Safe From the Pain: Out of the Darkness Into a Life That's Free, Happy, and Good

By Poonam Bhuchar

Surviving sexual assault, attempted suicide, an arranged marriage, and divorce is one thing. Processing all that pain so you can live a full life after is something entirely different.
 

In the shadows of emotional pain, survival can take priority over healing. Lasting reverberations of traumatic experiences or post-traumatic stress disorder can cripple decision-making skills, creep into relationships, and leave scars on the people you love.

Peace and empowerment after trauma are possible—when you embrace your pain as part of your story.

After her trauma, Poonam Bhuchar reemerged as a healed survivor and reclaimed her power. Part spiritual memoir, part self-help revelation, SAFE from the Pain pairs Bhuchar's inspiring story with the transformational secret of the SAFE Method to guide you through the darkness of your pain and into the safety of a healthy, happy life.

You'll learn:

• Four steps of the SAFE method to stop ignoring pain, work through emotions, and regain control.
• The impacts of stress from emotional pain on every aspect of life, including your family, children, body, and self-worth.
• How to overcome your victim mindset and accept responsibility—because ownership leads to action.
• Three types of forgiveness for freedom from society's expectations, cultural beliefs, and your own judgments.
• Why embracing your journey is essential to happiness, a bigger life purpose, and alignment with your true self.
   

You can't move forward if you live in the past. Get SAFE from the Pain to transcend the darkness of pain and illuminate your way to the beautiful life waiting on the other side.

• Language: English
• Publisher: RI Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781737923817

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

Creating Our Own Lives

I am grateful for all the mistakes that I have made in life because they have led me to discover who I am and the true beauty of this life.

Practically from birth, society teaches us that it is acceptable to discuss physical pain and treat it. But even in the twenty-first century, we still shy away from discussing or acknowledging, let alone treating, the emotional pain we carry. Our culture and circumstances teach us to keep our pain hidden. As a result, we bury it within us and fool ourselves into believing that we are okay. That our pain is normal. That we simply have to shove it down, ignore it, and move on with our lives.

We are not taught how to deal with emotional pain, so it chokes us like a weed chokes a flower. We often become so numb to the pain inside us that we don’t even acknowledge it exists. We might numb it with different vices or learn to shut down those parts of ourselves that hurt—both methods, and everything in between, can leave devastation in their wake. To truly move beyond what hurts us, we have to acknowledge the pain and deal with it. Trust me, I know.

I’ve been through it.

From childhood sexual assault to an arranged marriage to divorce and more, I know emotional trauma. But I also know there’s a way out of the darkness. I know life can be rich, happy, and good. And I want to help you get there too.

About two years ago, I started talking about my life story. My goal has always been to stop at least one person from feeling the way I did. If I do that, it will all be worth it. Since then, I have held one-on-one sessions with people and given talks on a local level. As the message began to resonate, I started doing webinars too. Emotional pain happens to all of us across all walks of life—I’m on a mission to help others cope with it.

Today, I have so much that I could worry about. I am a single mother of two teenage children, and I own a small law firm. Yet, I live my life in the most stress-free way possible.

After a yearslong spiritual journey, I devised the SAFE method, which helps me work through everyday problems and thrive in the life I’ve built. I learned how to align with my true self and pursue what is right for me—from the decisions I make to the actions I take to how I choose to feel. I’m not sharing my story to disparage the people who’ve hurt me but to help others who have been hurt realize there is a way out of the darkness. For too long, I ignored my own pain, doubts, and desires. I found myself in situations I didn’t know how to escape. I felt like a failure. But it’s never too late to begin working through your pain. I promise life is better on the other side.

I’ll begin by telling you my story, taking you along as I made a series of choices that set me on a path to an interesting life. At times, it may look like I dug myself into a deep, dark hole in the ground, but bear with me as I show you how I climbed out and how you can too.

CHAPTER 2

Beginning of the Pain

I know for sure that you can’t give what you don’t have. If you allow yourself to be depleted to the point where your emotional and spiritual tank is empty and you’re running on fumes of habit, everybody loses. Especially you.

–Oprah Winfrey¹

I grew up in London to first-generation immigrant parents from India. They both worked extremely hard to provide for me and my two brothers, pulling long hours and doing shift work. Even so, they always managed to be there for us. They worked it out so that one of them was always home with us while the other was away.

They left India for England to offer us a better life, but they still cherished their culture. They didn’t want us to lose parts of our heritage just because we didn’t live in India.

As the oldest daughter, I felt a lot of pressure to live up to their hopes and expectations. With every fiber of my being, I felt obliged to preserve our family’s reputation. There was a path I was supposed to follow.

The perfect Indian girl living in England was supposed to study hard in school and get good grades. She was supposed to abide by family traditions. She wasn’t supposed to go out much with her friends, let alone with any boys. She was supposed to get a good education so she could marry into a good household. Then she was supposed to nurture and tend to her family.

I certainly felt that pressure growing up. The first time I remember feeling tension around the subject of marriage, I was about 10 or 11 years old. I was supposed to get married to a good Indian man and have good Indian children. I was supposed to cook and keep a clean, orderly house. I wish I could tell you that someone was standing over me and telling me these things, but it wasn’t that way. It was a pressure that was felt culturally and through seeing the way things were done around me.

My own dreams, desires, and wants weren’t that important. Sure, I could go to school and even have a career culturally approved of, but I understood my highest calling was to be there for my family. I didn’t really know what I wanted out of life. I only knew what the expectations were, and I badly wanted to please my parents and make them proud.

I don’t fault my parents for this cultural pressure at all. They were raised the same way and didn’t know any different. Now that I’m a parent, I understand more than ever the pressure that was on them. They got married and left India to build another life. They were the only children who left India in both of their families, so all eyes were on them as they navigated this new world.

My mom came to the UK with £3 to her name. That’s about $4 today. She had to figure out how to live in a new country with nothing, and she was pregnant with me within the first year. Later, I would come to understand how terrifying it is to try to raise a family in a country that isn’t yet your home with only a few loved ones around to support you. My parents did even more than that: they figured out how to survive in a country that had a different culture and a different language.

Especially in those early years, money was tight. But my mom and dad went to great lengths to ensure we had the best things in life. My mom worked the night shift as a nurse over the weekends so that she could be there for us during the day. Twice a year, Dad would pick my mom up from