s filters and colour adjustments do little miracles, so the pictures look simply gorgeous when posted on social media.

As she goes through her jam-packed schedule, jumping from one bus to another, visiting temples and markets, one of her friends comments on her last post: "Go girl! Bangkok is amazing! Make sure you see Railay Beach. It’s the most incredible thing to see in Thailand. You CANNOT miss it!"

It instantly triggers some anxiety.

Railay Beach was on Victoria’s to-do list, but she completely forgot about it. There were so many things to plan and see that it completely slipped her mind. She rushes back to her hotel, opening her laptop to see if she can squeeze it in. Maybe if she shortens a few visits, she can make it.

But no matter how she tries, it’s not possible to fit this excursion in her planning. But it’s such a pity—the beach looks amazing.

Her holidays aren’t finished yet, and she is already planning the next ones. As a result, she ends up coming back more depleted than when she left, somehow disappointed that everything didn’t go as she expected.

Maybe she should just stay home next time. That sounds like the best option.

What should have been a positive and energising experience for Victoria was utterly ruined by her overthinking. Pushed by her desire to get the best out of her holidays, she tried to be on top of everything, anticipating and planning her trip down to every last detail.

This exacerbated sense of control became an obsession with obtaining perfection.

This is characteristic of