The Therapist

By Kathlyn White

The Therapist by Kathlyn C. White, Marriage and Family Therapist, is a non-fiction account of the life of a therapist and the many interesting people she has seen over the years. Kathlyn has been a practicing therapist for over thirty years. Kathlyn brings to life the stories of what patients go through who have psychosis, PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, alcoholism, traumatic brain injuries, violent tendencies, a history of abuse or domestic violence, and other emotional challenges. There are stories about children and adults as mental illness knows no boundaries. She includes stories of what our military persons have gone through during their service in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Kathlyn brings insight to the world of the Narcissist and their victims, the world of the Psychopath and their victims, the world of the survivors of these personalities who are so destructive. She also brings to life challenges relating to parenting and offers solutions to parenting challenges. This book also touches on how to make your marriage better. The Therapist will help you to understand others' struggles and secrets. Reading The Therapist is like taking a step into another's inner secret world, a world that isn't often shared with another person. The Therapist takes you where few are allowed. The Therapist by Kathlyn C. White, Marriage and Family Therapist, is a non-fiction account of the life of a therapist and the many interesting people she has seen over the years. Kathlyn has been a practicing therapist for over thirty years. Kathlyn brings to life the stories of what patients go through who have psychosis, PTSD, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, alcoholism, traumatic brain injuries, violent tendencies, a history of abuse or domestic violence, and other emotional challenges. There are stories about children and adults as mental illness knows no boundaries. She includes stories of what our military persons have gone through during their service in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Kathlyn brings insight to the world of the Narcissist and their victims, the world of the Psychopath and their victims, the world of the survivors of these personalities who are so destructive. She also brings to life challenges relating to parenting and offers solutions to parenting challenges. This book also touches on how to make your marriage better. The Therapist will help you to understand others' struggles and secrets. Reading The Therapist is like taking a step into another's inner secret world, a world that isn't often shared with another person. The Therapist takes you where few are allowed. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: EABooks Publishing
• Release date: Apr 25, 2022
• ISBN: 9781953114488

Book preview

The

THERAPIST

Stories about Parenting, Narcissists, Combat,

Abuse, and Marriage

By

Kathlyn C. White

Marriage and Family Therapist

Copyright @ 2021 Kathlyn C. White

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including photo copying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher or the author.

The Therapist / By Kathlyn C. White

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version, R, NIV ® Copyright © 1973,1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. ® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Cover designed by Bob Ousnamer.

ISBN: 978-1-953114-48-8

Published by EA Books Publishing, a division of

Living Parables of Central Florida, Inc. a 501c3

EABooksPublishing.com

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.  This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.  If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.  If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy.  Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

The Therapist is a book I couldn’t put down.  I retired from the Air Force Special Operations Command after thirty years and several command tours in wartime. I am the father of five children and grandfather of eight.  However, after reading The Therapist by Kathlyn White I have found how naïve I have been to the magnitude of the trauma, PTSD, abuse, and hurting depressed people (some to the point of suicide) that are all around me yet I have not seen nor recognized them. I was saddened, stunned, and I cried as I read these stories. Thank you Kathy for waking me up and showing me how to recognize hurting people so that I can help get them to the help that they so desperately need. I pray that you never tire in this very vital ministry to the hurting.

Alan Niedbalski, Colonel, USAF Retired

This is a must read book! In The Therapist every chapter contains powerful tools that can help readers transform their lives and relationships. Creative insights, techniques, and suggested action points are woven into a page turning novel rather than a statistical clinical manual. I only wish I had had the tools in this book sooner.

Suzanne Niedbalski, Prayer Ministry Leader, Crosspoint

What others have said about Therapist Kathlyn C. White: 

Kathy White is unquestionably the best counselor/therapist ever! While sitting through (painfully) counseling with other counselors with my ex, trying to salvage my marriage, Kathy White did what others did not. She saw through the manipulations and mind games that I had experienced for years. She is truly gifted with wisdom and brilliant in her assessment and knowledge of various personality disorders. She is the perfect example of boldness and clarity. I was able to begin the task of healing because of this woman.

