The Marriage Template: For This Cause

By Samson Omale

The Marriage Template is a step by step marriage manual, designed to help all those planning to go into marriage but are scared, nervous and confused on how to go about it. It also for those already married but in need of a new direction. This book will hold your hand through every step of the marriage journey, starting from the understanding of marriage, God’s intention and purpose for marriage at the beginning.

This book is divided into four parts and has fifteen chapters that clearly outline the meaning and importance of marriage, Godly and worldly principles of marriage, knowing exactly who to marry, the roles of the husband and the wife in marriage and how to manage your home that is pleasing unto God attracting His blessings and favour.

This book should be read in a sequential order starting from the introduction all through to the end at the first reading. It is precept upon precept with each chapter being a building block for the next one.

Samson Omale is the Senior Pastor of Rivers of Joy London. He is also an Area Pastor of the Redeemed Christian Church of God. Ordained a minister of God in 1994, Samson is an accomplished music minister with three albums to his credit- Higher Ground, from Glory to Glory and Overcome.

Pastor Samson is also the President/CEO of Rock Global Investment Network London. He is an international consultant based in London. He has many awards including The Cambridge Who’s Who Certificate of Recognition” and “Cambridge Who’s Who Rosewood Wall Plaque of Achievement”. He is a regular speaker and trainer in international conferences and training programmes around the world.

Samson holds the PhD in Finance, M.sc in International Capital Markets MBA in Banking & a Bachelor of Education and a member of many international professional bodies.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Mar 23, 2022
• ISBN: 9781664258884

Samson Omale

He was a confused and scared of marriage. He did not want to make a mess of his marriage so he went looking for successful man of God with unblemished marriages themselves. He learnt from these great men of God and he applied every principle he learnt from them when he finally decided to marry. And they worked for him. This book is a book of tested marriage principles he learnt and applied before he married. He is been married for over twenty six years and blessed with four children all following the Lord. He has been teaching these same principles for over two decades around the world including the United States of America, Europe and Africa with tremendous testimonies following. All those who have used these principles now have successful and blessed marriages. He daily applies every principle in this book in his own home. He and his wife have never had disputes that required an external intervention. He has always relied on these Godly principles. All his fears about marriage are dissolved and he continues to enjoy his marriage as every day is sweeter that the previous day to the glory of God. He does not dwell on theories and he does not teach what he does not practice.

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Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

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ISBN: 978-1-6642-5889-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-5890-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-5888-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022903400

WestBow Press rev. date:  05/11/2022

To the Lord God Almighty, the architect of the marriage institution;

to Uchenna, my wife of twenty-six years; and to our four wonderful

children: Ufedo-Ojo, Enoch, Emmanuel, and Ojochekpa.

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Preface

Introduction to the Marriage Template

Part 1: Understanding Marriage

Chapter 1     The Origin of Marriage

Chapter 2     God’s Purpose and Intentions for Marriage

Chapter 3     God’s Marriage Principles

Chapter 4     Worldly Principles of Marriage

Chapter 5     Marriage Phobias—on the Journey to Holy Matrimony

Part 2: Stages in the Marriage Journey

Chapter 6     Stage One: Identification

Chapter 7     Stage Two: The Decision

Chapter 8     Stage Three: Courtship

Chapter 9     Stage Four: The Wedding Day

Part 3: The Act of Marriage and Home Building

Chapter 10   The Honeymoon

Chapter 11   Welcome Home—Home Management.

Chapter 12   For Men Only: The Responsibilities of the Husband

Chapter 13   For Women Only—the Responsibilities of the Wife

Part 4: Effective and Efficient Marriage Management

Chapter 14   Child Upbringing

Chapter 15   For Both Husband and Wife

Chapter 16   A Godly Heritage

Chapter 17   Happily Ever After

About the Author

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First of all, I would like to give all the praise and glory to the Lord God Almighty, who asked me to put these principles into a book. Whenever anyone asks me who has the greatest influence on my Christian life, my answer is straightforward: Brother Gbile Akanni. I have learnt so much from this man of God, who I have known for over forty years. He taught me most of the things I know about marriage. I am also grateful to many of my friends and pastors, who tried to help me get married, but to no avail. They did it out of love and concern. Even from this confusion, I learnt so much about marriage.

I would like to thank every member of our church, Rivers of Joy London, for their prayers and desires to see my teachings in print. To my beloved wife, Eleojo Uchenna, who heard from God as I did and obeyed Him—you have been a source of strength and encouragement. To my children—Ufedo-Ojo, Enoch, Emmanuel, and Ojochekpa—you taught me how to be a father and how to know God more deeply. Without your input, this book would not have been written.

