The First Step Hurts

By Tricia Hope Ripley

tricia hope ripley takes us on a compelling journey of her life into the valley of the dark shadows of human pain and suffering. Her courageous story resonates with heart-breaking truth, and occasionally brutal honesty which inevitably draws the reader into her struggles to navigate and adapt to this world as an amputee. She lays bare every raw human fear that dwells deep within us as she comes face-to-face with this foreign concept of herself as someone no longer considered “whole” in this society. tricia dares to answer the question, “Who am I when my outward self is uniquely different from others?” ms. ripley has revealing insights to share with her readers. She believes the “Why?” is answered by her pursuit of a closer relationship with God and in her helping others. tricia speaks candidly of the astonishing gifts that have flowed into her life out of this unknown landscape where suffering dwells. ms ripley has a depth of spiritual knowledge and growth that will confront the reader with her revelation that unconditional acceptance of life as it is, on its own terms, is, in the end, the ultimate gift of faith and grace. For tricia the Overcomer, this is victorious living!

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Dec 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781532025709

Tricia Hope Ripley

tricia ripley is an indomitable spirit thrust into the dark, frightening realm of human pain and suffering and has uplifting insights to share. She knows that faith, hope, love, forgiveness, acceptance, friendship, and laughter will get us through anything. tricia is a self-proclaimed 64-year-old teenager in denial!

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Copyright © 2020 tricia hope ripley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

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ISBN: 978-1-5320-2569-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5320-2570-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017909481

Universe rev. date: 12/02/2020

Contents

Introduction

1. Pain

2. God’s Greatest Motivator

3. I Get by with A Lot of Help from My Friends…

4. A Journey of 1,000 Miles…Begins with the First Step.

5. Beginnings

Dedicated To:

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Dr. Herb, a wise doctor who knew, in my case, Love is letting go.

The wonderful Doctor Jam, Doctor Tulip, and

My sponsor, Lee, who helps me practice honesty—

—Thank you, gentlemen.

All My Love And

Gratitude To:

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My fellow Odd Squad members, for helping me begin this project.

Sgt. Rivers and the cast room crew at W.R.A.M.C. for your expertise, humor, and for constantly swiping my black licorice.

Martha S. and family, Kameron S., Cathy G., Janette F., Molly C., Gabby at Supreme Plastics, Tom and Peggy H., for your forgiveness—my eleventh-grade history and Latin teachers, too!

My teachers and professors - I can read, write, and speak.

Debbie S., for the sexy red panties and example of courage under fire at Northwestern Senior High School; Karen W., your guts were amazing!

Marie T., for your love and friendship since 1965.

John N. and Tom Cr., your love helped me become a mighty woman of God.

All of the members of the medical profession who contributed to my survival.

My four favorite pastors—the two Bs, Pastor A., Pastor B.P.W., and Minister Stephanie, too. Your examples of godliness are awesome!

Dan P. for the transportation, food, and sharing our love of Bill W’s writings.

Anyone who hurt or harmed me—because of your actions, I learned how to pray, and the freedom of forgiveness.

Marvelous Marna, P.G. County’s finest librarian, for sharing good books, and your knowledge of crooked politicians.

My mutual friends of Rozanne S. in Clinton, for helping me remain lean and serene.

Berl and Kendyl, the Executive Producers of this show.

The koolest kids on this planet: R., M., A., and K. You give me four reasons to play, pray, and thank Jesus every day.

My super terrific ‘grands’: D., R., and D—because of you I have hope and gentle hugs through the phone daily.

Linda B-K, your talent as an editor are surpassed only by your kindness and selfless service. What a gift you are to me.

If I have forgotten anyone, hopefully my

gratitude will speak through these pages.

Introduction

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PAIN HURTS! This statement may appear oversimplified. For many who have denied their chronic, intractable, physical pain, and have fought its limitations with a vengeance as I have, you will accept this admission as the first step toward freedom…

• freedom from the all-consuming world of pain

• freedom to adjust to the many changes pain brings;

• freedom to gratefully accept assistance from loved ones and the medical profession;

• and the most important freedom, the freedom to listen to God speaking through the pain, and to use His grace.

The purpose of my book is two-fold: to help me accept my pain and disabilities as the instrument through which God guides me; and to help others find God through theirs. This is not a how-to book—it is only what works for me and, often times, what does not. There is much pain discussed in this book—it is not negative—it is, honestly, positive. Faith, hope, and love are the essential ingredients of my life, and it is my intention to share these with anyone I can.

My book is about walking with my pain as a child of God, granted dignity, self-worth, and true character. It’s about love, laughter, and people helping people. And, it is about miracles! It’s about day-to-day, life-changing miracles, which allow me to be myself—with all of my limitations—working through the negative days and letting God’s light shine through me.

It is doubtful there are any new ideas, beliefs, opinions, or suggestions within these pages. They may be expressed in such a way as to help you as other books have not. It is not an easy book to read. It isn’t meant to entertain. It wouldn’t surprise me if many who read this, squirm from uncomfortable emotions. Please continue, however you may feel. As you will learn, I do not believe that pain is an evil power trying to control or possess me, nor can it be removed by wishful thinking. Prayer, acceptance, and helping others grant me the ability to consider my pain as a friend or a gift…and free me from the negative aspects of pain: anger, denial, lethargy, depression, and occasionally, insanity.

I am not a teacher, but perhaps you will learn. I am not a doctor or counselor. Possibly my story will encourage you to accept help offered by one or more healthcare professionals. I am not a pastor, philosopher, or a lay preacher. I am only a woman, trying my best on a daily basis, to follow God and to show that faith has changed my life. I believe it is God’s will to reach as many people as possible with my simple message.

My message is: Pain can be a most cherished gift. Also, by helping each other with our mutual pain, it brings people together—seeking and finding God.

The story you are about to read may shock, anger, scare, depress, console, encourage, or inspire you. It will not, however, bore you.

Chapter One

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Pain

"Is it not from the mouth of the Most High

that both ill and good go forth?"

Lamentations 3:38 KJV

January 25th, 1951 was a miraculous day for Paul and Betty. The daughter they had hoped and prayed for was born. Chubby and bright, I was named tricia hope. Upon examination, the doctors considered me healthy and strong, with no physical abnormalities.

Close to my second birthday, however, difficulties with walking caused my parents to be concerned. They took me to an orthopedist at a prominent military hospital in Washington, D.C. Despite the fact that my father had been medically discharged from the army due to the amputation of his right hand following injuries sustained during World War II, my parents were still authorized to take me to a military installation for treatment. My thorough examination and x-rays revealed that I had a type of clubbed foot deformity.

The next seven years were filled with multiple doctor appointments, below-the-knee casts, and corrective shoes. Anger, due both to other people’s abuse that my parents had either ignored or denied, combined with defiance regarding my physical limitations, resulted in often-suppressed emotional problems. Despite believing myself to be a misfit, I tried to be normal and accepted by others.

All conservative methods at correcting this foot deformity failed. My father accepted the opportunity to move the family to California to advance his new career in a clandestine, non-military branch of the federal government. The fact that the orthopedic surgeon who had treated me had also relocated there, was a contributing factor in his decision.

My ninth year brought the necessary bone development that would allow for the needed corrective surgery, which was performed during the summer of 1960 at the Presidio. The post-operative hospitalization lasted four weeks, followed by several