Florida Native

This book is dedicated to all those who suffer from mental disorders and the traumas of life. Everyone represented in this book has been dear to me. They share their stories to be heard, and I tell these stories here so there may be a better understanding of the struggles no one talks about. I hope these true accounts help to break the stigma attached to mental health. May this knowledge also help many to be more

understanding of themselves and others.

Contents

Introduction

1   Parents Aren’t Perfect

2 Everybody Has a Story

3   The Alcoholic:  Almost Every Family Has One

4   She

5   Captain Attitude

6   Miss America

7   Butch

8   MP

9   Traumatic Brain Injury

10 Jesse

11 Depression, How Does It Feel?

12 ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety: Oh My!

13 What If My Child Is Violent?

14 What Not To Do

15 Things Everybody Should Know

16 Suicide

17 Blondie

18 Annie

19 Domestic Violence

20 Child Abuse

21 Parenting Principles

22 Simple Parenting

23 Doc’s Dilemma

24 Narcissists and More Narcissists

25 Veronica and the Cult

26 The Demons

27 Asia and Anorexia

28 Miraculous Experiences

29 Captain Barbie

30 Emma

31 Matt the Cowboy Medic

32 Hailey

33 C.C.

34 Anxiety

35 PTSD

36 Trauma, Trauma, Trauma

37 Tokey and Her Aunt Sue, The Serial Killer

38 Heroes

39 Iron Man

40 Hooch

41 Yuli

42 Danger, Danger, Run Suzy Run

43 How to Have a Healthy Marriage

Bibliography

About the Author

This book is designed to provide information and inspire readers. This publication is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged to render in any type of psychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. The content of each article is the sole expression and opinion of its author and not necessarily that of the publisher. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by the publisher’s choice to include any of the content in this volume. Neither the publisher nor the individual author(s) shall be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential or other damages. Our views and rights are the same: You are responsible for your own choices, actions, and results.

Our best efforts have been used in preparing this book. The author and publisher make no representations or warranties of any kind and assume no liabilities of any kind with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness of use for a particular purpose. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information or programs contained herein. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. You should seek the services of a competent professional before beginning any improvement program. The story and its characters and entities are based on fact but the names and identities have been changed to allow for the privacy of persons and his or her story. Any likeness to actual persons who have not been interviewed specifically for this book, either living or dead, is strictly coincidental.

Introduction

I have been a counselor or therapist for almost thirty years. My mind is full of stories that have fascinated me for my entire career. People often say, I don’t know how you can do your job. But I say, I don’t think life would have been nearly as interesting without doing my job as a therapist.

I love my job. I have the honor of listening to people all day, who tell me great stories, sad stories, and horrible stories. My goal is for people to heal through sharing their stories with a caring, nonjudgmental human. I promise you, I am never bored, because people are never boring. I have the honor of being the person people tell their deepest thoughts and feelings to. People tell me things they have never said to anyone. Every story, every thought, every feeling is important. I look into their soul and they look into my soul. It is personal, and that is what is life changing.

I am a therapist. What is it like to be a therapist?  Everybody, even me, has a story. My children call me, lovingly, a psycho therapist, implying that I am a psycho. I see a lot of clients—or patients, depending on what identifier I feel like using in the moment. The terms are interchangeable. Let’s be clear, I am not a psycho.

I practice under a medical model, thus the term patients. I like the term patients because when I am working with people, I consider all facets of their life as influential. Their potential lack of necessary brain chemicals is one of the first things I ponder over. I am trained to understand the psychotropic medications they are taking, so I assess whether their medications are working, whether they would benefit from a different medication, whether they are having medication side effects, etc. If I think their meds are not working, I refer them to another provider, either a family physician or a psychiatrist. I also refer people for testing. Testing provides a lot of information that would take weeks or months to uncover during normal therapy.