PREFACE

This book is forty years in the making. That is right. Marriage is one subject that has not been formally taught as a discipline, and yet this institution holds society together. It determines the success of a nation or its demise. We have taken it for granted, thinking it is a natural thing that follows us as a matter of course. Not so. It is no wonder we have not made a great success of this glorious institution that God Almighty so methodically put together. The rate of divorce among Christians is soaring daily, though, not to mention what is going on in the outer society.

I did not have any structured or formal training in marriage until much later in life. The first I heard about marriage as a subject was when I was only eleven years old, in secondary school. A preacher told us that he started praying for his wife from about our age. My friend Daniel and I, out of childish inquisition rather than any conviction or understanding, would go out at night on the school field to pray for our wives. But we did not know what we were praying for. Then into my twenties, I heard one elder in church always say, Do not allow your children to come between you and your wife. He had made it clear to his own children that he and his wife were there before they came and that very soon they, the children, would leave them. Again, what was I supposed to learn from this? I must have read some pamphlets on marriage here and there, but I never had a clue as to what marriage was all about.

Getting married certainly was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life, and I hope my experiences on this journey will help others embarking on the adventure of marriage. The most difficult thing for me was the choice of who to marry. The scope is drastically narrowed when one embraces a key truth: Look into the church for guidance. That is where one can find like-minded people. That knowledge was quite a relief for me, and I thought when I was ready to marry I would just ask one of the born-again sisters to marry me, and that would be it. Not so fast—it’s not that easy.

That was my situation. It was pure confusion and panic. As it turned out, there were so many born-again sisters around. How on earth could one make a choice? Who among these beautiful, Bible-believing, tongue-speaking sisters would I pick? I tried fleece one time, and my dear pastor told me the time of fleece had passed. He said God does not use fleece anymore, but he never told me how God can tell someone who to marry. This is because he himself did not know how. I was simply overwhelmed. I was a well-educated, prosperous, and popular young man. I was a musician. I played the guitar and wrote songs and ministered from church to church and campus to campus, yet I could not find a wife in this ocean of believers.

I found myself in a situation similar to Paul’s, saying, Oh, wretched man that I am. Who can deliver me from this quagmire? And like Paul, God came to my rescue, and I could say, Thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Help, clarity, and understanding came in a five-day marriage programme at the University of Lagos, Nigeria organised by the man of God we all fondly call Brother Gbile Akanni. This was the very first structured marriage seminar I ever attended. And in those five nights, I found answers to all my questions.

I understood for the first time what marriage was all about. I learned how to understand the mind of God. I was told I must accept whomever God brings to me. The prospects of whomever God brings frightened the daylight out of me. This was because I wanted both the inner beauty and the outer beauty as well. I also had a picture of what my wife would look like, and nothing was going to change that, especially if she was a born-again Christian. I resisted that suggestion of whomever God brings, but as the programme went on, most of my questions were answered. As I went through the tapes over and over again, weeks and months after the programme, my understanding kept expanding, and my heart started melting and yielding to the prospects of whomever God brings to you. My fears were gone. What a relief. What an exposure. What a wealth of knowledge. The programme answered all my questions. The scales fell off my eyes, and the eye of my understanding opened. Within two years after this programme, I was married. I applied all the principles I learnt from that marriage seminar to the letter, and twenty-six years later my marriage is getting sweeter and sweeter every day. Praise the Lord.

I have heard some outstanding testimonies come out of the various marriage seminars I have held over the years. I have seen marriages being born out of these seminars, after the participants received these revelations. There have been constant requests from churches and congregations from around the world for me to put these teachings in a book. God finally put the burden of writing this book on me when He said it will help people who are in the position I was years ago, before I got married. In responding to this call, I felt obligated to write this book.

God has answered the prayers I made when I was only eleven years old. If there is one decision I know I got right in my life, it is marrying my wife of over twenty-six years. The principles I learnt over time and which have guided me are the same expounded in this book. I have taught these in several marriage seminars in the United States, in Europe, and in Africa, with tremendous testimonies. These principles are God’s principles. They are sacrosanct and immutable. They will help us all the way.

As a pastor and marriage counsellor, I have come across several cases over the years and have learnt so much them. The three case studies discussed here are real but with the actual names of those involved. Real life stories help us to quickly learn from the mistakes of others which can help us in our own lives.

