TRUST: Fear Not

By Andolelye Parah Wachiye

Do you know that trust is a state of mind and a source of peace to a human soul and spirit? Do you know that successful relationships (personal and professional) are built upon trust? Unfortunately, studies show t

• Language: English
• Publisher: Andolelye J Wachiye
• Release date: Sep 15, 2021
• ISBN: 9781952426094

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

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ife is full of surprises, both good and bad. We are taught that experience is the greatest teacher. Unfortunately, some life lessons are damaging and heartbreaking and could have been avoided with wise counsel.

The college years are when most young adults need to build connections with others, either individually or in a group setting. Some enter a relationship out of some fundamental need and others do so only because everyone else they know are in a relationship.

This book is not about how to establish temporary relationships for physical pleasure. No, this is a guide for those who know their identity and purpose and need key relationships to succeed. This book seeks to help such individuals stay focused on the long-term joy that comes from Christ-honoring relationships instead of the feel-good relationships that are more about the moment.

Trust is a light, a guide, and a motivation to be future focused and successful. There are reasons why people either succeed in trusting or fail to trust and be trusted.

One major reason why people fail in life is because of fear. Fear is the greatest enemy of trust and a major contributing factor as to why one cannot trust.

Trust is a learned skill, so in any relationship where knowledge is exchanged, fear must not be tolerated. Fear blocks the learning ability, so it must be discouraged and eliminated at all cost.

Fear stagnates a life but trust propels it. Fear comes in many shapes and sizes. Some fear their physical appearance, their ability to communicate, their level of education, their financial status, their social status, their cultural background, their gender, their age, their religion, others’ opinions, or failure, just to name a few. These fears are also the cause of low self-esteem, a key factor in becoming trustworthy.

This book acknowledges that our family structures and cultures are changing daily. These changes bring hopelessness and instability that lead to fear. Nevertheless, a stable mind is able to stand firm against the instability caused by change.

No matter how overwhelming your fears may seem, your understanding of trust in your life will help you face those fears. Only then can you learn how to trust, be trustworthy, and benefit from such relationships.

Trust is not for a specific stage in life or an aid to help achieve a specific goal. Trust is needed in all areas of life, and it affects individuals, families, communities, and nations. Trust is the source of peace in the human soul, spirit, and body. The ability to trust allows a person to make right decisions and transition successfully during the various stages of life—physically, relationally, economically, politically, and spiritually. The following are a few examples of such stages and processes:

Biological and physical stages (infancy, toddler, school age, adulthood, and senior years)

Educational stages (elementary and high schools, college, and beyond)

Relationship stages (at home, schools, workplace)

Work and career stages (employees, managers, employers)

Parenting stages

Experts encourage families not to parent the same way they were raised, but instead to work on building trust between family members. Because trust is what is most needed. Unfortunately, our society is constantly losing our ability to trust due to the rise in trauma and violence.

PART ONE

1

WHAT IS TRUST?

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efore we define trust, be aware that learning to trust is a challenging adventure in anyone’s life. I believe this to be the case because many people are unable to trust themselves. Lack of self-trust means learning to trust others becomes unrealistic.

In order to enjoy learning about trust, let’s start by learning the meaning and effects of self-esteem. Self-esteem precedes trust, and it’s an important factor in achieving our goals. Therefore, healthy self-esteem is a foundation upon which trust will be built. Self-esteem is divided into two major groups: high (healthy) self-esteem and low (unhealthy) self-esteem.

No one enjoys failure or wants defeat to befall them. Human beings are creators and have an inborn desire to live well and enjoy what their lives can provide. This desire is empowered by high self-esteem.

A healthy, high self-esteem seeks tools to help a person make life better and productive. Lisa M Schab, in her book, The Self Esteem Workbook for Teens, defines healthy self-esteem as a state of having a strong sense of self-worth. Lisa explains that such self-esteem is an understanding and acceptance of one’s weakness while celebrating one’s strength.

The Google dictionary, among others, defines self-esteem as follows:

It is the concept and image that the individual has about themselves.

It’s a strong sense of self-worth.

It is the understanding of one's abilities, gifts, and weaknesses.

It is the awareness and acceptance of one’s weaknesses and strengths.

Self-esteem is a learned sense of self. Studies have shown that the first seven years of life are when self-esteem forms. Psychosocial stages of development also indicate that, at this age, the person learns to trust or mistrust, to engage or doubt, initiate activity or shy away, and gain confidence or comes to feel inferior.

Parents and guardians are encouraged to participate in making sure their children learn who they are and why self-identity is important. During this period, parents and guardians must communicate those things that will grow the child’s positive self-image. Children believe what parents tell them.

In the year 2011, I was privileged to attend a parent training seminar which was offered by The Parent Institute for Quality Education. The following were the main suggestions for parents to help their children develop healthy self-esteem. We were taught to:

Make effective communication and make finding solutions a priority.

Be a role model. Our feelings and actions need to show that we are confident in who we are or what we do—even when we are wrong or fail.

Love, care, encourage, and respect our children.

Affirm their uniqueness, abilities, and strength of each child. Reward them when appropriate.

Allow them to learn from their mistakes while acknowledging effort.

Teach them to plan, set goals, and make decisions so they learn how to evaluate the outcome of their decisions.

Discuss personal or general problems without blaming or criticizing them so they become part of finding the solution. It is not necessary to bring up past issues.

Spend time together and support them in their extra curriculum activities.

Take their ideas, emotions, and feelings seriously. Choose positive words when needed. Never compare them with others.

An individual whose upbringing was guided by some or all of the above values