My mother discouraged me from becoming a therapist. I knew when I was in high school what I wanted to do. I was reading psychology books for fun. It was interesting to me. The human mind is an endless deep well full of interesting thoughts and beliefs. People go through a lot just to grow up. Then there’s trauma. Life in general can be traumatic.

My mother tried to get me to become a music major because I played the piano very well, but the idea of endless practicing of songs someone else wrote sounded boring to me. I told her I wanted to be a Psychologist. She looked at me and asked, Why would you want to work with crazy people? 

I ignored this disrespectful statement. Then she said, Well, at least get a degree in Social Work instead.

So, when I left for FSU, I majored in Social Work to keep the peace. That turned out pretty well. That became a springboard for obtaining a master’s degree in counseling, which emphasized what I really wanted to do. I wanted to be a counselor, and that is what I did.

So, don’t do everything your mother or anyone else tells you to do. Make up your mind, that is, if you make good decisions on your own. Go after your dream with realistic goals, and make your dreams happen.

I am still going after my dreams. I have always wanted to write a book, so here I am, sharing with you the fascinating stories of what everyday people—a lot like you and I—have gone through. They were wise enough to seek help. We all need help from time to time and therapists are a good resource for people who need a sounding board, who need to identify options, who need help in problem solving, who need help being a better communicator, who need help in beating anxiety and many other challenges. I like to say, There’s always a solution; you just haven’t found it yet.

There’s always a solution . . .

You just haven’t found it yet.

I have been a therapist for almost thirty years but my best credentials come from raising two difficult children. Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Nothing else comes close to the challenges that are impossible to predict. No one teaches us how to be parents, except perhaps our own flawed parents. All parents, including me, are imperfect. Even if someone is trying to be a good parent, he or she makes mistakes.

I grew up in South Florida. My mother was a homemaker and my father worked nights for a newspaper when newspapers were printed on loud, huge machines covered in dirty black ink. My younger brother and I had to be quiet during the day because my dad was sleeping since he worked nights.

My mother was constantly telling us to Shhhhh! and it seemed like we were constantly in trouble for reasons I did not understand. My mother continually hissed and looked at me with furrowed brow and anger in her eyes as she reached for the nearest object to hit me with. She would often grab a metal fly swatter, a dirty shoe, or a hairbrush to swat me. So, I grew up trying to be quiet and invisible. It didn’t seem to work very well because I was always getting hit.

I guess my mother locking us out of the house all day was better than being in the house and getting in trouble for speaking. She would tell us to get out of the house and not come back in except for lunch. I don’t think I used the restroom all day, or I would have gotten in trouble for knocking on the door to come in. The door was locked. We were literally locked out.

My dad was good. He was a man of few words and adored me. He bought me ponies, dogs, ducks, bunnies, chicks, and horses. To him, I could do no wrong. To my mother, I could do no right. But I got my sense of self-esteem from him. He spent time with me. I know he told my mom not to spank me because she told me that if she spanked me, I’d better not tell him or I would be in more trouble with her.

In my house, there was no talking. My mom and dad did not seem to talk to each other. I wasn’t allowed to talk except to say, yes, that I did my chores. No one asked your opinion or wanted to know what your day had been like.

I came home from school, did my homework, took care of my animals, ate dinner, and went to bed. I rode my bike for miles to school until I was in high school, and then a girlfriend picked me up in her car and drove me to school. I had a brother but I don’t remember spending much time with him. I grew up alone except for my animals. I could talk to my animals. My dad told me, Talk to your horse. 

Spending time with my animals, playing my piano, and drawing for hours was my salvation. I would play my piano to entertain myself. It was fun. I had an ear for music so I could play any song I heard. I could also read music because my mother arranged for me to take music lessons, which I rode my bike to, as well. When I was old enough to ride my bike to our horse pasture, I would spend all day outside riding my horses for miles in the wilds of Florida. I was alone. I would encounter alligators, water moccasins, and rattle snakes in our pasture. Somehow, I survived. The lack of supervision I had growing up made me a very adventurous, independent, self-sufficient, creative person. I learned that if I wanted to do something, I was the one who was going to make that happen.