This book is timeless, and it is a must-read for Christians entering the marriage pact and starting a family. These same principles continue to guide me today. By His grace, I have an exciting home, where everyone knows their roles. Marriage has helped me to know God on a deeper level. My prayer is that the Lord, who helped me to make the right decision and who has been a consistent guest in our home, would anoint this book in readers’ hands to give them a beautiful home and also an assignment to share this book around the world.

INTRODUCTION TO

THE MARRIAGE TEMPLATE

Marriage is an institution established by the Lord God Almighty Himself. As the architect, He did the design, and as the master builder, He built it Himself. He is the foundation and maintainer of the home. If marriage were to be a product, then God is the manufacturer. He has a manual that contains the terms and conditions of usage, as well as operating instructions. He has His own definition and stages of this project. He has assigned roles for the project managers—husband and wife—and all we need to do is to look into this manual and follow the project plan. There should be no ambiguity concerning what marriage is all about. We should be able to answer the questions agitating the minds of the young people who want to marry. We would like to know what was in His mind when he commissioned this project called marriage.

The principles and concepts that guide this institution are found in the Bible. Everything we ought to know and need to know about this awesome phenomenon, including the concepts, God’s real intentions and purposes, and how to enter into it and maintain it, must therefore come from Him. This book is about the Christian marriage; therefore the views and opinions expressed here are based on my understanding of what God said about it as recorded in the Holy Bible.

The home is a product of marriage, which in turn reflects society. As a result, the home is the bedrock of society. What we call society is a collection of homes and families. The state of society today is a reflection of the collective state of families. And yet family development is often missing in the classroom and in church. No wonder, then, that marriage as an institution is mostly misunderstood: we have not found it necessary or important enough to include it in our school curricula or sermon notes. People just walk into it. Marriage seems ordinary and commonplace. Our parents are in one. We attend wedding ceremonies every other day, but little is known of this mystery, which is why it is the most dysfunctional institution of our time.

Governments the world over spend so much money addressing societal issues. We can see on our streets today the products of broken homes roaming aimlessly and causing havoc. The global divorce rate is steadily rising, and daily we encounter wounded and broken people, full of regrets, who have just come out of failed marriages. They are sore and in dire need of repair and healing. What if we taught them what marriage is all about—how to enter into it and how to keep it exciting and functional without the prospects of ever breaking up. Would it be more profitable than society’s remedial efforts?

Marriage is exciting. It is a blessing. As a matter of fact, it determines how far one goes in life. It should be taken seriously and studied methodically. This is why this timely book, The Marriage Template, was written. The beauty of this book is that it is for all ages and all stages of marriage, starting from those who are searching for who to marry, to the newlyweds and even to couples who have been together for decades. Some might even say it is too late for them because their marriages are damaged beyond repair, or they might have already been divorced. This book is also for those couples, as these insights will help readers to retrace their steps into a fulfilling marriage experience. It can be fixed.

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PART 1

UNDERSTANDING MARRIAGE

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CHAPTER 1

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The Origin of Marriage

When God created Adam, the first man, He put him in charge of all living creatures, and whatever name Adam gave them, so were they called. But for Adam, there was no companion. God then said it was not good for him to be alone. God went further to say He would make for Adam a suitable mate. Subsequently, God created Eve with the bone He had taken out of Adam. When Adam saw her, he called her woman because she was taken out of him. They were joined together and became one, never to be separated. They were naked, but they were not ashamed of each other. This is the origin of marriage. It was God’s idea, not Adam’s. And right from the beginning, God put in place the marriage principles on which this book is written. Adam and Eve were the first family on earth. Every principle we need to learn and every mistake we need to avoid can be found in this first marriage in the beautiful Garden of Eden.

What Is Marriage?

I want us to view marriage as a journey, an enterprise, or a business venture. Our understanding of what exactly marriage is will determine whether we would like to embark on this journey. It will help us to make decisions based on knowledge rather than guesswork or imitation of others.

There are as many views on marriage as there are cultures, institutions, tribes, and tongues. The oldest institution in the world has been misunderstood and misused in many ways. Even though the marriage institution is very prevalent and visible to us, it remains unfamiliar to many. As I said before, marriage is a subject that is hardly taught in our schools or even in our churches. All we know about it is what we see in our parents’ homes during our formative years. Sometimes we get the feeling of what it is about from neighbours, newspapers, television screens, movies, and even from courtrooms.