Caregiving: a Daughter's Story: Life After Loss - Surviving Caregiving

By Janice Baldon Gutter

Caregiving: A Daughter's Story tells the story of a Daughter who experienced the surprise, joys and pain of watching loved ones become ill and eventually die. Suddenly she became the decision maker for those who once made decisions for her. When did the roles change from carefree child to adult caregiver for the loving parents who raised her? How did she cope and survive the process? Learn how an average person, like you, learned to make healthcare and other professionals LISTEN and work with her (and not dictate to her) to make decisions on behalf of loved ones. Read the story of an ordinary person coping with the stresses and joys of caregiving for loved ones, how to survive through the caregiving process, and how to say "NO" to others when caregiving is over.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 8, 2010
• ISBN: 9781449025052

Janice Baldon Gutter

Janice Baldon Gutter is a native of Louisville, Kentucky. She holds degrees in Business Science Commerce, Masters in Business Administration and holds a Masters in Human Resource Education.. She is certified as a Professional in Human Resources (PHR) by the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM)

Book preview

Table of Contents

PART I

The Phases of Caregiving: Making It Through

1 - Defining Loss and Grief

2 - Phase I: Preparation – Pre-Caregiving

3 - Phase II: Current Caregivers

4 - Phase III: Former Caregivers

5 - Work and Caregiving

PART II

Caregiving: A Daughter’s Story

6 - My Role As Caregiver

7 - Living, Loving, and Losing Mom

8 - Living, Loving, Losing—Dad

9 - I Am Not Your Matriarch

10 - Expanding the Definition

11 - Helping Others Survive

PART III

Moving On: Living Life After

12 - Moving On: Living Life After

13 - Final Thoughts

Acknowledgements

Special Thanks To:

The family and friends during caregiving for MOM:

Willana Winburn Baldon

Christina and Stephanie Baldon, Granddaughters

Dr. Salvatore Ciliberti

Mom’s doctor and my personal physician. Mom loved going to visit you, Dr. Sal. Your concern, professional health care, and compassion were great sources of comfort for Mom and me. Thanks, Dr. Sal, for caring!

Alice (not her real name)

Social Work Counselor at the nursing home during 1997–1998 (Mom’s stay)

Thank you, Alice for caring.

Your counseling saved me.

The Christian Health Center

Louisville, Kentucky

Mom stayed at the Christian Health Center for one year. She was able to live a semi-independent life for three to four more years due to their wonderful care. Thank you!

The Franciscan Health Care Communities

Louisville, Kentucky

Franciscan Health Care accepted Mom into their facility one week before her death. Thank you!

Dr. Kevin W. Cosby

Thank you for your support and words of kindness.

Rev. James Miller and Lampton Baptist Church

Mom and Aunt Christine loved their church

Rev. Miller, you came and prayed with us the day Mom died at the hospital. It meant a lot to me to have you there at that time on that day. Thank you!

Acknowledgements

Special Thanks To:

The family and friends during the caregiving process for DAD:

Virgil Baldon Sr.

Deborah Baldon Redden—Co-caregiver

Nicole Baldon

Charice Baldon

Christina Baldon

Carl Baldon Sr.

Virgil Baldon Jr.

Anita Baldon

Hospice of Louisville

Your care for Dad during his last days was wonderful.

Rev. Cathy Goodwin

Thank you. You came and prayed with us the day Dad died at the house and preached Dad’s funeral.

It meant a lot to have you there!

Please view and read the book for its meaning and intent: to help future, present and past caregivers find resources, help and peace. The advice offered in the book is not to substitute for legal or medical advice.

Please consult an attorney or health care professional for legal or medical advice for you and your loved one.

Janice Baldon Gutter

INTRODUCTION

Caregiving:

A Daughter’s Story

Why did I write this book? I wrote the book to help the millions of ordinary people like me who will become caregivers, who are current caregivers, or who previously served as caregivers for loved ones.

I experienced the trials, tribulations, and joys of caregiving and loss through experience and prayer. I learned about caregiving the same way many of you have (or will): through the daily experiences, tears, and hard work involved in taking care of a loved one.

I am an average person, like you and millions of others who have made (or will make) difficult health care and personal decisions on behalf of a loved one. I am a personal caregiver. I am a daughter who experienced the pain of seeing loved ones fall ill and eventually leave this earth.

Professionals in the health care and publishing industries stated that I could not write this book because I am not a health care professional and therefore not qualified nor credible to write about caregiving. I disagreed. Publishers I approached decided there was no target audience for this kind of book. I again disagreed. I eventually decided to self-publish the book because the information is useful to the hundreds of people going through the caregiving process. I learned the self-publishing method in order to help others and write this book. I spent time and money editing and reediting the book to get it right-smile. I still possibly have not caught all the mistakes, but at some point, I had to let it go and hope for the best! I would not be discouraged. My intent is to do the best I can, and to provide help and comfort to the millions of people out there caring for loved ones- people like me.

During the caregiving process, I sometimes disagreed with and questioned the health care professionals taking care of my parents. I did not take their advice about suggested treatments for my parents without first asking questions and finding out about alternative courses of action. I learned to talk to health care, social work, and legal professionals about alternative treatments and options for my loved ones. I learned to make the professionals listen to me about alternative treatments that retained the dignity and self-esteem of my loved ones. I hope to help you learn to question and talk to the professionals as I learned to relate and speak with them. You have the responsibility and the right to ask as many questions as you see fit. Make sure all health care and legal decisions are in the best interests of your loved ones. Make the professionals listen to you, and never be intimidated.

The purpose of this book is to help caregivers. Let no one prevent you from fulfilling your dreams; let no one stop you from achieving your goals. I am not a health care professional writing a book on clinical procedures or health care methods. However, I am well qualified and credible to write this book because experience is an equally valuable educator. I was a caregiver. I am a daughter who lived through the loss of loved ones, grieved, and moved on with life through faith and with God’s direction.

It took over eight years to write this book. You might ask why it took so long. My delay was necessary. I needed to rid myself of the righteous justification for my anger and release