I didn’t dare express my opinions to my mother or father. That would be dangerous. When company came over, which was relatively frequent, children were to be seen and not heard. While this seems archaic, this was in the ’60s and early ’70s. Don’t talk unless you’re spoken to. Be polite. Say thank you. Give your seat to the adult. Go play. So, when I was older, I didn’t say much.

When I went to college, I was encouraged to give my opinion. At first it was difficult. The words would not come out smoothly. Children have to be allowed to talk to communicate properly. So, when I had children, I vowed to raise my children to talk and express their opinions. I talked to them with respect. There was discipline, but it was balanced with open communication, and I treated my children the way I wished I had been treated. I tried to be, for them, the mother I never had.

I tried to listen, to care, to spend time with them, to encourage them, to praise them, to give them a variety of experiences, to laugh with them, to let them be their real selves. These are experiences I did not have growing up. Probably the most important of all of the above is to let children be their real selves. If you do not do this, a false self develops. This happened to me. After I left home, I slowly discovered my real self. I am creative, funny, driven, persistent, loving, and smart. To be truly healthy, we have to be able to exist and be our real selves at home, and hopefully at work. This is fulfilling.

As a therapist, I help families with their parenting dilemmas. They come to me having tried everything they know to try to get their child to do better. Parents don’t often see the child as I do, through the eyes of the medical model or the behavioral model or the psychodynamic model or the developmental model.

All of these paradigms are in my mind, and I look at each person, child, or adult, through educated eyes. I sift the information through my brain like a computer analyzing data to form interventions and solutions that will improve each problem the person brings to me. Therapists are trained to listen, but we must set goals and develop strategies and solutions to improve the person and/or family’s quality of life.

Every good therapist has to understand how and why they came to be the person they are.  I put myself into therapy during my master’s program.  I saw a fabulous therapist during this time and she helped me to explore my childhood.  I had trauma.  I think almost every parent traumatizes their children somewhat, based upon how their parent(s) have dealt with whatever occurred to them in their childhoods. 

My relationship with my mother was void of the ingredients it takes to create a happy healthy person. She was not loving. She was jealous, angry, hateful, and worried about her family looking perfect. No matter what I did I could never get her approval. She never told me I was pretty or smart. It is your mother who gives you your internal view of yourself and my view was nonexistent. I never felt wanted by my mother. She never told me she was proud of me. She never told me she loved me. She never congratulated me for getting a master’s degree, for making Major in the Army, for graduating with honors. There was no encouragement, only judgment from this woman. So, I was a child craving love. This made me the perfect target for a pedophile named Steve.

It was during my first year of high school that I was targeted by Steve. He was about 23, and I was barely 15. A girlfriend introduced him to me. She gave me a ride home from school and he rode in the back seat of the car with me. The next thing I knew he had embraced me, and I was overcome by the hormones driving the most powerful kiss of my life. Isn’t that what is meant to happen? Our first kiss is supposed to glue us to that person, and this did. I had never been in love, but that is what the fireworks suggested. This changed my life for the better and the worst.

He had a history. He had been in the military and was kicked out. At fifteen, I didn’t understand what this meant. All I knew was that he worshipped the ground I walked on, he didn’t hit or hurt me, and he actually may have loved me.

Things went fast, and he was picking me up after school and spending time with me. He slowly and gently opened the door to sex—way too early for a young girl. This made me love him even more. I thought he was the one.

One night we decided to run away together. I gathered some things and we spent the night at some unknown person’s house. I wanted to go back to my parents’ house to retrieve more clothes, so he took me. My dad met us in the yard with his shotgun and told Steve